What Do Ya Think?
by YeOldeStrangeOne
Summary: The show where we talk to Gravity Falls characters about shipping, AUs, and more! Well... more like mess with them about it.
1. Hiya!

**If you are reading this, know that by now that what is written in this chapter is purely for the sake of progression and is no longer valid as an invitation to join. However, you can still send in topics for discussion to be used in later chapters.**

* * *

Is the camera working? No, don't tip i-

 **-technical difficulties, please stand by-**

Hello, and welcome to 'What do ya think?'! The show where we talk to Gravity Falls characters about shippings, AUs, and more.

The stars couldn't make it this week, so for right now, we will be introducing our crew.

We have 12-year old Millie.*a girl with brown eyes and dark hair cut into bangs and tied in a ponytail, wearing a white t-shirt with a sequined purple heart, a pouffy black skirt over tights, and sneakers walks onto the stage*

"Hiya!"

And her twin brother Ian. *a boy with spiky red hair, brown eyes, wearing a green zipped hoodie and jeans with sneakers gets shoved on screen*

"Wait, I thought only Millie was- Fine. Hi."

My co-hosts, everyone!

If you have a request for a topic, please leave something in the reviews. If you would like to appear as a guest star on the show, leave a description of yourself, and what you wish to speak about and with whom.

Am I forgetting anything?

"You never said who we're talking to first." Millie replies.

Too true. Let me check. *walks off stage and returns with clipboard* Okay, so... first up we will be talking to... the one and only, Dipper Pines.


	2. Interviewing Dipper

**If you are reading this over and you read it before, know that I have changed the format because the original wasn't agreeing with FanFiction's rules. I admit it, I kinda derped when I posted it the first time, so I rewrote it in an acceptable format.**

* * *

YOSO stands onstage in view of the camera. She clasps her hands to together and begins speaking.

"Hello and welcome back to 'What Do Ya Think?'! The stars arrived a couple of days ago and are currently waiting in their trailers. Hey Ian, what's our schedule looking like today?"

Ian stumbles onto the stage holding a stack of papers, some of which fly off. "Pretty hectic."

"What? Let me see that." YOSO snatches a paper from the stack and reads it over. Her eyes widen and she looks to the door, which is to the right of the stage. "Oh, wow. Um... could you do me a favor and barricade the doors?"

Ian nods in understanding. "Sure thing." He runs off as best he can, some more of the papers falling to the floor in his wake.

Millie's voice can be heard from offstage yelling "Dip's ready!"

YOSO smiles for the camera. "Alrighty then. So without further ado, please welcome... Dipper Pines!" She holds her hands up in presentation as Dipper shuffles nervously onto the stage.

"H-hey." He gives a small wave in greeting.

"Oh, no need to be shy around us, Dipper! Come here." She waves for Dipper to come closer so that he can be better seen by the camera.

He cautiously moves forward, keeping 3 feet of space between him and YOSO. "Why am I here exactly?" he asks slowly.

"Well," she pulls his hand to bring him closer to her. "There are a few things that I have been meaning to talk to you and everyone you know about, but before I start, how's about you show everyone that beautiful birthmark?"

Dipper's eyes widen and he blushes in panic at the mention of his birthmark. "I... don't know what you're talking about."

YOSO looks down at him, her gaze serious. "Dipper, dude. We are your freakin' fandom." She smile creepily. "We know _everything_ about you.

Millie walks onto the right edge of the stage, holding up a finger matter-of-factly before speaking up. "Technically not true. There are tons of things Alex Hirsch isn't telling us."

YOSO brings a hand to her mouth and whispers loudly. "Don't tell him that!"

Dipper looks between the two girls, confusion evident on his face. "Who's Alex Hirsch?"

Millie speaks up. "To you? Probably God."

"Okay!" YOSO says, quickly crossing the stage to where Millie is and shoving her out of view. "How about we move on to talking about the actual fandom?"

Dipper nods slowly. "Yeah, I've been meaning to ask you. Why do _I_ have a fandom?"

YOSO walks back to Dipper and waves off his question nonchalantly. "Silly Dipstick."

"Don't call me that." he deadpans.

She ignores him and continues speaking. "You are an icon for the Gravity Falls fandom. You, your friends, and your family are honored by us, your fanbase." She looks up patriotically, various flags appearing behind her and an anthem playing in the background. "Which stretches far and wide across the globe! And we will assimilate _all._ "

A sweat drop fall from Dipper's head "Uh huh..."

"All patriotism aside, we really do care about you. It's just a matter of how each of us shows it. Some people have copies of your signature hat-" YOSO lowers her voice to a whisper when she says "Though I don't doubt that if you sold that thing for real, you'd be filthy rich."

Dipper looks at her incredulously. "Wait, what?!"

She once again ignores him, listing off items on her fingers. "Some of us write fanfics, and some make fanart. Actually, those are the things I wanted to talk to you about in the first place. Here, I got a few examples of some the Alternate Universes out there." She gestures with her finger for him to follow and leads him to a desk covered in varying piles of paper. She shuffles them and points one of the papers out. "There's this one where you and Mabel swap ages with Stan and Ford called Relativity Falls."

Dipper's eyes widen in giddiness. "Whoa! So... does that mean _I'm_ the author, there?"

"Yes, now-"

He cuts her off. "That is so cool! I gotta tell Mabel!" He tries to run, but barely makes it a step before YOSO grabs his collar and pulls him back to the desk.

"Would you pay attention?" She clears her throat and continues. "There's this one where you and Mabel swap ages with Soos and Wendy."

He points to the girl in the picture, who is hiding behind a counter. "Why does she look so jealous?"

YOSO looks at him, eyebrow raised in questioning. "Who, Wendy?"

He nods. "Yeah."

"In that universe, since you swapped places with her, _she_ has a crush on _you._ "

Dipper nods, before venturing haltingly. "Could I... maybe, meet her..?"

She closes her eyes and shakes her head. "Sorry, not happening... maybe." She looks to the ceiling, her hand on her chin in thought. "We can discuss crossing over to those AUs later. For right now, we have this list to get through. Let's see here, there's Reverse Falls: Where you rule as a Gleeful twin." She points out another picture and smirks at Dipper. "See that? He's actually _proud_ of his birthmark."

Dipper mutters bitterly. "From what I understand, he's also a sociopath."

"So?" she counters, putting a hand on her hip. "He has _confidence_."

"It's probably easy to be confident when everyone's afraid of you." he mumbles in response.

YOSO looks to Dipper, raising an unimpressed eyebrow. "Oh? You want me to tell him that?"

Dipper jumps in panic, waving his hands frantically. "No! No-no-no!"

She nods curtly. "Good. Onto the next AU. We have... Transcendence. Where you get turned into a demon named Alcor the Dreambender and you follow Mabel i.e. Mizar's soul to wherever and however it gets reincarnated."

"Back up. I'm a demon _how_?"

"From what I understand, there was a mishap when Bill possessed your body that caused a bit of his powers to be transferred to you, then you defeated him in battle and took his place as the most feared Dream Demon ever."

"Wooow..." he shakes his head in disbelief.

She looks down at the papers and searches through them. "Here, I got a picture of Alcor. He's mad at some cultists for doing bad stuff to his family."

"WAAAAH!" Dipper screams, his eyes widening and arms flailing. He falls backwards, pulling his cap over his eyes.

YOSO looks down at him, giggles escaping her despite her attempt to look concerned. "Dipper? You okay?"

"Y-yeah. F-fine." He stands up shakily.

"A bunch of the Mizars had the same reaction, but he's a pretty sweet guy once you get to know him. See? This is him when he gets high." she says as she holds up a story.

Dipper gulps and reads the story warily. "He acts... like a cat?"

YOSO laughs a little. "Yeah. It's a bit freaky, but he's the best-looking cat I've ever seen." She sighs and looks off dreamily. Snapping back to reality, she looks around and coughs awkwardly. "Sorry. Y'know, it's actually pretty funny."

"What is?"

"This is supposed to be _you_ , and look at how well you're taking it." She snickers, bringing a hand to her mouth.

Dipper glares unappreciatively.

She recomposes herself. "Okay, okay. Not funny. Next AU... Depravity Falls?" She looks around, eventually cupping a hand to her mouth and yelling offstage. "Yo, Ian! I thought we weren't going to show this one!"

Ian yells back from somewhere offstage. "We have to! It's one of the top AUs!"

"Fine. This one is where everyone is a basically a cold-hearted killer and/or torturer. I actually don't have any fanart for this 'cause I was afraid of what would come up in the image search. So instead, here's a pretty recent story I found about Stan cutting off Ford's fingers." She holds up another story to show Dipper, who pushes it away and mutters "Yeah, no thanks."

"Next up is Monster Falls. This one's actually pretty cute. See here?" She holds up a photo. "Look at how adorable you look as a deer boy!"

Dipper doesn't respond.

She continues to tease him, pointing out little features in the picture. "Look at his cute little ears! That should make the Lamby-Lamby Dance pretty easy to do, huh? Or should I say, the _Deery-Deery_ Dance?" she says as she nudges him with her elbow, before drawling out a "Huuuuuh?"

"Do I get to keep _any_ of my pride after this?" Dipper asked annoyed.

"Only enough so that I can show you the shippings." YOSO replies, smiling brightly.

"What?"

"Nothing you need to worry about." she says quickly before clearing her throat. She shuffles some more papers. "Last AU I'm going to show you, Gender Swap. Basically, everyone's genders are all inverted. This AU doesn't mess with the original story line much, but it offers a better chance of you and Wendy as an item, er, Dipper and Wes."

Dipper nods distractedly and holds his stomach. "Are we done here?"

"What's your hurry?"

"The image of 'protective' Alcor is seared into my memory. I need to go lie down."

YOSO continues to sort through papers distractedly, not even looking at Dipper. "Sure thing." She finishes a stack and looks at him. "Hey, you okay? You're looking a little pale."

"Just gotta lie down..." he replies quietly before hobbling off stage right.

A 17-year-old girl with fair skin, medium length black hair, and chestnut eyes, wearing a plain t-shirt, black shorts, and walking shoes, walks onstage from the right.

"Hey Eris." YOSO waves.

"Hey. What's up with Dip?" she asks, looking concernedly in the direction where Dipper left.

"I kinda traumatized him with a picture of Alcor." YOSO laughs nervously, looking down.

Eris looks to YOSO unimpressed, arms crossed. "How? Kid's seen a gremloblin. How does a picture of his demonic self scare him?"

In response, YOSO holds up the photo of 'protective Alcor' in all it's scary glory.

Eris screams, jumping back a little. "AAAH! Why would you show him _that_ one?!"

"I thought it was a cool picture." YOSO shrugs. "Besides, isn't that what all the Mizars see when they first meet him?"

"You do realize he tries to make himself look as nice as possible when he shows himself to them, right?"

"..."

"Well?" Eris presses.

"Heh, heh" YOSO laughs nervously, hiding her hands behind her back. "Oops..."

Eris put a hand on her hip. "Is that really all you have to say for yourself? You didn't even show him how sweet Alcor could be, or the fact that he's still Dipper on the inside with how devoted he is to protecting Mabel and her reincarnations!"

"I showed him a story of Alcor being high on Yggdrasil." YOSO says, shrugging. "Seemed pretty sweet to me."

Eris throws her arms up in exasperation. "I give up." She cups a hand to her mouth and calls out. "Hey, Dipper! Wait up!" She jogs offstage. "There's more to the Transcendence AU than you think!"

Millie pokes her head in the left-side view of the camera. "Done?"

"More like taking a break." is YOSO's curt reply.

Millie looks behind herself unsurely. "You sure? Dipper wasn't looking too good."

"Fine... I can give him a break for a few episodes, but he _has_ to be here when we talk about shippings." YOSO holds up a finger in authority.

"I'll pass on the message. Be right back." Millie disappears, reappearing a moment later and walking onstage. "Is it time for my part yet?"

"I think so... but be gentle."

Millie waves a hand dismissively. "Pfft! Gentle schmentle." She puts a hand to her chest. "I am giving my honest opinion."

"Let me show you something." YOSO leads Millie offstage. The camera pans to where they're standing in front of a panel of screens. "Take a look at the security feeds."

Millie's eyes widen as she looks at the screens, she whistles lowly before looking at YOSO. "How long have they been there for?"

YOSO shrugs. "I don't know, but one wrong move and we're history."

"Got it."

The two of them walk back to the stage, YOSO explaining a few things to Millie along the way. "Alright, so we have someone who wanted to talk to you about some pairing stuff, but don't go into too much depth until we get to the Shippings episode."

Millie salutes. "Understood!" She brings a hand to her mouth. "Bring her in!"

A girl withdark hair tied into two pigtails and hazel eyes, wearing grey sweatpants, green leopard print socks, and a black hoodie with the Taurus symbol on it walks onstage with her hands in her pockets.

Millie holds up her hands in the girl's direction. "Meet Carol, everybody!"

Carol waves. "Hello."

"From what I understand Carol, you are here to speak about your opinion on Pinescest, Stancest, and BillDip.

Carol nods. "Totally. They are seriously disgusting."

"I getcha." Millie puts a hand on Carol's shoulder. "I mean, can you imagine that with me and Ian?" she says, laughing a little at the absurdity, then shuddering.

Ian pokes his head onscreen next to the two girls. "Imagine what?"

"You and me in a romantic relationship." Millie says.

"Funny you should mention that." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a photo, waving it around. "There was this weird photoshopped picture of us I found on our doorstep this morning, and I'm _pretty_ sure it's some sort of threat." He hands the photo to Millie, who takes one look at it and runs away, one hand over her mouth and the other clutching her stomach.

Carol picks the photo up off the ground. "Yeesh, that is all kinds of wrong."

"Imagine my surprise when I found it during breakfast." Ian says. He takes the photo back. "Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to go burn this." He takes a lighter and some fireworks out of his pockets and walks offstage.

 **5 minutes later...**

"Alright, I'm back." Millie pants, taking her place next to Carol. "Sorry for running out on you, Carol."

She shrugs. "After seeing that picture, I'm surprised you didn't take longer."

"Thanks for the support." Millie deadpans.

"No problem. So... we were discussing some of the more odd ships?"

"Yeah, about that." She brings a hand to her neck nervously. "I heard some banging on the doors, so we're going to have to word our answers carefully."

"Fiiiine." Carol laments.

"So," Millie starts. "Pinescest and Stancest are wrong because one: the characters have never looked at each other that way, not to mention Alex Hirsch even made sure to clear that up about Pinescest. And two: because Gravity Falls is a kids' show." She looks to Carol. "You think that covers it?"

Carol nods her head from side-to-side. "Pretty much. I would have used a few other choice words, but yeah..." Her eyes widen a bit, she takes a hand out of her pocket and points at Millie. "But you left out the fact that incest is basically illegal."

"Right. And the problem with BillDip is that..." She holds up a hand and makes it into a circle. "...one does not simply get into a relationship with a demonic triangle that has possessed and nearly hospitalized them."

"And because that shipping is biologically impossible." Carol adds. "Considering one: that Bill's not exactly human..."

"The argument for that being that he can possess someone."

"...and two: he's not technically a 'he' nor a 'she' by human standards, i.e. no such organs capable of producing such feelings." Carol continues.

"Once again, the argument is that he can possess someone and develop such from the host." Millie says.

"And that doesn't even _begin_ to cover how Dipper feels about all this."

A huge crashing sound rings out onset.

Millie stares blankly in the direction of the door before muttering, "We're dead meat."

"RUN!" Ian shouts as he bolts across the stage. "Eris, get the characters!"

"On it!" Eris yells before running off.

YOSO dashes past the camera yelling "The BillDip are coming! The BillDip are coming!"

"Go go go go!" Millie shouts, grabbing Carol's arm and running after the others.

A crowd of BillDip and Pinescest shippers run in with pitchforks and signs that have sayings like 'BillDip Forever!' and Pinescest Rules!'. They knock over the camera.

 **-Please stand by, we are experiencing technical difficulties-**

* * *

 **Check my Bio for the links to the pictures and stories!  
**


	3. Talking to Mabel

The set is visible through cracked lens and is sideways from the camera's viewpoint on the ground.

"Guys," YOSO can be heard calling out. "Did you find the camera yet?"

"Nope!" Ian answers.

"Nada!" Carol says.

"All I found was the Pinescest shrine!" Eris exclaims.

"No- Wait! I think I found it!" Millie says. The camera shifts as Millie picks it up and turns it to face her. "Sorry for the mess. We'll be back up and running soon."

Ian walks up behind her and looks over her shoulder at the camera. "Is the video salvageable?"

"I think so." Millie says. She reaches her hand behind the camera and bites her tongue in concentration. "Let me just- Whoops!"

The screen goes black as the SD card pops out of the camera.

* * *

"And we're back!" YOSO says.

The camera pans around at the completely new set.

"Only took us a couple days." Ian grumbles from behind the camera.

YOSO clears her throat. "My sincerest apologies to anyone who was offended by that last episode, though I must warn you that there may be more... umm... how should I put this? _Segments_ like that to come."

"Did anybody find Dipper and Bill?" Millie yells from somewhere to the right of the stage.

"I found them in the basement a while back!" Carol answers from the other end.

"Thanks!"

"Hey, did anyone tell Dipper about the AUs?" YOSO asks no one in particular.

"Not that I know of." Ian answers.

"I'll pass on the message!" Millie yells.

"Thanks!" YOSO furrows her brows in puzzlement. "Wait. Did Carol say she found them tied to an altar?"

Eris walks onstage. "Yeah, when I went back to get the characters, we lost track of Bill and Dipper. The BillDips took 'em and the last thing I saw was them fighting with the Pinescests about who Dipper should marry. It got ugly fast." She cringes a little at the memory.

"Ouch." YOSO walks over to a calendar. "I'm just going to extend Dipper's break to episode 6-ish. Y'know, depending on if he feels up for it."

"How about we the memory-eraser gun?" Eris suggests.

"Won't that take away his sanity?"

"Umm...?" Eris motions to the left. The camera follows to where Millie is dragging in a trembling Dipper and putting him on a chair, then goes back to the other girls.

YOSO nods. "Point taken, memory gun it is. Millie?"

The camera pans again to the 12-year-olds. Millie pokes Dipper with a stick, making him groan and hold his stomach tighter.

"Millie!" YOSO scolds.

She looks to YOSO. "Sorry." She throws the stick over her shoulder. "Yeah?"

"Could you get the memory-eraser gun?"

"Depends." Millie wraps an arm around her front then brings the other to rest on top of it, using it to rub her chin. She looks up as if in deep thought. "Is it next to the gnomes' shrine to you or the remains of the Pinescests' alter?"

YOSO shudders. "Glad we sent them back..."

"Wasn't it next to the Rift replica?" Ian says.

Millie snaps her fingers. "Right." She runs off to complete her task.

"So while Millie's working on that," YOSO continues. "We can get to interviewing Mabel." She rubs her hands together evilly. "I've got plans for her."

Eris crosses her arms. "Is it going to be like what you did to Dipper?" she asks suspiciously.

"Okay one:" YOSO raises a finger. "I am not at fault for his current mental state." She raises a second finger. "Two: No, they are very different than the ones I had for Dipper."

Eris gives her an unimpressed look.

"I'm serious!" YOSO puts her hands in the air. She sighs in defeat. "You know what? Forget it. Let's just bring her in."

Mabel walks onstage. She holds her hand out to YOSO. "Hi, I'm Mabel! Nice to meet you!"

"Mabel, we already met offstage."

"Shouldn't I reintroduce myself for the camera?" Mabel asks, giving the camera a sideways glance. She turns to it and waves.

"Like I told Dipper," YOSO says, pinching the bridge of her nose. "We are your fandom. So they already know who you are." She clears her throat. "So, Mabel, I hear you're looking for your dream boy."

"Yeah, I've had like, zero luck so far."

"Might I make a few suggestions?" YOSO leads Mabel to a projector to the left of the stage. "I am going to show you pictures of a few guys. Just, consider them potential suitors. But," she pauses for dramatic effect. "I won't tell you any of their names until the end."

"O-kay!" Mabel says. She plops herself on the ground, bringing her legs together and sitting cross-legged.

YOSO presses a few buttons on the projector and presses the button for the slideshow. "Here we have Subject 1." she says in the tone of a teacher giving a lesson.

The slide shows various pictures of a blonde, tanned, slender man, wearing a yellow sweater-vest, white dress shirt and pants, and a top hat.

"Whoa-ho-ho! Hel-lo!" Mabel exclaims gleefully.

"That nice, huh?" YOSO asks.

"'Nice'? More like smoking!" Mabel fans herself with her hand.

"Moving on, Subject 2."

The slide shows a tanned man with left-parted hair which is dyed black in the back and gold bangs in the front, wearing- **(Um... I can't even describe what he's wearing so just go see the picture. What? I _have_ to? Well, here goes nothing)** -wearing a gold tailcoat, black dress pants, a bow tie, and leaning slightly on the cane he holds in his right hand.

Mabel's jaw drops. "I didn't think it was possible..." she whispers softly, then shouts "...but you found one that was even better looking that the last one! How many more of these hunks do you have left?"

"'Bout 3." YOSO replies. "Next up, Subject 3."

The slide shows a blonde, tanned man in a black suit. His coat stretches out like a cape and has a galaxy pattern on the inside, and his vest is gold with brick patterns along the bottom. He holds a cane in one hand and is pushing his top hat upright with the other.

"I am going to _die_ of hotness if you show me anymore like this." Mabel squeals. "Seriously, where did you dig all of these guys up?"

"You'll see." YOSO smiles slyly. "Subject 4."

The slide shows a blonde man, whistling and in the bathtub.

Mabel holds up her hands in front of her face to block out the image. "Whoa!"

"Aaagh!" YOSO screams. She frantically presses the eject button on the projector. "Not good, not good! Change slide!"

The next slide appears, showing a blonde, fair-skinned man leaning on a cane. He wears a glittery pink jacket.

"Glitter!" Mabel shouts. "He's my dream guy. Called it!"

YOSO pants a little. "Oh, yeah yeah, sure." she says distractedly. She gulps and looks at the projector warily. "How did that other slide get in there?"

Ian's snickering can be heard from somewhere offstage.

"Ian!" YOSO calls out in a warning tone.

"Busted!" Ian yelps. The faint sound of rustling can be heard as he runs away.

YOSO looks to the ceiling in exasperation. "What am I going to do with that boy?"

"Give me a raise!" Ian shouts back.

YOSO glares angrily at a spot past the camera. "Shut it!" She sighs and clears her throat. "Next slide, Subject 5." she says somewhat tiredly.

The slide shows Dipper and Mabel standing next to a tanned, blonde boy in a yellow sweater patterned with gold bricks and a bow tie. He smiles and waves at the camera.

"I think this one would be better for you." YOSO says.

"Maybe." Mabel says, tapping her chin in thought. "He's already wearing one of my sweaters, and he's actually my age..."

"Of course he is..." YOSO mutters wryly.

"What was that?" Mabel asks, snapping out of her reverie when she heard the other speak.

"Oh, nothing, nothing." YOSO says, holding her hands reassuringly. "Next up, Subject 6."

The slide shows a scared Dipper holding on to the cane of a blonde man dressed in all black except for his long gold coat. In his left arm, he holds Mabel, who happily takes a photo.

Mabel squints suspiciously. "I'm sensing a theme here." she says slowly.

"That's all? Nothing familiar about any of them..?" YOSO trails off in a hinting way.

"Not really..." Mabel says, frowning uncertainly.

"Okay then." YOSO shrugs. She turns off the projector and leans on the table, arms crossed. "What did you think about all of them?"

"Honestly, if any of then asked me out, I'd say yes in a heartbeat!"

YOSO brings a hand to her mouth to hide her smile, a bit of laughter escaping her. "Your answer is just going to make this next part all the more hilarious."

Mabel tilts her head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Mabel, all those pictures were of Bill."

"Bill who?" Mabel says, smiling. "The only Bill I know... is..." Her eyes widen in obvious realization. She looks between the projector and YOSO. "Oh, you have _got_ to be kidding me."

"Your conclusions are correct." YOSO says. "These were all different versions of how Bill would look in human form."

Mabel lies down, her hair spreading out around her head. "I feel so betrayed." she says miserably.

YOSO walks over to Mabel and leans over her with her hands behind her back. "How come?"

"All those guys..." Mabel says distantly. "They're all supposed to be that same triangle?" She waves her arms around as she speaks. "How can a creature like that even have a _chance_ at being so handsome?" Her arms fall to the floor limply, as if she intends to make a snow angel.

YOSO sits down next to her, bringing her knees to her chest and resting her elbows on them. "Beats me, but..." She hesitates. "I think there's something you should know."

Mabel turns to face her. "What?"

"You're being shipped with them."

Mabel sits up abruptly. "WHAT?!"

"Yeah..." YOSO rubs her arm a bit and looks down.

Mabel lies down again, staring up at the ceiling.

"A nice chunk of the fandom supports MaBill." YOSO continues.

"Oh man, we even have a ship name. " Mabel groans, putting an arm over her eyes.

"Y'know, the first story I found when I came to this fandom was a MaBill fic."

"It's _that_ popular?" Mabel asks, lifting her arm off her face.

"Not really. BillDip is more popular, but MaBill is still pretty well liked."

Mabel sits up. "BillDip?"

"Bill plus Dipper." YOSO says simply.

"But Dipper's straight! I even experimented with that back home!"

"Ye- Wait." YOSO looks at Mabel, both eyebrows raised. "You actually experimented with Dipper's sexuality?"

"Heh heh...yeah." Mabel says nervously. She shrugs as she says "I wanted to see if he struck out with girls because he wasn't interested in them."

"Fair point. Anyway, back to BillDip. Sometimes write or draw Bill as a girl. Here, I got a photo." She lifts her hat off of her head, reaches inside, and takes out a photo, holding it up for Mabel to see.

"Why?" Mabel asks, taking the picture.

"Technically, Bill isn't a guy or a girl since he isn't human." YOSO says, dusting off her hat and putting it back on her head. "That kind of frees up the fandom to use their imagination as to what gender they want to make hi- uh, it."

"We called Bill a 'he'," Mabel says. "And he didn't seem to mind."

"I know, right? I mean, it's kind of established that there are girl demons and boy demons, and Bill's obviously a boy one." YOSO says. She sighs and lies down, staring up at the ceiling.

Mabel does the same. "We have a weird fandom."

"No doubt about that."

Mabel turns her head to YOSO. "What would happen if I met them?"

"One of two things: They would either hug you and want to be your besties, or tear you limb from limb because they think you're selfish."

"What?!" Mabel says, lifting her head up slightly. "I am not _selfish_!"

"Tell that to them. The evidence proves that you have done next to nothing for Dipper."

"Not true! I have given up _so_ many Valentine's parties to make Dipper feel better!"

"When?"

"Back in Piedmont." Mabel sighs sadly. "The other kids would invite me to stuff and leave him out on purpose." Mabel cups a hand to her mouth. "Sometimes, I'd go and wreck the party, just to get back at them for picking on my bro-bro." she whispers conspiratorially.

YOSO nods "Nice. I'd do the same. Ain't nobody be messin' with my bro."

"Do I really come off as selfish?" Mabel asks quietly.

"Well...yeah." YOSO says. She counts off moments on her fingers. "You wouldn't help Dipper with the laptop, you made him give up Wendy for Waddles, he lost his job at the pool because you had to save Mermando-"

"Okay." Mabel says sadly. "I get it."

"Oh cheer up." YOSO says, shoving Mabel lightly with one hand. "Everyone has their selfish moments. What's important is that you find a way to make up for them."

Mabel smiles. "Thanks."

"Protective Sister Fist Bump?" YOSO asks, holding up a fist.

Mabel giggles. "Sure." The two of them bump their fists together.

YOSO looks at the wall, where there may just be a clock, judging by how she panics a bit. "Yikes." She turns back to Mabel. "As nice as it is to just lie here with ya, Mabes, I've got a show to run." She gets up, straightening her shirt, then looks down at Mabel. "You coming?"

"I think I'll just stay here for a while. Y'know, mull over the whole 'human Bill' thing."

"Gotcha. Took me a couple days to accept it myself." YOSO walks away, leaving Mabel lying on the ground. She brings a hand to her mouth. "Millie!" she calls out.

Millie runs to her side so fast it looks like she just appeared. "Yeah?"

"Got the gun?"

Millie points to where she came in from. "I gave it to Eris. She's taking care of the whole," She makes air quotes, "'traumatized Dipper' problem."

"Okay, good." YOSO looks around. "Now where's that clipboard?" she murmurs. She walks offstage and comes back flipping through the pages of a clipboard. "I think we can fit in one more segment before our time runs out."

"Which one?" Millie asks.

"The one about how the fandom's going to be now that Gravity Falls is ending." YOSO says. She puts the clipboard down and fixes her hat.

"Can I be in it?" Millie asks eagerly.

"Sure." YOSO clears her throat and turns to the camera. "Alright. So, I understand that a big chunk of the fandom is worried about what's going to happen once the show ends. They're all pretty convinced that all the stories are just going to be cut off. I'm telling you now that that's not the case. Just because the show's ending, doesn't mean that the fandom is, too."

"Yeah," Millie adds. "The show ending just means that now you'll have a complete set of information to write stories off of. No more speculation about the next episode or leaving a story open-ended so that it doesn't contradict canon."

"Or writing a story and having to make it an AU just because it doesn't fit the canon timeline anymore." YOSO says exasperatedly."The fandom isn't going fall as if it jumped off a cliff. My guess is that it's going to keep going for at least another... oh, I'd say about 3 years. We still have our imaginations, and that means that the show is going to be kept going for as long as we keep using it. So write, fellow freaks. Write your stories. Make them funny or angsty or romantic, hey, you could even make trollfics! This fandom ain't dying any time soon and don't you dare think about leaving it before it does."

"Nice." Millie says.

"Thank you. I have been wanting to say that for a while now." YOSO says, running fingers through her hair to push it back.

Millie turns back to the camera. "And that's just about it for this episode. Tune in next week for another episode of 'What Do Ya Think?'!

YOSO claps her hands together. "Okay, now that that's over, I need to have a chat with Ian." she says, her voice darkening slightly at the last part.

* * *

 **Links to the stuff mentioned are now on my profile!**


	4. What do Stan and Ford think?

The camera, through a cracked lens, sees YOSO sitting onstage behind an overturned table and holding noise-cancelling headphones over her ears. The onset sound is muted.

She takes out a chalkboard, writes a message, and holds it up for the camera to see.

 _Hey guys._

A boy with short black hair and hazel eyes, wearing gray shoes, grey shorts that go just below the knee, a red t-shirt, and a flat-billed hat with the words '2014 Fiesta Bowl Champions' written on the dome and the UCF logo stamped on the side, walks in. He holds his ears as he squats down next to YOSO. She hands him a set of noise-cancelling headphones and he hurriedly puts them on.

YOSO erases her previous message from the chalkboard and writes a new one to show Beck.

 _Hey, Beck. Sorry you had to see this._

He takes the chalkboard, erases her message and writes his own.

 _What's going on?_

She cleans off the board and quickly scribbles a message.

 _Eris. She's been fangirling all week over that MaBill bit we did in the last episode._

She runs out of space to write, so she erases her writing and writes again.

 _Note the fact that all the glass in the studio is now shattered._

 **Flashback**

"Now that that's over, I need to talk to Ian." YOSO says.

Carol walks onstage. "Dipper's all good now." She sees Mabel lying on the ground. "What'd I miss?"

"Mabel just found out about MaBill." YOSO replies.

Eris shrieks from somewhere offstage. "DID SOMEBODY SAY MABILL?!"

A sweat drop falls from YOSO's head as Eris runs onstage, squealing and with her hands clasped together. "Did I really miss that episode?" She grabs YOSO's shirt and shakes her. "How could you do it without me?!"

YOSO fails to utter a response as she is being shaken like a rag doll.

Eris continues squealing. "I am, like, a total fangirl for MaBill. The stories for that ship are awesome! They just make me want to... to..." She starts shrieking... and keeps shrieking...

 **Flashback end**

A glass shatters in the background. YOSO turns around and looks over the table to see the remains on the ground. She takes the chalkboard and writes a message.

 _She's reached a new frequency. That glass was made of plastic!_

Beck takes the board, erases her message, and writes his own.

 _I got this._

He gets up and dusts himself off. The camera follows him to where Eris is standing, eyes closed, happily screaming her heart out and holding a sign that says 'I heart MaBill'. Beck reaches into his pocket and takes out a roll of Tuck tape. He rips a piece off with his teeth, takes Eris's hand and shoves it in her mouth then tapes it in place. **(Tuck tape is literally the strongest tape there is. Go look it up, it's used for patching up your garage and stuff like that.)**

Eris opens her eyes and looks down at her hand, shock evident on her face. She looks up and sees Beck, then glares at him murderously. The onset sound get turned back on.

Beck smirks satisfiedly, taking off his headphones. "Problem solved."

Eris's annoyed grunts get muffled by her hand, which is firmly stuck in her mouth.

Beck holds a hand to ear and smiles in fake concern. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

Eris shrieks and stomps her foot in indignation.

Beck shrugs. "Guess we'll never know."

YOSO walks into view, taking off her own headphones. "This is going to take some time to sort out." She shakes her tiredly. "I gotta go find the others..." She walks offstage, stumbling a little bit from the slight vertigo she received from all the screaming.

Eris stomps her foot harder and tries to free her hand, but it won't budge. She glares at Beck, reaching out with the sign in her other hand to hit him.

Beck steps away tauntingly. "Sorry, you can look but you can't touch." He sticks out his tongue at her, causing her to bite down on her hand slightly. She haa an 'I'm going to kill you' look in her eyes.

Carol walks onstage, takes off her headphones, and wipes her forehead. "Whew! Thank goodness the Screamfest is over. H-" She stares at Eris questioningly. "What happened here?"

Eris responds by pointing angrily at Beck.

"Oh! You must be the new recruit." Carol says. She holds a hand out in greeting. "Nice to meet ya, umm..?"

Beck puts a hand to his chest and introduces himself on mock regalia. "Beckham Woods, but call me Beck." He shakes Carol's hand.

YOSO walks onstage and speaks to the others. "Alrighty! We are good to go. Let's get this show on the road!"

* * *

The camera lens has been replaced along with all the glass onset.

"Hello and welcome back to 'What Do Ya Think?'!" YOSO greets the camera.

Millie yells from offstage. "Whaaat?!"

"I said we're back." YOSO says, looking slightly to the left.

Then, Ian yells from offstage. "Whaaaaat?!"

"WE'RE BACK!" YOSO yells, getting annoyed.

The camera pans to the left a little to show Carol onstage, holding her ears. "Yeesh, no need to yell."

* * *

YOSO facepalms. "This is so frustrating..." she whispers. She wipes her hand down her face then looks to Carol. "Carol, your hearing seems to be intact."

"That it is." she replies.

"Good, could you get Stan and Ford ready? And maybe ask Ford to make some sort of healing concoction?"

Carol hums in thought. "I'm going to need a few things for that."

"Like what?" YOSO asks, clearly confused.

Carol lists off items on her fingers. "An airhorn and some chemistry supplies."

"Why would you need an airhorn..?" YOSO starts, then shakes her head. "You know what? Never mind, just as long as they're ready and everyone can hear properly again."

Carol waves as she leaves. "Be back in a few."

Millie can be heard yelling "Where's she going?!"

"I'm not putting up with this." YOSO grumbles. She looks to the other end of the stage. "Cut to commercial or something!"

* * *

 **Are you sick and tired of owls cluttering up your driveway?**

The screen shows a grumpy man standing in front of a pile of owls on his driveway.

 **Well then you need the Owl Trowel!**

The man uses a shovel to scoop owls of the driveway. He smiles as he throws them to the side.

 **Call 844-473-2531 to get yours today!**

The man holds the trowel up to the camera, gives a thumbs-up, and winks.

* * *

The screen statics as an explosion happens onset. Ford, Stan, Ian, Millie, and YOSO are sprawled out on the ground around a faint burn mark. They sit up, rubbing their heads as greenish smoke billows around them.

"What happened?" YOSO asks. She coughs and waves her hand in front of her face.

"Ian switched some of the chemicals around." Millie says, then coughs. "Ford ended up putting the wrong one in the test tube."

"At least you can hear again."

Millie sniffs experimentally. "Yeah, but I can't smell anymore."

YOSO sniffs the air, then gags, covering her nose with her scarf. "I think that's a good thing right now."

Ian takes a notebook and pencil out of his pocket. "Note to self: Do not mix stink bomb with hearing potions."

YOSO smacks him upside the head. "Ya think?!"

"We should be glad none of us died or anything." Stan says.

"The whole incapability to smell should wear off in a couple hours, by the looks of it." Ford adds.

"That's good to know." Stan mumbles as he waves a hand to clear the smoke.

"Well, now that that's over with, we can continue the episode." YOSO says. She stands up, puts her hands on her hips, and looks around. "Anybody seen Beck?"

"Last I saw him, he was talking to Carol." Ian says.

"About what?" Millie asks.

"How should I know? They were _whispering_." He makes kissy sounds.

"Ew!" she exclaims, shoving him away. "Sometimes I wonder how you're my brother."

"I don't think that's the case." YOSO says. "If there's one think I know about running this show, it's that if anyone disappears for too long, trouble's coming back with them."

"We're back!" Beck calls, walking onstage with Carol with his arms behind his back.

Carol's hands are in her rather full-looking sweater pocket. "You think we got everything?" she whispers to Beck.

"Yep." he whispers back.

"Great." YOSO says, relieved. "Could you ask the Stans your questions now?"

"Stan." Beck says, walking up to Stan in a businessman-like fashion. He takes his hands out from behind his back, holding up the Rock-that-looks-like-a-face-rock. "Is this a rock? Or is it a face?"

Stan facepalms. He points a finger at YOSO accusingly. "You didn't tell me there were going to be stupid tourists here!"

She shrugs in response. "He can ask whatever questions he wants."

"And I can't do anything to him?"

"Not really..."

"Fine." Stan grumbles. He slowly turns back to Beck. "Kid, its a rock that _looks_ like a face."

"So its a face?" Beck asks, tilting the rock a little.

Stan wipes a hand over his face. "Its a rock that _looks_ like a face."

"Is it perhaps a metaphor?"

"Its a _rock_ that _looks_ like a _face_." Stan says through gritted teeth.

Carol walks up behind Beck. She pulls her hand out of her pocket a bit to show the top of an airhorn. "So is it a rock or a face?"

"Like I said, it is a rock that LOOKS LIKE A FACE."

Beck smiles mischievously. "You sure it isn't a metaphor?"

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO F-"

Carol takes the airhorn out of her pocket, plugs her ear with her other hand, and presses the button, effectively censoring Stan.

"-ING TELL YOU?! IT IS A F-" Airhorn. "ROCK THAT LOOKS LIKE A F-" Airhorn."FACE! HOW DO YOU B-" Airhorn. "NOT F-" Airhorn. "UNDERSTAND THAT?!" Stan, having now finished his cuss-filled speech, pants heavily.

Millie and Ian hurriedly cover each other's ears.

"...so its not a rock?" Beck asks innocently.

"AAAGH!" Stan yells out, rushing towards Beck with his arms outstretched.

Beck sidesteps. "Run for it!" he calls to Carol, before running away.

Carol runs in the opposite direction.

"I WILL _END_ YOU!" Stan screams.

"Can't catch us!" Beck taunts.

"We're too fast for ya!" Carol says.

"COME SAY THAT TO MY FACE, C-" Stan once again gets censored by the airhorn.

"Hahaha!" Carol laughs as she runs.

"You never answered my question!" Beck calls.

"I TOLD YOU ALREADY, YOU-" Airhorn.

"My, what dirty mouth you have, Stan!" Carol remarks. "Maybe I should get the soap!" She pulls a bottle of dishsoap out of her pocket and spills a bit of it on the ground.

"HOW ABOUT YOU PUT SOAP ON THAT PIECE OF-" The airhorn sounds for a good 30 seconds as Stan keeps shouting. "-YOU CALL A BRAIN!" He slips on the soap, sliding a little, but managing to catch himself. "Why you little-" Airhorn.

"Ouch." Beck says in mock pain. "I thought I was pretty smart. Don't you think so, Carol?"

Carol bows her head a little as she runs. "Why, yes indeed, Dr. Beck." she snickers.

Stan chases Beck and Carol around the set, jumping on and off the stage, and dodging the rest of the cast and Ford.

Stan slows down, panting heavily and hunching over. He puts a hand on his back and raises a fist half-heartedly. "Come back here..!"

Beck and Carol run to the middle of the stage, high-fiving as they meet each other.

"Well..." Ian starts.

"...that was fun." Millie finishes.

"Should we get Stan a doctor or something..?" YOSO asks, eyeing Stan in concern.

"Ford's turn!" Beck shouts. He runs up to Ford and shows him the rock. "What do you think of this rock?"

Ford stares at it for a moment. "Isn't that the rock I used as a paperweight?"

Carol runs up next to them. "What?" she asks, tilting her head to the side.

"I used it as a paperweight during my research." Ford explains curtly.

"Why would you have a rock with a face as a paperweight?" YOSO asks.

Ford looks down at his shuffling feet. "I got kind of... um, lonely..."

Ian bursts out laughing.

"Hey! Don't judge!" Ford yells at him. "Didn't you have a favorite stuffed animal or something?"

"This is totally different though!" Ian laughs, wiping the tears from his eyes. "How do you hug a rock?!"

"I managed!"

"HAHAHAHA!" Ian doubles over laughing. **(o_0 No, dirty-minded readers, he did not do _that_. You remember when Fiddleford first left him after the portal incident, he started going insane? Well, he used the rock as a doll and talked to it. Sometimes, he would hold it like a teddy bear when he wasn't all that lucid. So, to conclude, the Rock-that-looks-like-a-face was his best friend/paperweight.)**

"Oh come on, Ian." Carol says. "Wouldn't you act the same way if you lost Millie for like, 10 years?"

"She would, not me!" Ian says, still laughing.

Millie glares at him. "That's good to know, _brother_." She stomps away.

"You know, you can be a real jerk sometimes, Ian." YOSO says, hands on her hips. She furrows her eyebrows in thought for a moment. "How about I tell everyone _your_ embarrassing toy?"

"Go ahead!" Ian laughs. "Its just a keychain!"

Millie comes back holding a puppy keychain. She holds it up for Ian to see. "Oh, so does that mean I can just this in the trash?"

Ian stops laughing. He gets up slowly, holding his hands up in surrender. "Hey, no one said anything about throwing it out."

"Well I did now." Millie says. She nods in Ford's direction. "Now apologize to Ford, or the doggy gets it."

Ian's mouth scrunches up to one side in mock thought. He raises his eyebrows. "How about I just show everyone yours?"

Millie puts a hand on her hip and waves the keychain. "I don't have a puppy keychain that I kiss goodnight." she mocks.

"No, but you have that bit of hair you dyed red without Mom knowing."

She blushes. "I don't know what you're talking about." she says, slightly flustered. "I'm throwing out the puppy." She throws the keychain up a bit and catches it, turning around to leave.

"You honestly think the smell of dye goes away that fast?" Ian says, reaching into his pocket and taking out his phone. "I even took a picture after you went to sleep that night. And lo and behold, I can post it online at the push of a button." He hovers his thumb over the screen, eyes narrowed and grinning wickedly.

Millie glares at him through narrowed eyes. "You wouldn't." she hisses.

"Oh, but dear sister, I would. Now," He holds out his other hand. "Give me the puppy and no one get hurt."

"Fine, fine. Here." Millie says, walking up to him and holding the keychain above Ian's open hand. "But first," She pulls it away before he can grab it. "Delete the picture."

"I'll delete the picture when you give me my keychain."

The twins glare at each other, silently daring the other to go first. YOSO takes both the keychain and the phone.

"Hey!" Ian and Millie complain.

"I think this has gone one long enough." YOSO says, deleting the picture and tossing the keychain to Ian. "Beck!"

Beck salutes. "Yes, ma'am!"

"Cut it out." YOSO says exasperatedly.

"Have a little fun." he teases.

"I think I'll save _fun_ for when you're done with your questions, _Beckham_." she says, putting her hands on her hips and tapping her foot.

"Fine, just don't call me 'Beckham'." He clears his throat. "Let's all watch 'What Probably Happens in Weirdmageddon Part 1'!"

Everyone runs to the left, towards an old-fashioned monitor offstage, the camera zooming out to get everyone in the shot, including Stan who gets left behind.

"Hey, Stan!" YOSO calls over her shoulder. "You coming or what?"

"I'll get there eventually." Stan grumbles. He coughs. "How is it that we're the same age, yet Ford somehow manages to run like I used to in 9th grade?"

The camera focuses on the group by the computer.

Beck murmurs as he types. "What... Probably... Happens in... Weirdmageddon... Part 1... There!" He taps 'Enter' on the keyboard, making the video appear on the monitor.

The crowds around a bit tighter so they can all watch.

 **44 seconds in...**

"What the fudge is this?" YOSO says.

"Shhh!" Beck shushes her.

 **1:44 minutes in...**

"What are you watching?" Stan asks, finally making it to the monitor.

Beck puts a hand over Stan's mouth as he stares intently at the screen. Stan glares at him for a moment, then watches the video.

 **2:16 minutes in...**

"Sure..." Millie says sarcastically. "Blendin the Princess is _totally_ believable."

"Shhh!" Carol shushes her.

 **After it's over...**

YOSO snickers, covering her mouth with her hand. "Oh man, I gotta take requests like this more often." **(Hint hint.)**

Beck turns around to face Ford. "What'd you think, Ford?"

"I _wish_ that's how it happened." Ford says, nodding to the computer. "It would have been a lot easier to take care of.

"Where would the story li-" Millie gets cut off by the presence of YOSO's hand on her mouth. She only manages a few muffled protests.

"Don't talk about stuff like that around them!" YOSO whispers urgently. She looks to Ford. "If it happened like that, don't you think that all of your preparation would have been wasted?" she says in a staged questioning voice.

"It's better to be over-prepared when its nothing than be under-prepared when its something." Ford grumbles.

"Wise words indeed." Ian says.

YOSO takes her hand off Millie's mouth. "What about you, Sta-" Stan cuts her off.

"What kind of yahoos make these?" he asks.

"Your fandom, sir." Carol says. "Be proud." She slow claps.

"Shouldn't we have shown this to Dipper and Mabel, too?" Millie asks.

YOSO plays with the hem of her shirt. "Umm..."

The scene switches to the surveillance footage in Dipper and Mabel's room, where the twins lie fast asleep. The camera view cuts back to the stage.

"I didn't think we should bother them." YOSO says simply.

"What about Eris?" Ian asks.

"Uhh..."

The footage cuts to Eris standing in front of a mirror with a bucket of glue remover next to her. She stares intently at her reflection, her hand still stuck in her mouth. The camera cuts back to the stage.

"She's busy." YOSO says.

"And Bill?" Carol asks.

"..."

 **Flashback**

"This is a perfectly logical shipping!" YOSO exclaims, waving a sheet of paper in Bill's face.

"I don't have time for a relationship!" he shouts. "And even if I did, it wouldn't be with any lowly human!"

"Which is why you're turned into a human!"

"Look, I'm not in relationship because I'm too busy. What's your excuse?"he asks, raising his eyebrow.

" _What?!_ " she asks, shocked.

"You heard me. Why don't _you_ have a boyfriend?"

"That is none of your concern!" YOSO huffs. "We are discussing _your_ relationship status, NOT mine!"

"A human that isn't in a relationship is expecting a dream demon who just got out of one to start dating." Bill says dryly. "In what world is that justified?"

"Its justified h- Wait," She blinks, confused. "You just got out of a relationship?"

"I don't wanna talk about it." he says, crossing his arms and looking away.

"...was she pretty?"

Bill looks at her incredulously. "What makes you automatically assume it was a she?"

YOSO shrugs. "Just guessing."

"For the record, my... um... let's just say 'ex', was a gender that does not compute in this dimension."

"Was it Xanthar?"

"WHAT?! NO! Not Xanthar!"

"Then who was it?"

"Their name doesn't compute here either!" he sputters.

"... You never were in a relationship, were you?" she says slowly.

"O-of course I was!" Bill stammers. "Who _wouldn't_ want me?" he says, pointing a thumb at himself proudly.

"I can think of a few people..." She holds up a model of Earth.

He turns red. "You know what? I QUIT!"

"You can't quit! We had a deal!"

"The deal was I go on your show and you let me take it over, so _why_ aren't you letting me?!"

"I never said you could take over the show! I said you could take over that corner of the stage!" She points to a tiny spot to the left of the stage, which contains a stool with a little flag that reads 'Bill's Kingdom'.

Bill stares at the spot, changing back to the original yellow. He facepalms. "I'm done."

"You haven't answered my question!"

"Deal's off! I'm going home!" Bill turns around and begins to float away.

"Oh no you aren't!"

 **Flashback End**

An image of Bill punching the walls of a glass cell appears, then shifts back to the people around the monitor.

"We got into a bit of a disagreement." YOSO says.

"Okay..." Beck says hesitantly. He clears his throat, stepping back so he can see everyone at once. "Next up, this story I found online." He takes a few folded up papers out of his pocket, holding them up to Stan and Ford. "I'm sure Dipper and Mabel explained the fandom to you."

"The basic idea, yes." Ford says.

"Just show me the stupid thing." Stan says impatiently, snatching the papers. He unfolds them and begins reading, his eyes wide by the time he's done. He hands it to Ford blankly.

Ford peers at the papers, adjusting his glasses. "Interesting. So, in this alternate reality, Stan dies?"

"Yup." Beck answers.

"If you're going to consider it and AU, I think Depravity Falls would fit the bill." YOSO adds.

"This is a prediction someone made considering the information given to us by your creator, Alex Hirsch." Beck explains.

Stan pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes. "Now I know how long I have left."

"Chill, man. Its just a prediction." YOSO says, patting his shoulder reassuringly. "I still have hope that you'll make it."

"But there's a pretty big chance that this prediction will actually come true in some way." Beck says.

"I need to sit down." Stan says. He hobbles over to a chair further away from the stage and sits down, putting his hands over his face.

"Well, that depressing." YOSO says. "How's Ford taking it?"

Ford mumbles unintelligibly as he reads the story over, then he reads it again, and again. "Am I reading this right? Stan dies and I go insane without him? Did this other me _not_ go in the portal?!"

"Whoa, Ford." YOSO says. "You doing okay..?"

"No I am not _okay_!" he snaps. "If what happened in this story was going to happen, it would have happened the _first time_ I watched him die on the other side of that portal, when I actually believed _that_ was the real him!" He throws the papers to the ground. "I am _not_ letting that happen here!"

He stomps off, leaving everyone speechless.

"That what you were expecting, Beckham?" YOSO asks.

"Not really sure what I was expecting, but definitely wasn't _that._ " he says.

"Should we cut to commercial or something to let them calm down?"

"Maybe..." Ian says hesitantly.

"We've already done a commercial." Millie says. "Another would be tedious. Let's just try doing a lighter segment."

"Okay..." YOSO says, walking offstage. She returns flipping through pages on a clipboard. "Umm, the only ones we have left are for the Shippings episode..."

"Maybe we should just end it here." Carol suggests.

"Good idea." YOSO nods. She turns to the camera "Thank you all for joining us for another episode of 'What Do Ya Think?'. Tune in again next week after we have found some way to console and apologize to the Pines." She looks to her right as the screen goes black.

* * *

 **Guys, guys! I came to this sudden realization a few days ago: Remember Stan's fake IDs? What about the one where his name was Andrew '8 Ball' Alcatraz? Now think about Bill's henchmaniac, 8 Ball. You see what I'm getting at? I think there's some sort of connection here...**

 **Anyway, the links are on my profile if you want to see them!**


	5. Weirder than usual (Part 1)

**Here's a list of present guest stars:**

 **Carol:  
Girl with dark brown hair tied into twin tails, hazel eyes; wears grey sweatpants, green leopard print socks, black hoodie with Taurus zodiac sign.**

 **Eris:  
17-year-old girl with fair skin, medium length raven black hair, chestnut eyes; wears plain t-shirt, black shorts and walking shoes.**

 **Beckham 'Beck' Woods:  
Boy with short black hair, hazel eyes; wears gray pants that go just below the knee, red t-shirt, grey shoes, a flat-billed hat with '2014 Fiesta Bowl Champions' written on the dome and the UCF logo stamped on the side.**

 **And my co-hosts:**

 **Ian:  
12-year-old boy with short, spiky red hair and brown eyes; wears green zipped-up hoodie, beige cargo shorts (yeah, I changed his outfit), and sneakers**

 **Millie:  
12-year-old girl with medium length dark hair tied into a ponytail and cut into bangs, and brown eyes; wears a white t-shirt with a purple sequined sequined heart, a knee-length black skirt, and sneakers**

 **LET THE INSANITY COMMENCE!**

* * *

Footage of Dipper and Mabel's room plays. Beck sneaks in through with a suspicious-looking bag over his shoulder. He looks between the twins, who sleep peacefully on their respective beds. He puts the bag on the ground and rifles through it, taking out a marker. He quietly walks up to Dipper and draws mustaches, a unibrow, glasses, hearts, moles, and various other absurd pictures on the boy's face.

"Five more minutes, Mom..." Dipper mumbles, turning over and smudging some of the ink.

Beck does the same to Mabel, drawing similar images along with "Party Gurl" and "insert mud here".

"Dude," Mabel mutters. "I swear, if you drew on my face..."

Beck freezes, looking down at Mabel with shock. "How does she..?"

"Seriously, Candy..."

Beck sighs in relief and finishes drawing. Waddles sits up from his spot at the foot of Mabel's bed, staring up cutely at the intruder. "Oink."

Beck picks him up and puts him outside, stopping for a moment to glare. "You didn't see nothing," he whispers harshly to the pig, before shutting the door on him.

He backs up into the room, and upon reaching his bag, he reaches into it and takes out a huge speaker attached to a voice-altering microphone and an iPod. He scrolls through the song list until he finds 'We Will Rock You'. He sets up all the equipment, puts the speaker to full volume, and presses play. Dipper and Mabel's eyes pop open as the music blares out of the speakers, waking them from blissful sleep. The shoot up to a sitting position and scream. Beck turns off the music, giving the twins a chance to calm down. After they've recomposed themselves a bit, Beck takes this opportunity to speak.

"I am Darth Vader," he says, his voice deep and staticky from the microphone. "An extraterrestrial from the planet Vulcan!" He finishes by raising his hand up threateningly.

Dipper and Mabel scream again. "AAAAAAAAH!"

"Give me all your candy!"

YOSO's voice carries into the room as she shouts. " _Beckham_!"

Beck sweats nervously. "Uh oh..." he says, his voice still modified. He grabs his stuff and runs out of the room.

"Get back here!" YOSO shouts, her voice getting louder as she runs past the door.

Dipper and Mabel glance at the door, then at each other. "AAAAAAAAGH!" They fall out of bed. "Ow..."

* * *

Dipper and Ian huddle together secretively while Millie sits cross-legged a few feet away with her back turned to them. She folds and unfolds a piece of paper, occasionally making the paper take the shape of a crane.

"Are you sure about this?" Dipper whispers.

"Positive," Ian whispers, nodding surely. He turns the other around and shoves him towards Millie. "Now go."

"Why won't the wings move?" Millie grumbles in frustration.

Dipper shuffles up behind her, quietly enough so she doesn't notice. He once again looks to Ian, questioning this whole thing. Ian simply waves him forward, then puts his hands over his mouth to stop himself from laughing.

"Here goes nothing," Dipper mumbles quietly. He bends down and kisses Millie on the cheek.

Millie shoots up. "EW, COOTIES!" she screams. She runs around comically, rubbing her face in disgust. "Cooties cooties cooties cooties..!" She runs off the stage. "Carol, help! I'm infected!"

Ian falls over, laughing uncontrollably. "That was priceless!"

Dipper rubs at his ears, wincing as Ian laughs even harder. "You planned all that, didn't you?"

Ian wipes a tear from his eye. "Pretty much, yeah." He looks to a spot near the camera. "Hey, Eris! Did you get any of that on tape?"

"Every second!" she shouts back.

"IAN, I'M GOING TO FREAKING KILL YOU!" Millie screams. She runs onstage holding a rolled up newspaper above her head.

She chases her brother around, who laughs at her attempts to catch him. They keep running from one end of the stage to the other, eventually running closer to the camera.

"No!" YOSO shouts from somewhere offstage. "Not the camera!"

The twins get too close, making Ian knock over the camera, it seeing Millie run by as it falls.

* * *

"Hello, and welcome back to 'What Do Ya Think?'!" YOSO says with her usual greeting. "We've sorted out a few issues from the last episode and now we're ready to continue with our lovable madness!" She turns her head to the left. "Ah, Eris! It's good to be able to see your face again."

Eris walks onto the stage. "Yeah, thanks. How much did I miss?"

"Oh, not much." YOSO picks at her fingers absentmindedly. "Just a video, some drama, some swearing..."

"Stan?"

"Yup."

Eris sighs tiredly. "Was it Beckham?"

"I prefer 'Beck', thank you very much," Beck says, walking up to the other two.

"Hmph." Eris turns away from him and walks offstage.

He points a thumb over his shoulder in the direction she went. "What's her problem?"

"She's still mad about the whole 'Tuck tape' thing," YOSO says.

"Wish I'd taken a picture of _that_ ," Beck chuckles.

A shoe flies onstage and hits Beck in the back of his head, making his hat tilt off-centre.

"Ow!" he says, rubbing the sore spot. He fixes his hat and looks in confusion in the direction the shoe came from.

YOSO cups her hands over her mouth. "Nice shot, Eris!" she yells.

"Not cool!"

She shrugs. "You deserved it. Actually..." She bends over and takes off one of her own shoes. "You deserve one from me, too."

Beck's eyes widen, then he rushes off the stage.

* * *

Millie stands on the stage, hands clasped together. "Seeing as YOSO is currently busy sorting out some problems-"

The camera pans to the left of the stage to show YOSO holding Ian and Beck by the ear.

"Ow-ow-ow!" Beck says.

"Are we forgiven yet?" Ian whines.

"Not at all," YOSO says.

"Where are you taking us?" Beck asks.

"You'll see," she says menacingly as she drags them away.

The camera pans back Millie, who looks back with raised eyebrows. "So... yeah. I'm being put in charge until she gets back. Today's episode was _supposed_ to feature shipping, but, uh... stuff happened and now we're not so sure when it's being postponed to."

"What is YOSO going to do with those two anyway?" Carol asks, walking onto the stage to stand next to Millie, who shrugs.

"I don't know. All she said is that we'll see later."

Eris joins the two. "Do we have any more guest stars for this week?"

"I think there are a few, but I'm not sure," Carol says. She looks around. "Maybe we shouldn't get any more. It _is_ getting kind of crowded around here."

"Agreed," Millie says. "But some more friends would be nice. The more the merrier, ya know?"

She shrugs. "I guess so."

"We're getting kinda off topic here," Eris says.

"Right." Millie clasps her hands together. "We just have to get all the characters in here first."

"I got it," Carol says, and walks off.

"The Pines are okay now, right?" Eris asks, concerned.

"Mostly," Millie says, tilting her head from side to side in a 'so-so' gesture. "Ford's still a bit touchy about the whole 'Stan and death' subject."

"That's understandable."

Carol comes back holding a sheet of paper. She holds it up as she reads it over. "Alright, I got the Pines, Pacifica, Soos, Wendy-"

"Wow, full house," Eris says.

"But wait, there's more," Carol says in a corny salesperson voice, before continuing. "There's also Waddles, Bill, Gideon, and McGucket."

"Why McGucket?" Millie asks, brow furrowing.

She shrugs. "He was on the list YOSO left."

"Alright then. Let's get this party started." She raises a hand to her mouth and calls, "Guys! Over here!"

The Pines, Pacifica, Soos, Wendy, Waddles, Bill, Gideon, and McGucket walk... and float and trot, and... jig(?) ...their way to the stage.

Millie walks offstage, only to return with a small crate. She stands on it and looks out at everyone. "Hello, everyone! Do not worry about how or why you on this show! All you need to know is that your fandom requests things that we should show or do to you here. I am not going to explain it all to you, in hopes that the Pines explained it all anyway."

"About that-" Dipper starts.

"Why do they hate us so much?" Mabel finishes.

"They don't hate you," Millie says. "They just..." She hesitates. "...love you so much it hurts," she finishes with a nod.

"Nice," Stan says sarcastically.

"You think you know them better?" she says sassily, putting a hand on her hip.

"Who, the freaks who stalk us? Yes, yes I think I do."

Carol puts her hands on her hips. " _Excuse_ me?"

Eris holds up a fist. "U w0t m8?"

"Umm, Eris?" Carol asks cautiously.

"FITE ME!"

"Eris?" Millie calls slowly.

Eris lets out a breath. "Sorry guys." She takes a deep breath and glares at Stan. "For your information, buddy, we are your fandom. That does not mean we do not have lives of our own." She marches up to him and grabs his shirt collar. "So don't you think that just because we like your show, that all of us like _you,_ " she hisses.

Millie nervously steps in between them. "Okay! Maybe we need a time out."

Eris huffs and backs away.

"Why are you so irritable all of a sudden?"

"Blame. Beckam," she mutters darkly.

Carol, whistling lightly with a tinge of guilt on her features, takes a few steps away from Eris.

"Maybe you should take a chill pill," Millie says. "I think we still have that tree those grow on."

Carol speaks up. "But didn't those come with-?"

"Did somebody say 'Chill Pill'?" a new voice shouts. Dippy-Fresh enters from the left, riding a skateboard.

"Dippy-Fresh!" Mabel says gleefully.

"You have got to be kidding me," Dipper deadpans.

Millie facepalms. "What happened to his cryogenic containment?" she groans.

"Wasn't the studio torn apart when the BillDips and Pinecests came through?" Carol asks.

Millie's eyes widen. "I need to check the camera feeds." She walks offstage, returning shortly with a stoic expression. "That explains why Dipper wasn't ripped in half."

"Does that mean we can get rid of him now?" Dipper asks eagerly.

"On come on, Dipper," Mabel says. "He's not _that_ bad. Are ya, Dippy-Fresh?"

"I support you every step of the way, Mabel!" Dippy-Fresh says cheerily.

She smiles. "Thanks, bro-bro."

Dipper looks between the two, then marches up to Dippy-Fresh. "Back off, man." He points a finger to the other's chest. "She is _my_ sister. I don't care if she likes you better, _you_ are a figment of her imagination and I will _not_ let you upstage me."

Dippy-Fresh whistles. "Wow, jealous much?"

Dipper growls. He pounces on Dippy-Fresh and starts punching him. The two disappear in a flurry of fighting.

"Dipper!" Mabel says in worry. She disappears in the cloud of fighting, making it grow a little.

"Mabel, my marshmella!" Gideon says. "I'll protect ya!" With that, he follows her in.

"Stay away from my niece, ya creep!" Stan snarls, joining the fight cloud.

"Hey!" Wendy shouts. "That was a _dirty_ move, Dippy-Fresh!" Then she joins the fight cloud.

"Protect the Pines!" Soos says nobly, and also joins the cloud.

"Yeah, I'm not doing this," Pacifica says, crossing her arms.

"I'm Old Man McGucket!" McGucket suddenly shouts, then shoves Pacifica and Eris into the fray with him.

Eris yelps and grabs Carol's arm in an attempt to save herself.

"What?" Carol yelps. "Don't-" She falls in, cutting her sentence short.

"Well that escalated quickly," Ford mutters.

Waddles oinks in agreement.

"Yes! Mayhem!" Bill cheers. "And I didn't even have to start it!"

Millie is left speechless, most likely trying to figure out what went wrong.

YOSO walks onstage, clapping her hands free of dust. Her eyes are closed so she doesn't immediately see the fighting. "Hey, guys. How much di—?" Now she sees the fighting. "Millie!"

The aforementioned girl laughs nervously and makes her way around the fighting crowd to where YOSO can see her. "Heh, heh... yeah?"

"I leave you alone for 20 minutes and _this_ is what happens?"

"In my defence, you really shouldn't put a 12-year-old in charge of 13 people."

Waddles squeals in indignance.

"Um, 13 living beings," Millie says, correcting herself.

YOSO facepalms. "I'll keep that in mind." She turns to the cloud of fighting, assessing it a moment. She puts two fingers in her mouth and whistles sharply. She taps her foot with her hands on her hips as everyone freezes in their places.

"Anybody care to tell me why you're all acting like this?" YOSO asks the group.

Dipper detaches his teeth from Dippy-Fresh's arm and points at him. "He started it!"

Mabel lowers her fist and lets go of Gideon's blazer collar. "He did not!"

Dippy-Fresh gets up and raises a finger. "Mabel's right!"

"You stay outta this, Dippy-Fresh!" Dipper shouts, shoving the other. Thus making the brawl start up again.

YOSO leaves the stage, comes back holding an airhorn, points it to the ceiling, and holds the button. Everyone stops fighting to hold their ears to block out the resounding _HOOOONK_.

"Oi!" she shouts. "You gonna behave or what?!"

They slowly disentangle themselves. Gideon reaches for Mabel's hand.

"Next person to move joins Ian and Beck!" YOSO points at Gideon. "I'm lookin' at you, Giddy!"

Gideon squeaks and pulls his hands close. Carol raises her hand.

"Yes, Carol?" YOSO says.

"Where _are_ Ian and Beck?" Carol asks.

YOSO points upwards. "Up there."

Millie gasps. "You..." She makes the throat-cutting gesture.

"What? No! Look up."

The camera pans to the ceiling, where Ian and Beck are stuck, upside down, to the rafters.

"Hey, guys!" Ian says, waving.

"How's the weather up there, bro?" Millie calls.

"Just fine!" Beck answers.

"I was talking to Ian!"

"I _am_ Ian!" Beck(?) says.

" _I'm_ Beck!" Ian(?) says.

"I think you've all pieced together what I've done to them," YOSO says. She gestures towards the duo. "So unless you too want to be body-swapped and hung from the ceiling, I suggest you behave."

Everyone stutters out a fearful, "Yes, ma'am."

"Hey, Ian," Ian(actually Beck) whispers. "Check it out. You can see down Wendy's shirt from up here."

"Dude," Beck(actually Ian) says in disgust, "that's gross. Move over." He leans over so he can see.

Eris notices the boys staring at the redhead, and nudges her with her elbow. "Look up," she whispers.

Wendy looks up, her gaze turning into an accusing glare.

Ian(Beck)'s eyes widen. "Busted!" he whisper-yells.

Beck(Ian) looks away and whistles innocently.

Wendy buttons her shirt. "Pervs, much?"

"Do you two want to have your hands stuck in your mouths too?" YOSO yells up to them. "Or should I switch out your eyeballs?"

"No-no-no-no-no-no!" Beck and Ian say quickly.

"Thought so."

Millie pulls YOSO down a little and whispers in her ear, "Can you even do that?"

"No," YOSO admits quietly, "but they don't have to know that." She clears her throat and surveys the group. "Line up, people!"

They arrange themselves into a straight a line as they can, though even that is still pretty messy.

YOSO marches in front of them like a drill sergeant. "Carol! Eris! Millie! Front and centre!"

The aforementioned girls step forward.

"Please take Dippy-Fresh back to cryogenic containment." She turns to the characters. "You can all just wander around here for now. Refreshments are stage left and there's a TV stage right. You can do anything you want, but if I catch you roughhousing again... well, you know what happens." She turns her attention to the boys on the ceiling. " _You_ two can come back down once your faces turn purple. And no, you're going to live in each other's bodies for _at least_ as few days."

"Oh _man_ ," Ian(Beck) whines.

"Just be glad we're both dudes," Ian whispers.

The camera pans down and zooms in so that only the stage area is visible.

YOSO reads names from the list in her hand. "First up: Stanley, Stanford, Fiddleford."

No one moves.

"I'll only be the scary host if I need to. Now get over her or I _will_ take some drastic measures."

Stan stares and steps forward. He whispers to Ford, who quickly follows suite, "And I thought Pop was scary." Ford nods in response.

"Whaddya need me for?" McGucket asks, joining the other two. "I'm just the town kook, remember?"

YOSO sighs and shakes her head. "Dear Fiddleford, how you underestimate yourself." She takes a list out of her pocket. "There's an AU I wanted to talk to you about. It's called the Mystery Trio AU. Hold on a sec." She walks offstage, shortly returning with a tablet. She swipes and taps the screen a few times, then shows them the picture on it. "In this reality, the three of you worked on the portal together, i.e. Fordsy here wasn't a total knucklehead and didn't let Stan get kicked out."

" _Hey!_ " Ford says.

"You know it's true!" She waves the device in his face. "Look at this picture! Imagine all the fun the three of you could have had, going on mystery hunts _together_!" She clears her throat and brings the tablet close to herself. "Sorry," she says curtly, tapping the screen, "got a little frustrated there. Anywho, this AU was a longstanding theory for your pasts."

"Wish it actually was," Stan grumbles.

"You and me both, bro."

McGucket raises a bandaged hand. "Question: Would Tate like me better in that one?"

"Honestly? I don't know. I'm not even sure when you had the time to father a child during all the commotion."

Ford looks as if he's been slapped. "He has a kid?"

"Yeah," Stan confirms. "His son Tate, works down at the lake."

"How come I never knew about this 'son'?"

"How am I s'posed ta' know?" McGucket asks. "I had ma' memory ker-flazzled!"

"Well, that narrows down as to when Tate was conceived," YOSO muses, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "Or maybe he was adopted..."

"McGucket's love life aside," Stan interrupts impatiently, "could you just explain to me how Ford would have gone in the portal if we were so 'buddy-buddy'?"

"Let's see here..." YOSO swipes the screen of the iPad, scrolling through until her eyes light up. She presents her findings and says, "One way is that there was a mishap during testing." She taps the screen, showing the next image. "Another is that Bill possessed you and he shoved him in."

"The triangle?" Stan scoffs.

* * *

Stan: The triangle?

Yeah, he can possess people. I'm surprised you didn't notice when he possessed Dipper.

Stan: What?! WHEN?!

Remember when Mabel had her Sock Opera?

Stan: ... I thought the kid was just sleep deprived.

And you didn't think it was odd that his eyes were yellow? No... alarm bells went off?

Stan: ...

Uh-huh. *swipes screen* How about we backtrack a little? It's funny that you mentioned McGucket's love life because, well... you're in it.

Stan: What?!

I was saving this for the Shippings episode but I figured since we were doing this AU now, I might as well tell you about FiddleStan. *shows screen*

Stan: *looks at picture, face reddens in anger, grits teeth* I would _never, ever_ be in a relationship with that _kook_. *points at McGucket*

He used to be a pretty respectable man.

Stan: I don't care! Has no one noticed the fact that I hit on the _women_ of Gravity Falls?

*shrug* I'm just going to give you the excuse that everyone in the fandom gives: 'This is fanfiction.' That basically means we can do what we want and you can't do a thing about it.

Stan: *grumbles* You're all sick.

Hey, there are those of us who try to stay as close to canon as possible, myself included. Just be thankful for that.

Ford: *snorts while trying to hold back laughter*

What's so funny?

Ford: *snickers* FiddleStan.

Stan: Am I allowed to hit _him?_

I have a better idea. *swipes screen, shows it to Ford* Meet FiddAuthor!

Ford: *eyes widen*

Not so funny now, is it?

McGucket: Whoo-wee! I musta been a real player!

*stares at McGucket blankly* I don't know whether I should laugh or cringe at that. *turns to Ford* So, what do you have to say for yourself, Fordsy?

Ford: Just that I'm glad I skipped _that_ dimension.

Stan: That Mystery Trio AU seemed fine and dandy until _all that_ was involved.

You wanna hear 'bout another shipping?

Stan: Do we have a choice?

*cheerily* Only the same amount that I did. Be right back. *goes offstage, comes back with three trash cans*

Stan: What are these for?

The images I am about to show you are very disturbing. *turns to camera* Viewer discretion is advised.

Stan: Ha! You're talking to the guy who had to smash out zombie brains. Nothing's too disturbing for me!

Ford: Yeah, and I've seen plenty of terrible things in my time.

Don't say I didn't warn you... *swipes screen, cringes, closes eyes, holds up screen*

Stan and Ford: ... *eyes widen, throw up in the trashcans*

Done yet?

Stan and Ford: *look at each other, gag, throw up again*

You wanna see the picture too, McGucket?

McGucket: Eh, no thanks. I don't wanna have to use the Memory-Eraser gun again.

Good choice.

 ***flashback***

*sits in front of computer* God help me, I have to do Stancest. *types 'Stancest' into search bar* Just press 'Enter'. *hesitates* Take a deep breath... and press enter. *closes eyes, presses 'Enter', opens one eye* AAAAAAAAAAH! *falls over backwards in chair, balls up under desk*

Beck: *walks onscreen* Hey, which segment- Why are you under the desk?

*points at computer screen* The horror...

Beck: *looks at screen, eyes widen, tear falls from eye* Goodbye, childhood...

*trembles*

 ***flashback end***

*shudders* I need a minute... Eris?

Eris: *from somewhere offstage* Yeah?

Roll commercial. *gags, throws up in third trashcan*

* * *

 _ **He was a tiger that had to undergo an operation.**_

 ***shows tiger on an operating table***

 ** _But they decided to give him an upgrade..._**

 ***shows tiger looking at camera***

 _ **So now he's...**_

 ***arm comes out of tiger's back and flexes***

 **TIGER FIST!**

 **Only on the UTBAHC**

* * *

Carol: Things have not been going our way have they?

Eris: *nods, cheerily* Not at all.

 ***camera pans to YOSO who is leaning on a trashcan and occasionally gagging, then to Beck and Ian who are trying to reach the rafters to pull themselves upright, then to Stan and Ford who are completely avoiding each other and occasionally making eye contact and gagging***

Millie: But the show must go on!

Carol: Are you sure about that?

Millie: I gave YOSO some ginger ale, she'll be fine in a few minutes. Until then, let's introduce the latest guest star: Nick Striker!

 ***tall, slightly muscular man with broad shoulders dark-brown hair, and sunset eyes, wearing a tan trench coat over white muscle shirt and a pair of faded jeans***

Nick: Piacere.

Millie: ...come again?

Nick: Pleasure to meet you.

Millie: Oh. Why didn't you just say it in English?

Nick: I didn't wanna. You got a problem with that?

Millie: Yes I do, Mr. Smart Aleck.

Nick: You wanna go, girlie? Let's go.

Millie: *holds up fists* You messed with the wrong kid...

Eris: Okay, now _you_ need a time out, Millie.

Millie: He be questionin' my authority! I ain't backin' down!

Carol: One, he did no such thing. Two, what authority?

Nick: *snorts* Need some ice for that burn?

Millie: *looks like an angry anime ready to rip his throat out*

*walks onstage holding head* I think I'm fine now. A little dizzy, but fine. *sees Nick* Oh, hey Nick.

Nick: How you doin'?

Good, good. When did you get here?

Nick: While back.

Eris: And in that time, he's managed to give Millie a reason to have a vendetta against him.

Millie: *mutters* You will pay...

Maaaybe you should go to your room, Millie.

Millie: Do NOT patronize me!

Or what?

Millie: I will add _you_ to my ever-growing hit list.

Carol: Hit list?

Millie: You wanna be on it, too, missy?!

Carol: ...

Millie: Didn't think so.

Hey, Millie. Guess what.

Millie: What?

We have that double-chocolate cake you like in refreshments.

Millie: ... The one with the giant frosting?

Yup.

Millie: *starts to leave, pauses, glares at Nick* This is not over... *leaves*

Nick: Should I be worried?

Depends on how mad you made her.

Nick: How mad is 'anime' mad?

*nods solemnly* Watch your back.

 ***pans to where Ian and Beck are on the ceiling***

Ian(Beck): Hey, Ian. Is your sister always that scary?

Beck(Ian): *shrugs* She's had a bad day.

Ian(Beck): How?

Beck(Ian: Did you already forget why we're up here?

Ian(Beck): Right, right...

Beck(Ian): Hey is my—er, your face... is it purple yet?

Ian(Beck): Looks like it. How's mine, uh, yours?

Beck(Ian): Pretty purple. *looks down to where YOSO is standing as camera zooms out* Hey! Our faces are purple! Can we come down now?

*looks up* Fine. Beck needed to to do his segment anyway.

* * *

 ***can see Ian and Beck on the ground again with slightly less purple faces, YOSO stands next to them***

Ian(Beck): It's not to have to see my 'be-purpled' face anymore.

Beck(Ian): Speak for yourself. I looked awesome in purple! Like purple hulk! *roars, beats chest like ape, rampages offstage*

Ian(Beck): ..?

He's a little... you know, *whistles and makes cuckoo gesture*...right now. Hanging upside-down does that to him.

Ian(Beck): That's my body though...

*shrug* Then I guess you should be glad it didn't happen to you instead.

Ian(Beck): How long's this gonna last?

Couple minutes, give or take a few hours.

Ian(Beck): *rolls eyes, monotone* That's reassuring.

Thank you, I try. Now, onto your segment.

Ian(Beck): Yeah, I need to talk to the Pines.

Uhh... *thinks back to Stancest, shudders* Give me a couple hours to sort something out.

* * *

 ***can see YOSO talking to the Pines***

We cool now, guys?

Dipper: I think so. Which segment are we doing now?

Sorry to tell you this, but we're revisiting the Transcendence AU.

Dipper: *eyes widen, blanches*

Mabel: *pats Dipper reassuringly* It'll be okay, bro-bro...

Ford: Transcendence? Where Dipper becomes a demon?

Yes.

Ford: *grumbles sarcastically* Awesome.

Oh, would you rather have the one where you or Stan become demons?

Stan: That's a thing?

Dude, this is fanfiction. Stanbel is a thing.

Mabel: Stanbel..?

Stan plus Mabel. *shudders* There are some scary things on this website.

Stan: Thank you, Gravity Falls fandom. You have given me yet another reason not to sleep well at night.

Ford: *gruffly* Hear, hear!

Ian(Beck): *walks onscreen, arms crossed, unimpressed look* Can I do the segment now?

Millie walks onscreen. "Can't."

"Why not?" YOSO says. "I mean, we're all set up and—"

"We've gone over the allotted time. Studio's about to cut us off in about 7 seconds."

"What?!" YOSO shrieks. She hurriedly turns to camera, eyes darting around a little. "Um,thankyouforwatching'WhatDoYaThink?'. We'llcontinuethisepsiodeS—!"

The screen goes black before she can finish her sentence.

* * *

 **Check my profile for the links!**


	6. Weirder than usual (Part 2)

***can see Ian and Beck holding a whistle and airhorns, Waddles sits a couple feet away***

Beck(Ian): Ready?

Ian(Beck): Yep.

Beck(Ian): 3... 2... 1... *blows referee whistle loudly*

Ian(Beck): *holds button on two airhorns*

Waddles: *squeals loudly and runs away*

Beckham! *walks onscreen holding ears*

Beck(Ian): I'm not Beck, I'm Ian!

Ian(Beck): *puts on Darth Vader voice-modifying mask* And I... am Beck Woods.

Are you kidding me?

Ian(Beck): Your lack of faith disturbs me.

*crosses arms* Beck, seriously. Take the stupid mask off.

Beck(Ian): Beck the Body or Beck the Ian?

*dryly* The Beck wearing the Ian suit.

Ian(Beck): *raises hand* Join me and we can rule the galaxy.

Dude, cut it out. I already rule this galaxy.

Ian(Beck): You underestimate the power of the Beck Side. *raises triumphant fist* We have cookies!

Oh, you have power? *leaves, comes back with Jedi training bot* Prove it.

 ***training bot floats upwards and zaps Ian(Beck)***

Ian(Beck): *jumps* Yowch!

Beck(Ian): Hey! How come _my_ body's taking _his_ hits?

Fine, then.

 **5 minutes later...**

 ***Beck and Ian are now back in their rightful bodies, Beck's holding a lightsaber and facing the training bot which occasionally zaps him***

Beck: Ow! *training bot zaps a hole in his hat* No! You can mess with my hand, you can mess with my shoes, but LAY OFF MY HAT! *leaps, slices training bot in half like a boss*

Everyone: *cheers, claps*

*turns to face everyone else* Are you really all _that_ desperate for entertainment?

* * *

Hello and welcome back to 'What Do Ya Think?'! Sorry we had to cut the episode short. Got kinda carried away. *ahem* Anywho, I managed to convince the studio to give us some more time. That being said, we can just start right- Millie, what are you doing?

 ***pans to Millie who is holding a small box in her hands***

Millie: I was doing inventory and I found this box... *reads label slowly*... of 'Smile Dip 2.0'. I came to ask what we should do with it.

*panics a little* Burn it before Mabel finds out.

Mabel: Burn wha-? OHMYGOD IS THAT SMILE DIP?!

Millie: *hides box behind back* Noooo...

Mabel: GIMME, GIMME, GIMME! *snatches box, rips it open, and shoves all of the stuff in her mouth, eyes go rainbow-colored, looks up dazedly*

Millie: *snaps fingers in front of Mabel's face* Hello? Anybody in there?

Mabel: *looks at Millie blankly*

Millie: *murmurs* It's like she's hypnotized... *smiles as she gets an idea* I could use this. *ahem* Queen Mabel?

Mabel: *eyes show recognition* Yes, loyal subject?

Millie: It seems your suitor has arrived.

Mabel: *claps* Oh goody! Which one is he again?

Millie: *points to Ian who is busy fixing up the computer*

Mabel: Oooh! Which kingdom is he from?

Millie: Uhh... 'Whaddayathinkistan'! Yeah...

Mabel: My, what an exotic country.

Millie: And he's already asked for your hand in marriage.

Mabel: Tell him 'yes'! A thousand times 'yes'! *puts hands together and stares at Ian dreamily*

Millie: *curtsies* I will notify him for you, Your Majesty.

Mabel: Do hurry. I wish to shower him with kisses!

Millie: *snorts with laughter, recomposes herself, walks to Ian* Hey bro.

Ian: *distractedly* Hey.

Millie: *puts hands behind her back, rocks on her feet* Whatcha up to?

Ian: Video editing. Why?

Millie: Mabel wanted to talk to you.

Ian: *still looking at screen* Sure, what for?

Millie: Didn't say.

Ian: *looks at Millie* Why?

Millie: *crosses arms* How should I know?

Ian: *rolls eyes* Fine. *walks offstage to where Mabel is standing*

Millie: *hums, checks watch* 3... 2... 1...

Ian: AAAAAH! *runs across stage, face covered in lip gloss stains* Help-help-help-help-help...!

Mabel: Wait, my prince!

 ***camera pans to where Beck is talking to Carol***

Ian: *hides behind Beck* Take Beck!

Beck: Come again?

Mabel: *stops for a second* But _he's_ not my prince, _you_ are!

Ian: *bolts* What are you talking about?!

 ***they keep running, camera follows to where Nick is leaning coolly against the wall***

Ian: *points to Nick as he runs* What about Nick? He has muscle. Girls like muscle, don't they?!

Mabel: He may have muscle, but he is not my betrothed royalty!

Nick: *looks at Mabel as she runs by, raises eyebrow*

 ***camera pans as Mabel chases Ian around the studio***

*walks up to Millie, deadpans* What did you do?

Millie: *innocently* How come you automatically assume it was my fault?

*arches eyebrow*

Millie: Hey, you saw it! She snatched the box right out my hands! I'm just using this to my advantage.

 ***pans back to Ian and Mabel***

Ian: *looks around, pants* Lost her... *sees a flash of pink, panics, runs to Dipper, grabs his vest and shakes him* Dip, you gotta help me!

Dipper: *fixes cap* What's going on?

Ian: *sees another flash of pink, hides behind Dipper, panicked whisper* _She's coming..._

Dipper: What-?

 ***can see Mabel running towards Dipper, he ducks as she jumps over him and tackles Ian, she plants kisses all over his face***

Ian: *spits, shoves Mabel off* Ew-ew-ew-ew-ew! *keeps running*

 ***pans back to Millie and YOSO***

Millie: *snaps a picture of Ian*

Okaaaaay... Why are you putting him through this, exactly?

Millie: *mutters darkly* He made Dipper kiss me.

This so much worse though!

Millie: *shrugs* It was either this or I take him to the local high school and shove him in the girls' locker room.

...

Eris: *walks onstage to where Millie and YOSO are standing* I don't get it. Aren't guys usually happy when they get that kind of attention?

Millie: If there's one thing the two of us have in common, it's that we _hate_ it.

*points at Millie with her thumb* These two hate romance with a passion.

Ian: STAY AWAY!

Millie: *sighs* Revenge is sweet.

You're a _sick_ child.

Millie: *raises finger matter-of-factly* I am a chocolate withdrawal-suffering child.

* * *

 ***can see Ian hiding in a closet with a walkie-talkie, screen statics slightly***

Ian: *whispers* Please let someone answer...

Nick: *from walkie-talkie* Hello?

Ian: *whispers* Yes! Nick, you gotta help me.

Nick: What's going on?

Ian: *whisper-yells* Shh! Not so loud! She'll find me!

Nick: *whispers from walkie-talkie* Who's gonna find you?

Ian: Mabel. She's on Smile Dip and thinks she's a queen and that I'm her, urk, _betrothed._ *gags* I need help!

Nick: I have an idea, but it's a little risky.

Mabel: *from somewhere outside of door* Where are you, my Prince Charming~?

Ian: *panics, whisper-yells* Anything! Just hurry, she's gonna find me soon!

 ***view switches to Nick who is standing near the stage, Mabel is wandering around near the closet Ian is hiding in, image of Aoshima the Dolphin briefly flashes onscreen***

Nick: *waves to Mabel* Hey, Mabel!

Mabel: *glares slightly at Nick* That's Queen Mabel to you, peasant.

Nick: Erm, yes, forgive me, Queen Mabel.

Mabel: You are pardoned. Why do you wish to speak to me?

Nick: I know a guy that you would just adore. And he's a lot richer than Prince Ian!

Mabel: *skeptically* And who might that be?

Nick: *shows picture of a white-haired boy who looks about 12-years-old, wearing a black suit and white cape, while holding onto an amulet around his neck* I'm sorry to say he is in an alternate universe, but we could speak to their Bill Cipher, the Minister of Negotiations and have him visit.

Mabel: I don't know, I'd hate to break off my kingdom's alliance with 'Whaddayathinkistan'. Father would be most displeased.

Nick: Well, if you don't want him-

Mabel: I know! We can have a joust! Winner gets my hand in marriage.

Ian: *whisper-yells through walkie-talkie* What have you done?!

Nick: *presses button on walkie-talkie and whispers* Relax, I got this. *talks to Mabel* I'm sure that won't be necessary. Besides, there is another who is friends with him, a doppelganger of yours, but that might change quickly if her brother has anything to say about it.

Mabel: Oh? Is her Dipdop against their alliance?

Ian: *slowly crawls out of closet, whispers* If I could just get to that Tranq-gun...

Nick: *glances at Ian, puts on fake smile, grits teeth, whispers into walkie-talkie* Do you _want_ to get caught? *ahem* Actually, Your Majesty, he wishes to form such an alliance between them. He is very similar to you in the way he wishes to match-make.

Mabel: *skeptically* Why do you tell me this tale if he is already promised to another?

Nick: Because they are not yet official and you could still have him.

Mabel: Your offer is very tempting, kind sir, but I cannot agree until I meet him in person.

Ian: *crawls to desk with a tranquilizer gun on top, hides behind it* Almost there...

Nick: *whispers angrily into walkie-talkie* Get back, ya ding-dong! *ahem* Of course, Queen Mabel. We just need to speak to Cipher.

Ian: *reaches out for gun with one hand* Just another inch-

Millie: *stands menacingly before Ian, hands on her hips* And just what do you think _you're_ doing?

Ian: What does it look like? I'm saving us from the Smile Dip-ocalypse!

Millie: Oh really? The only one that actually seems to need saving is you.

Ian: Just let me shoot her with the dart already!

Millie: *leans down, whispers menacingly* I don't think so. *straightens herself, whistles sharply* Queen Mabel! I found your suitor!

Ian: *glares at Millie* How I hate you.

Mabel: Oh goody! We can finally wed!

Nick: *puts thumb and finger in mouth and whistles sharply* Yo, Cipher! I need a favour!

Bill: *appears, annoyed* What?

Mabel: *drags Ian by the foot* Come, my beloved!

Ian: *nails scrape the ground, silently prays for Mabel's sugar crash*

Millie: *skips after Ian and Mabel*

Nick: *to Bill* I need you to get Pine Tree, Llama, and Shooting Star from Dimension 13.

Bill: And what will you give me in return?

Nick: A soul.

Bill: Deal! *holds out hand engulfed in blue flame*

 ***Nick shakes Bill's hand as a portal shaped like cotton candy opens up with an explosion and the twins and Gideon from the Gravity Rises AU fall out on top of each other***

Bill: There, happy? Now give me your soul.

Nick: I never said I'd give you _my_ soul. Just _a_ soul. *reaches into pocket, pulls out half-eaten gingerbread man* You can have his soul.

Bill: *snatches gingerbread man, grumbles* And once again, these 'fans' have gotten the best of me. *snaps fingers, disappears*

GR!Dipper: *looks around* Wow, this place is so... so... *bored face*...plain. You'd think falling through a weird portal would lead to somewhere exciting.

GR!Gideon: Dipper Pines, get off me this instant! Wait, if you're on me, that means I'm on... *looks down*

GR!Mabel: Would you two mind getting off? I'm being crushed like a pancake down here.

 ***GR!Gideon blushes as the three of them disentangle themselves and stand up, screen statics***

Mabel: *sees GR!Gideon, blushes* Well, he is quite the looker, don't you think?

Ian: Then why don't you marry _him_?

Mabel: Oh, I couldn't do that. Disregarding your offer at marriage would make a war erupt between our two kingdoms.

Ian: *lightbulb briefly appears above head* That's the thing. _I'm_ not the one who sent you that marriage offer. It was _him_.

Mabel: Oh! I beg your pardon, sir. I shan't waste anymore of your time. *walks regally to GR!Gideon, curtsies* Greetings, prince... um, I didn't catch your name.

GR!Gideon: ...Gideon Northwest.

Mabel: Greetings, Prince Gideon. I see you have traveled far to reach my kingdom...

GR!Gideon: Prince..?

Mabel: ...and I can give you a few days time to rest before the wedding.

GR!Gideon: Wait, WHAT?!

 ***suddenly, there are fireworks everywhere and everyone turns into ducks, then they mold together combine to make the Smile Dip dog***

* * *

 ***can see Mabel lying unconscious on the ground next to Ford's mind-encrypting device, the most of the cast and the Pines are gathered around the screen on pillows and holding bowls of snacks***

Mabel: *wakes up, groans, rubs head, sits up, looks tired* What happened?

*turns to Mabel with a mouth full of popcorn* Eh! You're awake!

Mabel: *groggily* I fell asleep?

*swallows* Yeah. How much do you remember?

Mabel: All I know is that I was talking to Millie, and now I'm here.

Eris: *reaches into bowl full of chips* That's a _pretty_ big memory gap you got there.

Carol: *sits up properly to look at Mabel* You were out for a couple days. *turns to Beck* Pass the soda?

Beck: *hands Carol a bottle of soda* Millie gave you some Smile Dip and told you that you're a queen. You went pretty berserk after that.

Mabel: So, I was a tyrannical ruler?

Ian: *shudders* I wish.

Dipper: Millie told you that Ian was your suitor. *throws chips in mouth*

Mabel: I don't think I heard you right. Millie said Ian's my suitor?

*nods* Yup. *takes handful of popcorn*

Mabel: *incredulously* Why?

Millie: *grins nonchalantly, takes a handful of popcorn* Revenge. *throws a piece of popcorn in the air and catches it in her mouth* Well, that and I wanted to see one of your Smile Dip scenarios in person. And let me just say, I find it kind of hurtful that you think I'd sell my bro out like that.

Ian: You've done it before.

Millie: Pssh. No, I haven't.

Ian: Yeah, you did. You told Dad I used his power tools to write my name on my bed just so you could win the race to the fridge.

Millie: It's still not as bad as _that._ *points at screen* And there was Mondo Ice Cream Sammich on the line, so it was justified. Plus, you told Mom about my chocolate supply. It took me months to save up enough allowance for that!

Ian: You-

Would you two cut it out? *turns back to Mabel* After you practically raped Ian-

Mabel: I did WHAT?!

Ian: *quickly* How about we not phrase it like that?

*shrugs, grins wickedly* It's more fun phrasing it that way.

Ian: *glares*

Fine. *faces Mabel* After you traumatized him with what could best be described as 'major hugs and kisses', you decided that everyone should be bestowed with, and I quote: "Royal kisses".

Carol: *rubs cheek* It still kinda hurts.

Eris: You think that's bad? She got my _eye_ because she missed my cheek. Now it hurts whenever I blink.

Mabel: Then what happened?

Stan: Well, after the tackle-kissing, you climbed the wall, proclaimed your rule over the land, and passed out.

And you just _happened_ to fall on Nick.

Mabel: Oh. *looks around, speaks slowly* I don't see him anywhere.

That's cause he's in the infirmary.

Millie: *giggles* When you hit him it was like *mimics sergeant* Tactical Mabel-nuke incoming!

Ian: *puts a hand to mouth, mimics alarm* Don-deon don-deon...

Ian and Millie: *make explosion sounds and fall over laughing*

Mabel: *panics* I hit him _that hard?_

No. Millie got her 'revenge' on him. *looks at Millie*

Millie: Hey, he had it coming.

All he did was speak Italian!

Millie: He didn't have to be so rude about it!

Ford: _Anyway,_ Nick got his injuries from a *shudders* Stancest shipper.

I'd hardly call a black eye an injury.

 ***flashback***

Millie: *stands in front of camera, clears throat* Hello. This is a message to all Stancest shippers: You people are all sick. The shipping itself is blatantly wrong in more ways than one, but that's only part of the reason why I'm here. I'm here to tell you all that the fanart for Stancest is downright sinful. None of it should have ever seen the light of day. Yeah I said it. Stancest is W-R-O-N-G _wrong_! *sighs* I feel better now. *cocks her ear towards the door and hears sounds of crashing* That was fast.

 ***5 minutes later...***

*pulls back curtain, looks out window* There aren't a whole lot of them, but they're pretty well equipped.

Ian: *looks over YOSO's shoulder* Is that a _shotgun?_

And some machetes.

Ian: *facepalm*

Millie: Where's Nick?

Nick: *walks onscreen* Yo.

Millie: You remember when you said you'd scare off any rabid shippers?

Nick: Well, yeah-

Millie: Now's your chance to prove yourself!

 ***Millie puts helmet on Nick's head and gives him a baseball bat, then she grabs his wrist, leads him to the door, and shoves him outside***

Millie: *dusts off hands* Killin' two birds with one stone.

Nick: *from outside, voice sounds demonic* LEAVE THIS PLACE AND NEVER RETURN! *pause* Yo! Who threw that brick?! *another pause* Was that supposed to hurt?! *long pause and the sounds of objects hitting flesh*

Ian: *moves curtains, looks out window* Huh, he's actually winning.

*looks over Ian's shoulder* Wow. Go Nick. *sees another brick fly at Nick's face and hit him in the eye, winces* That's gonna leave a mark.

Nick: *dodges thrown machetes that just barely miss him* YOU WANT A PIECE OF ME?!

 ***crowd runs away***

Nick: WHERE DO YOU THINK _YOU'RE_ GOING?!

 ***crowd comes back with a bazooka***

Nick: OH REALLY?! *takes out lighter*

*grumbles from window* Don't do it, you idiot.

Nick: YOU THINK THAT CAN HELP YOU?! *ignites lighter*

Put. The blasted. Thing. Down.

Nick: YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT PLAYING FIRE?!

*shouts slightly* Don't you freaking do it!

Nick: Someone's going to get burned... *lights coat on fire and throws it into the crowd*

Aaaand he did it. *facepalm, closes curtains as explosion sounds outside.

Ian: The studio's not gonna be happy about this. *looks to where the sounds of phones ringing can be heard* That's probably them now.

Nick: *opens door and walks in covered in ash without his trench coat* Could I have some ice?

*pats out remaining fire, slaps Nick across the face* DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH ITS GONNA COST TO FIX THAT?!

Nick: *rubs cheek and winces*

Ian: I'll get some ice. *looks again* Scratch that. I'll get the whole freezer. *walks away*

Millie: Wow. Pyromaniac, much?

Nick: *cough* Kind of.

Millie: *raises eyebrow* Okaaay then... *takes list out of skirt pocket* I got the 4 major things off my 'Choco-Withdrawal Stress Relief' to-do list. One, get back at Ian. Two, see Mabel get high. Three, get revenge on Nick. Four, I got to tell the Stancests what I think about their art. That last one was probably the most satisfying. *throws list over shoulder* I'm off the clock and there's a chocolate cake calling my name.

Glad that's over with. Now, *turns back to Nick* just how do you plan on explaining to the studio that you just blew up their cars?

Nick: Hey, _Millie_ provoked the Stancests. I'm just cleaning up her mess.

 _You're_ the one who thought it would be a good idea to blow them up.

Nick: _They're_ the ones who brought the bazooka. I just charged at them with a little bit of fire.

*rolls eyes*

 ***flashback end***

So... yeah. That's why the studio's next to a crater now.

Carol: *leaves and comes back with a wet cloth and puts it on Mabel's head* We realized we couldn't really get anything done when you were high, so we gave up then, but when you passed out...

Eris: We got kinda curious as to what a Smile Dip-induced dream looks like.

Dipper: So I asked if they had a replica of Ford's mind machine. And, well... you know the rest.

We started watching at the part where Ian was stuck in the closet.

Mabel: Okay. *squints* Why was I dreaming about a platinum-blonde hot guy?

Millie: *snorts* Said hot guy, was Gideon.

Mabel: *stretches word out and says it in high pitch* Whaaaat?

That may have been our fault.

Mabel: *looks at YOSO, has a hard time focusing on her*

You see, me and Nick started discussing an AU he wanted to talk about, Gravity Rises. So that led to a discussion as to what they looked like and who they are...

Dipper: Long story short, you're the paranoid one, I'm the cheerful one, Gideon's a Northwest and Pacifica's the psycho out to stalk me.

Yeah, that just about sums it up.

Ian: Does nobody else find it weird that she woke up when she dreamed about marrying him?

*shrugs* Some things just can't be explained.

* * *

 ***can see YOSO standing onstage***

Now that we have everything sorted out, we can do Beck's segment.

Beck: *walks in with papers* _Finally._ I was supposed to do this segment like 2 episodes ago!

*scratches head nervously* Sorry. Everything kinda happens spontaneously around here, so it's hard to get any work done.

Millie: *somewhere offstage* GIVE IT BACK!

Ian: *somewhere offstage* IT'S _MY TURN_!

...especially since the twins are the way that they are.

Beck: *sigh* Let's just get this over with. *walks stage left to where the Pines and Bill are standing/floating* Alright, everyone, I wanted to show you this fic. *holds up paper* It's called Resurrection and it's a sort of AU of the Transcendence AU.

Dipper: *hyperventilates thinking about Alcor*

Mabel: *pulls glittery paper bag out of sweater pocket and hands it to Dipper who breathes into it*

Stan: You sure this is something we should cover with Dipper around?

Beck: Yep, it has to be done. *reads over sheet* This story isn't complete yet, but what it's about so far is that Bill possessed Dipper to try to save himself. Then, everyone thinks Dipper becomes a demon, but the big twist is that Bill killed him, took his body, and believes himself to be Dipper. So... there's no Alcor.

Dipper: *voice heightens a few octaves* I think I might have preferred Alcor.

*walks onscreen* That is pretty dark, you know.

Beck: It's pretty cool, though.

The story itself _was_ nice, but my eyes went _so_ wide when I read Chapter 13.

Mabel: *happily* Good thing it's not canon!

Ford: *lowly* I never want to see another fanfiction again.

Stan: Finally, something we agree on.

Cheer up, guys! There's happy ones too! *runs offstage and comes back with a few sheets of paper* There's all these ones where all of you have nice happy times!

Mabel: Can I read those?

Sure. *hands Mabel papers* Focus on the positives, you're all still here now!

Ford: For now.

Wow, buzzkill much?

Ford: Factual much.

Stan: *rolls eyes, sarcastically* You're the life of the party, Sixer.

Beck: Next order of business, AMVs.

I'll pick! *runs to computer*

 ***everyone crowds around the old-timey monitor***

'Gravity Falls...AMV... We... R... Who... We R' There!

 **26 seconds in...**

Millie: *walks onscreen* Hey, wha- *sees screen* OH. MY. GOD! *shoves Beck* Move over! *happily stares at screen*

 **43 seconds in...**

Mabel: Whoo! Work it, me! Go go go go!

 **1:37 minutes in...**

Dipper: Oh man, why'd they have to use that clip?

Mabel: It's so true, though!

 **1:43 minutes in...**

Stan: Huh, looks like you are pretty tough, kid...

Dipper: *puffs out chest and smiles proudly*

Stan: ...considering you basically just punched yourself.

Dipper: *deflates* **(Ha ha ha!)**

 **2:00 minutes in...**

Stan: Yes! They used my best moves!

Ford: Why aren't I in this?

Because these clips are from _before_ you came out of the portal. Now shush!

 **2:05 minutes in...**

Mabel and Millie: Hahaha! Look at his face!

Dipper: *blushes angrily* How'd they get _that_ clip?

Umm, dude..? *gestures to set*

 **2:25 minutes in...**

Mabel: Break it down, Soos!

 **After it's over...**

*wipes tear from eye* It gets me every time.

Mabel: That... was... awesome!

Dipper: Anybody else notice that most of the clips were of Mabel?

Millie: Well that's because she does a lot of stuff that fits the lyrics.

Beck: Next up, one of my favorites. *replaces 'We R Who We R' with 'Warriors'*

 **After it ends...**

Mabel: I liked the other one better.

Millie: Ditto.

Likewise.

Dipper: Oh come on! That was awesome! If we showed something like this to those at school, they'd actually take us seriously!

Millie: Unfortunately, after you leave this show, you'll never have access to any of this again.

Dipper: What?!

Moving on! Let's watch the AMV for 'Wolf in Sheep's Clothing'!

Millie: Which one?

ALL OF THEM!

Beck: Thaaat's a bit much, don'tcha think?

THE AWESOMENESS MUST BE SHARED! *quickly types and presses enter*

 **After all of them...**

Mabel: Whoa...

*excitedly* I know, right?! It's awesome how they managed to make it about Bill's Bill-ishness!

Dipper: I don't think she meant the good kind of 'Whoa'.

Millie: Bill-ishness..?

What are you talking about? That was _pure awesomeness!_

Millie: *warily* Did you get enough sleep last night?

*derangedly happy* I SLEPT FOR A SOLID 4 HOURS!

Millie: That's what I thought... Come on, let's get you to bed.

No! I have to stay here and run the show!

Millie: You need _at least_ one more hour.

NOOO! I'll get it after the show!

 **-Please stand by, we are experiencing technical difficulties-**

*scratches head nervously* Sorry 'bout that everyone. I get all wonky when I don't get enough sleep. **(True story. This happened a few days ago. I was so cheerful and talked so fast, I got light-headed and nearly passed out.)**

Millie: *walks onstage* Yeah, instead of being drowsy like a normal person, you act like Spongebob on steroids!

*laughs nervously, puts hands up in shrug*

Millie: *rolls eyes*

*turns to camera* I'm sorry to say that we can't do the requested Transcendence segment this week... *ducks as a brick gets hurled at her* What the fudge?

Millie: *looks up in the direction the brick came from* Was that hole in the ceiling always there?

*eyes hole warily* Okaaay... We're moving the Transcendence bit to next week since the segment is actually really, like _really,_ long. So...*dodges a tomato that flies in through the hole* Can we patch that up?

Millie: Can any of us even reach up there?

... Maybe we can have Bill do it... *ahem, faces camera* As I was saying, we've run out of time for this episode, so we'll see you next week for another gut-busting episode of 'What Do Ya Think?'!

 ***a barrage of assorted items fall through the hole***

Hit the deck!

* * *

 **Here are the links (remember the http:-slash-slash and replace the spaces with dots):**

 **Gravity Rises AU  
** **Gideon:  
** **orig11 deviantart net/f223/f/2015/158/9/f/gideon_gravity_rises_au_by_yopancakelovers-d8wfd0m png**

 **Twins:  
img10 deviantart net/ed45/i/2015/165/2/9/gravity_rises_by_bobbyfreshknight92-d8xaaxi jpg  
**

 **Resurrection (AU of Transcendence AU):  
www fanfiction net/s/11521933/1/Resurrection  
**

 **Links to a few of the Pines' happier stories:  
www fanfiction net/s/10061759/1/At-summer-s-end  
www fanfiction net/s/11485811/1/Stanford-Tries-Mabel-Juice  
www fanfiction net/s/11520605/1/How-to-Use-a-Cell-Phone  
www fanfiction net/s/11535345/1/A-Summer-s-Evening  
**

 **Who R Who We R:  
www youtube com/watch?v=PMV0niI6J5g  
**

 **Warriors:  
www youtube com/watch?v=mNuvPOFfGwo  
**

 **Wolf in Sheep's Clothing 1:  
www youtube com/watch?v=MrKaetr0IPs  
**

 **Wolf in Sheep's Clothing 2:  
www youtube com/watch?v=IYvUpX7PO44  
**

 **Wolf in Sheep's Clothing 3:  
www youtube com/watch?v=GH4BNijlWlY  
**


	7. Taking a Break

Papers are piled all wound the studio, giant piles that reach halfway to the ceiling. Some of the papers shift and YOSO's head pops out where the middle of the stage should be.

"Hi everyone! Sorry about the mess." She gestures to the papers around her. "My inbox kind of exploded."

Some more papers shift and Millie's head appears at YOSO's right with a letter resting atop it.

"I can't believe so many of you want to put up with us!" she squeals happily.

Ian emerges in between the two of them, coughing up stamps.

"A lot of these are reviews, Millie." he says, picking up a sheet of paper and showing it to her.

"Yeah, but there's at least 3 in here for guest stars!" Millie replies. She reaches for the letter on her head and hold it up for her brother to see. "This one's from LeelaSmall."

YOSO perks up a bit. "Whoa, really?"

"Yeah," Millie continues as she reaches for another sheet. She holds it up and looks it over before showing it to the others. "And this one's from LainaFantasyGirl."

Ian picks up a letter near him and reads it, his expression growing slightly annoyed. "All I've found are laughter messages and Eris's notes."

"Speaking of which..." YOSO trails off and looks around. "Where is she?"

Eris's muffled shouts can be heard.

"Eris?" YOSO calls out as she moves some of the papers around in hopes of finding her.

More muffled sounds are heard before Eris emerges a little ways to the left, gasping for breath.

"Whoa. You okay?"

"I'm fine." Eris replies. She gestures down towards the papers. "But I lost Carol down there."

Carol climbs out next to Eris, wheezing and clawing like a shipwreck-survivor.

"Aaaaairr..." she wheezes before flopping on the letters.

Ian surveys the area. "Where's Nick?"

The camera zooms out a little so that Nick is visible as he digs his way out of a slightly raised platform of paper behind everyone. He picks up a sheet and reads it, squinting slightly.

"Are these all _my_ messages?" he asks.

"Yup." YOSO replies. She clasps her hands together. "Time for a head count." She points everyone out as she mumbles their names. "Millie, Ian, Eris, Carol, Nick... Where's Beck?"

Ian's eyes widen suddenly and his eyes dart frantically to the papers around him. "Something just went past my leg."

Millie raises an eyebrow in question. "What?"

"Look, there it is again!" he says as he points to a spot in between him and his sister.

YOSO looks to the spot and then to the area around herself. She reaches her hand into the papers and digs around for a bit before pulling back holding Beck by the ear.

"Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow! _Let go!_ " Beck yells, holding his hands up to his ear.

He lurches backwards as YOSO lets go. She puts her hands on her hips.

"And just what do you think _you're_ doing?" she asks.

"Come _on_." Beck says, rolling his eyes slightly. "That was too good an opportunity to pass up!"

YOSO, apparently not having any of his nonsense, pushes him back under.

"Help!" Beck shouts bobbing up, only to get pushed back down. "Drowning! In! Corniness!" He stays down.

Satisfied, YOSO dusts off her hands. She yelps as she abruptly gets pulled under. Millie looks apprehensively to where YOSO was standing.

"YOSO?" she calls out quietly. She shrieks as she gets pulled under. " _Eep!_ "

"Uh-oh..." Ian takes a step backwards before he, too, get pulled under. " _Aack!_ "

"I can already see where this is going," Eris says. She tries to run away but gets pulled under.

Carol starts to sink into the papers. "Noooooo!" she yells before she goes under completely.

Nick looks around and snatches his coat away when it looks like it's being pulled on.

"Nope!" he shouts, running away. He makes it about 3 ft before tripping and disappearing under the papers.

The papers shuffle as everyone moves around in them.

"No!" Millie can be heard yelling between giggles. "Stop! Mercy!"

"Hey!" YOSO yells out before laughing uncontrollably. "Get back here, Eris!"

"Catch me if you can!" Eris yells back.

"Give me back my shoe!" Beck yells.

"Nope!" Carol snickers.

"Hey, how about we 'delete' some of this mail?" Nick says slyly.

The shuffling stops, then everyone shouts a collective " _NO!_ "

The papers begin to shift wildly as a wrestling match unfolds underneath them.

"Hold him down!"

"Hand it over!"

"Don't let him light it!"

The camera pans to the door, where stands a Caucasian girl with long wavy chocolate-brown hair and green eyes, wearing a Warfstache t-shirt and jeans. She gawks dumbfoundedly at the state the studio is in. YOSO pokes her head out of the papers, her arms following shortly after with a lighter in hand.

"I got it!" she yells triumphantly. She looks up at the girl at the door. "Hi, Leela!"

Ian emerges from the papers. "Leela's here?"

Millie pops out and raises her arms. "Leela!"

Leela cranes her head to look around. "What happened here?"

Eris pokes her head out. "Inbox explosion," she says simply.

Nick's arm reaches out of the papers and reaches for the lighter in YOSO's hand. She pulls it out of his range.

"You are _so_ not getting this back," she says to the appendage. She abruptly goes under, shouting out the final message of "SOS!"

Ian looks to where YOSO was. "We're coming!" he yells, before diving into the papers.

Millie holds her nose and pops back under, followed by Eris who first grins at Leela.

Leela looks to the camera and shrugs. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." She cannonballs into the papers.

* * *

YOSO stands onstage with papers sticking out of her hair. "Hello and welcome back to 'What Do Ya Think?'!"

Millie walks onstage, also with papers in her hair. She covers her mouth with her hands in an attempt to stifle her giggles. "Hey YOSO. You got a little something there." she says, pointing to YOSO's hair.

YOSO reaches for the papers. "So do you." she chuckles.

Millie smiles, and follows YOSO's example, picking papers out of her own hair.

Beck walks onstage, papers poking out from under his cap. "I got a bit of a problem."

"What happened?" YOSO asks.

"This." He lifts the hat off of his head with both hands, causing tons of papers to fall out.

Millie doubles over laughing.

Ian walks onstage. "I got a problem too."

"What happened to you?" Millie asks in between snickers.

He spreads his arms and papers fall out of his sleeves. Nick walks onstage, his trench-coat pockets bulging.

"I top all of you." he says, then shakes like a dog. Papers fly out of his pockets and go everywhere.

Carol stomps onstage as if she's walking through blizzard. "This storm be a strong one." she says, mimicking a sea captain. "Hoist the main sail, lads!"

The camera zooms out a bit to show Eris hiding behind an umbrella.

Nick stops shaking. "And I'm done. Wait..." He takes off his trench coat and gives it one final whip, the last wave of papers flying out. He puts it back on. " _Now_ I'm done."

Leela walks onstage, repeatedly picking papers out of one spot in her hair. "Why is it that when I pick a paper out, another one seems to grow back in its place?" To demonstrate, she pulls a paper out, only to have another immediately takes its spot, the same way how a tissue box works.

"I think we need a few more minutes to sort this out." YOSO chuckles.

* * *

"Welcome back, everyone!" she says. She laughs a little. "For realsies this time."

Millie walks onstage, smiling widely. "No more paper gags."

Ian walks onstage and coughs up stamps.

Millie gives him a sideways glance. "Starting now."

"We need to give Leela a proper intro." YOSO says. She clears her throat, holds up a hand as if holding a microphone, and deepens her voice to sound like an announcer. "Introducing... our newest guest star... Leeeeeelllaaaa Smaaaaalllllll!"

Leela walks onstage flexing like a wrestler. Ian takes out his phone and plays John Cena's entrance music. Millie covers her ears in annoyance, then snatches the phone out of his hand and turns off the music.

"Alrighty then." YOSO says to Leela. "Anything you want to say, Leela?"

Leela takes the nonexistent microphone. "DIPCIFICA AND MABILL FOREVER!" she yells, holding up a triumphant fist. She clears her throat and hands back the 'microphone'. "Sorry."

"No worries." YOSO shrugs. "You can be as random as you want."

Leela smiles evilly. "As random as I want, you say?"

YOSO sweats nervously and cracks an unsure smile. "Uh oh..."

"Writer's powers, activate!" Leela exclaims. A giant pencil appears in her hands and she runs off.

Ian facepalms. "What. Have. You. Done."

"Let's see how long it takes us to sort _this_ out..." Millie sighs.

"Maybe we can shrink it down or something..?" YOSO murmurs as she walks after Leela.

* * *

"Time to do the next segment." YOSO says. She is standing onstage with Millie.

"Which is..?" Millie asks.

YOSO scratches her head, and looks up thinking. "I forgot."

Nick walks onstage, hands in pockets and sans-trenchcoat. "Can I do my segment about the Transcendence AU now?"

YOSO snaps her fingers. " _That's_ what it was."

"What happened to your coat?" Millie asks Nick.

Nick shifts uncomfortably. "Uhh..."

Carol yells from far away. "Nick, you owe me a new door!"

He sweats nervously and offers a nervous smile.

Millie facepalms. "Well, you can't go around looking like that. You look half-naked without the coat. It's indecent!"

YOSO puts a hand to her chin as she thinks, then snaps her fingers. "I have an idea." She walks off to the right and comes back with a trenchcoat. "This one's one of Ford's."

"What makes you so sure he won't burn this one?" Millie asks skeptically.

"Don't you think Ford would have burned it a long time ago if it was possible?"

Millie nods. "Fair point."

"But if he somehow manages to burn this one..." YOSO looks at Nick appraisingly. "...I could always give him that clown suit, since we don't have any other extra clothes."

"Sure." Nick says. He takes the coat and puts it on, then raises his arms to get a better look at how it fits him. "I like it. Its a little worn and baggy, but not bad. All I need now is a pair of glasses and I'll look like Ford."

"Speaking of which, did you want to talk to him?"

"No, I'm gonna be talking to Dipper, Mabel, and Bill."

"Alright."

 **7 minutes later...**

Bill floats in, his eye portraying his annoyed mood. "What do you _meatbags_ want now?" he sneers.

"We have a special segment planned for you." YOSO says.

"Then why are _they_ here?" he asks, pointing at Dipper and Mabel, who just walked in.

"Because they're a part of it, too." she says. She turns to Dipper and Mabel. "You two remember the Transcendence AU, right?"

Dipper's breathing hitches.

"Yeah?" Mabel says hesitantly, looking at her brother in concern.

"I'm just going to sum it up real quick for Bill here." YOSO says.

"No need." Bill says, closing his eye and leaning back. "I already know."

"So what's it about?" she asks skeptically.

"Me."

"And..?"

"Them." he says, opening his eye for a moment to look pointedly at the twins.

"And..?"

"That's all I need to know." He crosses his arms.

YOSO facepalms. "Bill, the Transcendence AU is about Dipper being the most powerful dream demon-"

"Pine Tree? A powerful demon?" Bill says, interrupting YOSO rudely. He starts laughing loudly and holds his 'stomach' **(?)**. "HAHAHAHA!"

"-because he defeated _you_." YOSO finishes.

He abruptly stops laughing, staring her down with a wide eye. "What?" he says flatly.

"Dipper becomes a demon because there was a power-transfer mishap when you possess him, which led to the two of you duking it out in a one-on-one 'Death Match'."

"Ha! As if he could even manage flying!"

"He manages a goof deal of things very well." YOSO says, a smirk forming on her face. "Being corporeal included."

"What?! That's impossible!" Bill shouts, waving his arms about.

"Not for Dipper, A.K.A. 'Alcor the Dreambender." she says smugly.

"Ha!" Mabel says, jabbing a finger at Bill triumphantly. " _In your face_ , Dorito!"

Nick joins the group, shuffling some papers.

* * *

Mabel: Ha!*points at Bill triumphantly* _In your face_ , Dorito!

Nick: *walks onstage with some papers* There are some flaws with this AU, though. First of which being that Dipper can't become a demon.

Bill: _See?_ *crosses arms and closes eye haughtily* I know what I'm talking about.

*incredulously* You don't even know how!

Nick: *ahem* As I was saying, it is impossible for any human to become a demon. That's a simple fact, since demons used to be angels. However, Dipper could have become something akin to a Wendigo.

Dipper: Which is..?

Nick: *shows Dipper pictures*

Dipper: *eyes widen, pales slightly, gulps* Still not as bad as Alcor.

*closes eyes and rubs them* I beg to differ.

Nick: Aside from that, when demons possess...

Millie: *nudges Ian with her elbow*

Ian: *raises eyebrow in question*

Millie: *looks pointedly at his hoodie pocket*

Ian: *nods in understanding, takes phone and earbuds out of pocket, gives an earbud to Millie*

Millie: *takes earbud and puts it in ear*

Ian: *turns on music to drown out Nick's lecture*

Nick: ...a human, they have full control over the host's body. As I have said before, envy and hatred for humans turned them.

*walks to where Ian and Millie are, crosses arms and taps foot*

Ian and Millie: *smile sheepishly*

*gestures with finger to hand over phone*

Millie: *takes earbuds out of her and Ian's ears, hands them over with phone*

*takes phone, puts in earbuds, listen to music*

Ian and Millie: *mild shock, turns into peeved expressions*

*shrugs, smiles cheekily*

Nick: My final point is Hell, or as we know it in the show, the Nightmare Realm. In the beginning of "The Last Mabelcorn", Bill showed a glimpse into the Nightmare Realm. Though it was only demons and fire, we can assume that this realm is similar to, if not exactly the same as, Hell.

 ***fairly tall Caucasian girl in her late teens with long reddish-brown hair, brown eyes and her hair up in a ponytail and a black headband, wearing a crop-top featuring a sunset with the phrase 'Create Your Own Reality' written on it and a white camisole underneath, jeans, and sneakers walks in with her arms crossed***

*chokes on spit, nervously* Laina! You're here early!

Laina: Actually, I'm here a bit late. _Someone_ forgot to come get me.

*stammers* Oh! Uh, heh heh... umm, that was... Ian's job, wasn't it? *points at Ian*

Ian: *deadpans* Sure, blame the kid who can't even drive a bumper car.

Millie?

Millie: *holds up hands, and shakes head slightly* You're on your own here. I _told_ you to make sure we had all the cabs ready.

*looks at Laina, scratches head and laughs nervously* Everyone makes mistakes..?

Laina: *rolls eyes* Inadequate apology accepted. Now, what's this I hear about the Transcendence AU being bogus?

Nick: *technically* I didn't say it was bogus.

Ian: You pretty much implied it.

Nick: No, I pointed out some aspects which were less believable than others.

Laina: *skeptically raises eyebrow, speaks slowly* So... you think Dipper becoming a demon is bogus?

Nick: Again, not my word choice, but yeah, pretty much.

Laina: Dude, that AU is one of the best ones there is. It's almost better than the original Gravity Falls!

Nick: Sure, the writing may be good but that doesn't mean all of the facts check out. *points imposing finger at Laina* And _nothing_ is better than the original GF.

Laina: All the 'facts'? *air quotes 'facts'* This is Gravity Falls! Stuff like that works differently there!

Nick: A lot of the legends and such line up with the Gravity Falls plotline, so it's only fair that the AUs should line up with the legends, too.

Laina: *firmly* Well, they don't. And they're just fine the way they are.

Nick: Really? Even the whole 'Alcor/Mizar' ship?

Laina: Alright, I'll admit that's weird, but the rest is just fine.

Mabel: *innocently* Alcor/Mizar ship?

*smiles wickedly, leaves and comes back with iPad and two trashcans*

Dipper: *sees YOSO's supplies* It's nothing good, is it?

Nick: You already know how Alcor is Dipper, right?

Dipper and Mabel: Yeah.

Nick: Well, Mabel is Mizar. So, that technically means that that version of the Transcendence AU is overall Pinecest.

Mabel: Question: What's Pinece-?

Dipper: *puts a hand over Mabel's mouth to keep her from talking, whispers in her ear hastily* Mabel, have you learned _nothing_ from the time we've been here?

Mabel: *pulls Dipper's hand off her mouth* Stop overreacting, bro-bro. I'm sure it's _fine_. *looks at Nick* What's Pinecest?

*speaks up before Nick* Pinecest is shipping you and Dipper as an item.

Mabel: Eeeww. Dip's my broseph, not boyseph!

Dipper: *facepalm* I warned you, Mabel.

*swipes iPad screen* Pictures include... *holds up screen*

Mabel: *makes disgusted face* Blargh!

Dipper: *slightly taken aback* Ew.

This one's actually pretty chaste compared some of the ones I've seen.

Mabel: So why didn't you sh- *muffles noises as Dipper's hand once again covers her mouth*

Dipper: *whispers* Mabel~! Shut up~!

*puts a hand to ear* Did I hear that right? You wanted to see the more 'adult' ones?

Mabel: *eyes widen, muffled protests*

Dipper: Nope! Nope-nope-nope!

Aw, that's too bad. *smiles wickedly* I wanted to see what both of you had for breakfast.

Dipper: *whispers to Mabel* Just back away, slowly... *starts moving backwards with Mabel following close by*

*slowly advances, smiles like a shark* Where you going, guys? Don't you want to see what you're fandom has to offer?

Dipper: *whispers* On the count of 3, we run for it.

Mabel: *nods slowly*

Dipper: 1...

Mabel: *takes Dipper's hand off her mouth* ...2-3! *disappears with Dipper, leaving a cloud of dust in their wake*

*doubles over laughing*

Ian: What was the point of that, exactly?

Simple. Messing with people is fun.

* * *

 ***can see Millie standing onstage and fiddling with the set***

Millie: *jumps to try and reach a higher up spot*

Beck: *walks onscreen, sees Millie, reaches the spot for her* Y'know, I just realized how short you are.

Millie: I am not short! I am the perfect height for a 12-year-old!

Beck: Hmm...you look more like a 7-year-old.

Millie: So? There is nothing wrong with my height. *crosses arms*

Beck: Squirt.

Millie: *turns away angrily and resumes fixing up the set*

Beck: *pokes Millie* Shortstack.

Millie: *turns head and bites at air, narrowly missing Beck's finger*

Beck: Hey, you're small, and you bite. How about instead of 'Millie', we call you 'Stingy'?

Millie: *growls slightly, shuffles away a few steps*

Beck: *takes a couple step closer, holds up hands in marquee* Or how about 'Millie: The 8th dwarf'?

Millie: *walks away grumbling, wobbles back a foot taller* Who's- whoa!*nearly falls over, rights herself* Who's short now? *grins proudly down at Beck*

 ***camera follows Beck's gaze to Millie's feet, which have foot-tall high heels on them***

Beck: *looks back up at Millie* Can you even walk in those?

Millie: *wobbles* S-Sure! Barely, but yeah! *defiantly puts hands on hips*

Mabel: *jumps onstage, holds hand behind back, makes goofy voice* Did somebody say...*takes Bear-O out from behind back* ...'bearly'?!

Millie: *sees Bear-O, screams, flails, falls over* Oof...

Beck: Nobody likes Bear-O.

Mabel: *normal voice* What? *covers Bear-O's ears, talks to him* Don't listen to them. I like you! *in Bear-O voice* Thanks, Mabel. I like you, too! *turns to face camera*~They're quite a pair. Mabel and Bear-O:The Un'Bear'lievable Bear~!

* * *

 ***entire cast is gathered onstage***

Alright, everyone. We are getting another new member.

Carol: Who?

All I can tell you for now is that she has a very particular set of skills.

Eris: Skills..?

*grins evilly*

Nick: *pats pockets* My wallet's gone!

Leela: *pats hair* Where's my pencil?!

Ian: *reaches into pockets* My keychain!

Laina: *pulls up pant leg* My sock!

Beck: *feels head* _Oh_ no. _Nobody_ messes with the hat.

 ***12-year-old girl with short, brown curly hair, and brown eyes, wearing a Spiderman sweater, jeans, sneakers, square-rimmed turquoise glasses, and a necklace with a dragon pendant, leans against the wall, her face obstructed by Beck's hat sitting crookedly atop her head. She twirls Ian's keychain on her right-hand finger and holds up Laina's sock with Nick's wallet in it with the other hand***

Say 'Hi' to Danielle Pines!

Dani: *tilts head upwards so everyone can see her face* I prefer 'Dani', thanks.

Beck: *stomps up to Dani, snatches hat and puts it back on his head, tilting it with a little more force than necessary, he glares at Dani*

Dani: *shrugs; takes wallet out of sock; tosses them, the pencil and the keychain back to rightful owners*

*claps* You, my friend, are a wonder.

Dani: *bows modestly*

Next up, we're welcoming... Gabby!

 ***skinny girl with brown hair and green eyes, wearing an unbuttoned teal flannel shirt over a white tank top, jeans, Nike shoes, and a wolf necklace, walks in***

Gabs: You can call me 'Gabs'.

Congratulations, Gabs! You're our last addition! No more people will be added from here on out.

Gabs: *wipes forehead, leans back on right leg* Whew! Just made it.

Millie: How many people we up to?

Umm... 11. *brings hands to head* This is the start of a whole 'nother headache.

* * *

And thus ends another episode.

Carol: *walks in wearing a winter hat, scarf, and jacket and holding a duffel bag, waves* Bye, YOSO! See ya in the New Year! *walks away*

*smiles, waves* Bye, Carol.

Eris: *crosses stage wearing coat, mitts and hat, holding two suitcases, pauses to stop and hug YOSO* We'll be back soon. *picks up bags and keeps walking*

*smiles sadly, tears up a little, wipes away tears before anyone sees*

 ***camera pans to Beck standing at the door***

Beck: *wearing a jacket, mitts, and holding a backpack, holds up hand regally* Happy Holidays to all...*takes off hat and holds it to chest, bows deeply* ... and to all a good night! *straightens, puts hat back on and leaves*

 ***pans back to YOSO***

*smiles, rolls eyes*

Nick: *walks in wearing an ugly sweater under his trench-coat, holds a briefcase, brings to fingers to head in salute* Later. *keeps walking*

Leela: *slightly jogs onstage, wearing an infinity scarf, and a knee-length coat, holding a purse* Oh, why do I have to leave _now?_

Don't you want to go home for the holidays?

Leela: Yeah, but I just got here! I never even got to set up my room!

Laina: *walks in wearing a black jacket, and a toque* Neither did I! I barely got a poster up!

*shrugs* Sorry, but you can't stay here through all of Winter Break. You should go home.

Leela: Fine. But expect some _serious_ weirdness when we get back. *walks away and waves before disappearing offscreen*

Laina: *side hugs YOSO* Don't forget us!

*laughs* How could I? *smiles softly* Bye, guys.

Laina: Bye. *walks away*

Dani: *very slowly walks onstage wearing ski goggles with a hat, a jacket, and dragging a suitcase behind her*

What are you doing?

Dani: *sniffles a little* If I go slower, I can stay here longer.

*sigh* If you go slower, then you'll feel sad longer.

Dani: *speeds up a little, looks down, speaks softly* Fine.

Don't worry. We'll be back soon!

Dani: *looks at YOSO* How soon is 'soon'?

*walks to Dani, pats her on the back* Soon enough.

Dani: Okay. *keeps walking*

Gabs: *walks onstage wearing a wolf hat, and a jacket, carrying a satchel, reaches into pocket and hands YOSO a room key and a small present* Happy Holidays.

*smiles gratefully, closes eyes to stop tears, looks up at Gabs* Thanks.

Gabs: *smiles, walks offstage*

Ian: *walks onstage* So this is it, huh?

Yeah.

Millie: *walks onstage, arms crossed, speaks softly* You didn't tell them, did you?

*looks down at present sadly, murmurs quietly* How could I?

Ian: *sigh* Come on, we have to clean up.

Millie: *pats YOSO's shoulder* We'll be fine.

*sighs* I just hope everything works out. *looks at Millie* Is the camera still running?

Millie: *glances at camera* I think so.

*walks up to camera and looks at lens, picks up camera and holds it at arms' length so that only her top half is visible, voice is tight with emotion* We're going on hiatus, guys. Not just for the holidays. Maybe a month, maybe more. Just need some time. *takes deep breath, smiles weakly* Thanks for tuning in to 'What Do Ya Think?'. We'll... see you when we see you, I guess. *reaches hand up to turn off camera*

 ***screen goes black***

* * *

 **Check my profile for the links.**


	8. We're Back!

**Hosts:**

 **Ian:  
** **12-year-old boy with short, messy red hair and brown eyes; wears green zipped-up hoodie, beige cargo shorts, and green sneakers** **  
**

 **Millie:  
** **12-year-old girl with medium length dark hair tied into a ponytail and cut into bangs, and brown eyes; wears a white t-shirt with a purple sequined sequined heart, a knee-length black skirt, and sneakers** **  
**

 **I realize I've been kind of unfair not providing a description of myself, so I've made one:  
A girl with long-ish brown hair, the front cut into side bangs with right parting, and brown eyes; wearing a long-sleeved black shirt, dark blue jeans, light blue infinity-scarf, grey beanie, and black flats.**

 **Guest stars:**

 **Carol:  
** **Girl with dark brown hair tied into twin tails, hazel eyes; wears grey sweatpants, green leopard print socks, black hoodie with Taurus zodiac sign.** **  
**

 **Eris:  
** **17-year-old girl with fair skin, medium length raven black hair, chestnut eyes; wears plain t-shirt, black shorts and walking shoes.** **  
**

 **Beckham 'Beck' Woods:  
Boy with short black hair, hazel eyes; wears grey pants that go just below the knee, red t-shirt, grey shoes, a flat-billed hat with '2014 Fiesta Bowl Champions' written on the dome and the UCF logo stamped on the side.**

 **Nick Striker:  
** **Tall, slightly muscular man with broad shoulders dark-brown hair, and sunset eyes, wearing a tan trench coat over white muscle shirt and a pair of faded jeans.** **  
**

 **Leela Small:  
** **Caucasian girl with long wavy chocolate-brown hair and green eyes, wearing a Warfstache t-shirt and jeans. She keeps a pencil on her left ear. (Kudos if any of you remember how _that_ got there.)** **  
**

 **Laina Fantasy Girl:  
** **Fairly tall Caucasian girl in her late teens with long reddish-brown hair, brown eyes and her hair up in a ponytail and a black headband, wearing a crop-top featuring a sunset with the phrase 'Create Your Own Reality' written on it and a white camisole underneath, jeans, and sneakers.** **  
**

 **Danielle 'Dani' Pines:  
** **12-year-old girl with short, brown curly hair, and brown eyes, wearing a Spiderman sweater, jeans, sneakers, square-rimmed turquoise glasses, and a necklace with a dragon pendant.** **  
**

 **Gabs (Gabby):  
** **Skinny girl with brown hair and green eyes, wearing an unbuttoned teal flannel shirt over a white tank top, jeans, Nike shoes, and a wolf necklace.**

 **NOTE: WE ARE NOT ACCEPTING ANY MORE GUEST STARS. I SUPPOSE I DIDN'T MAKE THIS VERY CLEAR WHEN I SAID SO IN THE LAST CHAPTER, SINCE TWO MORE PEOPLE APPLIED. I HATE HAVING TURNING ANYONE AWAY. PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO DO THAT.**

 **(Apologies to EquestrianIdiot2.0 since I didn't add him earlier on like I said, so I'm doing that now.)**

* * *

 **Just so you know, I changed the format so that it's a bit mor** **e agreeable with FanFiction's rules. I didn't have the time to do the same to some of the previous chapters. *shrugs* Maybe someday.**

 **Alright. *cracks knuckles* Let's do this.**

* * *

The camera view bobs as it follows YOSO to where she stands on the center of the stage. She wears an Oliver Twist-style hat instead of her beanie, and has a blue backpack slung over her right shoulder. She closes her eyes and breathes deeply, letting the air escape her lungs as she opens her eyes and looks around nostalgically.

"Oh, Gravity Falls, it is good to be back!" she cries as she spins on the spot. She looks to the camera and stops. "Yo, E, what up with the camcorder?"

The camera bobs a bit more as Ian shrugs. "Shouldn't this wondrous occasion be documented?" The camera waves a little as he gestures to the set.

YOSO puts her free hand on her hip and looks up as if thinking, a slight smile showing anyway. "I don't know... Would anyone really want to see us turn on the old camera?"

"Speaking of which..." Millie says from somewhere offscreen.

The view pans to where Millie is leaning against a tarp-covered object.

She pats the top of the object, displacing a small cloud of dust. "Would you like to do the honors?"

"Don't mind if I do." YOSO says as she walks to the camera. She puts down her backpack and puts her hands on her hips, scrutinizing the tarp. "Hey, guys. What are the chances this thing still works?"

"Pretty good, considering we've only been gone a couple months." Ian answers.

"Good enough for me." YOSO says. She reaches for the tarp and rips it away, revealing the old-style camera underneath. "It's showtime, old pal." she murmurs as she flicks the switches.

The little red light glows faintly, and she manages a small smile, before stepping away and dusting off her hands. The camera view switches from that of Ian's camcorder to the footage from the onset camera.

YOSO smiles, holds out her hands and speaks in that all-familiar voice. "Hello and welcome back to 'What Do Ya Think?'!" She puts down her hands and beams proudly. "You have no idea how much I've missed saying that."

"We're back and ready to roll!" Millie shouts, hopping onto the stage from the right and side-hugging YOSO.

"Miss us?" Ian says, taking a spot on YOSO's other side.

YOSO opens her mouth to speak, when the sound of many footsteps rings out throughout the set.

"YOSO!" a crowd of voices can be heard shouting in the distance.

The crew looks to their rights, eyes widening at the sight of what can best be described as a stampede. YOSO only manages a startled 'Meep' before the crowd pounces on the trio, effectively tackling them into a hug and knocking them back a little.

"Missed you too, guys..." YOSO says, her voice muffled.

* * *

"Hey guys." YOSO sits in a tree and uses her phone to record herself. She smiles and manages a small wave before a pebble is thrown at her, narrowly missing her head. She looks down cautiously then back at the camera.

"I guess you're wondering what I'm doing in a tree. Rest assured, there is a perfectly logical explanation."

"Come down already!"

"Seriously! We're not gonna hurt you!"

"We're not mad!"

"Yeah right!" YOSO calls down to the people yelling at her from the ground. "You still _look_ pretty mad!" She looks back to the camera. "So... about that explanation...um, how about I just show you?"

She turns the camera to the ground where Nick and Beck are standing, along with a 19-year-old guy with messy brown hair and brown eyes; wearing Black Vans, blue jeans, a long-sleeved black flannel shirt over a Batman t-shirt.

She turns the camera back to herself. "As you can very well see, Beck, Nick, and AJ are mad at me. You might be wondering who AJ is... well, he's a new guest star." She turns the camera back to the ground. "Say 'hi' to the camera, AJ!"

"Is this really how you're going to introduce me?" AJ asks, unimpressed.

The camera shifts a bit as YOSO shrugs. "Seems good enough to me."

"Are you going to come down now or what?" Beck asks.

"Depends. Are you going to throw me in the pond?"

"No." Nick says exasperatedly.

"They're going to throw you in the lake!" Millie yells from far away.

The guys all glare behind them to where Millie yelled from.

"Snitch!" AJ yells.

"Baby!" Millie retorts.

"So," YOSO turns the camera back to herself. "I might as well tell you what I did to make them so mad. I...uh... it's... hard to explain. Here's the clip."

 **Flashback**

"Here are your room keys, everyone." YOSO said as she held out a bunch of keys to the group. "Just in case you forgot which room's which, I labeled all of them."

The returning cast takes their keys and the camera cuts to the hallway where all the rooms are lined up. It zooms in on where Nick goes to his door. He looks up at the label, which reads 'Nicky-Pyro the Arsonist'.

"What a sense of humour you have, YOSO..." he mumbles dryly.

The camera cuts to Beck looking up at the label at his door in frustration. Which reads-

" _Becky?_ That's a low blow, YOSO." he says, squinting at the door. He sighs, and mumbles "Note to self: Scratch out 'y' on door."

The camera cuts back to the stage where AJ walks on. He looks around until he finds YOSO, then walks up to her.

"AJ! You're here!" she exclaims, holding her arms up in welcome. She opens her hand and a key hangs from it. "Here's your room key." She hands the key to him and points in the direction of the hallway with the rooms.

"Thanks." AJ says as he walks away.

The camera cuts to where AJ stands in front of a door labelled 'EQ'.

"What..?" he whispers, hands on his hips. He puts the key in the lock and finds that it fits.

The camera cuts to all three of them opening their doors at the same time and inhaling sharply at what they see behind them. Then it cuts back to sitting YOSO on the stage talking to Millie.

"You don't think they're going to be mad?" Millie asks.

"Oh, I _know_ they're going to be mad. I just want to see _how_ mad." YOSO says.

Just then, they heard AJ, Beck, and Nick shouting. "YOSO!"

YOSO briefly glances to where the rooms are, then looks back to Millie. "Time to go." She stands up, dusts herself off, and raises a finger in proclamation. "If I don't make it, promise me you'll remember me as I was, the strangest girl this side of the border." With that, she runs for the door.

 **Flashback end**

The camera is facing the group on the ground, huddled together and devising a plan to get YOSO down. She turns the camera back to herself.

"So, yeah." YOSO says. "I'm here now and have little to no chance of going back down."

Her eyes widen as she hears AJ whisper "Maybe we could chop it down?"

"How about we call the fire department?" Beck says.

"What if we just burn it?" Nick whispers back.

"If we do that, we'll have all the more reason to call them." Beck says.

YOSO forces a smile and says in a singsong voice "Oh I'm screwed~."

* * *

The camera looks down to where Nick sits at the base of the tree, holding his lighter up to the trunk of the tree.

"Why isn't this working?" he says angrily. The wood doesn't catch fire and he becomes increasingly agitated.

"Haha! It's a pine tree, suckers!" YOSO taunts, earning a glare from the three of them.

"Of course it's a pine tree." Beck says, facepalming. "This _is_ a Gravity Falls show. I once again bring up the fire department."

"For YOSO or for him?" AJ gestures to Nick, who is muttering curses under his breath.

" _Possibly_ both." Beck answers.

"How about a good old-fashioned ladder?" AJ suggests, looking at the tree.

"The branches are too close together. It won't fit." Beck says.

"Then how would the fire department do it?" AJ deadpans.

"They can use that gizmo on their truck that raises the bucket up without having to lean a ladder on anything." Beck points out.

"Are you serious right now?" AJ asks, pointing up to the branches.

Nick tries to climb up, but the branch he's holding onto breaks under is weight. "Climbing this thing is out of the question." Nick says, dusting his hands off.

Beck takes off his hat and rubs his head, deep in thought. He snaps his fingers and his eyes light up as he gets an idea. "Jetpacks!"

AJ and Nick facepalm simultaneously. The camera shakes as YOSO does too.

"I'm about ready to come down just to make him stop talking." she whispers just loud enough so that only the camera hears and not the group below.

"...or maybe Bill can help. If he slides in on his back, he can get in." Beck suggests hesitantly.

"Could somebody smack him for me?" Bill yells from far away.

"I'll do it!" YOSO yells enthusiastically.

She turns the camera to a really long branch on her left. She reaches for it, pulls it back, and watches as it snaps back and hits Beck's head with a resounding ' _slap!_ '.

"Hot Belgian Waffles!" Beck cries out, holding his head and wincing. "Why'd you do that?"

"Yeah!" AJ huffs. "I wanted to."

"I think I've suffered enough. How about I come down now and we call it even?" YOSO says.

"Deal." Nick says gruffly.

The camera view switches to Ian's camcorder, watching them from about 10 ft away. It pans down to show Millie's happily swinging legs, thus alerting the viewers as to who's holding it. She waves her left hand in front of the camera then zooms in slightly on the group by the tree.

YOSO climbs down the tree and stands in front of them proudly with her hands on her hips. The trio give each other sideways glances, then look back to YOSO.

"She's down! Grab her!" Nick shouts.

YOSO yelps, she struggles as they hoist her over their heads and run towards the nearest lake.

 **15 minutes later...**

YOSO stands onstage, drenched from head to toe.

"Well, they managed to get me." she says, taking off her hat and wringing it out. "But don't think they got away unscathed."

The camera pans to the left where Beck, Nick, and AJ stand, also completely soaked. Millie and Ian walk up to them, holding stacks of towels.

"We meant to get wet." AJ says quickly.

"The same way you _meant_ to let her grab your shoe and pull you in?" Ian asks, rolling his eyes.

"Or _meant_ to grab Nick's coat on the way down?" Millie says, throwing the towels on their heads.

Eris walks onstage holding a hair dryer. She flicks the button to turn it on and points it at them. "Or _meant_ for Nick to trip Beck as he fell?"

"If I catch a cold or some kind of bacteria," Beck says to YOSO, taking the towel off his head and wrapping it around himself. "It's your fault."

YOSO shrugs. "Consider me vindicated."

Carol walks onstage and gives her a towel. "We've been back for like, 20 minutes and you've already managed to get into _all_ this trouble."

"It's good to be back." YOSO sighs.

"You can say that again." Beck says. "Awkward and wet crew hug?"

"Ew, no. You're all covered in scum." Dani says from offscreen.

"Yeah, we're good, thanks." Laina says hurriedly, her voice growing distant as she backs away.

"Oh come on, not even a little hug?" YOSO teases.

"No thank you." Gabs says.

Carol, Eris, Millie, and Ian back away from the wet crew members, who are now slowly advancing on the dry ones like sharks.

"Run for it!" Leela yells.

"THIS... IS... SPARTA!" Beck yells before he runs after the others, then starts humming Scooby-Doo chase music.

* * *

YOSO stands onstage, now clean and dry, and with her hands clasped together eagerly.

"Yes, we're weird. Yes, we've gone off topic again. Yes, I'll bring in the Gravity Falls characters in now." She puts two fingers in her mouth and whistles sharply.

The Pines, and Bill arrive onstage.

"What now?" Dipper asks in exasperation.

YOSO answers. "Today's tortu- I mean, segment," she coughs. "will be a bit random..." She looks to the camera. "I swear I just felt all the viewers roll their eyes as soon as I said that." She looks back to the characters. "What I mean is, we're just doing little things people requested that don't really fit into any major segment."

"Let's just get this over with." Bill says, rolling his eye.

"Everyone understands that the fandom writes stories, right?" YOSO asks.

They all nod in response.

"Well, there's this special type of story that I want to share with you." she says. She leaves for a moment and comes back with a file folder. The label reads- "Crack fics. These stories are more on the M side of things, if you know what I mean."

"No, I don't think we do." Ford says.

"Shut it, Poindexter." Stan hisses.

"In short, there's rating on the site that tell you age limits for fics and, yada yada yada... Anywho, these ones are mostly in the oldest rated section." She gives Dipper a sheet of paper. "This one's called 'Dipper's Bad Day'.'

As he reads it over, his eyes widen. He looks up, eyes darting around frantically. "I suddenly feel very exposed." He pulls his vest tighter around himself.

"Oh, stop being so dramatic, Dipper. It can't be _that_ bad." Mabel says, waving a hand dismissively.

"Oh-oh trust me, it is." Dipper wraps his vest even tighter around himself.

"Ha! I can take anything! Give me one of those!" Mabel says proudly, taking the copy in YOSO's outstretched hand. She reads it over, laughing a few times. Then her smile fades and she simply stares at it. Suddenly, she balls up inside her sweater like a turtle.

"Mabel?" Stan asks.

"Mabel's not here right now, she's in Sweater Town." she says quietly.

Dipper looks down at his now very uncomfortable sister. He looks back to YOSO and raises a hand. "Is there any chance I could get some more clothes?"

"Yeah, hang on." YOSO walks away and returns with a large pile of blankets.

Dipper takes ones and wraps it around himself like a cloak. "Better."

"There was this other one too..." YOSO starts. She dumps all the contents of the satchel on the ground and sifts through them, then holds a sheet of paper in the air. "Here it is. Its called 'Dipper goes to Taco Bell'."

"What?!" Eris shrieks. She sprints onstage and takes the paper away. "Do NOT show this to him!"

"Why?" YOSO asks, brows furrowed in complete confusion. "What could be so bad about Taco Bell?"

"Have you even _read_ this one?" Eris asks incredulously, shaking the paper in the other girl's face.

"No..." she says. "But I doubt it could be _that_ bad."

"How about you go read it first and _then_ you can share this..." Eris shudders. "...'story'."

YOSO puts her hands behind her back, looks down and shuffles her feet. "I've kinda been avoiding it on purpose." she laughs nervously.

Eris facepalms. "And you think its fair to show them because..?"

YOSO shrugs. "I thought their reactions would be funny."

"I need a lighter." Eris says, walking away. "Anybody seen Nick?"

"But the characters haven't read it yet!" YOSO calls after her.

"Make them read something else!" Eris snaps.

"Aw _man_..." YOSO whines, crossing her arms. "Alright, next up-"

 **20 minutes later...**

The stage is littered with several piles of blankets. Leela walks up to them and pokes one with her foot.

"YOSO?" she calls, looking all around.

She yelps as a hand comes out of the pile to the far left, holding a tablet with a message.

 _Over here._

Leela walks over to the pile. "And you're in there because..?"

The arm retracts and reemerges with a new message.

 _Long story short, things got out of hand._

"Mind telling me the whole story?" Leela asks.

 _Okay. I need a while to type this up._ The arm goes back down.

Leela wanders around the stage, weaving through the blankets. She picks one in the middle and lifts one blanket off the top.

"Hey!" Dipper yelps from underneath.

"Sorry!" Leela says as she drops the blanket back onto the pile.

YOSO's arm pops out of the blankets again.

 _Well, I was showing them M rated crack fics, and they got really uncomfortable, so they asked for blankets to cover themselves with. After a while, they challenged me to read 'Character x Reader' crack fics, and now... Yeah, we're staying like this for a while._

Leela facepalms.

* * *

"AMVs! AMVs! AMVs!" Beck chants.

"Would you cut it out? We have a serious problem here!" Eris says.

The remaining cast members stand around the piled blankets.

"Are you ready to come out yet?" Nick shouts.

YOSO's arm goes up with the tablet.

 _No._

"Look," Beck says. "She's obviously not coming out for a while- Right, YOSO?"

New message: _Got that right._

"Yeah, see?" Beck says, gesturing to the message. "So why don't we use this time to watch some AMVs?"

"Umm... because the characters are also under the blankets?" Dani says as if its the most obvious thing in the world.

"Not a problem." Beck say reassuringly. He takes his hat off his head and reaches into it, taking out a piece of green paper, then puts the hat back. He waves the paper in the air and calls out to the blankets. "Anybody who comes out of the blankets gets a 50!"

"Make it a 100!" Dipper yells, his voice muffled under the blankets.

"200!" Mabel yells.

"5000!" Stan yells.

"Sold!" Beck yells triumphantly.

"Each!" Bill yells.

"What do _you_ need money for, Dorito?" Mabel says, her head poking out of the blankets.

"Its nice to get." Bill says, coming out of the blankets partway.

"Can't you just, y'know," Dipper says, climbing out and looking at Bill. "Make cash appear out of thin air?"

"Like I said, Pine Tree," Bill says, crossing his arms and closing his eye. "Its nice to get. Haven't you ever heard of 'Its better to receive than to give'?"

"That's not how it goes!" Mabel says, clawing her way out until she stands on top her pile. "The saying is 'Its better to give than to receive'!"

"If people are going to be giving stuff away, isn't it only fair that there's someone _receiving_ it, too?" Bill says, looking at her haughtily through a half-lidded eye.

"..." Mabel slumps down on the blankets, like a puppet that just got its strings cut.

"Mabel?" Dipper asks slowly.

"Everything I know is a lie..." she mumbles.

YOSO snickers under her blankets. The tablet comes out again, this time with a picture of human Bill holding papers in front of a background reading 'Everything you know is a lie'.

Beck clears his throat. "Umm, you guys still want this or..?" he asks, holding the paper out.

"Hand it over, bucko!" Stan shouts, kicking away his blankets.

"Wait, Stan!" Ford yells, moving the blankets off his head.

"What _now_?" Stan asks, rolling his eyes.

"He never said the 5000 was cash." Ford says, eyeing Beck and adjusting his glasses.

"So close." Beck whispers roughly.

Stan turns to Beck. "What were you offering us, exactly?" he asks, raising both eyebrows.

Beck smiles nervously and hides in the crowd of cast members, leaving the piece of paper behind. Stan picks it up.

"Its a bit of paper with a 50 drawn on it." he deadpans. "Beck, mind coming back here? There's a certain _gesture_ I'd like to share with you."

"Oh I think he beat you to it." Millie says slowly, staring at a spot just behind everyone's heads.

* * *

The stage is cleaned up and the set computer sits off to the right. Beck walks onstage.

"Hi, uh..." he trails off as YOSO walks onstage. She punches his shoulder. " _Ow_!" he says, rubbing the spot she hit. "What was that for?"

She raises both eyebrows in response.

"Well, if you're gonna go take a 'vow of silence' just because you read a crack fic, I'm going to take over!" Beck says.

She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.

"Seriously! The whole typing think gets old fast!"

She holds her left hand out flat, palm up, and puts her right hand over it as if holding a pencil, then raises an eyebrow.

"No, I don't know where the chalkboard is." Beck says. Then coughs out "Anymore."

YOSO huffs and stomps her foot, glaring at him darkly.

"Not my fault." he says nonchalantly, crossing his arms.

She raises her hand in a 'Then whose?' gesture.

"You have no one to blame for this but yourself."

She turns to the camera, and waves. She mouths, "Thank you for tuning in for this week's episode of 'What Do Ya Think'."

"What?" Beck says, realizing what she's doing. "No!"

She keeps mouthing. "See ya next week!" She claps her hands together, the camera taking it as the signal to shut down.

The screen goes black as Beck tries to run for the camera, only to be tripped by YOSO.

* * *

 **Links are on my profile!**


	9. Shippi— What, what!

"Hey," Ian holds up his hand, for a small wave at the camera while his other is holds it up in front of his face. He is standing in the dark, the glow from his camera's flashlight lighting up his face and his outfit, which consists of an orange shirt with the Nike logo and 'Just do it' along the front, and blue shorts. "So, um, explanation as to why I'm in my PJs."

He pans the camera 180 degrees so that it now faces Millie, who is wearing a pink shirt with the words 'Love and be loved', paired with a lighter pair of pyjama pants with a white sketch-mark pattern. She looks to the camera. "We woke up a few minutes ago to the sound of screaming coming from Carol's room, and you will not _believe_ what we found."

The camera pans to the right and zooms in to where Carol is sitting up in her bed, wearing her own pyjamas, consisting of a black Taurus t-shirt which is similar to her hoodie, and grey pyjama pants. On her head, is a tarantula. She stares up at it, scared out of her mind. "Are you guys gonna help me or what?" she whimpers, briefly glancing to the twins.

The camera pans to the right and zooms out to show YOSO, in a baggy green-tie-dyed t-shirt and faded-red plaid pyjama pants, staring wide-eyed and fearfully at the spider. "Spuh-spuh-spuh-spuh-spuh-..." she stutters continuously.

The camera then pans back to Ian. "Yeah, she's been doing that since we got here."

It pans again to the left, where the rest of the cast stands, staring inquisitively at the creature that disturbed their sleep.

Nick, wearing a black t-shirt and grey shorts, groans. "This is what you woke us up at," he pauses and takes a peek at his phone, "3 in the morning for? A spider? Let's just kill it."

"Yeah, I'm with Nick. Sure spiders can be hairy, ugly, and possibly deadly, but that doesn't mean they're worth screaming over." Beck says, earning a smack upside the head from Eris. He wears a red t-shirt and grey pyjama pants, while she wears a light grey t-shirt and black shorts.

Laina walks in, rubbing both of her hands on her face. She wears a red tank top and and pink shorts. "You okay, Carol..?" She sees the spider and looks about 3 seconds away from a panic attack. "Aaand I'm out! Call me back when you've gotten rid of that... that.. MONSTROSITY!" Then, she bolts out the door.

AJ, who is wearing a blue t-shirt and maroon shorts, raises his hand. "I vote we kill it..." He pauses for dramatic effect. "...WITH FIRE!" He got a smack from Gabs, who is wearing a white tank top and green shorts.

"What's going on?" Dani yawns. The camera pans to the left, where she's standing in the doorway, rubbing the sleep out of her eye. She wears a Spiderman t-shirt and shorts.

"Tarantula on Carol's head." Leela says simply, not taking her eyes off the arachnid. She wears black t-shirt with the words 'I'm with stupid', and black sweatpants. She holds a rolled-up magazine and slowly makes her way to Carol. "Don't move..." she whispers menacingly, raising it above her head.

Surveying the scene, Dani brings her hand down from her eye and stands on her toes in an attempt to see above everyone's heads. Instead of being shocked or bored like everyone else, she calmly weaves her way past them to Carol. The camera zooms in on her taking the tarantula off Carol's head, holding it lovingly in her hands.

"How did you get out, Parker?" she murmurs softly, stroking the arachnid's abdomen.

The camera jerks wildly as Dani walks towards it, since the shock of the spider being brought toward him made Ian nearly drop it. They all follow her out to her room, where she holds the spider above a terrarium, which contains another one.

"Make room, Peter." she says, moving the other to make space for the one in her hand. She sets it down and replaces the lid. "If either of you two get out again, you can say 'goodbye' to those all-in-one bug treats."

She turns back to the awestruck crowd and puts her hands on her hips. "What?" she asks. "I like tarantulas. Sue me. And nobody ever said that pets weren't allowed, so there."

The camera pans to Beck, who is rubbing his hands together like a cartoon villain. "And there's a new addition to my blackmail file." Ian pans the camera around a bit to see if anyone else heard that.

"Well?" Dani asks, raising an eyebrow. "What are you waiting for, a kiss on the cheek? Good night!"

The groups files out, muttering variations of 'good night', and trudging back to their rooms. Ian walks up to YOSO, who is still wide-eyed from the whole ordeal.

"Any comment on this, YOSO?" Ian asks.

"I need to rethink that pet policy..." she murmurs in response.

* * *

 **(It's kind of a given that everyone's back in their day clothes now, right?)**

"Hello and welcome back to 'What Do Ya Think?'!" YOSO says.

Laina walks onstage holding a cup of coffee. She has light bags under her eyes.

"Whoa!" Beck calls. "Bag check for Laina's eyes!"

She shoots a tired glare towards the right of the stage, where Beck's voice came from.

"What, nobody?" Beck asks. "Geez, tough crowd."

"Did you get any sleep after the... you know... 'incident'?" YOSO asks her.

Laina yawns. "A little. I'm just not a morning person." she rasps.

"Ooookaaay..." YOSO says, rocking a bit on her feet. "Did you want to say anything to the audience?" she asks, gesturing to the camera.

Laina faces the camera, and stares it down. "No." She trudges offstage.

"Get well soon..?" YOSO says awkwardly. She turns back to the camera and clears her throat. "Alright, so today we're going to talking to the characters about... drum roll, please... Shippings!" She holds her hands above her head in enthusiasm. "Yeah, I've been stalling long enough." she says, scratching the back of her neck awkwardly. "We'll get all the characters together in a few minutes."

* * *

The Pines, Wendy, Soos, Gideon, McGucket, Pacifica, and Bill are gathered on the stage next to YOSO, who has a satchel slung over her shoulder.

"G'Morning, everyone!"

"'Morning." the characters mutter drearily.

"So," YOSO claps her hands together. "Today I'm going to show you various shippings."

Stan raises his hand. "Question. Can I hide in the bathroom throughout this..." He grumbles as he tries to remember the word.

"Endeavour?" Ford supplies.

"No, no..."

"Crazy-bomb?" Mabel asks.

"Yeah, _that's_ the word I was looking for. 'Crazy-bomb'."

"No, you can't." YOSO says.

"Fine. Hand me the trash can." Stan says in defeat.

Ian and Millie walk onstage with a stack of trashcans, one for every character.

"And we need these because..?" Pacifica asks, holding the bin away from herself and staring at it in disgust.

"Things _might_ get ugly." YOSO says, reaching into the satchel. "Dipper Pines, please step forward."

Dipper walks to the front of the crowd, his hat keeping his eyes hidden from view.

"Hmm..." she looks at him suspiciously. "First, lets look at some BillDip." She takes a picture out of the satchel and shows it to him.

He moves his head up a bit, enough so his eyes are just barely visible, showing yellow sclera. He simply stares at it. "Is this some sort of sick joke?"

"Thought so." YOSO mutters. She clears her throat and addresses Bipper. "Yes, BillDip. Also known as ChipDip, Dill and..." She pauses to grin conspiratorially."...Bipper."

Bipper's eyes widen and he steps back as if hit, Bill appearing behind him. "No deal is worth this, Pine Tree."

Dipper moves his arms, taking back control of his body. " _Man_ , you couldn't have made it through a _few_ shippings before you put me back?"

"No way, no how." Bill says, crossing his arms. "We are suffering through this together."

"Here's your copy of a BillDip picture." YOSO says, handing them both a copy of the picture from earlier. "Burn it, kiss it, I don't care." She searches the satchel again, pulling out two more sheets. "Dipeon..." YOSO mutters, squinting at the sheets a moment.

"Come again?" Gideon asks.

"Here's a picture of the ship between Dipper and Gideon." she says, handing the sheets to the boys.

Mabel snickers quietly at her brother's outraged face.

"You have got to be kidding me!" Dipper shouts. "Dipeon?" he asks waving the paper. " _Dipeon?!_ "

"I officially hate you even more now, Pines." Gideon says.

"Likewise." Dipper says dryly.

"You should have seen what else came up in the search results..." YOSO cringes then closes her eyes and shivers. "Next ship, StanDip." she says quickly, handing Stan and Dipper each a copy of the picture.

"This even _sounds_ wrong." Stan grumbles, only taking a glimpse of the picture before throwing it into his trashcan.

"Reason _#5_ to not sleep well at night!" Dipper says with fake cheerfulness. He glares in outrage at the camera. "People, I'm straight!"

"We could always turn you into a girl..." YOSO says wryly. She takes out another picture. "Y'know, 'FemDipper for the win'?"

He drops the papers and hides behind Mabel, who looks torn between being afraid and laughing.

"Then we have WenDip." YOSO continues, handing out more pictures.

Dipper looks up, a bit too eagerly.

Wendy looks at the page and to Dipper. "You know we're just friends, right?"

"Yeah, but..." YOSO trails off, rolling her hand as she motions to the camera.

"This is FanFiction." the groups mumbles collectively.

"Yes thank you." she says as she nods. "And just to add insult to injury, here's an article that says Alex Hirsch- i.e. your creator- doesn't care about what we do to you." She holds up the paper for all to see.

The characters stare for a moment, eyes wide and eyebrows raised. Stan facepalms.

"We really have no one left to root for us, do we?"

"There's a bunch of us who will," YOSO says. "But we're still gonna mess with you from time to time. Anywho, here's Pinescest."

"There's the trashcan." Mabel says, pointing at hers, indicating that YOSO should just throw it in there.

"GrenDip," YOSO continues. She hands Dipper a story. "And CanDip." She gives him a picture.

"Grenda's taken." Mabel says with finality, closing her eyes and crossing her arms.

"And things didn't really work out between me and Candy." Dipper says, scratching his head awkwardly.

"And the one we've all been waiting for-" YOSO doesn't get to finish her sentence as Beck cuts her off.

"I got donuts~!" he shouts. He walks onstage holding a big box.

The entire cast and all the characters rush up to him and reach in... except YOSO.

"And you got us donuts because..?" she asks skeptically.

He takes a donut out of the box, eats it, and holds the box out to her. "Just showing my appreciation." he says, his mouth half full.

"Sure you are." She rolls her eyes. "Spill it. Did you fill them with mud?"

"No."

"Glue?"

"No."

"Tar?"

"No. They're perfectly edible donuts."

YOSO looks at him in distrust, then reaches her hands into the box and takes out a donut. She sits down next to Ian and Millie.

The entire cast bites into their donuts at the same time and immediately spit them out.

"Ew! What is this?!" Gabs says, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Beeeck!" Millie whined. "You got the defective ones!"

Beck's only response is uncontrollable laughter.

"What's so funny?" Eris demands.

"Haha! Your-your faces!" he manages to gasp out. "That was priceless!"

She, along with Dani, AJ, and Laina, throw their donuts at him.

"Why do they taste so funny?" Leela asks in disgust.

"I... I filled them with mayo!" Beck snickers.

"MAYO?!"

Everyone runs around in search of some way to get the infernal stuff out of their mouths. Beck relishes in their discomfort and surveys the area proudly. His gaze lands on Ian and YOSO, who are sitting on the stage, contentedly munching their donuts.

He walks up to them. "Why aren't you guys running around in disgust?"

Ian shrugs, his mouth being full and YOSO speaks up. "Because these taste fine."

"What? Let me see those." He takes a piece out of both of their donuts and puts them in his mouth. Next, he is spitting them out and scratching at his tongue.

"Ha! It worked!" YOSO cheers. She turns to Ian and raises a hand. "UP TOP!"

Ian swallows and returns the high-five. "That was so worth eating these things."

"You think we should finish them?" YOSO says, taking another bite.

"Probably. Wasting food is wrong and it's not like they taste bad or anything." Ian says.

The two of them finish the donuts, dust off their hands, and walk away, saying something about getting ketchup bagels to go with the mayo donuts.

* * *

"Back to the shippings." YOSO says.

The characters are once again gathered with all of the trashcans.

"Who could _possibly_ be left for me to end up with?" Dipper asks in exasperation.

"Look, people will ship you with pretty much anything. I found this one story where Soos over here," She points a thumb at Soos. "Was shipped with a taco."

"Well, I do love tacos." Soos says. "But dating one would be weird, even for me."

"That doesn't stop this thing from existing." YOSO says, taking a sheet of paper out of the satchel and waving it. "Or from getting..." She reads the page. "...or from getting 4 favorites and 13 positive reviews." She sighs. "There's still more of Dipper's ships to get through." She puts the story back in her bag and takes out two new sheets. "Here's a picture of DipFord."

" _Are you kidding me?!_ " Dipper screeches. He steps back as YOSO shoves the paper towards him. " _NO!_ " He plugs his ears with his fingers and closes his eyes. "LALALALALA!"

"Just a quick peek, Dippy!" YOSO says in an attempt to coax him out of his frantic state.

"LALALALALA!"

"I'll take away your Journal!"

"They're already gone!" he retorts, opening his eyes and taking his fingers out of his ears slightly.

"You'll have to sleep outside!"

"Been there, done that!"

"Ummm... you'll...have to kiss one of your fans!"

Dipper pauses and looks at her questioningly. "They're hot, right?"

"Well, I guess so-"

"Deal!"

"What?! NO! Just look at the stupid picture!"

"Nope! You said I kiss a fan or I look at the picture. I choose the fan!"

"Fine! I'll just bring in one of the Yandere ones!"

"Sure..." Dipper says, tilting his head back as he thinks with a confused look on his face. "Don't really know what that is, but sure...

"For your information, a Yandere is a-" YOSO once again gets cut off.

"SNAKE!" Beck screams.

The view switches to the cameras in the bedrooms' hallway, where he runs out of his room at top speed, and past the stage. The onset camera pans around to get the startled reactions of the entire cast an characters, and stops at Dani, who pokes her head around the corner of the hall. She puts her hands to her mouth to hold back her laughter, but ultimately fails and doubles over.

"That was priceless! HAHA!"

"You have a pet snake, too?" Carol squeaks.

"No, it was rubber." Dani says, wiping a tear from her eye. "Seems fair for mayo-ing our donuts, no?"

They all look in the direction Beck ran off in, leaning over or standing on their toes to get a better view, before nodding murmuring in agreement.

* * *

The security footage from the bedrooms' hallway show Beck walking out of his room and to the bathroom. He comes out a few minutes later, whistling and attempting to hide an empty pack of Orajel.

 **20 minutes later...**

Eris, YOSO, and Carol stand onstage, arms crossed and tapping their feet impatiently.

Beck walks up to them. "Hey, what's up?"

They all glare daggers at him.

"Was it something I said?" Beck says, trying his best to keep a straight face.

Nick walks onstage with his fists clenched at his sides. He walks up to Beck and raises a fist to punch him, but the girls grab his trenchcoat to hold him back. Gabs grabs Beck in a choke hold, and Laina takes Beck's hat and throws it to the ground. Dani walks onstage, slow clapping. Millie huffs dramatically, and Ian sticks his tongue out of his mouth and moves it around with his fingers.

"Why aren't any of you talking?" Beck asks in mock innocence.

Gabs shoves him away, making stumble to the middle of the stage so that the cast is gathered around him in a semi-circle. YOSO takes out a chalkboard and writes on it.

 _You have gone too far with this, dude._

AJ takes the board and angrily scribbles his own message. YOSO takes the board back, and gasps slightly at his message. She erases it hurriedly, and writes a new one.

 _AJ says you're a jerk... among other things..._

"You still didn't answer my question."

YOSO sighs then looks at the others expectantly. They all huff and look away, or glare harshly at Beck. Then, Leela walks onstage.

"Whvaa gaognga aohn?" she 'says'.

Beck snorts loudly then doubles over laughing. "Well _there's_ your problem!"

The entire cast surges towards him in response, chasing after as he runs away.

* * *

 **Quick summary of events that took place afterwards (because the word count is getting seriously high):**

 **Dani got revenge on Beck again by freaking him out with an airhorn alarm clock. Beck retaliates with pies...lots of pies. He ends up hitting her, Ian, and AJ. Ian teams up with Millie to take Beck's hat and flush it in the toilet. It takes him a couple hours to get it out of the plumbing system. AJ dishes out his own revenge by putting Beck in a sleeping-bag and taping him to his own door. Beck stages a few pranks to get the other fighting amongst themselves, including making Millie believe that AJ had put the spiders in her hair and having Dani believe that the string cheese in the terrarium was Ian's fault.**

 **Stan had decided to join in to get his own revenge on Beck for... well, a good many things. He managed to trick the boy multiple times with the dollar bill gag, changing it up each time so he didn't suspect anything. Wendy saw what was happening and decided to showcase her skills by joining in.**

 **Beck: In other words, she was offered Oreos and she took them.**

 **Dude! Get out of my box!**

 **Beck: My turn with the mic!  
**

 **Back off!**

* * *

"ENOUGH!" YOSO screams at the mob throwing various items at each other. They freeze where they are and look at her. "Either you stop it with the pranks or I throw you out _now_."

They all look at each other uncertainly, whatever weapons they have still raised.

Millie speaks up. "But this is a matter of honor!"

"Yeah!" AJ shouts in agreement.

"This is a matter of _stupidity!_ " YOSO retorts. "You guys have just about _ruined this episode!_ "

"For good reason!" Dani says.

YOSO pinches the bridge of her nose, then flicks her hand out as she shouts "Are you kidding me right now?!"

"Look," Ian starts. "How about we do it like this: We'll hold a proper prank war just between the seven of us. First to 5 wins. All in favor?" He raises his hand.

The others raise their hands too.

"See? It's unanimous!" Ian says.

"No. Its. Not!" YOSO says. "We have an episode to run and all these shenanigans are derailing it."

"Then how about this: Give us 5 strikes. If we prank anyone other than those of us participating, we all get one strike."

YOSO ponders the offer. "And what happens when you reach 5?"

" _If_ we reach 5, you can do to us whatever you see fit." Ian says with finality.

"Alright. Deal."

* * *

 **The entire prank war took up a large chunk of time, so here's a highlight reel:**

AJ walks around the stage holding a bag of butter. He opens it and pours it everywhere, making sure to get every inch of the stage floor.

 **10 minutes later...**

"We need that stuff from the kitchen!" Millie exclaims as she walks.

"What stuff?" Ian asks, walking along side her.

"You know, that stuff that tries to pass for chocolate syrup."

"You mean 'molasses'?"

"Yeah, that! Come on!" She jumps over the edge of the stage and begins to run on it, Ian following and doing the same.

Halfway through, they slip on the butter, sliding the rest of the way across, a chorus of crashing sounding out as they land.

"Score!" AJ says from far away.

Carol walks onstage. "Hey did anybody- Whoa!" She slips on the butter, sliding across the stage, and falls over.

Eris jogs onto the stage. "What were you looking fo- Holy fish-sticks!" She slips too, comically flying in the air a moment, before falling over on her back.

YOSO cautiously walks up to the stage, and after helping the other girls up, she marches behind the camera, chasing AJ off with the threat of 'Strike 2'.

 **Point: AJ**

 **Scores  
** **AJ - 1  
** **Beck - 2  
** **Dani - 2  
** **Ian/Millie - 1** **  
** **Stan - 2  
** **Wendy - 0**

 _ **Strikes: 0**_

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

Stan walks into the bedrooms' hallway, hands in his pockets and whistling nonchalantly. He finds Beck's room and knocks on the door. Upon receiving no response, he opens the door, making sure that the coast was clear, but he was quiet nonetheless. He walks in, shutting the door behind himself, as the camera view switches to Beck's room. The room is eerily dark, so Stan reaches for the light switch but stops halfway there.

"Hang on a sec..." he whispers to himself.

He steps around it, reaching into his suit jacket and taking out a flashlight instead. He shines on the light-switch, revealing a rope, which he follows to the ceiling, revealing a net full of little plastic bombs with a message reading 'Not today!'. He chuckles at the absurdity, then starts searching the room. He runs the lights along the shelves and stops when he gets to the nightstand. He reaches for an item sitting on top of it- Beck's phone. He puts it his jacket, replacing it with a cheap-but-realistic replica. He reaches into his jacket again, this time pulling out a hammer. He uses it to smash the replica to pieces, leaving it just recognizable enough to be considered a phone. He slings the hammer over his shoulder and walk out, whistling nonchalantly.

 **2 minutes later...**

"NOOO!"

Beck sits in front of his nightstand, the remains of a phone in his hands. He picks through the pieces frantically.

"No no no no..." He slumps back in defeat. "Not even the hard drive made it..."

The footage cuts to the hallway, where Stan stands outside the door, listening Beck's reaction. He chuckles quietly at the boy's anguish.

 **Point: Stan**

 **Scores**  
 **AJ - 1  
** **Beck - 2  
** **Dani - 2  
** **Ian/Millie - 1** **  
** **Stan - 3  
** **Wendy - 0**

 _ **Strikes: 2**_

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

YOSO sits cross-legged on the floor across from Beck, who is fiddling with what appears to be some sort of sphere and has various tools scattered around him.

"...bottom line, never climb a tree on a windy day." she says.

"That's nice." he replies absent-mindedly. He tugs a piece of the device and grunts, then takes the roll of duct tape to his right and uses a piece on the ball.

YOSO glares at Beck, who fails to notice since he is turning the ball over in his hands in examination, occasionally jabbing it with a screwdriver.

"Oh and by the way, can I sacrifice all your stuff to the martians that abducted Eris and Gabs?" she says.

"Okay." he says, putting the device on the floor and reaching inside, his tongue sticking out in concentration.

She huffs indignantly, snatches Beck's hat, and hawks up a big glob of spit in it. A slight squelching sound is heard as she pushes it back onto his head.

"Hey!" Beck shouts, finally looking up. He takes the hat off and runs a hand through his hair. "What was that for?!"

YOSO simply gets up and leaves.

 **(Point me!)**

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

"Hey, has anyone seen my necklace? I can't find it."

Gabs looks around the stage for her wolf necklace, asking around if anyone's seen it. She sees Millie turn a corner and goes after her.

"Hey Millie," she starts. "Have you seen-" She is cut off when a net scoops her into the air, trapping her. She struggles against the ropes, to no avail. "Millie? Anyone?! Help!"

"Don't bother." AJ grumbles from the net beside her. "I've been trying to get out of here for the past 10 minutes." He sits up as best he can and tries to bite at the ropes.

 **Point: Ian/Millie**

 **Scores  
** **AJ - 1  
** **Beck - 2  
** **Dani - 2  
** **Ian/Millie - 2** **  
** **Stan - 3  
** **Wendy - 0**

 _ **Strikes: 3**_

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

Wendy holds a sheet of blank paper in one hand and a pencil in the other. She walks up to YOSO, who sits cross-legged at the back of the stage, leaning back in contemplation.

"Hey," Wendy says, waving the hand with the pencil. "What's up?"

"Lots of thinking..." YOSO answers, still looking off into the distance.

"Cool, cool. Hey, you mind just signing this real quick?" She holds the paper out. "Just need it for a project."

YOSO slowly looks to the redhead. "What for?" she asks hesitantly.

Wendy hesitates. "... Autograph?"

"Not buying that for a second, buddy."

"Alright, _fiiine_." She sits down, bunching up her legs so she can rest her elbows on her knees. "I'm making a project and I need some sort of proof that you agree. Now could you sign?"

"Depends." YOSO says, rubbing her chin in thought. "What's the project?"

"I wanna get the cast outdoors." Wendy says, motioning to the exit. "They stay cooped up in here all day. Honestly, that doesn't seem too healthy."

"I suppose you're right... Alright, I'll sign." She takes the paper and quickly signs it, putting a dot as she finishes.

"Thanks!"

 **20 minutes later...**

A sign has been placed at the door of the studio, it reads "Outdoor Fun Day, Go to the Tree to Join!". Dani sees the sign, stopping for a moment to read it.

"Something's fishy here..." She looks the sign over for any sort of authoritative confirmation, finding YOSO's signature in the bottom left hand corner. She shrugs. "Seems legit." She opens the door, hissing as the sunlight hits her. "Agh! That's blinding!" She pushes her glasses onto her hair and pinches the bridge of her nose. "I gotta get out more..."

The camera cuts to footage from a nearby window, the camera having been set up by Wendy to record the victims. Dani follows the signs to a table with water balloons. She looks around curiously for anyone else. Shrugging, she makes her way to the table... only to shoot up into the air the next moment, her foot caught in Wendy's trap.

 **Point: Wendy**

 **Scores  
** **AJ - 1  
** **Beck - 2  
** **Dani - 3  
** **Ian/Millie - 1** **  
** **Stan - 3  
** **Wendy - 3**

 _ **Strikes: 3**_

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

Dani sets up a packet of Oreos onstage. She gets portal gun and makes one in the ceiling, then hides behind the set. Beck walks past the stage with his hands in his pockets. He backtracks when he sees the cookies. He looks around to make sure there's no one else around then picks them up.

"Score!" he says as he picks one out to eat it.

Dani takes the portal gun and makes a portal right under Beck, sending him falling through the other one. He comes back down and immediately ends up in the one on the floor, trapping him in a loop.

Eris walks onstage, holding her ears. "What's with all the commotion?" She sees Beck. "Whoa..."

"Help!" he yells. He only manages a single word before going through the portal again. "The! Oreos! Tricked! Me!"

Eris holds her hands up and steps away. "Sorry, you're on your own with this one, buddy."

 **Point: Dani**

 ** **Scores  
**** **AJ - 3  
** **Beck - 3  
** **Dani - 4  
** **Ian/Millie - 2** **  
** **Stan - 3  
** **Wendy - 4** **  
**

 _ **Strikes: 3**_

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

The surveillance footage shows Beck sneaking into Ian and Millie's room. He ties a wire around Millie's waist. She groans in her sleep, and slaps him hard.

" _Ow_!" Beck whispers.

"Told you not to touch my pockets, elf." Millie murmurs.

"Who you calling 'elf'?!" he whisper-shouts.

He gets no response and resumes his prank. He slings the wire over the rafters, making her go into the air as if she was flying. He ties it on the doorknob and leaves.

 **1 hour later...**

The alarm clock goes off in their room.

Ian puts his puts his pillow over his head. "Millie, get the clock." he mumbles.

Millie wakes up and rubs her hands in her eyes. "What?" she yawns. She hears the clock. "Oh, right." She tries to reach for it but finds that there's something digging into her waist. "What the what?" She feels the wire and laughs. "Ha, joke's on whoever did this. I've always wanted to fly." She pulls at the wire and finds that she can't undo it. "Umm... Ian?"

"Get it yourself." Ian mumbles and turns over.

"Ian?!" Millie panics a little as she attempts to bite the wire off of her.

"What happened?" Ian gets up and mumbles groggily. He looks to his sister's bed, then to where she is hanging from the ceiling. "Whaaat happened here?"

"Help me! I'm stuck!" she screams.

 **Point: Beck**

 **Scores  
** **AJ - 3  
** **Beck - 4  
** **Dani - 4  
** **Ian/Millie - 2** **  
** **Stan - 3  
** **Wendy - 4**

 _ **Strikes: 3**_

* * *

"Are we seriously out of time already?!" YOSO shouts, pulling her hat down over her ears.

She paces around the stage frantically, sometimes slipping on remnant drops of butter from AJ's prank.

"Calm down!" Eris says, pacing behind her. "We'll just have to make another two-parter!"

"But the two-parters are so _boring_." YOSO whines.

"No, they're not! Just splice it all together when the whole war is over."

"Alright, but this counts as another strike."

"Better now?"

"Much." YOSO nods. She turns to the camera. "Thank you for watching 'What Do Ya Think?'! We'll continue this episode-"

She gets cut off by a large crashing sound and Dani zipping by with a huge blob monster chasing after her. Eris and YOSO stare blankly at each other for a moment, then look to the camera.

"Ooookaaay..." YOSO says hesitantly. "We'll have to wait this out..."

"...and hope that we don't die in the process..." Eris continues.

"...so if we're lucky, we'll see you again Sunday."

They raise their right hands in a small wave. "Bye..?"

Carol runs up behind them, not taking her eyes off of something to the left of the stage. "Hey, can I ask you two something?"

"Sure..." Eris says hesitantly.

"You see it too right?" Carol points in the direction she was looking in.

Eris and YOSO slowly look too, their eyes widening as they see it.

"Oh fishsticks..." YOSO murmurs.

Their gazes slowly follow whatever they're looking at to the camera. It falls over, the girls running off as the screen goes black.

* * *

 **Links are on my profile!**


	10. Shippings (For real this time)

The group of pranksters argues onstage.

" _I_ was the first one to reach 5 points!" Dani says.

"No you weren't! We were!" Millie says.

"Hey, I got first place with that airhorn thing!" Beck says.

"That was _mine!_ " Wendy says.

"QUIET!" Stan shouts. They all look to him in silence. " _I_ was obviously the one who won since I got you all with the dollar bill gag!"

"That was barely a prank!" AJ says.

The uproar starts again. YOSO walks up behind them with an airhorn in hand.

"How many times do I have to use this thing?" she grumbles to herself. She points the airhorn to the ceiling and holds the button, effectively getting everyone's attention. "Oi! Enough with the arguing!"

They all looked to her, their faces showing bemusement.

"In case you all have forgotten, I will tell you that you have reached 5 strikes." YOSO says in a scary-calm voice. "Which means that you have once again disrupted the show and agitated your fellow cast members. Unfortunately for you, that means you must face repercussions for your actions."

The others give each other sideways glances... then burst out laughing. Millie and Ian look around nervously.

"You really had us going there for a sec." Dani chuckles.

"Nice 'Scary Mistress' act." AJ laughs.

"Do you have _any_ idea what I'm like," YOSO says through gritted teeth. " _when I'm mad?_ "

"Nice! You even quoted Bill!" Stan snickers.

YOSO's face hardens.

"And to answer your question," Beck continues. "Yes, we do know what you're like." He laughs a bit more as he says "You hang people from the ceiling."

YOSO's face right then: ಠ-ಠ C _hallenge accepted, fools._

 **25 minutes later...**

"Aaaaaah!"

"Ma-a-ake it sto-o-op!"

"We're sorry!"

"Let us out!"

"We won't do it again!"

"Please!"

Cries for help ring out in the studio as the troublemakers get their just deserts.

Millie hangs upside down from the ceiling like Spiderman. She is suspended above a pool of roaches, which attempt to climb towards her due to the syrup on her hands.

Ian has his arms strapped to a chair and is being forced to watch the 'Aliens' movies. Dani is getting similar treatment, except she's watching 'Twilight'.

Beck has his arms and legs tied up into one bundle and is hanging above a pit of snakes.

AJ has his hands and feet tied to each other, which stop him from taking off the headphones that are playing Justin Bieber's music.

YOSO surveys them all with her hands on her hips.

"Please!" Millie yells. "We've learned our lesson!"

"It's gonna eat me!" Ian shouts, kicking frantically at the chair in an attempt to escape.

"NOOOO!" Dani screams, jolting the chair and nearly falling over. "They're kissing again!"

"Let us go!" Beck yells.

YOSO puts a hand to her chin in mock thought. "Mmm, how about... no." She walks to the rope that suspends Millie in the air.

"Are you going to let me down now?" Millie asks hopefully.

"Okay!" YOSO loosens Millie's rope a bit so that she is closer to the bugs than before.

"That's not what I meant!"

YOSO shrugs. "Then you should have worded your request differently." She then walks to Millie, and picks up the remote. "How about I slow the movie down? It'll last longer _and_ it'll be easier for you to take in."

"PLEASE NO!" Dani cries.

"What was that? 'Please yes'? Well, alright." She presses the button, making Dani cry out in anguish and a few tears fall from her eye. Next, YOSO goes to Ian. "Not really sure how I can make your torture worse..."

Ian sighs in relief, but is still scared stiff from the movie.

"...except this." She reaches into his pocket and takes away the keychain.

"NOOO!" Ian shouts, shaking the chair as he tries to free his hands to take the puppy back.

She waves in front of his face then puts it in her pocket and walks to where Beck is. She looks him over, then leans on the edge of the pool holding the snakes. "What to do with you..?" she murmurs.

"Leave me be!" Beck says, trying to climb up the ropes.

YOSO snaps her fingers. "Here's something." She flicks his hat, making it fall into the pit of snakes.

"NOOOO!" He struggles against the bindings, causing one of the ropes to snap. He looks up apprehensively, then down at the snakes he is now closer to. He gulps, eyes wide in fear.

"Next up," she says as she walks away. "AJ." She looks down at him as doctor would her patient.

He shakes his head wildly in an attempt to get the headphones off and to make the music stop.

YOSO reaches for his headphones, but instead of pulling them away, she increases the volume.

"You're evil..." AJ mutters darkly, slumping on the ground and glaring at her.

YOSO smiles cheekily, moving on to the next victim: Stan, who is wearing virtual reality goggles while being trapped in a box, similar to the one he put 'The Cheapskate' in.

"NOOOO!" he yells, reaching out for an invisible object. "Why would you burn cash?!"

"Such is life, Stan." YOSO sighs, closing her eyes remorsefully. She looks to Stan's box and grins, she climbs up the ladder on the side of the box and changes the setting on his goggles.

"Not the thousands! _Not the thousands!_ " he screams.

YOSO slides down and makes her way to Wendy, who sits next to the projector and watches the music video for the song 'Straight Blanchin''... on a continuous loop.

"Why?!" she shouts. "This song is so _stupid_ its not even funny!"

"Yes, agreed." YOSO says, sitting down cross-legged next to her. "But hey," she says, shrugging, a wicked smile growing on her face. "I'm not the one stuck watching it for the next few hours."

"Hours?" Wendy says, aghast. " _Hours?!_ "

"With onscreen lyrics!" YOSO says triumphantly.

She messes with the projector for a bit, then sits walks away as the lyrics for the song play onscreen alongside the video and the music.

 **Scores  
** **AJ - 5  
** **Beck - 5  
** **Dani - 5  
** **Ian/Millie - 5** **  
** **Stan - 5  
** **Wendy - 5**

 **YOSO - 500** ಠ⌣ಠ

* * *

"Hello and welcome ba-" YOSO gets cut off.

"Can we go now?" Dani asks.

"No."

"Then when?" Millie whines.

"I am leaving you _punks_ like that overnight!" YOSO shouts to her left, arms at her sides.

"What?! _Why?!_ " they all shout.

"Because thanks to the lot of you, the rest of us no longer have a place to sleep!"

Silence falls over the set. YOSO simply glares at them.

"Nobody wants to own up for it?" she asks.

More silence. She glances at the camera, and after another glare at the group, she faces it once more.

"Well, I guess I have to explain what happened now..." She clears her throat, nodding in the direction of the rooms.

The camera pans 90 degrees to the right to show a wall of foam, then back to YOSO.

"Bottom line, chemistry in small spaces is _a bad idea_." she says, making her voice louder to speak pointedly to the pranksters. "And Dipper and Mabel disappeared, too, so there's another problem to-"

She stop talking as Laina walks onstage and whispers something to her.

"They're where?" YOSO mutters to her. "You're _kidding_... Oh no..."

Laina waves at the camera briefly then runs in the direction of the rooms.

"There's been some new development to this story," YOSO says slowly. "We now know that Dipper and Mabel are...um...in some rather 'deep' trouble..." she trails off, looking at the wall of foam with a calculating expression.

The camera pans back to the foam, where Nick and Gabs now stand.

"Blow torch?" Nick asks.

"I'm thinking something more along the lines of hairdryer." Gabs says.

"Hang on, what's this stuff made of again?"

"I don't actually know..."

Ford walks up to them, holding a test tube containing a sample of the foam. "It appears that the reaction has made a new chemical, one which is highly flammable and extremely explosive."

"... You're kidding, right?" Nick asks.

"Sadly, no. We will have to be very careful while removing this substance from the premises."

"Would a vacuum work?" Gabs asks, poking the foam with her foot.

"Heat in general could set off a chain reaction which could annihilate us all." Ford pauses a moment, his gaze shifting to the blob. "So you _might_ want to watch how close you stand to that thing."

The others step away awkwardly. The camera goes back to YOSO, who stands with her hands clasped together and disbelief etched in her features.

"Hello, Problem #14..." she mutters. She looks back to the camera. "We're gonna need another break. Cut to commercial!"

* * *

 **Is your vacuum not doing its job?**

A young adult Stanley holds up a state-of-the art vacuum with a frown.

 **Is it leaving behind those annoying dust splotches on the rug?**

He spills a bucket of dirt on the ground and rolls the machine over it (without plugging it in).

 **Well, then you should try Stan Vac**

An old, beat-up looking vacuum shows up on screen in front of a shiny background. The dirt-collector bag has a green sash over it with the words 'Stan Vac'

 **StanVac: It sucks more than anything!**

* * *

"We're back and we're gonna move on now!" YOSO says cheerfully, adjusting the strap of the satchel on her shoulder.

"Finally!" Laina says from far away, exasperation evident in her voice.

YOSO counts off on her fingers. "We've taken care of the blob, Dipper and Mabel have been rescued, the pranksters have been let go, and the next segment's ready." she says in one rushed breath. She grins toothily, before calling out "All characters to the stage!"

The characters shuffle onto the stage, even Bill, who makes a big show of dragging his arms behind himself and occasionally rubbing his eye, before floating up like he usually does.

"I'm just going to read out the rest of these ships Dipper's a part of." YOSO says, taking a rolled up paper with a string around it out of the bag. She unravels the string, making the paper open up and unroll halfway to the floor. "As you can see, there's a lot." She clears her throat. "So I left off at... BillFord, right?"

"It was DipFord!" Carol calls out tiredly.

"Right right. So... the rest of the list has... DipFord," She takes out pictures as she reads the paper. "Dipcest, _Bip_ cest, Dipper X Tyrone i.e. Double Dipping, Dipper X Robbie..." She looks up from the page and yells over her shoulder. "Hey, do DipStanwich and MaBillDip count as shippings?"

"No, they're harems." Beck says.

"Oh. I'm just gonna..." She stuffs the pages back into the bag and takes out new ones. "Let's get onto Mabel's shippings."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Eris asks.

YOSO smirks a little, as she looks to the ceiling then to the right, where Eris's voice came from. "No, I don't think I have."

"Really? You sure you haven't forgotten a certain _very in-demand shipping_?" Laina says, putting obvious emphasis on the last few words.

"Which one?" YOSO asks, feigning being clueless and tilting her head to the side. "I'm sure I got through all of them."

"How could you already forget Dipcifica?" Leela asks incredulously. "Everyone's been asking for it since you started!"

"Hmm, not ringing any bells." YOSO says, making sure all the straps on her bag were set, and glancing towards the exit.

"Are you kidding us right now?" Dani asks, stomping onto the stage. "Just show Dipcifica! It's literally the only thing I ship in GF so come on already!"

"Well, you see...I would, but..." YOSO smirks, looking at the characters slyly. "It's not like Dipcifica is canon or anything."

The studio pretty much erupts at this point, the sound of the entire cast bugging out at once very clear. "WHAT?!"

YOSO takes this moment to run, dodging the items being thrown at her from the crew. "Hey, if you injure me, I can't show Dipcifica!"

All firing stops for a moment.

" _Take the satchel_!" Gabs shouts.

YOSO stops in the middle of the stage, the characters stepping away. "You'll have to catch me first!" She pulls a ball out of her hat and throws it to the ground, making a cloud of smoke.

 **-Please stand by, we are experiencing technical difficulties-**

"Well, blah!" YOSO says, sticking her tongue out at someone offstage. "Because it's hilarious." She sighs. "Ah yes, listen to that sweet sound of people yelling at me to get on with the show." She manages a straight face for another 5 seconds before bursting out laughing. "Oh man, your faces!" Her satchel gets thrown at her. "Alright, I give." she says, rolling her eyes. She puts the satchel on and walks to the opposite end of the stage, finding the characters sitting there boredly. "Pacifica, please come forward."

The aforementioned tween stands up and makes her way forward.

"Pacifica," YOSO says, taking a sheet of paper out of the bag and keeping turned towards herself so they couldn't see it. "You appreciate Dipper, correct?"

"Well, yeah." Pacifica says. "He fixed that whole ghost problem."

"And your little personality issue."

"That too." she says meekly.

"Let me ask you something. You ever dream of this?" YOSO turns the paper around so that only Pacifica can see what's on it.

Pacifica blushes a little. She glances at the camera. "Do I have answer this in public?"

"Yes, because they already know."

"Oh... well, so much for my own thoughts." Pacifica takes a deep breath. "I admit, IhaveaslightfondnessforDipper."

YOSO surveys the crowd until she finds the familiar hat; the boy wearing it leaning against the wall. "Yo, Dipper!"

"What?" he asks, a little annoyed.

"Come over here." She nods for him to come closer.

"If it's about shippings, I'm fine right where I am." He pulls his hat over his eyes.

"Come on! It's the last one, I promise!"

Dipper looks up. "No more shippings?"

"Well, there'll still be shippings, just not any more that have you and the other characters."

"Good enough." he grunts, weaving through the crowd to reach the girls.

"So, Dipper. How do you feel about Ms. Northwest here?" YOSO gestures to Pacifica.

Dipper looks at Pacifica critically. "Is there a specific way I'm supposed to feel?"

YOSO coughs out "Yes", then continues speaking. "Sorry, had a little something in my throat. So, you don't think she's a little, I don't know... cute?"

"I don't know..."

YOSO facepalms. "You must have patience with this one." she whispers to Pacifica. She addresses Dipper. "Well, you're being shipped with her."

"..."

"What, nothing?"

"That's not too bad, actually."

"Okay, there." YOSO shoves Pacifica towards Dipper. "Make with the happy."

"That's a little forced, don't you think?" Millie says, walking up to them.

"What am I supposed to do? We don't have time to put them on a date or anything, and they're probably going to do all that when they finish up with Weirdmaggeddon."

"Make them friends first."

"Forget that." Beck says, joining the group. "Just have them make-out now."

"Agreed." Dani says, also joining.

"You do realize they're just 12, right?" YOSO says.

"So? They're perfect for each other." Leela says, walking up.

"YOSO's right, they're too young for that." Nick says.

" _Thank you_." YOSO says, leaning back on one foot and crossing her arms.

"...but that doesn't mean we can't set them up on a date."

"Am I talking to myself here?" she says, throwing her hands up.

"All in favor of setting up Dipper and Pacifica on a date, say 'Aye'!" Beck says.

The entire cast, even the ones offscreen, join in a chorus of "Aye!".

"Guys!" YOSO says.

"What? It's not like we're making them do ' _that'_." Dani says.

"Uh, guys?" Dipper says.

Him and Pacifica sort of shift awkwardly in their places.

"She's nice and all, but I barely know her." Dipper says.

"She knows you well enough to have developed a crush on you." YOSO says, unimpressed.

"YOSO!" Pacifica says, shocked.

"He had to find out at some point."

"Good thing they're gonna forget this, am I right?" Millie whispers, nudging YOSO with her elbow.

"True that." She clears her throat. "You two can go get to know each other if you want, I have to get to Mabel's shippings."

"Okaaay..." Pacifica says hesitantly.

"Oh, I know the _perfect_ place." Millie says. She takes Dipper and Pacifica's hands, pulling them behind her as she runs.

"Your turn, Mabes." YOSO calls, rummaging through the bag.

Mabel skips to her, slight determination on her face, as YOSO pulls out a scroll and begins reading.

"Mabel, you are part of the following shippings: Pinescest, Stanbel, MaBill, Mabifica, Mabideon-"

"Hold up." Mabel says, holding up her hands to indicate the other should stop. " _Mabifica_? _Mabideon_?"

"Yeah, don't ask how Mabifica got started-"

"One person said that the Mabifica pairing started during 'Double Dipper', and 'The Golf War', and I quote, 'Only added to the flames'." Nick shouts from somewhere offstage.

Mabel facepalms. "Whatever happened to the difference between 'rivalry' and 'friendship'?"

"Check 'BillDip' and you have your answer." YOSO says.

"And Mabideon?"

"That's more of an AU sort of thing, but I think that's subject to change, considering how Gideon rode off to fight Bill for your sake."

"Wellll..." Mabel looks at Gideon in appraisal. "No, not happening."

"Maybe in a few years-"

"Sorry, no."

"Okay, fine. The other shippings are Fordbel, Candy X Mabel, Mabel X Mermando-"

"But..."

"Yes, I know Mermando left, but the argument here is that he could somehow escape the marriage contract."

"But, I-I just got over him, h-he-" Mabel stutters out nervously.

"Calm down, Mabel." YOSO says, patting Mabel on the back. "Let's just move on to other shippings, hmm?"

"Yeah, yeah sure."

"Okay, all that's left is Mendy and Mobbie."

"That's all?"

"Yup. You can go now."

Mabel walks off, a bit dazed.

"Stanley, it's your turn." YOSO says, searching for his scroll.

Stan trudges up to her. "It's the principal's office all over again." he grumbles.

"Your shippings are..." She pulls the scroll out and begins reading. "Stancest-"

Stan takes this moment to fake a heart attack. "I-I see the light!"

"Man up, would you!"

"Even _you_ hurled when you showed us!"

"Which is why I'm not looking again or showing you." She shudders. "But that image is still haunting me."

"We need a change of subject here."

"Agreed. Next, there's Stanbel-" She takes a bundle of pictures out and shows him the first, but gets interrupted before she can show the next.

"Booo!" Stan jeers, interrupting her.

"Stoos-"

"Boooo!"

"Stendy-"

"Boooo!"

"StanDip-"

"Boooo!"

"StanBill-"

"Booooo!"

"FiddleStan-"

"Booooo!"

"And Starla."

"B- Henh? Starla?"

"Yup, Starla. It's more of an AU sort of thing, but still. The idea that you and Carla would get back together is rather heart-warming." YOSO gives Stan the picture, who looks at it somewhat longingly.

"This has restored my faith in the fandom."

"This ship is better part of the Grunkle4Grandpa AU, where _you_ are actually the twins' grandpa, but you gave their dad away to Shermy so they think _he's_ their grandpa."

"Much as I like the little gremlins," Stan says, looking up from the page. "I'm gonna have to say that's not true."

YOSO shrugs. "Figured as much." She clasps her hands together. "We're done with all of your shippings." She mumbles "At least the ones with the other characters."

"Alright then." he mutters, before walking away, not having heard that last thing she said.

"Ford's turn." she calls out, biting her lip to avoid smiling.

"And what torture am I to be subjected to?" he asks, pushing his glasses into his hair and pinching the bridge of his nose.

"The usual. You're not really part of a whole lot of shippings, so this is a fairly short list." She clears her throat and reads off of the paper. "FiddAuthor, Stancest, Fordbel, DipFord, and BillFord."

"I heard about the Fordbel and DipFord when you mentioned them to the twins, but _Bill_ Ford?"

"There is something akin to a theory that when you and Bill first knew each other, you got romantically involved."

Ford remains stoic. "I am torn between laughing and cringing."

"One more ship, one more ship." YOSO snickers. She searches through the bag, until she finds a small piece of paper. She gives it to him, laughing a bit more at his confused reaction. "Meet Ford X Hand Witch."

"A hand witch?"

" _The_ Hand Witch."

Ford stares at the paper blankly, while YOSO just about falls over laughing.

"Okay, okay." She wipes her eyes, and recomposes herself. "That's all for now, Ford."

Ford walks away, still puzzling over the Hand Witch.

YOSO checks her watch. "Hmm, this is taking a while." She calls out to Wendy. "Hey, Wendy!"

"What up?" she replies.

"You already know all of your shippings, right?"

"Mendy, WenDip, and Stendy, right?"

"Okay, good. What about you, Gid?"

Gideon crinkles his nose in disgust. " _Dipeon._ An' Mabideon. That's all."

"And Gidifica."

"Mah' heart belongs only to Mabel."

"Alright. Who's left? Bill!"

" _What?_ " Bill asks, clearly annoyed.

"How many ships have you heard?"

"MaBill, BillDip, BillFord, StanDip."

"Okay, okay. Umm...Soos! Your list of shippings, if you please?"

"Just Stoos, I think. Does my relationship with Melody count?"

"Of course! Nobody should _ever_ forget MelSoos!" YOSO exclaims, stomping her foot for effect. "I think we've gone through all of them now. Yup, we're done." She waves at the camera. "So long, guys! I'm off the clock!" She takes her satchel off and tosses it over her shoulder, then walks away.

Ian pokes his head onstage, looking at the satchel. He sits down next and starts rifling through, then dumps out all of the contents, which include enough paper to build a house, a notebook, and a camera. He sorts out the items until he finds his keychain, takes it, whistling as he walks away.

* * *

"Sorry 'bout that everyone." YOSO grumbles through gritted teeth. "I didn't discuss the 'Character X Reader's and OC shippings."

"Keep going." Ian says, his voice carrying from somewhere behind the camera.

"Come on! _I'm_ tired, _they're_ tired," She motions to the left, indicating the characters. "Can't we just call it a day?!"

"These are shippings too, so you have to do them."

"They're not even proper shippings." she groans.

"Too bad, so sad, have to do it or they'll be mad." he says as if reciting a poem.

"I didn't promise anyone anything about those!"

"Just get it over with."

"Fine!" She stomps to the right of the stage to retrieve the satchel, then crosses the stage to the other end and shoves all the characters to the middle. "Guys, last few things have to be done, so bear with me on this."

"This better be quick." Bill mutters.

"Aside from being shipped with each other, you're also shipped with various characters that are either from different fandoms or that fans themselves have created. These are called OCs and... there's nothing else to say about them. They're just characters that people make and put in stories with you, along with possible romantic intent."

"That it?" Dipper yawns. "I'm getting kinda tired."

"Last thing. There's also reader inserts, where people can put _themselves_ into the stories. Usually, these stories are romance based, so people who have fallen for you can just sort of imagine themselves there. Any questions?"

Mabel raises her hand. "So we're being shipped with just about everyone on the planet?"

"... I guess you could see it that way."

"See, Dip?" Mabel says, nudging Dipper with her elbow. "You're lovable."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm the 'hot guy' that every girl dreams about."

"You are in some ways." YOSO says.

"I was kidding!"

"This fanart isn't." She takes a picture out of the satchel. "If this is any sort of indicator, you've got a bright future ahead of you."

"Huh."

"Got something to look forward to now, don'tcha, Dipdop?" Mabel teases.

"Har har, very funny." Dipper says, rolling his eyes. "All done now?" he asks YOSO.

"Hopefully." she says.

"To Dreamland!" Soos cries.

"Yeah, go to Dreamland!" Bill agrees, a wicked glint in his eye.

The characters all make their way to their rooms, leaving YOSO by herself on the stage.

"Thank you for tuning to another episode of 'What Do Ya-" She gets cut off by a yawn. "Sorry, an episode of 'What Do Ya Think?'. We'll see you again next week."

* * *

 **Links are on my profile!**


	11. Technical Difficulties

**Sorry for the inconvenience, everyone. Due to some technical difficulties, this week's episode is being postponed to next week. Please enjoy this filler in the mean time.**

* * *

The studio doors move with sounds of thumping, shaking with the force of whatever is on the other side. The cast stands in front of it, desperately trying to keep it closed.

"Ian, get that chair!" YOSO shouts.

He obliges, bringing a huge chair, which she puts under the handles. Not even moments after, the doors get hit again, breaking the chair and opening up a bit. The cast regroups and pushes it closed again, holding the handles together.

"Millie! Get the padlock!" YOSO yells, straining with the effort of keeping the door shut.

Millie rushes towards the door with a heavy chain and a large lock. She wraps them around the handles, effectively keeping the door in place...for about 10 seconds. The group digs their feet into the ground and push the door back into place. YOSO looks up to see that the camera is running.

"Oh...uh- hey!"

Another large knock to the door and the group fall to the ground, scrambling once again to their places.

"Hello, ladies and gentlemen." YOSO says, her voice slightly strained with the effort of keeping the door shut. "We are currently experiencing technical-" Another large knock to the door. "Technical difficulties. We'll check back with you in a while, but in the meantime, please enjoy this clip of one of Beck's sche-" Another large knock. YOSO steps back and starts to arrange the cast members on the doors. "Beck, you go here; Gabs, here; Laina, I think over heeeere, and maybe Dani should go-"

Multiple knocks send everyone crashing into a pile on the ground, their eyes spinning with the fall. After a moment of stumbling, they once again take their places and hold the door and Mabel walk up, curiosity evident on their faces.

"What's going on?" Dipper asks.

"Oh hey, Dip." YOSO grunts. "Remember when I told you about those fangirls?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, a few-"

"Hundred." Carol coughs.

"-found us and...well, simply put, they want you."

Dipper's eyes widen. "Never really thought I'd hear that anytime soon."

"Quick, we need to think of a way to fortify the-"

YOSO gets cut off by a metal rod being jammed through the door, forcing them apart.

"Too late!" Millie squeaks.

"Go go go go go!" YOSO says, pushing the shocked Pines forward.

"Protect the Dipper!" Ian cries.

* * *

 **Please enjoy this clip of one of Beck's schemes...**

"Are you sure about this?" Gabs asks uncertainly.

"Positive." Beck says.

He had just finished explaining his prank plan to Gabs, whose reaction was to look at him as if he is a madman for even _considering_ such a thing. They were standing next to the body-switching carpet, Gabs with her arms wrapped around herself, and Beck with one of Dani's tarantulas in his hands.

"You do realize that tarantulas don't have vocal cords, right?" Gabs says.

"So?" Beck shrugs. "Not like I'll need them."

"Let me just run through this again. You want to turn into a spider... and what, exactly?"

"Mess with everyone onset." He nods in determination.

"And you're not worried about the fact that there is a large chance that you could _die_?" she says incredulously.

"Well, technically speaking, there are more ways that this could go wrong that _don't_ involve death." he says matter-of-factly.

"And what are the chances of that?" Gabs says, crossing her arms.

"Oh about 29%. At least, that's what this counter told me." Beck takes a sheet of paper out of his pocket and shows it to her.

She takes the paper, looking at it skeptically. "This doesn't make any sense..." she mutters. She turns the paper upside and her eyes widen. She looks between the paper and Beck. "It was upside down."

"So?"

"It says the chance of failure is _92%_ , not 29%."

"Pssh! The odds don't matter." Beck scoffs. "What matters is that I need help."

"You got that right." Gabs mutters under her breath.

Beck doesn't hear her and keeps speaking. "Once I switch bodies with this thing," He holds the tarantula up a bit higher. "You take me to the camera and let me loose there."

"And you have no backup plan to this?"

"No, why should I?"

Gabs reaches into her pocket and pulls out a small stone. She hands it to Beck.

"What is that?" he asks.

"It was going to be a tombstone for my goldfish," she says sweetly. "But I think you might need it before he does."

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

The stage's surveillance camera picks up a small object moving around in the rafters. It zooms in on a tarantula, scurrying quickly as if on a mission. It dangles downward on a length of web, continuing until it reaches Laina, who is busy setting up the camera. He hangs right behind her head. She turns around, momentarily surprised that there was something there, then yelping as she realized what the thing was.

"Tarantula!" she shrieks, backs away from it and nearly knocks over the camera.

The tarantula climbs back up the webbing to the ceiling. Captions appear as it moves around in what appears to be a victory dance.

 _Point Spider Beck!_

He moves on to near the door, where Pacifica stands staring at her phone screen. As he walks, he taps out the beat to 'Spider Pig'.

 _Spider Beck, Spider Beck, does whatever a Spider Beck does._

He weaves a web with writing on it and descends in front of Pacifica. He waves it in front of her, getting her attention. It has no effect... until she sees what he wrote on it.

"I will sue you for everything you've got, _bug_!" she screeches, jumping up to try and grab him.

Beck weaves another web, with a new message.

 _Tarantulas aren't bugs!_

"They will be as soon as _I'm_ done with them!"

Beck climbs back up to the rafters and scurries away, leaving behind the web that angered Pacifica in the first place. It read:

 _What's the brand of dye you use on that hair of yours?_

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

The camera view cuts to the surveillance in the bedrooms' hallway, which shows Millie with a small jar containing a butterfly. She walks with her arms around it protectively. She walks up to 'Beck', who wanders around uncertainly.

She holds the jar up. "Beck Beck Beck! Look look look! I caught a butterfly!" she squeals happily.

'Beck' stares at the jar, transfixed by the creature inside. "Could... I see... it?" 'he' rasps slowly.

"Sure! I tamed her a while ago." Millie says, unscrewing the lid. She reaches her hand into the jar, perching the butterfly, and pulls it out, holding it up triumphantly in front of 'Beck'. "See? I named her Lara!"

"Mind if... I... hold her?" 'he' asks.

"Okay." Millie says unsurely. "But don't crush her, alright?"

'Beck' wordlessly takes the butterfly in 'his' hands. Millie watches intently. Suddenly, 'he' puts the butterfly in 'his' mouth and swallows. Millie blinks. She looks to 'Beck', processing what just happened. Her eyes widen in horror.

"You-you..." she stammers.

'Beck' grins. "Something... the matter?"

Millie stares at 'him', wide-eyed and frozen. "This has got to be a dream..." she mumbles quietly to herself, not taking her eyes off of the other. She walks away stiffly, staring at the ground with her arms at her sides as if they've been clamped down.

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

The camera shows footage from Dani's room.

"Time to put you back in your home, Parker." she says to the tarantula in her hands.

She lifts the lid off of the terrarium and slips the creature inside.

Captions appear onscreen for the tarantula. _But I'm not Parker!_

"I think I'll start filming you guys." Dani says. She rubs her chin as she ponders. "You two do some pretty interesting stuff when I'm not around." She shrugs. "Maybe YOSO would let me play the footage."

Dani sets up a small camera outside of the terrarium and leaves. The footage cuts to the feed from that camera. Captions show up onscreen for the spiders.

Peter closes in on Beck. _Parker my love! Are you alright?_

Beck doesn't move.

Peter moves around a bit, putting an arm out to the other in a comforting gesture. _They didn't hurt you, did they?_

Beck shifts uncomfortably.

Peter puts a few more arms up in what looks like a hug. _Why won't you say anything, dearest?_ He steps back, walking to the other end of the terrarium and dramatically looking out the glass. _Its bad enough that we can't have children of our own._ He goes back and looks at the other meaningfully. _I don't want to lose you too. Please, love, speak to me! Tell me you're alright, tell me you love me!_

Beck tries to speak. _I'm... fine..._

Peter jumps back. _Who are you?_

Beck doesn't answer.

 _Who are you and what have you done with my wife?!_

Beck runs to the other end of the terrarium, Peter chasing after him. The feed cuts back to Dani's room. She walks in to see the arachnids frantically running around their home.

"Peter! How many times have I told you that if Parker say 'no', she means 'no'!" she says. She puts her hand into the terrarium and takes Beck out. "I guess I gotta keep you out here for awhile." she says sadly, then looks back to Peter. "You, mister, will stay in there, and think about what you've done!"

Beck takes raises a few arms and waves to Peter as he is carried out.

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

The footage cuts to the surveillance camera in Ian and Millie's room, where Ian sits on the edge of his bed with his phone. Millie walks up to him stiffly, eyes wide and slightly glazed.

"Ian?" she says.

"Yeah?" he says distractedly.

"Could you just punch me real quick?"

Ian looks up at his sister, brows furrowed. "Well, sis, you know I would be all for that, but can I ask _why_?"

"Just do it." She crouches down and points to under her right eye. "Right here."

"Okay, now I _know_ something's up." he says, putting his phone in his pocket and fully turning to her. "What happened?"

She sits down and huddles close to her brother, bringing her knees close to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. "I just saw Beck eat my butterfly." she says shakily.

Ian looks at her warily. "You sure you didn't imagine it?"

"If I did, do you think I'd be acting like this?" she whines.

"Touché." he says. "Was it that butterfly you caught yesterday? Lara?"

"Beck ate Lara!" Millie wails. She puts her head down and sobs into her arms.

Ian wraps an arm around her in a side hug. "Don't hear that everyday." he mutters, laughing slightly.

"Its not funny!" she says, looking up at him. "He just took her and put her in his mouth! I even heard the sound of her wings snapping!"

"We can get you another butterfly." he says soothingly.

"I don't want another butterfly! I want Lara!" she cries. "She was so pretty and she actually _liked_ me! All the other butterflies think I'm some sort of monster!"

"I'm sure she went to butterfly heaven, Millie."

"No, she went to Beck's stomach and then she's gonna go into his intestines, and then down the toilet!"

Ian rolls his eyes. "Yes, Millie. Even in the face of misery, you're no delusional."

"I miss her so much!" she wails, her body racking with sobs.

"There there." Ian says comfortingly.

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

'Beck' wanders around the studio, 'his' eye twitching occasionally. 'He' finds Laina with one hand on the onstage camera to steady herself as she hyperventilates. 'He' walks up to her unsteadily and taps her shoulder. She jumps slightly, startled, then calms down a little.

"Oh, it's just you." she says, gulping and trying to stop breathing so fast.

"What's... wrong?" 'he' asks.

"Just, had a nasty scare." She laughs in an attempt to make light of the situation. "I guess one of Dani's tarantulas got out again."

'His' eyes widen, and 'he' growls slightly. "Did... you... see which... way it... went?"

"No. One moment it was in front of my face, the next it's gone and I'm trying to breathe properly. Why?"

"Just... needed... to return... it."

"Well, good luck with that."

"... Thanks."

'He' walks away, balling and unballing 'his' hands.

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

Dani walks around with 'Parker' on her head, pointing out objects onset in a mini-tour.

"That over there is where I get those beetles you like so much. I know you'd probably want to catch them yourself, but you already saw how scared everyone is of you last time you got out." She takes the tarantula off of her head and sighs. "I don't see why. I mean, who could ever be afraid of such a cute face?" She strokes the creature's abdomen.

Suddenly, 'Parker' AKA Beck, jumps out of her hands and runs as fast as his eight legs can carry him.

"Parker! Where are you going?!"

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

"This is so weird..." YOSO murmurs as she walks past Ian and Millie's room, stopping to hear Millie crying inside.

She walks around to the stage, where Laina sits, apparently in deep thought.

"Hey Laina."

"Hmm? Oh, hey YOSO." Laina says, a tad distracted.

"Whatcha thinkin' 'bout?"

"Just... Beck's been acting kinda weird, don't you think?"

"I wouldn't know." YOSO shrugs. "I haven't seen him for the past couple days. Which is suspicious all by itself."

"Well, I was just talking to a few minutes ago, and he wasn't acting like himself."

"How so?"

"Raspy voice, mad glint in his eyes, impulsive finger twitching... that sort of stuff."

"... Those last two kind of sound normal."

" _YOSO._ " Laina says exasperatedly.

"I'm kidding." YOSO chuckles. "He probably just had a bunch of Oreos again. C'mon, let's go see if anyone else has seen him." She starts walking with Laina. "If we're lucky, he might not be a _zombie slaaaave_." She wiggles her fingers creepily while mimicking Dracula's accent as she says 'zombie slave'.

"Ha ha." Laina says without laughing. "Very funny."

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

Beck the spider wanders around the studio, ducking behind boxes and furniture to avoid being seen. He stops cold as his own foot falls on front of him, the shoe very much bigger now that he's that small.

"And just... where do... you think... you're going?" 'Beck' rasps, smiling slightly.

Beck looks up at 'him'. _P-Parker?_

"Sorry... but thanks to... this language barrier... I no longer... understand Tarantula." Parker bends over and picks Beck up. "So I'm hoping... that you could... give my body... back to me?"

Beck chitters in panic. _Let me go!_

Parker huffs and rolls her eyes. "One tap... for 'yes'... two for... 'no'."

Beck doesn't get to answer as Ian shouts "There he is!"

The cast gathers around Beck and Parker, Dani walking up and taking Beck away.

"Leave Parker _alone_!" she shouts.

"B-But-" Parker doesn't get to finish her sentence.

"Beck, you've been acting seriously weird today." Ian says. "Weird enough that you actually ate a bug. So either I was right and you've finally cracked, or there's something seriously wrong with you."

"I-I... am not... Beck!" Parker rasps, trying to shout.

"Nice try, Beck." AJ says. "You can't get us with that gag again."

"I'm Parker!"

"Yeah, right. And the tarantula in Dani's hands is Beck." Carol says.

"I'm... telling... the truth!"

Further argument gets interrupted by a light whistling which comes from the back of the group. They turn around to face Gabs, who looks at the ceiling, whistling lightly with her hands behind her back and a slightly guilty look on her face.

"Gabs? Is there something you're not telling us?" YOSO says warningly.

"Heh, uh, funny thing is... that, um..." Gabs looks at the floor. "Parker's telling the truth." she mumbles.

"What?!" the whole group shouts.

"That's Parker," She nods to Beck's body. "And that's Beck." She nods to the tarantula in Dani's hands.

Dani looks down at the tarantula, then at Parker the human, her face frozen in shock. "Somebody put Beck back in his own body..."

"Dani..?" Eris asks cautiously.

"...so _I can strangle him!_ "

"Oh boy..." Nick murmurs.

"Beck, what makes you think you can just _waltz_ into _my_ room, and mess with _my_ tarantulas?!" she screams at the spider. "They have feelings too, ya know! And I _know_ that if I ask Parker here if she could have been left alone, she would have been perfectly happy!" She looks to Parker. "Isn't that right, Parker?!"

"Yes... Dani." Parker rasps, smiling at her owner's protective behaviour. "Y'know... I sure... miss Peter."

"And that's another thing!" Dani continues to scold Beck for his antics and how he "ruined an arachnid marriage".

* * *

 **Present events...**

"Okay, we're good now, right?" YOSO pants.

She sits up on the rafters, Millie next to her, Ian's camcorder recording them. It pans around to show the entire cast and characters also crammed up to the ceiling.

"The studio just got a whole lot more crowded." Eris says, holding her knees to her chest and looking down at the sea of girls below. "They didn't see us come up here, right?"

"I'm not sure." YOSO says, leaning back. "But we're safe for now."

Dipper pokes his head out from behind a beam. "What do we do now?" He leans a bit, making the bill of his hat get caught on a beam and almost fall.

"Watch it!" YOSO says, catching his hat as it comes off. "Do you _want_ to be torn apart?"

"Sorry." he mutters, fixing it atop his head.

"We drop _anything_ , we're dead. Understood?" She looks to the others, who look at the ground, still in slight shock. " _Understood?_ "

They all nod dazedly. Ian pans the camera so that it faces the mob. A shoe falls to the ground, making the girls look up.

"Whose shoe was that?" he deadpans.

"It just fell!" Millie pleads.

"How does it 'just fall'?" he asks incredulously.

"We don't have time for this." YOSO interrupts. "They know we're up here, so we have about 30 seconds before they figure out that Dipper's here too, and another minute after that before they find the way up."

"We're so dead." Carol says.

"DIPPER!" the fangirls cry as Dipper peaks over the edge of the rafters.

The boy blanches.

"Quick escape plan. Everyone, follow my lead." YOSO says curtly.

* * *

"Well, we made it." YOSO says, panting.

The cast and characters are now located on the roof of the studio, Ian sitting next to the ladder they used to climb up as Millie and Carol pull it away from the fangirls. The entire group is ragged, soot-covered, and out of breath. YOSO is missing her scarf; Millie's skirt is somewhat torn; Eris's hair is messy and in knots; One of Carol's hair-ties came out and her socks are filthy; Beck's arm has claw marks; Part of Nick's trenchcoat has been ripped away; Leela's hair is starting to fall over her face and her pencil is lodged somewhere in the back of the mess; Laina's camisole is stretched out and falling over her knees.

Dani's hoodie strings are pulled so tight they're almost choking her, so she's stuck pulling at the hood to loosen them; Gabs is fixing her shirt, which is falling over one shoulder; Stan's fez is gone; Ford's glasses have a lens popped out; Dipper lost his shoes and socks; the shooting star on Mabel's sweater is ripped away and her headband is missing; Wendy's hat is gone; Soos's shirt has been ripped in half from the bottom; McGucket's beard got another few bandages; Bill managed to float above the crowd and get away with just a spitball to the eye; Waddles is trembling a little in Mabel's arms; Pacifica...well, she suffered the most, having to borrow Mabel's llama sweater since her shirt and jacket got ripped to shreds. Ian turns the camera to himself to show his missing hood and ripped pockets.

He turns it back as Nick speaks up.

"Wait a second, how come they went after Pacifica?"

"She's their competition." Millie says. "Y'know, Dipcifica and all."

"Oh, right."

"How long are we staying here for?" Wendy asks.

"As long as it takes for fangirl devotion to wear off." Ian says.

"We're stuck here for all eternity." Dani groans, rubbing her face. "Say goodbye to whatever life we had before."

"We _could_ just sacrifice Dipper." AJ suggests, nodding in Dipper's direction.

"How about we call that Plan Z?" Laina says, watching as Dipper hyperventilates at AJ's suggestion.

"I vote that should be Plan S, honestly." Gabs says.

"I vote Plan B." Stan says. "We could make even more money if we put him back in that wolf costume."

On cue, the fangirls squeal from below.

"See? Instant fortune." Stan says smugly.

Dipper sits down with his head between his knees.

"I was just messing with ya, kid!" Stan laughs. "I'm not letting these girls drag you away for any fortune."

He looks over the edge of the roof at the group below. Ian follows and points his camcorder in the direction Stan is looking in, zooming in on a cluster holding a sign that says 'We'll take him dead or alive!'

Stan gapes. "They're absolutely _nuts_!" he whispers quietly.

"True that." Ian murmurs, astonished as he zooms out and pans back to the roof.

"I think we could take them." Beck says, gesturing to himself, Nick, and AJ.

"You're kidding, right?" Laina asks.

"No, really. We've survived living with you for the past few weeks." he chuckles. "What could be so bad?"

The girls all look between each other and back to the boys, each with a questioning look. AJ silently points to Beck mouthing 'His idea! His idea!', and Nick shakes his head and does the same. When Beck looks to them, they look away, putting their hands in their pockets and whistling lightly.

Eris steps forward. "Have you ever _seen_ a fangirl?"

"Plenty." Beck says.

Eris shakes her head in disbelief. "Just come here real quick." She leads him to the edge of the roof. Cupping her hands to her mouth, she yells, "Look! It's Dipper!"

Immediately, the sounds of shrieking erupt from the ground, causing everyone to cover their ears, and one of the lenses in Dani's glasses to crack, along with the camera lens.

" _Er-is!_ " Ian whines. He turns the camera around to face him so he can look at the lens. "Why'd you have to go and break the camera?"

* * *

"I have an idea," Nick says. "But it might be risky."

"By all means, put yourself at risk of losing more of your coat." AJ says sarcastically.

"Just say what it is already." YOSO says, then looks over the edge. "They're starting to cluster..."

"Talk about ominous." Carol says, joining her.

"We have two options," Nick says. "One, we dress up Mabel as Dipper and let them chase _her_. Two, we get the supernatural copier and clone a couple hundred Dippers."

5 minutes later and Nick's hanging over the edge of the building from a rope.

"They're not idiots who haven't seen the show!" Beck shouts.

"Why me, though?!" Nick shouts, squirming to get back up.

"HE WHO SUGGESTS THE IDEA HAS TO GO THROUGH WITH IT!" the group shouts, making the rope jolt and lower Nick a little closer to the fangirls.

"Let me back on the roof!"

"Wait..." YOSO mutters. "Guys, bring him back up! He might be onto to something with that dress-up thing."

They all proceed to (begrudgingly) pull him away from the mob to safety.

" _Thank_ you!"

"Don't thank me yet." YOSO says. "You, my friend, have given me an idea that could very well drop the population of this studio by two."

"Um... what?"

* * *

YOSO bends over a bit to fix up Dipper's hat and vest.

"You do not say a _word_ , understand me?"

He nods blankly.

"Good. But if you do, just know that I'm throwing you, into the mob, to be dealt with by the fangirls."

He nods again.

YOSO stands up to face the rest of the crowd. "Dani, you have the portal gun?"

She holds up the aforementioned item. "Got it."

"Alrighty then." YOSO stands at the ledge overlooking the mob of fangirls. "HEY!"

The girls all look up, somewhat annoyed.

"You want Dipper, right?!" YOSO shouts, pulling Dipper's arm to bring him in view of the girls.

They all start clamoring, trying to reach him.

"We'll come down, just him and me, and all of us can work something out! Okay?!"

The girls shout their approval.

 **15 minutes later...**

YOSO stands with Dipper at the edge of the lot, negotiating with the fangirls. They're too far away for Ian's camcorder to pick up on the conversation. YOSO calmly speaks and occasionally gestures to Dipper every once in a while. The camera pans to the roof, where the real Dipper is, walking over to the camera. His vest and hat are missing, and his shorts have been switched for pants.

"Are they still alive?" he asks, looking over the edge to catch a glimpse of the negotiations.

"For now," Ian says, panning back to the ground. "But they won't be for much longer if Dippy-Fresh decides to open his big mouth."

Just then, Dippy-Fresh starts talking. YOSO looks at him, betrayal evident on her face even from that distance. Her cry of 'YOU IDIOT!' rings out clearly. The crowd surges towards the two of them.

 **5 minutes later...**

YOSO sits on the roof in a tight ball. "So... much... merchandise..." she whimpers.

Millie pokes her shoulder.

"I DON'T HAVE HIM, FOR GOD'S SAKE!" YOSO shouts, scrambling away.

The camera pans 180 degrees to Dani, who puts the portal gun in a corner.

"You couldn't have brought her back sooner?" Ian asks accusingly.

"I told you, the stupid trigger got stuck!" Dani says defensively.

"This isn't going up as an episode, is it?" Beck asks.

The camera pans around to face him.

"It's gonna have to. We don't have anything else." Ian says, sadly. He walks over to YOSO and points the camera at her face. "Outro, please?"

She shivers. "Th-Thank... y-you... f-f-for..."

"Yeah, this is getting us nowhere." He turns the camera to face himself. "Thank you for tuning in to another episode...uh, episode-ish, thing, whatever it is. Thank you for tuning in and we'll see you again next-"

He gets interrupted by Millie, who sneaks up behind him and shouts "We'll see you again next week~!"


	12. Special Episode

**This week's episode is very special... of course, I wouldn't know _how_ special si-**

 **Whoop! Almost spoiled the surprise! Read the whole episode first, _then_ I'll tell you.**

* * *

"Has YOSO seemed a bit... off to any of you?" Laina asks.

She, AJ, Leela, Nick, Dani, Gabs, and Eris are standing to the right of the stage. The group look behind them to where YOSO is limply hanging upside-down off a low-hanging rafter as if it's a monkey bar, with her scarf wrapped around her eyes, and her hat and shoes below her on the floor.

Beck stands in front of her, looking at the scene apprehensively. "What are you doing?"

"Relaxing." she answers curtly.

The group look to each other.

"She has been a bit... distant." Dani says.

"Don't you mean 'murderous'?" AJ says, looking pointedly at YOSO.

"What?"

They look back to see YOSO yelling angrily at Beck and throwing her shoes at him. "Fous-moi la paix, crétin! Farfelu, crado, déjanté..!"

"Wow." Laina says.

"Anybody speak French?" Gabs mutters.

"Maybe those fangirls took a bigger hit to her than we thought..." Carol says slowly.

"Whoa, Beck!" Leela sidesteps to stop him. "What did you say to get her all riled up like that?"

Beck looks over his shoulder cautiously. "I was just pitching ideas."

"What kind of ideas?" Eris asks suspiciously.

Beck counts off items on his fingers. "Well, there was Dipcifica, some Scooby-Doo theme music... and having the Love God make an appearance."

Nick winces. "That explains everything."

* * *

"I'm fine, guys! Really!" YOSO says, holding her hands up in a placating gesture.

She backs up against the wall, the entire cast crowded around her.

"No, you're not." Laina says.

"You need a vacation." Dani adds.

"I already got one!" YOSO says.

"That doesn't count." Beck says. "You were still working on the show."

"B-but I-"

"No buts!" Gabs says. "You are going to relax for once and not write a thing."

"Who's going to run the show?" YOSO asks frantically.

"We will." AJ says.

"What?" YOSO gasps.

"Don't you trust us, YOSO?" Carol asks.

"Yeah, but-"

"Then its settled." Nick says. "You're leaving the studio and we'll take over."

"F-for how long?"

"One week." Eris says.

"WHAT?!"

 **10 minutes later...**

YOSO digs her heels into the ground as she is shoved towards the door.

"Can't I just lock myself in my room?" she pleads.

"No." Dani says.

"What if-"

"No."

"We'll be _fine_ , YOSO." Laina says exasperatedly. She hands YOSO her backpack. "Now, go enjoy your week."

"But-"

"GO!" They all shove her out the door and shut it.

* * *

"Well, with Ian, Millie, and YOSO gone, who wants to have the Love God make an appearance?" Beck asks his Castmates with a hopeful look.

Laina winces and asks, "Can I at least finish the Transcendence AU section? I have a great thing in mind that will definitely convince Dipper that it's not all bad. Please?"

"Fine. What about the rest of you? Any ideas?" Beck asks the rest

AJ shrugs. "I'm down with freaking Dipper out more- I mean, going with the Transcendence AU."

"And the final chapter of Resurrection was posted. For those viewers who don't know what Resurrection is," Beck says looking to the camera, "It was a fanfic I showed Dipper where Bill tried to posses him, but instead killed Dipper and assumed his body, and believed himself to be Dipper. Needless to say, Dipper freaked out. This should be fun." Beck rubs his hands together like a cartoon villain. Again.

"Ooh uh, Beck?" Laina winces again and looks over at Beck. "I read that story, and I like it, but let's not show Dipper that one… I really don't want to freak him out that much"

"Oh! I read Resurrection! Well, some of it." Dani chimes in, eager to be a part of the conversation. "I could finish reading that while you finish freaking out Dipper with the AU. Maybe I could research Stanbill and Billford too in the meantime so I can explain it to Ford and Stanley." She pulls out a phone that is clearly not hers and walks off grabbing a trash bin on the way for obvious reasons. She pokes her head back in the room with a grin. "Beck, might want to check your pockets." Dani then continues her strides, cackling to herself.

Beck responds to Laina, ignoring Dani. "Too late. Already showed him the first thirteen chapters before you arrived. It's only fair we finish it. To the printer!" Beck scampers off camera, presumably to print the last chapter of the story.

AJ pats his pockets, then shouts "WHO TOOK MY FREAKIN' PHONE!"

The camera switches to Dani's 'quiet place', where she's going through Beck's wallet and downloading BillFord and StanBill onto AJ's phone. She looks into the camera with a raised eyebrow like she knows what the audience is thinking. "What? It, not like I'm going to put 'em on my phone. This just makes it easier." She continues working as the view switches to the others.

Nick walks in the door "I'm here." he says. He then rubs the back of his head. "And my head hurts."

"Hi Nick!" Comes from the hallway.

"And as for Transcendence, I have a few words of my own. All of them will make sure Dipper doesn't freak out" Nick says to Laina before turning to the camera "I am NickStriker and I take all responsibility for angering any viewers that read this"

Dipper is curled into a ball just inside the frame. "N-no more. Please no more."

Nick rolls his eyes. "Chill kid, you have nothing to worry about. That AU is as flawed as time travel."

Everyone else in the vicinity yells "What!"

"But... We've time traveled before." Mabel remarks quietly.

"Yes, and you shouldn't have been able to. The whole universe should have imploded as soon as the time machine was made." Nick continues, "I would say check out my AU review, but I deleted it. Dani knows what I'm talking about" He waves in her general direction. "Though a viewer pointed out a problem that I missed."

"What's this I hear about a missing phone?" Beck says, returning with a couple sheets of paper.

"Dani stole my phone, AND I WANT IT BACK! DON'T MAKE ME GO ALL BLACKHAWK ON YOU DANI!"

"I"D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!"

Nick raises an eyebrow. "What did I miss?"

"Dani stole AJ's phone" Mabel answers.

Bill chose that moment to speak up. "I forget, why is Second Seal here again?"

Nick looks confused. "Second S… never mind."

"Oh Dippy~" Beck calls.

The twelve year old is still curled in a ball from his encounter with Nick. "Yes?"

"Can you read this?" Beck holds out the final chapter of Resurrection.

"What is it?" Dipper asks, none the wiser.

"A fic. It's not bad, promise" The camera is angled just right to see Beck cross his fingers behind his back.

Nick's eyes flare magma red before returning to their sunset color "Dipper wait! It's a trap!" Before Nick can get to the boy, a blue aura surrounds him and lifts him off the ground. "What the-"

"Nice try Second Seal. Pine Tree needs to read this one." Bill calls to the, now floating, male.

Dani walks back in the room, chuckling, and hands AJ his phone back. "Here ya go, I just needed it to do my research." She pauses. "Just some friendly advice, don't go into your camera roll. I'm saving that for the Grunkles." She then walks to Beck and gives him his wallet.

Beck opens it and notices something. "Hey! I'm missing twenty bucks! Dani!" He wails, leaving Dipper to read the fic. with Bill and the still floating Nick as his chaperones.

As Dani runs off camera from Beck, she calls behind her. "At least it's better than Not-Safe-For-Work Fan art on your camera roll!"

Nick face-palms at their display. "This is stupid."

Dani walks back into the room, staying far away from AJ and Beck.

Beck walks in a little after Dani, then sighs and goes to check on Dipper. The male Pines twin was curled even tighter into a ball than earlier. "Dipper, you okay?" Beck asks.

"No" He answers bluntly. "That was Resurrection again, wasn't it." It was more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah, sorry man, had to be done. If it makes you feel any better, it's over now." Beck tries to console.

"It's cool, Dip. If it makes you feel any better, there's a AU where Stan is the DC superhero Wildcat." AJ attempted to console, trying to take Dipper's mind off the fic. he just read.

Meanwhile, Ford walked in after hearing the commotion. "What is going on in here?" He asked.

The Six-Fingered man found Nick being spun in a vortex of power created by a certain triangular dream demon. The poor guy looked like he was gonna hurl.

"I'm being spun like a ferris wheel and Dipper's about to wet his pants." Nick explained.

Dani enters the room, sees Ford, and starts debating about whether to start preparing for her segment.

"Might as well." She made up her mind. As she left, Dani decided to look around, (not snoop), in AJ's phone. As she scrolled through pictures on AJ's phone within the past few minutes. Some make her cringe, but it wasn't as bad as it could be. Unfortunately, AJ saw her, and he was NOT amused.

"HEY!" AJ screams at Dani, "I'll have you know all my unmentionable stuff is under encryption!" Suddenly, he paused, his eyes widening in horror. "I shouldn't have said that." He whispered as he ran after Dani.

"Well, the encryption must have been pretty bad if Dani was able to pass it." Beck pointed out.

"I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT BECK!" Dani shouts as she runs past the hat wearing teen.

"GET BACK HERE WITH THAT PHONE!" AJ screams as he runs past Beck a second or two later.

"Ok, this I gotta see." Beck says as he grabs a spare camcorder and follows Dani and AJ.

"Blackmail~" She sing-songs before running off with the phone to hide it until she's ready to do her part in the show.

"Oh crap, Dani has an idea. This is not gonna end well." Beck said nervously behind camera.

Meanwhile, with Nick...

"So... what now?" Nick asked, now that he escaped from the cursed vortex.

"I think we were talking about the Transcendance AU." Bill reminded.

"Now it seems those two kids are arguing over a phone." Ford adds.

"N-n-n-no more." Dipper said, still curled up in a ball with the paper still in hand.

Laina, witnessing the paper, looks like she is about to murder someone as she snatches the Resurrection story from Dipper. "Holy crud! I told you not to give him this!" Laina said aloud even though Beck was not in the room.

She then breathes deeply, trying to calm down, and kneels down next to Dipper. "Okay, Dipper, just so you know, you have been led astray about the true beauty of the Transcendence AU." Laina claimed. "The best part about the whole thing is the reincarnation cycles. Alcor always finds Mizar-Mabel-and takes care of her (or occasionally him). Like, for example, there's one story where Alcor makes a deal to lock his power and memories away so that he can be a human kid again and grow up alongside Mabel's reincarnation, a cheerful girl named Belle." She continued.

Dipper looks slightly comforted. "O-okay...?"

Laina calls out, "Hey! Can I get Bill over here? I want to describe another TAU story and see his reaction! I think he'll hate it!"

She then turns to Dipper and says softly, "You'll like it. I think Bill will hate it, but you'll like it."

"Me, Shooting Star, Sixer and 2nd Seal are right here with you Petals."

"I actually have a few choice words about the reincarnation bit. Souls can't recycle. That's actually the problem that I forgot in my review." Nick said, still being spun by Bill's magic.

"2nd Seal is right. And as for the FanFic, I've seen them all. And I hate them all." Bill explained

"Continue please, I don't think I've read it. I really only read the shorts." Nick said.

"That might not be a good idea. This AU has freaked more than just Bro-bro out." Mabel cautioned.

"Eh. I can live with it, except for the problems that I found." Nick explained.

Laina looks at Bill, slighty offended by the nickname he gave her. "Did you call me Petals? And as for the reincarnation cycle, I know that that's probably not how it works in real life-I'm actually a religious person and I don't believe in reincarnation-but it's what makes the AU work. Otherwise, it'd be Alcor just meeting random people, and that wouldn't be as much fun." Laina argued.

"Can we just get this over with?" Dipper asks pleadingly.

"Right, of course," Laina replies before clearing her throat. "Before I can get to the story I want to tell, I need to give you a little background. Bill, after being a formless soul for a century, comes back as a human named Ian Beale. A lot of terrible things happen to poor Ian and past Bill actually possesses him for a while. In the end, Alcor frees Ian, and Ian and the current Mabel reincarnation named Mira live in a happy relationship, but Alcor doesn't forget that Bill had the power to posses his future self. Are you all tracking with me?" She looks pointedly at Nick and Bill.

"Interesting. I do have to disagree with how the story works. Some of the stories I have read aren't truly based off of this problem." Nick critiqued.

"No to the first one, yes to the second. The story was down right idiotic. Why would I fall for Shooting Star?" Bill rebuked.

"Why would I want to be with Bill?" Mabel said disgustedly.

"How is Bill able to become human?" Ford asked.

"Good point Ford. This reminds me of the first problem with Transcedence AU; Dipper becoming Alcor." Nick nitpicked.

Laina rubs her temples and sighs in exasperation, "Ugh, Bill, it's not you anymore. Alcor made sure of that. And Bill comes back as a human because within the ALTERNATE UNIVERSE souls can reincarnate into different forms." She then closes her eyes for a count of three, trying to breathe normally and calm her frustration. She started speaking, "Again, this is an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE that we're dealing with. So, I'm going to assume that everyone's tracking just fine and move on to the main story that I wanted to tell. Basically, Ian reincarnated as a kid named Toby. Toby and his twin sister were given over to an orphanage when they were very little. In that place, they were taught a very odd religion that basically said that the reincarnation cycle was a trap for souls and the only way to escape the cycle and ascend beyond it to heaven was to be sorry enough for your sins... I don't know if this is supposed to be Buddhism or what, but it's definitely odd. Anyways, Toby grew up with this huge guilt complex because of it. Then, the place burned down and Toby's sister died in the fire. Left with nothing, Toby went out to live on the street. Is everyone tracking with me?" Laina's eyes scanned the small circle that had been formed by the three Pines, Bill, and Nick.

Nick was a bit skeptical. "Don't AU's follow the same rules as the regular universe, just altered?"

"Luckily I don't change when I travel between diminsions." Bill remarked.

"One thing before we continue." Nick states as he continues to spin, "Bill, can you let me down now?"

"Sure thing, 2nd Seal." Bill retorted before dropping the sunset-eyed cast member on top of Laina.

"Ow!" Both Nick and Laina reply as the two collide.

She crawls out from under Nick and yells at Bill, "SERIOUSLY? WAS THAT NECESSARY? G-ah! That hurt!" Dipper looks concerned, and looks like he's about to stand up. "I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm just rather annoyed. In any case, Alcor, seeing this Bill reincarnation left to desperately fend for himself, gets worried. After all, the little kid literally has the soul of a psychopath, and Alcor doesn't want this nature to have any excuse to manifest itself. He starts by taking care of the kid in little ways-making sure someone decided to give him a buck, making sure the shelter had a bed available for him, stuff like that. Eventually, Alcor just gets tired of watching this little seven year old fighting for his life daily and figures that the best, most responsible thing to do for the sake of the world would be to make sure that he had a permanent home. So, Alcor invents a human persona named Tyrone Pines and adopts little Toby. Toby knows that his guardian is actually Alcor, but they keep this secret from the rest of the world." Laina explained.

"I adopted Bill?" Dipper asks dubiously, "Even for the sake of the world, that's a stretch."

Laina smirks, "Here's the good part. You see, Toby is literally nothing like Bill, or even Ian. Toby is literally the cutest, sweetest, most innocent cinnamon roll of a child to ever walk the earth. He's constantly apologizing for nothing. He's constantly insisting that Alcor doesn't have to do nice things for him. He's constantly shy and polite and all-around the perfect little kid with the exception of a really serious case of shyness and introverted...ness to the point of practically being a social disorder. If Toby could have a superpower, he would choose invisibility. Over time of Toby being adorable and sweet and nothing like Bill, Alcor starts to warm up to him, and their relationship grows to be something of like an uncle and a nephew-loving and protective, though not on a father-son level. And, can I just say, you should all actually read these. They are very, very adorable, and I actually cried for a couple, so..." Laina suddenly looks self-conscious. "But um... yeah. So Bill reincarnates into the most innocent little child to ever walk the earth, and Alcor becomes a loving guardian, because who needs a guardian angel when the most powerful demon in the world is your legal dad? Then Maddie comes along... But wait, I want to know what your reactions are so far." Laina asked.

"I guess it's nice to know that even as Alcor, I have a heart?" Dipper says with a shrug.

"Eh. It's okay. But there's still the matter of the problems this AU has. The first being Dipper becoming Alcor." Nick repeated.

Laina gives Nick a flat look. "Gee," she says sarcastically, "you haven't mentioned that before. Please, elaborate on how a freaking fanfic AU isn't allowed to take creative license!" Laina continues to glare at Nick. "Anyway, I got these off of the Transcendence-AU tumblr. If you want to view them, literally just put Transcendence-AU dot Tumblr dot com. There's a lot of different stories there by various authors. Anyways, since Bill seems to have no comment..." The camera pans over to Bill, who is glaring at Laina silently. "...I'll continue to the last bit I want to talk about with the Transcendence AU. Dipper, if this doesn't convince you that this AU isn't bad, my last suggestion would be for you to look up Return, Rewind, Rewrite, but this should do it. Here's how it goes: Toby is about twenty and has moved out of the house when Alcor feels that Mabel has been reincarnated. He doesn't think too much of it until a little while later when he feels on their soul link (long backstory on that bit, just take my word for it and look it up later) that she's scared and cold. He decides to check up on her, and he finds her lying at the side of the road. He figures that she's not going back to her parents by any means, so he takes the baby and tries to give her to one of Mabel's decendants, a trustworthy guy and a good father named Jerry.

Jerry asks what the baby's name is, and Alcor blurts out Madeline without really thinking about it besides 'Don't say Mabel.' The problem is that little Maddie apparently wants Alcor. She won't settle down with Jerry, and Jerry eventually calls Alcor back and tells him that while he could take care of Maddie, it didn't seem like she would let them.

So, Alcor, having just sucessfully raised the reincarnation of his worst enemy into a kind and caring gentleman, thinks, 'I can do this, right?'" Laina pauses to laugh a little and gauge everyone's reactions.

The camera pans over to Bill, who looks bored. It then pans over to Dipper, who looks more intriguied, though still slightly weirded out. "I adopted my sister's reincarnation?" he asks. "How did that work out?"

Laina shrugs a little. "Maddie finds out that her dad is a demon when she's 12 years old and gets kidnapped by cultists. Alcor rescues her in full, terrifying glory, but Maddie still recognizes him, so she's just a tad freaked out. Toby comes and explains everything to her and comforts her. Besides that little incident, however, things actually work out fine. The series of fics stop after Toby's death not long after that, but we're left to assume that Maddie grew up and had the same sort of adventure-filled life that most Mabel reincarnations seek out." She explained.

The camera shows Dipper looking more thoughtful and okay with the situation, and a quiet, "Yes!" is heard off-camera from Laina.

The camera pans back over to Laina, who smiles and says, "My work here is done. Who has the next segment ready?"

Nick rolls his eyes. "I guess it's my turn." Nick walks over to where Laina was. "Alright. Now that my good friend was said her piece, I shall address the main problems so Dipper can sleep better at night. The first problem is Alcor himself."

"Oh really? Do tell." Bill says sarcastically.

"According to the AU, Dipper somehow killed Bill and absorbed his powers." Nick began.

"Ha! Like that could ever happen!" Bill scoffs.

Laina massages her forehead, her exasperation building.

"Look, guys, it's not that Dipper straight-up kills Bill and takes his powers into himself. Bill is already dying from being defeated by the twins-the exact details of this vary depending on the story-and Bill tries to possess Dipper to stay alive. Since he doesn't have a contract, however, Dipper has a chance to fight back, which he does. He kicks Bill out of his body, but since Bill's already decaying, Bill's energy is left in Dipper's body. The now-uncontrolled demonic energy dissolves Dipper's body and scatters it into atoms, and Dipper's soul is left trapped in this web of demonic energy. By sheer willpower, Dipper takes control of the energy, making himself a demon, as he is now a soul with demonic energy instead of a body-which is basically the definition of a demon. Now, because of the weird way that this happened, he has a more unusual set of powers compared to most demons, including being able to become physical sometimes, but that's beside the point." Laina then looks pointedly at Nick and asks, "Is that scientific enough for you?"

"Oh, I forgot the part where Dipper becomes a demon when he absorbs Bills powers." Nick admitted.

"Who's the idiot who thought that this was possible?" Bill asked.

"No idea, but I wouldn't call them an idiot. This problem could easily be fixed if the original creator did his research." Nick replied.

"Do tell." Bill urged.

Laina massages her forehead, looking exhausted: Look, guys, it's not that Dipper straight-up kills Bill and takes his powers into himself. Bill is already dying from being defeated by the twins-the exact details of this vary depending on the story-and Bill tries to possess Dipper to stay alive. Since he doesn't have a contract, however, Dipper has a chance to fight back, which he does. He kicks Bill out of his body, but since Bill's already decaying, Bill's energy is left in Dipper's body. The now-uncontrolled demonic energy dissolves Dipper's body and scatters it into atoms, and Dipper's soul is left trapped in this web of demonic energy. By sheer willpower, Dipper takes control of the energy, making himself a demon, as he is now a soul with demonic energy instead of a body-which is basically the definition of a demon. Now, because of the weird way that this happened, he has a more unusual set of powers compared to most demons, including being able to become physical sometimes, but that's beside the point. Is that scientific enough for you? The point of doing it the way that they did do it is because Dipper doesn't have a physical body anymore. He's literally dead, but the demonic energy won't let his soul move on, so he's a soul with demonic energy attached... a demon. WAY later on, he builds up enough power to attain a 'god state' ...even I don't agree with that one, but okay... and he's powerful enough to free his soul from the energy that was attached to it, so he becomes reincarnated as a human again, and he and Mabel's reincarnation are twins again for the first time in many, many millenia."

The camera pans over to Dipper, who looks incredibly uncomfortable with the whole conversation, and rightfully so.

"I'm... um... going to go to the bathroom..." Dipper mutters, walking off as Beck and AJ return.

Beck shacks his head. "Poor Dipper." He said before realizing something. "Hey AJ."

AJ turns to his companion. "What?"

"I know we're here and Nick and Laina are in the main set. So, where are Gabs, Leela, and Eris?" Beck asked.

"That . . . . . is a very good question, my friend. And I haven't got the slightest clue." AJ replied.

Nick sighs, "I said that this problem could easily be fixed. That means, 'don't add anything that makes it more complicated than it needs to be.' Now, as for my last question. Has anyone heard of the legend of the wendigo?" Nick asked.

Bill: Sure do 2nd Seal. One of the most terrifying creatures on the planet. Question though, how does that legend fix this problem?

"Please, Nick, enlighten us." Laina replied sarcastically.

"Enlighten huh? Okay. The wendigo legend has a demon possessing a human, killing the host and altering the body in a grusive manner." Nick explained.

As soon as they arrived and heard that, AJ and Beck immediately turned around and left to check on Dani. They were pranksters, but they weren't heartless.

"Isn't that the exact opposite of Alcor?" Bill pointed out.

"Yes. That's why I thought of one of the Transcendence FanFics I read. In it, I was reminded of this legend. You, Bill, possess Dipper, but Dipper actually finds a way to over power your abilities. Killing you and altering his own body. Ergo, verse wendigo. Any questions?" Nick asked.

After waiting a few minutes for a reply, Nick continues just as Dipper makes his return. "Seeing that there are no further questions, I shall move on to the second part of this problem: Bill's destruction."

Bill snorts. "Yeah, that is a problem. I'm still here, aren't I?"

Nick nods. "My point exactly. You see Dipper, Bill has the ability to travel between dimensions, as you already know. Do to this, if Bill was destroyed in one dimension, he would not be able to exist anywhere else. His torment on every dimension would end there. So, in conclusion, this AU is flawed beyond compare. I like the idea and I'm entertained by the shorts that fans have made. I just hope nothing else is able to make this worse."

Bill rolls his eye. "Actually 2nd seal, we still have the problem with reincarnation." He shacks his hand in a so-so manner, "Well, problems."

Nick winces at the reminder. "Right, that problem. Good thing YOSO isn't here, this might become dangerous." He then turns to Dipper and Mabel. "Do you two the Pincest pairing we talked to you guys about?"

The twins cringed. "Don't tell us THAT'S in here!" Mabel wined.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Dipper mumbles.

Nick looks at Dipper with empathy. "According to the viewer that told me that I forgot this piece, yes. And it turns out, that it's a reacquiring theme in this line of FanFics."

Laina looks thoroughly offended at Nick's accusation. "What did you read, Twin Souls?" Seeing the confusing on everyone's faces, she explains, "Within the AU, there's this fake series that's referenced called Twin Souls that is Alcor/Mizar, but it's a joke and no one actually wrote it. Most of the writers of the fic spend an inordinate amount of time mocking the Twin Souls ship. No story that is accepted on the official Tumblr actually ships them.

Dani moans after hearing this. "More Pincest? Come on, I thought we were done traumatizing them with that!" She then hears a commotion coming from outside. "Great, now they're gathering outside the studio!"

Nick facepalms. "Of course they have. Dani, do you happen to have any pictures from the time I took out those Stancest pairers, do ya?"

Dani turns her head from the window. "I don't think I was here for that, dude. Hey Beck, do you have anything?"

Suddenly, a loud thud was heard behind set. "What the hey?" Dani asks.

"What was that?" AJ asks.

Nick walks over to where the noise originated, "I don't know, but I'm going to check it out."

As Nick rounds the corner, he finds Beck curled up in a ball muttering things like, "Gross", "The dark side of the fandom" and "Goodbye childhood". Nick relaxed. "It's just Beck, but he seems pretty rattled.

"Was it something we said?" Laina asks.

Beck starts to rock himself. "S-S-S-Stancest. Bad. Gross. No picture."

Nick is puzzled. "Was it really that bad? I know I pumbled them pretty badly, but... Or are you just talking about Stancest in general?"

Beck's eye twitches. "YOSO. Computer. Shouldn't have seen. Childhood. Gone. Stancest bad. Need to find rest."

Dani replies to Nick's question, "I think just Stancest in general. Stancest is pretty bad. Heh, curiosity killed the cat. I should know." She then grimaces. "I've seen a lot of things I'd rather not have."

Beck latches on to Dani, still shaking at Stancest. "Why? Stancest evil."

Dani jumps a bit at the suddenness. "Ack- Hey! Okay, okay, how about we go find the others? It'll help get your mind off it. Hey AJ! You coming too? Or are you gonna hold off the shippers?"

Nick scratches his chin. "Maybe I can find a picture of the events in YOSO's office. Keep the idiots busy while I look, okay. Thanks."

Nick disappears off screen as AJ enters. "Sorry about the wait. I'll try to hold off the shippers."

AJ charges outside to attempt to drive away the rallying Pinecest Pairers before the camera changes to Nick in YOSO's office, organizing piles of letters, videos, and pictures. He hears the sounds of guns and battle cries in the distance. "It's... ... ... Happening." He says before something catches his attention. "Oh there it is. Just the picture I was looking for."

The camera changes back to the lobby, when suddenly, AJ bursts into the room running like a madman. "EVERYONE NEED TO GET THE HECK OUTTA HERE! THE SHIPPERS BROKE THROUGH AND I CAN'T STOP THEM!"

Beck's ears cocked up as he heard AJ's shout. "Uh, Dani. We may want to find everyone quick."

Dani looks at him in a puzzled manner. "Why's that?"

"Well, if I'm hearing correctly, and I usually am. This studio is about to get overrun by shippers."

Dani, grabs Beck's wrist. "I gotta place to hide, follow me." Dani drags Beck to a wall on the far side of the hall. "Where is that dang button? Ah-Ha!" The wall swings around quickly, dropping them into a panic room. "They won't be able to find us here. Probably." Dani says, questioning her own words.

Camera zooms back to Nick as he walks into the area with a picture in hand. "I'm back! Show me the Pairers."

AJ looks at Nick like he's crazy. "Dude, I said that we need to leave. NOW!"

Nick waves him off. "Chill, I got this."

Nick walks to where the Pincest have entered the studio. "Welcome Pinecest Pairers. I see you have guns and what not with you. Stancest tried the same thing, but a bit bigger. You want to see what happened to them?"

Nick then tossed the picture towards the front Pinecest pairer. He/she and the four behind him/her glanced over to see. Then the five pairers gulped before looking at Nick, who gave an evil smile before his eyes warped magma red. "RUN." Nick says, his voice now demonic in nature.

The camera zooms back to the panic room, where Beck and Dani see that they aren't alone.

Dani, awkwardly waves to the used-to-be-missing cast members that sat against the other side of the room. "Oh uh, hi guys."

"Awesome. Eris, Carol, Gabs, and Leela. All here. Wait? What are you doing here anyway?"

Eris points to Dani. "Well her tarantula got out again. Now, Carol refuses to come out."

Carol twitches in her spot. "Poison. Hairy. Gross."

Gabs' eyes narrow. "Just a friendly suggestion, may want to get a better cage."

Sounds of screaming pairers are heard from outside the panic room like the screams from a horror film. A male Pairer is then heard above the screams, as if he was close to the hidden room. "Guys, over here. I think I heard some of the cast in this area."

A female Pairer then hisses, "Let's find them. If we take them as hostages, NickStriker may give up."

"Seems reasonable, but what if he doesn't?" A second male said to the female.

The female Pairer then replies, "We won't know until we try. Come on, for the one true Shipping!"

Five other Pinecest Pairers then yell, "FOR PINECEST!"

Dani sneers. "Ah, Dangit. They're looking for us now. Okay, do any of you know how to fight? Or at least defend yourselves?"

"Shh, I think I heard something." A second female whispers.

The first male whispers back, "I think I did too. It sounded like it came for this wall here."

The second male Pairer then calls out, "Hey, I see a button!"

The male Pairer pushes the button and the wall swings open to all of them. They're met with a battle cry and a crowbar to the head. Dani looks at the unconscious Shippers and then looks to the others who were staring at her. "That went well." She said as she dusted off her hands.

Carol then points behind her, so she turns and is met with a fairly large group of angry shippers. Dani then blinks a few times. "...Or not"

From inside the room, Beck sighs. "Well, I guess it's up to me."

Eris looks nervously at Beck. "Beck, what are you doing?"

Beck turns to Eris. "I can hold my own against a crowd of shippers."

"You sure?" Carol asks.

Beck smirks. "Yeah. Get this on tape though, in case I die, or whatever."

Leela then gives Beck a thumbs up. "Alright. Good Luck then."

"Thanks. Yippee-Ki-Yay!" Beck said before charging into the crowd.

Female Pairer 2 sees Beck and shouts, "Hey, it's Beck, get him!"

Beck dodged the rope they tried to tie around him and gave one of the make shippers a kick where the sun don't shine. He then manages to shove a female shipper over the downed make one. "Guys, Go, Get out! Except for Leela, keep filming me!" He yells as he races off.

Nick comes around the corner to see Beck fighting off a crowd of Pairers. "HEY!"

Some of the Pairers turned to face Nick. The Pairers gulped before bolting down the hall in the opposite direction of Nick. Nick then bellows. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING? YOU HAVE NOWHERE TO HIDE."

"Shall we, Nick?" Beck said, cracking his knuckles.

Nick, with his voice and eye back to normal, nods. "Let's."

With that, the duo leaped into action. Beck started with a kick to the side of a male Pairer, who tried to tie a rope around him. "Geez, these shippers are so cliché."

Dani grabs the camera from Leela. "If you guys want to come watch while I film it with this camera, you can."

Eris shacks her head. "Nah, we'll just watch it when we have to help edit the episode. I'd rather not be used as a hostage by the shippers." Eris then grabs Carol, who is still freaked about the tarantula. "We're gonna go hide in YOSO's office."

Dani shrugs, as indicated by the camera bobbing up and down quickly. "Your loss."

The scene changed, rushing down the hall toward the sound of screaming. Dani came to the room everyone was fighting in. Suddenly, the camera had an Ariel view of Beck and Nick fighting. Dani turned the camera toward her to show that she was hanging off the rafters upside down with a giant grin on her face. She quickly explained how she got up. She turned it around and focused on Nick, who just landed a right hook on a shipper.

Beck pulls out some duct tape from his pocket. "Time to wrap things up!"

He proceeded to find a few shippers, knocked the front one down, consequently knocking down two more and wrapped duct tape around their hands and midsections. He added some on their mouths too. Beck chuckles to himself. "Get it, 'cause I wrapped duct tape around them?"

Dani hissed in sympathy behind the camera when a shipper punched Beck in the side. "That's gotta hurt?"

"Hey, Nick!" Beck calls.

Nick, barely hearing him, punches a male shipper in the face. "What?"

"Where are AJ and Laina?" Beck yelled, landing a punch in the face of his own.

Dani moves the camera around in hopes of finding them. "That is a good question."

Nick makes his reply over the sounds of gunfire. "They're with Bill, Dipper, Crybaby Mabel, and Ford! They found a place to hide while I was looking for the picture!"

Beck looks confused. "Crybaby?! Are you talking about Mabel or Stan?!"

Nick delivers a round house kick to three Pairers in a row. "Mabel!"

"Geez what did you guys do to make her cry?! By the way, catch!" Beck calls before tossing Nick the duct tape.

Nick catches tape before replying, "Why do I need this? And have you been watching the show?"

A Pairer charges at Nick from behind, only to be met with the back of Nick's fist. Suddenly, loud gunfire is heard all throughout the building. Everyone instinctively ducks as AJ comes bursting in the room, bloody and bruised holding two pistols.

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT! NOBODY FREAKIN' MOVES! Shippers, to the other side of the room! NOW!" AJ cried out.

When all the Pairers rush to the other side as the rest of the cast gather behind AJ. "Now, WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON AND WHY WAS I MAULED LIKE A SAVAGE?! ANSWER FAST! THESE BULLETS ARE RUBBER BUT THEY'LL STILL HURT!"

Nick was still in the middle of the hall. "I was talking about the second half of the second problem in Transcendence. Then these Pairers started to gather outside. So I went to look for a picture from the episode of when I turned Stancest into a bunch of bruised up babies. Then this happened." He answered.

"Geez AJ, where were you? By the way, where's Laina?" Beck says before turning to Nick and point s at the duct tape. "Thought you could use it to incapacitate some shippers until Rambo here walked in."

AJ smirks. "Thank you. Now, I don't know about you, but I'm tired and everything hurts. So unless you shippers want rubber bullets in your crotches, please leave. Any objections?"

"By the way, rubber bullets, really? These lunatics brought real bullets. I even have one lodged in my shoulder blade." Nick commented, jabbing a thumb at the group behind him.

AJ scowls. "I don't like killing people. Now I'll ask again, ANY OBJECTIONS?!"

"None here. What about you Pinecest Pairers?" Nick replies before a Pairer jumps AJ from behind, causing the rest to go in a frenzy once more.

A damaged camera with a cracked lens is resting in the corner of a dark room where Bill, Dipper, Ford, and Mabel took refuge along with a few half-conscious crew members, including Laina. Laina, still dazed, is shown talking to Mabel and Dipper, but the camera's microphone is broken. Mabel appears to say something that makes Dipper upset, and he lightly punches her shoulder as she and Laina laugh. Bill floats in the corner, looking annoyed, and Ford appears to be listening at the door to see if it's safe to come out.

The scene changes to show Nick with one foot on a down Pairer. "Just what the doctor ordered. Pain with a side of failure."

Beck, who was walking over with Dani, saw Nick with his triumphant pose. "Hey Nick, now that the threat is neutralized. You think we can get them out and you or AJ can get the rest of the crew out of their rabbit hole? I'm taking Dani to get patched up a little bit."

Nick reaches around to the shoulder with the bullet lodged in it. "Not a problem. After that, we can actually finish with the Transcendence bit. If that's not going to be a problem with you."

Nick, after tossing the dislodged bullet, pushes his foot down on the Pairer, causing him to weez. "No, not a problem at all." The Pairer replied.

"Perfect. Why don't you go do that now? I've got the shippers." Beck replied.

Nick shrugged. "If you think you can handle these weirdoes. I see you in a bit.

Beck looks at Nick confidently. "Oh, I can handle them alright. Alright everyone! Shall we play a game?"

Nick found the room where everyone else was hiding. "It's clear! The Pincest Pairers are being shipped out!"

Back in the room, the view from the cracked lens shows Ford hearing Nick's all clear signal. Alerting the rest, and opening the door to reveal Nick, who waved a hand. "Sup?"

Laina was the first out of the room. "Today is just one those days where you have to give four cups of coffee to me."

Dipper crawls out next. "Thanks for taking care of those people. Who were they anyway?

Nick rolls his eyes. "Pincest Pairers. They knew that I was about to talk trash about the pairing and rallied the troops."

Dipper looks at Nick nervously. "Wait a minute, aren't those the guys that pair me with Mabel?"

Nick nods. "Oddly enough, yes. And don't ask me what their damage is, because I'm still trying to figure that out."

Dipper cringed at the thought of him and Mabel. "How many were there?" he asks as Gabs trails behind them with a fully functional camera she found in a 'in case of no camera, break glass' container.

Nick counted them in his head and on his fingers before coming up with a total. "Over 1,300." He replies.

Dipper's eyes widen as large as dinner plates. "That many people pair me with my SISTER?"

Nick nods once more. "And that's only the ones that showed up. Just count yourself lucky I don't support them."

Dipper shivers. "Fandoms can be really cool or really creepy."

Nick chuckles. "Dipper Pines, you have yet to know the meaning of 'Creepy Fandom'."

Dipper voices cracks a little as he says, "Why? It gets worse?!"

Nick looks at the boy with a bit of concern. "Let's just say that you're too young to know."

Dipper shivers in disgust. "Where are we going, exactly?"

"Back to where we were talking about Transcendence. The second part of the problem is why they showed up." Nick replies as they kept walking. "Do to the fact that the AU is based off Alcor and his... Love for each Mizar; it is also a Pinecest Wonderland. Luckily, I have yet to read a story that takes it too far."

A yawning Laina walks back to them with a coffee in hand and looks at Nick challengingly. "Show me one story on the official Transcendence AU Tumblr that actually ships them, and I'll let you win on this point. It doesn't count if it's referring to or part of the fake Twin Souls thing, since that's an in-world joke."

Nick gives her a nervous laugh. "When I had my AU review, one of my viewers said that I forgot about the Alcor/Mizar relationship. They said that it makes the AU heart warming. I don't think that they saw it as a joke."

Laina scoffs. "I think you read way more into that than necessary. It's specifically canon in the AU that Alcor is asexual. Now, mind you, Alcor's and Mizar's interactions are the best part of the AU, but that's because part of the time Alcor treats Mizar like his child, part of the time Mizar treats him like a child, part of the time they're like siblings, and uh... Part of the time, Alcor gets high on Yggdrasil-aka DipNip-and acts like a cat."

Nick bursts out laughing. "I read that in the shorts on this site. It was hilarious! No offense, Dipper."

Laina laughs with him. "The one time I've ever seen Alcor kiss someone is when he's really high and he starts grooming the face of Mabel's husband, Henry, and Henry looks at Mabel like, 'Are you going to rescue me?' but she's too busy laughing and taking pictures to help."

Next to Laina, Mabel starts laughing, too. "That's totally something that I would do!"

Nick abruptly stops laughing and looks at Mabel. "Yes, yes you would."

Dipper groans as he holds his stomach. "I'm think I'm gonna be sick."

Nick's gaze was now focusing on Dipper. "Okay, I think we've talked enough about Transcendence. Now you know that the AU is unable to exist. So there's no reason to fear it. When we come back... ... I think YOSO will be back from her vacation, right?"

Beck walks in and replies. "Beats me. I think it depends on how much we've done and if we have time. To concerned viewers, true to her word, Dani only suffered a few back bruises and should be fully healed by the next episode."

Nick sighs. "Well that's a relief. I was concerned for a minute. Anyways, do we 'want' to talk about anything else? I think that we covered a good bit. Especially after those rogue Pairers came in."

Beck puts a finger to his ear. "What's that? We're about out of time? Alright, thanks Eris. Yeah Nick. We're running out of time."

Nick shrugs. "Oh well, that's a wrap folks. See you next time on:"

Whole cast then calls out to the camera that is now zooming out. "What Do Ya Think?"

* * *

 _ **(IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!)**_

 **So what did you think? I'll tell you that secret now. *whispers* I didn't write this! I haven't even _read_ it yet!**

 **Well, except for that first bit, but after I left the studio, the writing was all from the brilliant minds of the cast. Give them a hand, everybody! *applause***

 **They're really looking forward to seeing what you all think... but because I'm going to be mean about this:**

 **SEND ME ALL YOUR COMMENTS ON THIS VIA PM! _DON'T_ LEAVE A REVIEW! (Unless, of course, you're a guest...)**

 **Seriously, leave some sort of comment. Highly, _highly_ encouraged, please and thank you! Also, leave a review if you want to know what me, Ian, and Millie were up to during all of this.**


	13. Time Off

**This... this whole thing came out a lot longer than I originally planned.**

* * *

"So... hi." YOSO says to the camera.

She holds the camera up with her left arm while her backpack is slung over her right. She sits on a swing at the local playground, kicking her legs lightly.

"I've been booted out of the studio." She turns the camera 180 degrees to where the studio is visible in the distance, before turning it back to herself. "Man, all this vacation business is nonsense. I'm doing just fine running the show!" She pouts like an upset child. "They said I couldn't even _look_ at a camera. And I'm like 'You give me a camera or I'm taking the one from the set'." She sets her jaw defiantly. "Of course, then they said I would never be able to carry it, thus-" She cuts herself off by shaking her head. "Okay, long story short I got Ian's camcorder." She looks around uncertainly. "What does one even do on vacation by themself?"

* * *

YOSO sits on a park bench and rummages through her backpack. She pulls out a piece of paper and holds it up to the camera.

"I found this list they gave me in case I couldn't think of anything to do." She clears her throat and begins to read off the page. "Number 1: 'Homework'." She stays silent. "Maybe later." Cough. "Number 2: 'Watch a movie'. Okay, I can do that. Just gotta find a place to watch."

 **2 hours later...**

"Watched a movie, bored out of my mind. And I keep getting segment ideas. Seriously, it's pay the money, segment idea! Sit down, segment idea! Watch commercials, story idea!" She facepalms then puts the paper down and holds up her phone. "I've started making a list on my phone." She pauses and she looks down at her phone, then puts the camera down and begins typing. "Bit... idea... #3..."

* * *

The camera shows YOSO standing on the sidewalk reading the list.

"Number 4: 'Take a... long walk..." She glances sideways at the camera. "...off a... short pier'." She raises an unimpressed eyebrow as she reads in a monotone voice "'Laughing face, laughing face, laughing face.'" She fully turns herself to the camera. "Well, you see I _would_ but..." She turns the camera around to the lake and zooms in on it, to where the pier has 'Closed-Off' signs on it. "...they closed it after I went in there the first time." She turns the camera back to herself. "Y'know, if you still want me to, let me just say..." She narrows her eyes challengingly at the camera. "You first."

* * *

"I just realized I have literally _no_ place to stay." YOSO says.

She sits on a grassy hill, a light breeze blowing her hair into her mouth as she speaks.

"Ptui!" She spits out the hair and pulls it away from her face. "Then there's the fact that I'm having trouble keeping my hair under control, but that's pretty secondary considering how I don't have a home." She pans the camera around to show buildings in the distance. "You guys could have at least booked me a hotel room first!" she shouts. The camera pans back to her. She bites her lip in thought. "I think I saw this motel a little ways from here... be right back."

* * *

"Look who I found~!" YOSO singsongs.

She turns the camera around to show Ian and Millie sitting at the table, eating ice cream. They have their backpacks on the ground and a crumpled map on the table. She turns the camera back to herself.

"They tried to go to Orlando."

"And we would have made it-" Millie proclaims.

"-if it wasn't for the fact that Mom and Dad said we're not allowed to leave the city." Ian finishes miserably.

"Well, I'm glad." YOSO says. "Now I'm not spending this 'vacation' by myself." The camera turns back to the twins. "Did you two happen to swing by the studio in your travels?"

"Actually, yeah." Ian says.

"It was anarchy in there!" Millie exclaims. "And I'm pretty sure they broke Cammie." she pouts.

The camera turns back to YOSO. "'Cammie' is Millie's nickname for the onset camera. Truth be told, she only started calling it that a little less than a week ago, but she still does it nonetheless. Cute, but not the most clever name." The camera turns back to the twins.

"Cammie is a _fine_ name for a camera, thank you very much!" Millie says.

" _Anyway_ ," Ian interrupts. "We only looked through the window for like, 2 seconds."

"But we saw things that could only be interpreted as 'Uh oh'." Millie says, making air quotes.

"Scale of one to ten, should I be worried?" YOSO asks.

Ian and Millie glance at each other, then answer, with a solid nod, "Yes."

* * *

YOSO holds the camera up to her face, the motion of walking down the sidewalk making it sway slightly. She makes her voice slightly gruff as she sings.

"Because I'm all alone~. There's one here beside me~." She turns the camera to the right, showing an empty sidewalk, then turns it back to herself. "My problems have all gone. There's no one here to deriiiiide meeeee~!"

The camera suddenly shifts to the left, showing Ian and Millie. The three of them sing "But you gotta have friends~!"

"And the performance is now over because we don't know any more of the song." Ian says, grinning.

* * *

"Maybe I should call them now..." YOSO murmurs, looking down at her phone.

She has the camera in her right hand and holds it up to show the three of them lined up from her, to Ian, to Millie. The group sits on the edge of a fountain, idly swinging their legs.

"Seems like a plan." Ian says.

"What if they killed the phone too?" Millie mutters crossly, crossing her arms.

"Guess now's as good a time as any." YOSO says. She presses the call button and puts it on speaker. The phone rings for a few minutes then goes to voicemail.

"I don't think that's a good sign..." Ian says slowly.

* * *

" _Let go!_ " YOSO grunts as she pulls at one end of her backpack, the other being held by a hooded figure. "Ian? Millie? _A little help?_ "

"I'm kinda dealing with my own over here." Millie says breathlessly. The camera zooms out to show her being chased by another hooded figure with a baseball bat. "Ian? Help?!"

"I think I'll just watch." he says casually.

YOSO gives the backpack one final tug, sending the figure sprawling forward. She kicks its ankle, making it spark up.

"What..?"

Millie passes them. "They're _robots?!_ " She makes a sharp turn in front of the fountain, sending the figure with the bat over the edge and into the water, where it sparks and dies down. "Whoop-whoop!" she cheers. She stands on the ledge and sticks her tongue out at the robot, then turns around, puts a hand up and high-fives it with the other, sending her into the fountain with a _splash_.

"Who would send robots afters us?" YOSO mutters, giving the figure another kick.

"Why'd you have to go and break them?" a feminine voice says angrily. "Do you know how long it took to get those things to work?!"

The camera pans to the left as a little girl with dirty-blonde hair and a remote walks up to meet them. She wears a fedora, a gold-and-white sundress, and matching shoes.

"Ian?" YOSO asks hesitantly.

"Yeah?" he says, equally hesitant.

"Does she look familiar to you?"

He stays silent a moment. "Not ringing any bells."

"Could I ask you your name, miss?" YOSO asks the girl politely.

"What for?" she says warily.

"Just wondering."

"There's no 'just wondering' about it. Call me Jewel, call me Rose, but I'm not telling you my name."

"Yeesh, no need to get so worked up." Ian says.

Upon seeing Ian, the girl, who couldn't have been more than 10, blushes. "Hello."

"Uh... hi?"

"You doing anything later?"

"..." He takes a few steps closer to YOSO.

YOSO clears her throat. "Well, this just reached a whole new level of awkward." She takes the camera and pans it to Ian, showing his part stoic, part scared expression. "You going to accept her offer?"

"I'm editing out this whole thing."

"At least keep it up to this point."

"Fine."

"Uh, guys?" Millie calls out. "Little help?"

The camera pans around to show her standing up in the fountain on shaky legs. She tries to walk only to slip and fall back in. YOSO turns the camera turns the camera to herself and Ian.

"We'll leave you now to get ourselves put back together. Any words to add, Ladies' Man?"

Ian glares at her sharply out of the corner of his eye.

* * *

Ian holds the camera up in front of his face. He wears his pyjamas while standing outside an open door, light shining through.

"You know how YOSO's afraid of spiders, right?" he whispers to the camera. He makes it bob up and down as if nodding. "Well, I'm gonna mess with her for a bit."

He turns the camera so it faces a hallway, and walks down it to the open door on the left. Upon reaching it, her finds YOSO brushing her teeth in her own pyjamas. She looks at him, glancing at the camera in question. Ian points to a crack on the wall behind her. She looks back, jumping a little as she sees it. She spits in the sink, squints at the wall, then looks back to Ian, obviously unimpressed.

"Nice try, Ian." she monotones.

"That's not what I was pointing at. I was trying to show you the one above your head." Ian says, pointing at the very real spider that just descended to three inches above her head.

"I'm not gullible, E." She becomes slightly sheepish as she sees his expression. "Okay, fine, not _that_ gullible."

"YOSO, I'm fully serious, there's this _huge_ spider just dangling above your head. Holy _shoot_ , I think that thing could actually eat you."

The camera zooms in on the spider, showing that it is indeed very large; large enough that distinct features can be picked up the camera. YOSO crouches a little and risks a look up, her eyes bugging out a little at the not-at-all-little creature. She whimpers, making her way to Ian without ever looking away from the spider.

"Okay I believe you let's get the vacuum." she says in one rushed sentence.

As she leaves the room, Ian pans the camera to himself, showing his frantic expression. "And this, dear viewers, is an example of a prank gone wrong." He turns the camera back to the spider and zooms in on it. "When the universe decides that the prank should be more than just a joke."

* * *

Ian and Millie stand in front of the studio parking lot, bags slung over their shoulders.

"Alright, guys." YOSO says from behind the camera. "I am officially allowed back. Moment of truth here."

Ian raises a finger. "Should I hold the camera?"

"Hmm... Alright, sure."

The camera gets jostled as it gets handed-off, eventually focusing on YOSO, with the studio behind her and her backpack slung over one shoulder.

"All good?" she asks.

Ian gives a thumbs-up.

"Did you guys make sure we didn't leave anything back at the motel?"

"We left nothing behind." Millie says proudly, the camera turning to face her. "...except for _Shelob_." She cringes. "Honestly, how does something like that get by security unnoticed?"

"Not important." YOSO says, camera panning back to her as she waves dismissively. "We already gave management a piece of our mind about that."

"Anybody else find it weird that the manager looks like Gandalf?" Ian asks.

"I thought he looked more like Sauron." YOSO muses. She shakes her head. "Okay, enough about the motel employees from Middle Earth. We need to get home."

"Let's march!" Millie barks, stomping past YOSO while pointing at the studio like a sergeant.

Upon reaching the door, the gaze up at the studio in all its glory; the camera even panning up to the roof before stopping at the doors.

"Guys?" YOSO says uncertainly, not taking her eyes off the studio doors.

"Yeah? Millie says, also looking at the doors.

"How bad do you think it's going to be?"

"Only one way to find out." Ian says.

"True that." YOSO says. She slings her backpack up a bit and steps up to the door. Hesitating a moment, she pushes one of them open and walks in. She freezes where she stands, holding the door.

Millie peeks into the door, followed by Ian with the camera. He pans around the studio, which has a few battle scars along the floor and wall.

"Hello?" YOSO calls out.

The trio walk in, trying not too make too much noise.

"Well, the camera-"

"CAMMIE!" Millie rushes to the camera and looks it over. "They did break it!"

"Stop being so dramatic, Millie." Ian says, the camera getting closer to Millie as he walks up to her. "It's just a few dents."

"A few dents too many! Look at this, it looks like someone hit it with a crowbar!"

"We can fix those up later." YOSO says. The camera pans to her looking around distractedly. "Where is everybody?"

"They're probably still asleep." Ian says casually.

"At 9:00am?" she says skeptically, raising an eyebrow.

"Sure. They probably finished the episode early and are sleeping in as reward."

"It still shouldn't be this quiet." she says quietly, walking towards a corridor.

"We could take this time to assess the damage they left. Y'know, besides these marks on the floor." Ian says.

The camera pans to the floor, showing all the scorch and scratch marks.

"Yeah, yeah let's do that."YOSO walks around, following footprints and scuff marks around the studio. Eventually, one trail stops, making her look up.

"These marks, they just end here..."

"Maybe they finally decided to stop running." Ian says, zooming in on the marks.

"Still, there's this set here," She points to a few marks. "That keeps going over. Then there's this set," She points at another few marks. "That just stops. Something fishy's going on here."

She starts to walk forward again, Ian turning around and walking in the other direction. A crashing sound is heard, making him turn around abruptly to look at the hole in the floor. He runs up to it and looks in to find YOSO at the bottom, holding her head.

"Ow." she groans. "Where did this come from?"

"I think it came with the studio." Ian says, panning the camera around to get a full view of the hole.

"It couldn't have! The studio owners would have said something!" She stands up shakily, walking around the hole with a slight limp.

"Remember when they said there were compartments underneath the lot?"

"I thought I told them to block all the ones that weren't under the stage!"

Ian laughs nervously. "I may have told them to keep this one open."

" _Why?!_ "

"What do you mean 'why?'? Look this thing, it's a prank waiting to happen!"

He jumps down into the hole as YOSO follows the passage left.

"Man, it's like something out of an Indiana Jones movie down here." YOSO mutters.

"And it is perfectly _awesome!_ " Ian exclaims, trying to take everything in.

"You do remember what happened every time he went into a place like this, right?"

"Not at the moment."

"Someone always died. Now, that's either you or me, since Millie is still above ground."

The camera zooms in on YOSO. "Okay, fine, it's not like Indiana Jones."

"For our sakes, I hope it's not."

The passage stops at a wall, a lever nearly hidden next to it.

"Look, Ian. It's a freaky-deaky wall-door. Who's gonna be the lucky victim to get crushed by it?" YOSO says, voice dripping with sarcastic excitement.

"Alright, I get it." Ian says exasperatedly, eyeroll evident in his voice. "Just pull the switch."

"You sure you don't want to? Or do you want me to pull it so I can be the first to fall into the pit of snakes on the other side?"

"YOSO, I get it. Just pull the lever."

She shrugs. "Suit yourself."

As soon as YOSO pulls the lever, the wall opens up to a small room. The two of them step in, wandering around it. Suddenly, the wall across from the passage swings open, dropping Millie into the room on her face.

" _Ow!_ " She pushes herself into a sitting position. "Can't a girl push a button _without_ risking danger?"

"Apparently not." YOSO says, holding out a hand to help her up.

"YOSO? Ian? How'd you two get in here?" Millie asks, taking YOSO's outstretched hand.

"We were just about to ask you the same thing." Ian says, zooming in on her.

"I asked you first." Millie says stubbornly, crossing her arms.

YOSO points to the passage. "We found that thing after I nearly broke my leg falling into a hole. Your turn."

"I found a button on a wall." She points a thumb over shoulder to the still-open wall.

"Team, the first thing we gotta do after checking everything is pour some cement in here." YOSO says, putting her hands on her hips.

"Aw, c'mon!" Ian whines. "This place is great! Look at all this extra room!"

"And this is also more room for surprises to hide. We don't want to risk anything sneaking up on us." She coughs. "Again."

The trio makes their way to the wall Millie fell through.

"You think they found this place?" Millie asks.

"'They' who?" Ian asks.

"Everyone else."

"Highly doubt it." YOSO laughs.

* * *

The onset camera sees the trio, somewhat dirt-covered, standing on the stage with their bags at their feet.

"So," YOSO says, looking around with her on her hips. "We've checked the kitchen, the parking lot, the 'secret compartment'," She looks to Ian, who presses some of the buttons on his camcorder. "And we still haven't found everyone else."

"All that's left is the basement, the storage rooms, and the bedrooms." Ian says distractedly.

"I vote bedrooms!" Millie says hurriedly from her spot next to the camera.

"I second that." Ian says.

"It's unanimous then." YOSO nods, already turning in the direction of the hallway with the bedrooms. "I really just want to pass out on my own bed."

"Wait up!" Ian says.

He turns the camcorder on, the footage immediately switching from that of the onset camera to the camcorder. The camera turns to the onset one momentarily, showing Millie sitting next to it with a hammer and screw driver, her tongue sticking out of her mouth in concentration.

"Coming, sis?" Ian calls.

"Yeah, hang on." she grunts. She picks the hammer up and wacks the camera, then stands up proudly, dusting off her hands. "All better."

"You sure you didn't break anything?" he asks unsurely.

"All I did was beat out that last dent." She walks over to him. "You should have _seen_ it! It was the size of both us when-"

"I'm not going to let you finish that sentence." Ian says quickly, interrupting her.

"Why not?" she says slyly. "Are you that ashamed by the fact that Mom showed us how big her stomach was before we were born?"

"Millie, this is supposed to be a kids' show!"

"And it is!" she says bluntly, nodding her head. "I'm talking about kids! If it bothers you that much, just cut out the footage."

Ian stays silent a moment. "Nah, the weird conversations are half the fun. Y'know," he says, his voice taking on a smug tone. "If you're talking about babies, you could give everyone 'The Ta-"

He doesn't get to finish his sentence as Millie puts her hands over her ears and speed-walks after YOSO, yelling "LALALALALALALALALALA..!"

"Every time." he chuckles. He turns the camera to himself. "Let that be a lesson to all. Never let your sister try to out-do you, because she will ultimately and utterly fail."

"That's genderist!" Millie shouts.

"Don't you mean s-"

"LALALALALALA..!"

Ian rolls his eyes, smiling happily. "How 'bout we get back to our regularly scheduled programming?"

The camera turns to the hallway as Millie's shoe disappears around the corner. Ian follows after, jogging to catch up with the girls, who have made it to the door at end of the hallway.

"What took you so long?" YOSO asks.

"Just talking to the audience." Ian says, the camera bobbing as he shrugs.

YOSO looks at him a moment, furrowing her eyebrows and bunching her lips to the side, before shrugging and reaching for the doorknob, opening the door to the room and revealing it as hers. The room is neat and tidy, hardly looking like it's been used.

"All good here." Ian says, starting to turn around.

"Someone's been in my room." YOSO says stoically.

"What?" Ian asks, turning the camera to her.

She stands in the middle of the room and turns on the spot to get a good look.

" _Everything's all wrong_!" She sorts through the stacks of paper on the desk. "Look! All my stacks! All my hard work into organizing! It's all messed up and I can't find anything anymore!" She walks up to the shelf. "And look at my books! They're not organized alphabetically anymore!" She falls to the ground in front of the shelf. " _They're by-y ge-e-enre!_ " she sobs.

"Drama queen~!" Ian singsongs.

"Who did this? I demand justice!" she shouts, getting to her feet.

"What is it with all the yelling?" a tired voice asks.

The camera turns quickly to show the cast groggily standing at the door in their pyjamas; Laina walking up at the back of the group sipping some coffee.

"Well?" Gabs asks again, pushing her hair out of her face.

"It's about time you all woke up." Ian says.

"What time is it?" Dani asks.

"7 maybe?" Leela yawns.

"It's 10:00am!" Millie says.

"What?" AJ squints tiredly. "We slept in?"

"Obviously. Why do you think we're here?" Ian says.

"Just thought you got back early." Carol yawns, stretching her arms above her head.

YOSO steps up in front of the group. "Which one of you came into my room while I was gone?"

"A few of us." Eris says. "Namely me, Nick, Carol, Laina, the GF characters, and Leela."

"You better have a good explanation as to _why._ " YOSO seethes.

"Tread carefully," Ian warns. "The ice is thin."

"What?" Nick says, scratching his head.

"Don't be so cryptic, Ian." Millie says, the camera panning to her for a moment to catch her rolling her eyes. "Guys, we just went through a lot during the week off, and she... well, she wanted to come back to home sweet home."

"So you better have a really good reason as to why you messed with my stuff _._ " YOSO says, camera panning back to her and the assembled crowd.

"Needed to get some pictures." Nick shrugs.

"And Beck decided to re-open the scar from Stancest." Laina says, nodding in Beck's direction.

Beck, YOSO, Ian, and Millie all cringe at the mention of Stancest, the disgust making most of YOSO's anger disappear.

"And the rest of you?" she asks.

"Hiding from Pinescests." Eris shrugs.

"... What?" YOSO asks, perplexed.

"Let's just watch the episode now." Ian says.

* * *

The surveillance for the stage shows the cast, all in their day clothes, talking casually.

YOSO walks out of the surveillance room, shaking her head slowly. "I will never leave any of you alone here again."

"What? Come on, it wasn't _that_ bad." Beck says.

"You call aggravating the Pinescests again 'not that bad'?" she asks incredulously.

"But they-" AJ starts.

"Yes, I saw the footage, _Rambo._ " She rolls her eyes. "And you can't pin this one on them." She looks to the camera. "Ian?"

"Yeah?" he says from somewhere off-camera.

"You're on editing duty tonight, right?"

"Yeah."

"Could you edit out this whole thing?"

"How much?"

"From the moment I exited the surveillance room."

"I'll edit some, not all." he says, voice growing distant.

"Fine." YOSO looks back to the crowd. "Now onto the matters of _cleanup_..."

* * *

 **And thus ends another day in the studio. I might not be able to get the next episode up this Friday, so it'll be up next week. Just letting you know so you don't get mad at me.**

 **If your name is either RedArmyGrif, Blacklight, or Lillywolf( or gabby-gabs or Gabs), please continue reading this note. Otherwise, that's all there is for today.**

 **Hey, guest stars! I know this isn't the most orthodox way of communicating, but it's something. Just wanted to let you know that you're still part of this project, even if I can't talk to you all that directly. I could leave these little footnote messages for you if you want.**


	14. Just an Excuse

**Before you jump to any conclusions about this being an episode, I'm going to tell you it's not. I needed to write some messages to guest users, so I put this little filler here so I can do that without breaking any rules. The messages are in the footnote, and they are to Doli Leaffern, RedArmyGrif, and Mystery. Without further ado, please enjoy this little short from in-between episodes.**

* * *

Beck stands onstage talking to AJ, when a black blur zips by, then a red one, then a teal one, and another black one. Beck's hat flies off, AJ catching it just before a pink blur zips by.

AJ gives Beck his hat back. "What was _that?_ "

Beck puts a hand to his chin in thought. "Hmm..."

Eris, Leela, and Laina walks onto the stage. AJ stares at them, both eyebrows raised. Beck follows his gaze to the three girls and mimics his reaction.

"What? Is there something on my face?" Laina asks, a hand already going up to get it off.

The boys nod blankly.

"Where?"

AJ and Beck look at each other, then back at Laina. "Everywhere."

Laina rolls her eyes. "For your information, its called 'makeup'. Say it with me now: Make. Up."

"We know what makeup is." Beck says. "Just..."

"Why are you wearing it?" AJ says.

"Mabel." Eris says, as if it explains everything.

"And Mabel made you look like clowns because..?" Beck says.

"I thought we looked pretty good." Leela says, looking at the other two. "Y'know, glamorous."

"I hope we do." Eris says. "It took _forever_ to put this stuff on."

"I thought you said Mabel put it on you." AJ says.

"She did. We had to sit still for ages." She rolls her eyes.

The blurs rush past again, making the girls' hair whip around a little.

"Question." Beck says. "What were those things that just ran past us?"

Leela counts off on her fingers. "YOSO, Dani, Gabs, and Carol."

"Who are being hunted by the ever-feared pink blur that is Mabel." Laina adds.

On cue, Dani's voice sounds onset. "Man down! Man down!"

"Let her go, Mabel!" Carol shouts.

"But you all need makeovers!" Mabel whines.

"No way in-" Dani starts, but she starts screaming as she is quickly dragged past the camera by Mabel, who holds her feet. She claws at the ground in an attempt to slow down.

The other girls rush after.

"We're coming, Dani!" Gabs yells.

"Hurrrrryyy!" Dani yells.

"Should we help them?" AJ asks.

"Nah." Beck snickers. "I think they got this under control."

* * *

"Alright, we got a couple marks on us, but we're okay." YOSO whispers to the rest of the group.

They stand huddled together in the corner of a hallway.

"Man, it's as if she uses dark magic to make this stuff permanent." Carol whispers, rubbing at the messily-applied blush on her cheek.

"Wait, do you hear that?" Gabs whispers, looking around.

Sounds of shuffling can be heard, then faint giggling.

"She's coming! We gotta do something!"

"I have an idea, but its a little risky." YOSO says sternly.

* * *

The group of girls peeks around the corner of the hallway, looking around cautiously. Upon seeing that the coast is clear, they walk out stiffly.

"Just act natural." YOSO says, hands behind her back and a forced smile on her face.

"I don't think this is gonna work." Dani whispers to her through her own forced smile.

"Keep doing what I told you." YOSO whispers back.

"Bite your lips and pinch your cheeks." Carol says like a mantra.

"Right, eat my mouth and be a granny to myself." Dani says sarcastically.

"She's coming, guys!" Gabs says urgently.

"There you are!" Mabel shouts, running up to them. "Its your turns for a makeover~!"

YOSO clears her throat. "As you can see Mabel, we are no longer in need of one of your makeovers." She gestures to their faces.

"Hmm..." Mabel scrutinizes them all in turn, pacing in front of them like a drill sergeant.

Dani watches Mabel walk past, then looks at Gabs. "Oh no, Gabs!" she whispers.

"What happened?" Gabs asks.

"Its worn off!"

"Uh oh!" Before she can refresh her 'makeup', Mabel walks up to her.

"See? _She_ needs a makeover." Mabel says.

YOSO looks to the other three frantically. "Its wearing off!"

"Scatter!" Carol shouts.

They all run in different directions, Mabel chasing after. "Just let me make you pretty!"

* * *

YOSO, Dani, Gabs, and Carol sit cross-legged on the stage, huddled together so the camera can't see their faces. Beck walks on from the left.

"Did you get your makeovers?" he teases.

They all turn sharply to glare at him, revealing the blush, lipstick and mascara they were trying to hide.

"Oh man!" Beck laughs. He stops as he sees the girls continue to glare, narrowing their eyes. He clears his throat. "Did you try getting it off?"

"Already did." Gabs sighs sadly, slumping forward on her hands, elbows on her knees.

"She uses dark magic, I tell you." Carol adds.

"We're stuck all 'beautified' for a while." YOSO says, air quoting 'beautified'.

Beck snickers slightly.

"You laugh, you die." Dani says threateningly.

Beck recomposes himself... only to start laughing hysterically. "I can't... I can't even..." he wheezes between laughs.

Every time his laughter dies down, he looks at the girls again and keeps going. YOSO pulls a tube of lipstick out of her hat and hides it in her sleeve.

"Hey, Beck." she says.

"Yeah?" he says, still chuckling slightly.

"Come here, I wanna tell you a secret." she whispers conspiratorially, waving him closer.

He leans over to hear, only to have a splotch of lipstick smeared all the way from his ear to his chin.

YOSO starts laughing. "Now _that's_ funny!"

"Not cool!" Beck says, wiping at the red mark.

"Yeah, YOSO, its not." Dani says. She takes the tube of lipstick. "It's like this." She manages to get some lipstick over Beck's left eye before he falls over.

"No no, its more like this." Gabs says, taking the tube and reaching for Beck with it.

She manages to get a bit of lipstick on Beck's elbow before he scrambles away. YOSO takes another tube of lipstick and a couple tubes of mascara out of her hat.

"Makeover anyone?" she says, holding the items out to the others.

"Dibs on the mascara!" Carol shouts, taking the aforementioned item and running off.

"Onward!" Dani yells, taking the mascara running after her.

Gabs grins, following them.

"A dollar goes to anyone who can get eye-shadow on him!" YOSO yells, chasing the others while waving the lipstick.

"Me and my big mouth!" Beck yells as he runs. "Nick, AJ! Help a brother out!"

* * *

 **To Doli Leaffern:  
Hey, sorry to bother you but the link didn't work again. Could you try to send it with spaces after every letter? FanFiction won't allow properly written links.**

 **To RedArmyGrif:  
** **First question, scale of 1 to 10, how well did I characterize you? I don't want to be getting your character wrong.**

 **To Mystery:  
May I ask why you waste your time on a wannabe writer such as myself?**


	15. Really Sorry

YOSO stands onstage, eyes barely open and body hunched over. "Hello... and... and welcome... welcome back to... whatzitcalled?"

"'What Do Ya Think?'" Ian calls out softly.

"Yeah... yeah, that. 'Whatcha Think?'"

The slap of a facepalm sounds from behind the camera.

"Today's... today's... epi... Epimethius?"

"Epi _sode_." Millie says, slightly exasperated.

"Right, right... Today's episode... is going to be about... A... ANVs."

"You mean 'AMVs', right?" Ian says. "What's an 'ANV'?"

"Something about a neighborhood, I think." Millie whispers. Raising her voice, she addresses YOSO. "You know you can just _not_ do an episode this week, right?"

"Gotta... gotta do it." YOSO says tiredly. She rubs her eyes. "For the... for the people."

"Yeah, no." Ian walks up to her and pulls her arm. "You're going back to bed."

"No... I don't... I don't wanta." She tries to pull her arm back, only to fall backwards. "I... am going to finish this episode... right now."

"Hey, YOSO. How many fingers?" He holds up two fingers.

"T-two."

"First test passed."

Millie walks up to the two with a calculator and paper. "What's the volume of a sphere with the radius of 1?"

"Uh..." YOSO stares at her blankly, squinting a little. "Hang on... hang on, I know this... 42?"

Millie reads the paper, then looks at the calculator. "Not even close."

"What?" she murmurs groggily. "It's not?" She pushes herself to her feet swaying a little, then tries to walk, making it about 5 feet before falling on her face.

"Aaand she's gone." Ian says, rolling his eyes.

Millie walks over to YOSO and puts a hand on her shoulder. "How's the view of the floor?"

"That's the floor..?"

"She's not contagious, is she?" Ian asks curiously, pushing her to her knees.

"Hopefully not." Millie says, then sneezes.

The twins look at each other with wide eyes for a moment, then Ian backs away from the girls. He runs off, only to return with a doctor's mask and a tissue box.

"You're both going into quarantine." he says, holding the box out like a weapon.

"Dangit." Millie whines.

"What happened?" YOSO yawns.

* * *

 **Hey, what's up? Okay, yes, I'm stalling a little. Thing is, the real episode isn't ready yet on account of... well, a few things. One of which is... that I'm a little sick, and have been for the past few days. I am so so SO sorry I'm not going to be able to put up that chapter today, or anytime soon. As of now, I'm on hiatus until I'm better, and I've gotten caught up on a few other projects.**

 **Onto messages:**

 **AnonymousRainbow:** **  
Thanks, Lizzie! Really appreciate it. Don't be too hard on him, 'kay? If he can give me an apology and _maybe_ a confession, all is forgiven. Also, how's the new account thing going?**

 **Doli Leaffern:** **  
Could you try putting spaces after every character when you send the link? FanFiction doesn't allow them properly written.**

 **Gabby-gabs:  
** **How am I doing with your characterization? Good? Bad? Enh? And in response to one of your old reviews, I'm not really too keen on making any sort of romance between the cast members, though I'm considering a mishap with love potions. That good?**

 **RedArmyGrif :  
YAY! **

**Mystery:  
Dude, seriously. You're just making this worse for yourself. Just apologize and move on. You don't need to embarrass yourself further.**


	16. Let's Watch Some Vids!

**I know no excuse is going to be good enough to make up for all the time it took to get this episode out... but you ever have those moments where you finish one thing, celebrate, then turn around and realize there's this other pile of stuff that you forgot about, and then someone gives you another pile of things to do and then a blackout happens for a few days and all you can do is sit there and wait and then you get dragged on road to trip out of the country and the next thing you know it's already been over a _month_ , and woo boy, are you in trouble! **

**...and that is my attempt at an excuse. So, I'm really sorry for the surprise hiatus. And updates will no longer have a fixed date. I'll put a little notice in the summary for upcoming updates, though. Like this: "Next episode up by: ...". I have to, since stuff around here is getting a tad complicated, so I need to move FanFiction down a few notches to make room on my list of priorities. Once again, please accept my humble apologies.**

* * *

YOSO stands on the stage awkwardly; hands behind her back, head down, and drawing circles with the toe of her shoe. Nearby, the Gravity Falls characters stand, also pretty awkward. Ford keeps his hands in his pockets, Mabel pulls at her sweater sleeves, Stan puts his arms behind his back and taps his feet a little, Dipper holds his hat in his hands and scrunches it up, Soos plays with the hem of his shirt, McGucket blinks blankly, Wendy rubs her arms, Pacifica crosses her arms and tilts her head back impatiently, Gideon runs his hands through his hair to make it stand up a little better. Waddles is the only one showing any sign of comfort, seeing as he sleeps peacefully at Mabel's feet.

Ford coughs. "So... Bill's gone..."

"Guess so..." YOSO murmurs. "How's the whole... Arctic exploration going?"

"Good, fine," he says, avoiding eye contact and nodding.

"Found something that looks like a giant squid," Stan offers.

"And... um, you guys?" YOSO asks the twins.

"Same old, same old," Dipper mutters, kicking at the floor a little.

"Mom and Dad got me a pen for Waddles," Mabel says softly, picking the pig up.

"You know, after they... flipped out a little for bringing him home," he adds awkwardly.

"Okay... how's life, Pacifica?" YOSO says, shifting a little.

"How good can it be with just the one pony?" Pacifica says, a little bit sharply.

"Ooookaaay... um, what's up with you, Gideon?"

"Can we just stop this?" he says.

"Stop what?"

"This whole small talk thing. If all we're going to do is stand here like this, I'm going back whether you like it or not."

"Right, right... AMVs, anyone?" she says hopefully.

"Don't I get some small talk?" McGucket asks.

"Uh... o-okay... how's your project going?"

"Fantastic! Mah' inventions are all working great for the people!"

"That's gr-"

"And the mansion's only half gone!"

"What?! You _destroyed_ my mansion?!" Pacifica screeches.

"It's mah' mansion now, Paz! I can do what I want!"

"Which part? South wing or west wing?" she asks frantically.

"Hmm... I think it was the entire second floor."

"My room! You will pay for this, old man!"

YOSO clears her throat. "How 'bout we just watch those AMVs now?"

"But-" Pacifica starts.

"You know the mansion was sold to him, right?"

"Yeah, so? I could have bought the thing back eventually!"

YOSO sighs tiredly. "It's his right now, Pacifica."

"And it'll be _mine_ in the future!"

"Can you just- You know, _not_ do this?"

Pacifica huffs haughtily.

YOSO purses her lips. "Yeah, I'm not having this. To the AMVs!"

The characters gather around the computer, which sits on the centre of the stage. They stand so the shorter characters are in the front, and the taller ones are in the back.

YOSO joins them with a sheet of paper. "We have a long list of AMVs to get through today, everyone. Don't be afraid to share any and all reactions, please remain quiet enough so your fellow viewers can enjoy the show, and McGucket," She looks up. "Please refrain from doing jigs during the show."

"Yessiree!" he says enthusiastically, while waving his hat in the air.

"First up, the video named 'Bill/Mabel ▲ Gravity Falls ▲ Riptide'." She types it into the computer and presses play.

 **After it's over...**

"Everyone's sanity intact?" YOSO asks boredly.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?" Dipper asks.

"I've added it to procedure around here. You guys have been taking quite a few hits lately."

"I-" Stan starts to speak up, raising a finger to protest, but seems to think better of it and puts his hand down. "Never mind."

"We need Mabel's opinion here. Mabel?" YOSO asks.

"It was a nice video, I guess. Don't really know what else to say..." She rubs her arm awkwardly.

"Everyone's in agreement?"

The group mutters agreement, nodding their heads.

"Okay, then... Next up, there's 'My Home', a song by..." She squints at the sheet a little. "'MandoPony'?" She shrugs and types it in.

 **1:50 minutes in...**

"I'm kinda warming up to this one," Dipper says.

 **2:03 minutes in...**

YOSO chokes on a laugh, bringing a hand to her mouth in an attempt to hide it.

"What?" Dipper asks suspiciously.

"Don't worry about it," she says, smiling and waving a hand dismissively. "I was just thinking about something funny."

"Alright..." he says hesitantly, giving her one last suspicious glance before once again focusing on the screen.

 **After it's over...**

"Any special opinions?" YOSO asks.

Dipper raises his hand. "It was cool. You know, how it summed the town up pretty well."

"And the show itself, don't forget that."

"Please don't refer to my life that way," he deadpans.

"Right, right. Don't need an existential crisis on our hands." She rubs her arm awkwardly.

"I already had my crisis!" McGucket says proudly, as if he was a little kid who lost his tooth. "Had it the first day here."

The others stare at him blankly for a moment. Two... three...

"Question: we're not going to end up like him, are we?" Stan asks, pointing at McGucket.

"You mean smart and rich?" Dipper asks, raising an eyebrow.

Stan stays silent, staring at the floor as he thinks. He raises a hand and opens his mouth to speak. "I-"

"I'm going to cut this before it gets too far out of hand," YOSO says quickly. "We still have a long list of AMVs to get through. Next one is 'Bill/Mabel ▲ Gravity Falls ▲ Can't Stand It'." She types before anyone has time to object.

 **21 seconds in...**

"Now this," YOSO points to the screen. "is something that seems realistic."

"Realistic?" Mabel says, confused.

"Yeah, not like 'Real life' real life', but like-" She looks around at the others, then puts her hands in her lap and looks down. "I'm just going to stop talking now," she says quietly.

"The music's nice, I guess," Wendy offers.

"Yeah, I guess it is," Mabel says.

 **56 seconds in...**

"MerMabel! Yes!" Mabel says, jumping up excitedly and already forgetting the previous embarrassment.

"Mabel, I'm pretty sure that's the ship name for you and Mermando," YOSO says, looking up at her.

"Oh. Then..." She scrunches her lips to the side as she thinks. "Mermaidbel!" she says triumphantly.

 **1:13 minutes in...**

"Go Mabel!"

The group turns around to look at Stan, who stands with his arms in the air in a cheer.

"What? That was a quality flip that needs some recognition!"

 **1:35 minutes in...**

"Whoa whoa whoa! Back up!" YOSO takes the mouse and rewinds the video to 1:33. "What is this? What _possible_ context could this have?"

"What is it?" Mabel asks curiously.

"It's the scene from Frozen where Hans-" She waves her hands in front of herself as if waving away the idea. "Long story short, you're in the villain's place here, and _he's_ the good guy."

"Okay, this needs some explaining."

 **1:58 minutes in...**

Dipper, YOSO, and Wendy start laughing.

"Hmph," Mabel pouts. "That's mean."

 **After it's over...**

"Final thoughts?" YOSO calls out.

"I have all the more reason to hate Bill," Gideon hisses.

"Dude, it's a fan-made video. Chill," Wendy says.

"And he's gone anyway, so there isn't really a whole lot you can do to him now," Dipper adds.

"Time for the next one," YOSO says. She starts typing 'Gravity Falls Multiple AU Tribute - One for the Money'. "Oh, and from now on, please hold majority of all comments to the end. I'm pretty sure we're not going to be able to fit all these AMVs in otherwise."

 **1:56 minutes in...**

Mabel starts snickering. "'Wendex'?"

"What?" Wendy squints at the screen. "Wait, go back. I wanna see that."

The video gets put back to the 1:56 mark and paused.

"What kind of AU is this?" Ford asks, adjusting his glasses.

"Furniture AU maybe?" YOSO says. "Hey, look at that bottom one." She points to the word 'Trash' at the bottom of the screen, next to an object with Gideon's symbol on it. "Is that- is that supposed to be Gideon?"

The whole group starts snickering, sneaking glances at the chubby boy who grows increasingly agitated.

 **After it's over...**

"Anybody actually manage to recognize all of those?" Dipper asks.

"Kid, we _just_ found out about them," Stan says.

"I got a couple of them. I mean, there was Monster Falls, that's for sure."

"There was one called 'Timestuck'," Mabel adds. "What's that?"

"Basically, you get sucked back in time and meet the Stans," YOSO says, then stops to think for a moment. "Or was it just Stanley?" She shrugs. "I don't know. Next video: 'Who We Are PMV'. This- This is pretty long overdue."

 **2:36 minutes in...**

"Spooky," Mabel says, shuddering a little.

"And _this_ is what the kid was up to that day?" Stan asks.

"Er, in a way, yes," YOSO says. "This is rather creepy way of showing it, but yes."

 **After it's over...**

"Comments?" YOSO asks, looking out over the group.

"Well put-together?" Wendy offers.

"Great summary of the summer?" Mabel says.

"Good enough," YOSO says. "Time for the next one. 'Gravity Falls||The Hanging Tree PMV. Spooky and awesome." She types it in and sits back with a satisfied smile.

"Hang on, _more_ spooky?" Dipper says. "Didn't we get enough with the whole Bipper thing?"

"Man up a little. Spooky is great!" Her smiles falls and she looks around at everyone. "Don't- Don't tell Beck I said that. Or Dani. Or Ian. Or Carol."

Stan looks around. "Speaking of which, where are they?"

"They're just in their rooms," YOSO says nonchalantly.

The footage cuts to the bedrooms' hallway, where a crisscross of ropes connect the doorknobs. A sad harmonica tune rings out.

"Could whoever's playing the harmonica cut it out?" Beck shouts from his room.

"I thought I was doing pretty good," Ian says with a slight pouting lilt.

"Certainly one of your better performances," Millie says.

"Could you at least play something less depressing?" Carol asks.

He starts playing polka music, eliciting groans from multiple doors.

"Aw _really_?!"

"Come on!"

"Go back to the jail music!"

The footage cuts back to the stage. YOSO clicks a button on the keyboard and the video starts playing.

 **After it's over...**

YOSO keeps humming the tune of the song as if in a trance. The characters closest to her shuffle away a bit.

"Who's gonna ask her about the next one?" Dipper whispers.

"You do it," Mabel says.

"No, you do it."

"No, _you_ do it."

"No, _you_ do it!"

"Uhh, guys?" YOSO asks, getting their attention. "It's time for the next one. I already typed it in."

"What's it called?" Mabel asks.

"'Safe and Sound AMV'."

 **1:05 minutes in...**

Stan sniffs and wipes his nose.

"Stan, are you _crying?_ " Wendy asks.

"I got something in my eye!" he says defensively and wipes away another stray tear.

 **After it's over...**

" _Why?!_ " Mabel sobs. She blows her nose in the collar of her sweater.

Dipper pats her shoulder, though tears are streaming down his face too.

"It was just a prediction," YOSO says curtly.

"So don't cry, right?" Stan says.

"Yeah. Don't cry. Ohh, the feels..." She stands up and leaves, returning with a box of tissues. "I'll just give you some time to cry yourselves out."

"Where are _you_ going?" Pacifica asks.

"I"ll get the order for the next few videos sorted out."

 **5 minutes later...**

"All good?" YOSO asks.

Murmurs of halfhearted agreement come from the group.

"Let's see if this next video can cheer you up."

A video with the name 'CENTURIES~ Gravity Falls AMV'.

 **20 seconds in...**

YOSO pauses the video.

"What happened?" Mabel asks.

"Anybody else feel like that was an intense 20 seconds?"

"Not really."

"Don't really think so," Dipper says, shrugging. He presses the 'Play' button.

 **After it's over...**

"Still think it's intense," YOSO says.

"Nicely done," Ford says.

YOSO raises an eyebrow at him. "Care to elaborate on that, Fordsy?"

"Very nice collection of scenes to go along with the music," he says curtly.

"Hmmm..." She starts humming a bit of the music, then shakes her head. "Next, 'How Far We've Come AMV'."

 **45 seconds in...**

"Awesome..." Dipper breathes.

"I think the word you may actually be looking for is 'epic'," YOSO says, still staring at the screen.

 **2:20 minutes in...**

Mabel winces. "Not my best moments."

 **After it's over...**

YOSO applauds loudly. She slows down as she realizes no one else is clapping and puts her hands in her lap. "Comments?"

"Still awesome," Dipper says. "Can I keep this?"

"Sorry, bro. You know the rules."

He sighs.

"Next is 'Two Twin Birds'," YOSO says.

"Sounds kinda sad," Mabel says.

"If 'Safe and Sound' is anything to go by," Wendy says. "we should probably break out the tissues. You know, for Stan."

"I said I wasn't crying!" Stan protests.

 **49 seconds in...**

"Aww!" Mabel coos. "C'mere, bro-bro!"

She wraps her arms around Dipper in a bear hug.

"Mabel," he wheezes. "Mabel, I'm choking... _Mabel!_ "

 **After it's over...**

"..." No comments are made on this video. The next one, 'Immortals- A Transcendence AU Animatic'.

 **19 seconds in...**

"Changeitchangechangeit!" Dipper all but shrieks.

"Should we blindfold him 'til the happy parts?" YOSO asks.

"Are there happy parts?" Stan asks, scrutinizing the video.

"There has to be, right?" She looks to Mabel. "Right?"

 **1:12 minutes in...**

"See? Happy parts," Mabel says. "Sharp teeth, but happy smile. You can look now, Dipper," she says gently.

"I'm fine," he says adamantly. "It's just that the whole 'Bill trying to rip my soul out' thing in the beginning caught me off-guard." He crosses his arms and pouts.

 **2:00 minutes in...**

"Didn't see that coming," Stan says.

Mabel sniffs. Dipper shuffles away from her. Reason: He wants to avoid getting his air intake cut off. Again. What happens now is that she launches into another emotional hug, once again choking him. He didn't quite move fast enough.

 **2:38 minutes in...**

"What's he doing?" Dipper asks.

"Maybe it's that thing where he moves on to the afterlife?" YOSO says. "I'm just spitballing here."

 **2:56 minutes in...**

Collective wincing from the group.

"Yeah, he's killing himself," YOSO mutters.

 **After it's over...**

"Transcendence AU in a nutshell," YOSO mutters.

"Next!" Dipper says. He takes YOSO's list, quickly reads off of it, and opens a tab with the Mad Hatter AMV.

 **3:04 minutes in...**

Dipper and Mabel's jaws drop. Mabel attempts to speak, but all she manages is weak pointing and a few squeaks about blood.

 **3:09 minutes in...**

"Dipeon has made a reappearance!" YOSO announces, throwing her arms up. She gets a smack upside the head from both Dipper and Gideon. She brings a hand to her head, wincing a little, but still smiling.

 **After it's over...**

"Creepy," Dipper says.

"Most def creepy," Mabel agrees, nodding.

"Next!" Stan says.

The next video is 'Gravity Falls Music Video Bombshell Blonde'.

"Hang on, is this-" Dipper gets cut off as the video starts.

 **13 seconds in...**

"Finally!" Pacifica says exasperatedly. "Some _good_ entertainment."

"Whatever happened to you trying to be nicer?" Dipper asks.

"I haven't insulted your sister for the past week, Dipper," she says. "That's as nice as I'm getting for a while."

 **40 seconds in...**

More collective wincing.

"Anybody remember when this was from?" YOSO asks.

"I'd rather not," Dipper says.

"Why wouldn't you want to remember your 'best moments', Dippy?" Pacifica snarks.

 **2:40 seconds in...**

"Best moments, Paz?" Dipper says smugly.

"Shut up, Dipstick," Pacifica grumbles.

 **3:30 minutes in...**

Dipper smiles. "Now _that_ , was a good moment."

Pacifica puts a hand on his arm. He yelps as her nails dig into his skin. "Of course it was, Dippy," she laughs cheerfully.

 **After it's over...**

YOSO stands up. "I think that's all of the- Pacifica, could you kindly remove your manicured claws from Dipper's arm?"

"I think I'm losing blood," Dipper says faintly, trying to pry her fingers off.

"Whatever." Pacifica takes her hand off Dipper's arm, leaving little maybe-too-red marks where her nails used to be.

YOSO checks over her list. "Yup, that's all for today, folks. Thank you for watching this week's episode of 'What Do Ya Think?'. We'll see-"

A crash sounds from somewhere in the studio. Gabs strolls up to the stage, a bit of wood in her hair.

YOSO watches with wide eyes. "How..?"

"I broke out," Gabs says simply.

"But... but the door..."

"Is broken. Because I knocked it down."

"But- But it-"

The screen goes dark.

* * *

 **Gabbygabs:  
Duly noted about the characterization. I'll get right to work on that. Sorry about the long break. It's nice to know you care enough to hunt down my story in the feed to leave a reminder. Seriously, thank you. :) Oh, and I'm working on that love potions episode for ya. Just so you know, it's freakin' weird. Like... like almost ' _Midsummer Night's Dream'_ weird. Then again, it's still in development so it'll probably change to something more... I don't know, less... weird? I guess? Sorry 'bout the rambling there. ^-^"**

 **Mystery:  
** **What you have done is not in any way right. Upsetting Lizzie for a few moments is not justification enough for you to harass me. I realize you believe that what you did is heroic, though picking on an innocent person on the internet is not heroic; it is villainous. I know that you were simply trying to avenge your sister's happiness, but unless she was unhappy for weeks on end, what you did is not justified; unless I had been purposefully upsetting her for a long time, what you did is not justified. You should have spoken to me prior to resorting to harassment. It is a very worrying ordeal. If such a thing had come to happen to Lizzie, would you not be upset? Would you not wish to help her? Now apply this to me, sister to three siblings by blood, and seven by relation. Did you consider that? That I would also have siblings that would wish to 'avenge' me, as you have so adequately put? Considering the circumstance, though, they would not. Why? Simply because this whole matter is utter hogwash. You have proven nothing except that you will become a villain over a trivial matter instead of rationally taking a moment to think of a solution that could easily solve the matter for both parties. As you can very well see, I am writing to you in a manner that would be better suited for speaking to a CEO or someone else that is entirely respectable and above me. Such is how I am when I am frustrated. I am frustrated with you, Travis. Frustrated, upset, angry, and a tad disappointed.  
** **I am not saying that I am completely free of fault. Pass my apologies on to Lizzie about not being able to add her sooner. I have been planning hers and your cameo since she first asked. I also apologize for not being able to make it more than a cameo. I have my own life ahead of me and writing with only this many people is already putting a strain on me. Although, with everything that has happened, I am very seriously considering scrapping your cameos altogether.  
** **Please take a moment to take what I have said into consideration instead of more trolling and blaming me with even more harsh words.**


	17. Monster Falls (Part 1 of 2)

***shuffles through papers* Excuses... where are my excuses? *throws papers over shoulder* No excuse, besides a touch of writer's block and some disinterest. *shrugs* C'est la vie, non?**

 **Anywho, this little two-part beauty _used_ to be a side-project to another episode I was working on, but... then I got really into this and... yeah. It happens. I'm working on one episode, get an idea for another, jump to that, and sometimes I lose interest in _that_ and jump to another idea. Sorry.  
** **(ツ)**

 **I'll get the second part up either tomorrow, Sunday, or Monday.**

 **In the meantime, please enjoy this first part.**

* * *

The surveillance of a hallway shows an open door leading to a room full of various shelves of objects. Ian stands in the room, looking through the items and occasionally taking a moment to think.

"Check... check... check... double check on _that._ Hold the phone." He reaches an arm into a shelf, and pulls out a vial the size of his hands. Inside swirls a clear liquid with a slight rainbow sheen. "Don't remember getting this," he mutters. He shrugs, putting the vial into his pocket and continuing with his task.

* * *

The camera finds the cast and characters standing on the stage in a heated discussion. Their voices become somewhat difficult to pick out.

"No way! How—"

"It's the best and you know it!"

"No! It's so not as good as—"

"If you can't agree on what to put on the pizza, I'll just get anchovies on it!" This one's Eris, who is holding the phone to her ear.

"You don't even like anchovies!" That one was Millie.

"Get bacon!" AJ.

"No! Get steak!" Stan possibly?

"Peppers!" Ford?

"Glitter!" Mabel. Obviously Mabel.

"Pepperoni!" Carol, maybe?

"No toppings!" Possibly Dipper.

"Hey, I have a suggestion. How 'bout we just get McDonald's?" Beck.

" _Buzzkills!_ " Mabel again.

"Mushrooms!" Wendy.

"Ew!" Pacifica? Gideon? Probably both.

"Can chocolate be a topping?" Millie again.

"What?" Soos.

"Just get separate pizzas!" Beck again. He had separated himself from the group awhile ago, muttering about how he wouldn't have been able to eat any pizza because of his allergies. He sat down on the floor a little ways away from them.

"..."

"Yeah, _now_ you all shut up! Now tell me which toppings you want or you're eatin' the anchovies!" As you can very well see, Eris has gotten quite a bit peeved by this point.

YOSO walks up behind Eris, wincing. "Man, can't you guys keep it down? The noise is deafening."

"I don't suppose you want to pitch a topping?" Eris grumbles.

"Nah, I'm good."

"Okay, that's one less person to worry about."

"Hey guys," Ian says, walking up to them.

Murmurs of greeting ripple out among the crowd.

"And what topping do _you_ want?" Eris asks him.

"On pizza?"

"What else?"

"The kid puts ice cream on his fries," YOSO says. "You have to specify." She looks to Ian. "Where've you been, anyway?"

"Doing inventory. And I found this." He takes the vial out of his pocket and presents it to the others. "Ta-da!"

YOSO takes the vial gently, holding it up to the light. "How'd we manage to get the water from the Monster Falls AU?"

"Beats me, but we have it."

Beck gets up. "So what you're saying,"—he makes his way over to them as he talks—"is that we have a serum that can turn us into monsters, and it's right there in that vial?"

"Well, yeah, but—"

"First dibs!" He snatches the vial and uncorks it.

"No, Beck, wait!" YOSO says, reaching out, but he drinks some before she takes it back.

"Hm, tastes like Gatorade." He shrugs.

"Aren't you gonna, you know, turn into some freaky monster?" Ian asks.

"I don't know." Beck uses his right arm to poke his left. "I just feel a little tired, is all."

"Maybe it doesn't work on us?"

YOSO brings the bottle to her eyes, squinting at the liquid inside. "It should... In the AU, it took some time for it to take effect." She glances at Beck. "You sure you don't feel anything?"

"Just a little sleepy," Beck yawns. "I think I'll go to bed now."

"Dude, it's only 7:00," Ian says.

Beck starts walking. "Don't care, already gone."

"Something's not right about this," YOSO mutters. "I'm gonna go see Ford."

* * *

Ian knocks on Beck's door. "Beck? Beck, you okay? Beeeckyyy?"

"Yeah?" came the muffled reply.

"You know it's morning, right?"

"It is?" Rustling sounds from the other side of the door, followed by a few surprised yelps.

"Dude, you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Ish."

"If you're not coming out, could I eat your share of the pancakes?"

"Don't. I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Alrighty then. Don't take too long!" With that, Ian walks away.

* * *

The cast and characters are scattered around the studio, eating plates of pancakes and waffles.

"Is Beck gonna show?" Leela asks. "His food's getting cold."

"He said he'd be here in a few minutes," Ian says, using his fork to eat a bit of pancake. Mouth partly full, he says, "Probably got some stomach problems from that water. One should never trust rainbow water."

"How would you know?" Laina asks.

"I just do," he says gruffly.

"He drank a bottle of bubble fluid when we were six," Millie whispers to Laina. "Still burps bubbles every once in a while."

Ian drinks some water, then belches a few little bubbles into the air. He hurriedly waves them away, eyes darting around nervously. "You saw _nothing_ ," he says to the others.

AJ shrugs. "Sure."

Suddenly, a winged monster jumps out from around the corner, showing claws and teeth. Its wings fan out, nearly five feet long in each direction and reaching its knees. Its light-green leathery skin and large horns on its head add to the effect. A long thin tail loops loosely around its feet. Everyone jumps back, yelping and screaming. The creature snarls, then opens its mouth in a roar... only to choke on its own spit and start coughing. The others eye him curiously, apparently not noticing his attire, which matches that of one of the crew, although the hat is missing from completing it.

"What is that thing?" Mabel asks.

"I don't think we want to find out," Dipper says, stepping in front of her.

"Stand back!" Ford says, taking out his gun and aiming for the creature.

"Wait! Don't shoot!" the creature says, holding its arms up defensively. "It's me! It's Beck!"

"What now?" Millie says. She looks to Nick. " _That's_ Beck?"

"Looks like it happened after all," Ford murmurs, putting the gun away.

"Man, can't a guy try to scare everyone witless _without_ risking a laser to the head?" Beck says.

"Did you really just ask that?" Eris says disapprovingly.

"Okay, I realize how... absolutely wrong that sounds," he says, scratching his arm. His dragon-like wings lower in shame.

Millie walks up to Beck and pokes his wing, making it twitch.

"Whoa... Can you _fly_ with these things?" she asks in obvious awe.

"I...don't really know." He flaps one experimentally. "Worth a shot though." He closes his eyes and flaps his wings, rising into the air slowly. He tentatively opens one eye and looks around. "Yes!" He swoops around, the wings sometimes twitching unsteadily.

"Beck! Get outside!" YOSO yells, clutching her hat to her head. "You're gonna break something!"

He lands on the ground, stumbling as his wings retract. "Sorry."

"I want wings," Millie pouts.

"You sure, sis?" Ian says. "You're gonna have to drink that weird water to get them."

"I'll do it," she says stubbornly. "If Beck can, so can I."

"Alright, where's the vial?" Ian turns to the others. "Um, where's the magic rainbow water?"

"Good question," YOSO says slowly. "Ford, where is it?"

"I thought you had it," he says slowly.

"But I left it with you..."

"Stanley, you didn't happen to..?"

Stan laughs nervously. "So that _wasn't_ the vanilla?"

"Uh-oh..." Leela says.

"Anybody else... feel a little.. tired?" Eris says, eyes drooping.

"Yeah, just... just a little," Dani says, holding out her arms to stay upright.

"This... this isn't good, is it?" Mabel says drearily.

"Not at all," Dipper yawns.

"We should... to get back to our rooms," Ford says, trying to keep his voice stern. "The transformations... will be better experience for all of us... if they happen in private."

"How long do we have?" YOSO asks, squinting slightly.

"Maybe eight minutes before... before we all... lose consciousness... if we're lucky, that is."

* * *

"Woooo-hooooo!" Millie whoops happily, flying around the studio with her huge falcon-like wings. Her transformation left her mostly humanoid, with only the addition of wings on her back and cat-like green eyes. She swoops down in front of the camera, sparing a wave then rising a bit higher.

"Millie! Get down! You're gonna break something!" Beck says, flying after her.

"I'm perfectly careful," she calls back. " _Becky!_ " she teases, then flaps her wings and goes faster.

"It's _Beck!_ " He flaps a bit more to try to catch up.

"Flying is _awesooome!_ "

The camera pans around, stopping at the tank of water the size of a large bus. In it, are Mabel in a pink shooting-star t-shirt, and Ian in a green t-shirt. Her only transformations are the replacement of legs with a large pink trout-like tail and gills on her neck. She swishes her tail happily and does flips in the water. Meanwhile, his transformation gave him gills under his now-finned ears, fins along his forearms, and a long slightly narrow tail, all tinged a lighter version of the green of his old sweater.

"This is _so_ weird." he says.

"You mean great! Look at my tail! It's so shiny!" She swishes it around for emphasis, the light making the scales vary in shades of pink.

"Yeah, _yours_ is great. Mine looks like it belongs to minnow!" He swims around the tank, his light-green fish-half making waves. "I'm pretty sure you'd beat me in a race without even trying with how big yours is."

"What? No way! You have the advantage with the fins." She flicks the fins growing out of his arms.

"I'd much rather _not_ , thank you very much." He pulls his arms away and puts them behind his back. "These make me look like a frog."

They keep debating about their various features as the camera pans around, landing on Dipper and AJ. They don't have much difference in height though Dipper stands on shaky fawn legs that make him unenviably shorter. His deer ears poke out from beneath his hat, and his shirt and vest cover his top half. He stumbles a little, but eventually gets the hang of it. Meanwhile, AJ trots circles around him. He wears his usual t-shirt and flannel over his human half, while his horse half is covered in dark brown fur that matches his hair.

"Stop showing off," Dipper grumbles.

"What's that, deer-boy? I couldn't hear you over the sound of my _majestic_ hooves! Look at these babies!" He rears up, kicking the air. "Oh yeah!"

"Hmph." He reaches out a leg, tripping the gloating centaur and nearly making him fall over.

The camera pans again, this time landing on the werewolves, Wendy and Gabs. Their sleek coats took on the color of their hair, making it easy to tell them apart. Aside from the missing shoes, they keep their usual attire. They circle each other on all fours, keeping a fighting stance. Suddenly, they pounce, each trying to force the other to yield. Gabs gets the upper hand, pinning the other.

"Game, set, match," she says. She steps away and sits back. "What's the score?"

"I think we're tied," Wendy says casually, scratching her head.

"Last match?" Gabs says, picking at her hair.

"Why bother?" She smiles smugly. "I'm gonna win anyway."

"We'll just have to see now, won't we?"

The camera pans again, and zooms in on the spot right in front of it, where two 9-inch tall figures stand.

"Not even a foot tall and surrounded by chaos. This is _not_ going to end well for us." Dani says exasperatedly. Her transformation gave her long pointy ears, somewhat pointy teeth, and nimble claws. Her clothes shrank down with her, though she no longer needs shoes, what with her long clawed feet.

"I think I'll do just fine," Carol says. Her dragonfly-like wings flutter a little as she smiles, showing off her sharp teeth. The rest of her transformation includes a more woodsy pallor to her skin, matching her bark-like eyes, and pointy ears. She now wears her pyjama shirt along with the rest of her usual clothes, giving her wings better range of movement than her sweater. "I've got these wings." She flies off the ground a little bit.

"What?! You can't just leave me here!"

"Who said I was? We miniatures gotta stick together." She leans to the side a little to see over Dani's shoulder. "Duck!"

They duck as a ball of reddish light shoots by. The camera pans in the direction it came from, showing McGucket and Laina.

"McGucket! You almost hit them!" Laina says worriedly. Her irises glow pink and an aura of the same colour surrounds her hands.

"Whoops! Sorry, little fellers!" he calls.

"You can't just go shooting off random balls of magic!"

"I wasn't. I was tryna fix my beard."

Laina furrows her brow and looks down at him.

"Actually, that one was me," Nick's voice says sheepishly.

A little flame grows until it turns into a fiery version of Nick. He stands with his arms behind his back as flames dance around his feet.

"And why, pray tell, did you shoot fire at the little people?"

"You say that like we're kids!" Carol shouts.

"When it comes to Dani, she's not wrong," Nick says.

"Hey!" Dani shouts indignantly. "I'm twelve, _not_ a baby!"

The camera pans around, stopping at Stan flying with Ford.

"Flying, much better than walking," Stan says as he stretches. His skin has turned a dark grey color, along with adopting a stony texture, bat-like wings have grown out his back, a tail grows out the back of his suit, horns grow out of the top of his forehead and set his fez back, and his eyes glow yellow, irises and sclera both. He winces at the sound of grinding stone. "Could do without the that grinding noise, though."

"This isn't too bad, but we need to find a way to get back to normal," Ford says. His wings are colored like a macaw's, while his tail and paws are those of a lion. His features have become more cat-like, namely his nose and ears. Golden brown fur covers all visible parts of his body, the rest hidden under his usual coat and sweater. "We can't stay monsters forever."

"Why not? I'm with the kids, this is great!"

"It seems good now, but it's not going to be good for us in the long run. Eventually, there's going to be some monster law or catch, or even-"

He gets cut off as Millie and Beck whoosh past, startling the brothers and setting them slightly off-balance.

"Hey! Watch it!" Stan shouts at them, waving a fist.

"They shouldn't be flying so recklessly," Ford says. He flies after them. "We need to stop them. Come on, Stanley!"

The camera follows them for a moment, panning away before they catch up to the younger pair. It zooms in on Gideon and Pacifica.

"This is so humiliating," Gideon whines, crossing his arms. He pouts, making his fangs poke out of his mouth. His skin has taken on a dead grey pallor, while his eyes have taken on a red hue, making his baby blue suit look a bit out of place. His ears are pointed up like pikes.

"Like, you're not the one with snakes for hair," Pacifica snarks. The blonde snakes hiss in agreement. Her tail slithers around so that's it's in front of her, the dull yellow scale catching the light. "Wait, really?" She quirks an eyebrow as the snakes keep hissing. "Ha, I know, right?" They hiss again. "That is, like, so true. I take it back, these guys are nice." The snakes hiss in indignation. "Okay, girls. These _girls_ are nice."

"Mabel said she likes vampires, right?" Gideon asks, glancing at the tank.

"Well, yeah, but she said she likes the _hot_ kind." The snakes hiss as if laughing. "Ha! _Burn!_ "

"Ah' may not be 'hot', but ah'm not the one who gained a _ton_ of weight with their transformation," Gideon huffs. He turns away, hiding a smirk as Pacifica's smile falls.

" _What_ was that?!"

Another panning leads to Leela and Soos.

"Can you do this?" She shapeshifts into a cat and looks up at him.

"Dude, I am so on that." He shapeshifts into a cat, too, but he turns out more drippy, like melted clay.

"How 'bout this?" She turns into a chair.

He mimics her and does the same, turning into a molded chair. "Nailed it!"

She turns into a lion. "No way you could be this!" She sits back and grins proudly.

"I got this, dude!" He turns himself into a lion, and opens his maw for a roar. Nothing but bits of goop fall out, landing on Leela.

She reverts back to her original self. "Ew! That's nasty!"

Soos goes back to being the clay version of himself. "Dude, that's me!"

The camera pans around again, this time to the wall next to the hallway with the bedrooms. There, a dark shadow is cast on the wall. It moves around, the camera following it as it sticks to various flat surfaces. It goes to Laina, making her jump a little.

"Eris!" she yelps. "Don't do that!"

The shadow detaches itself from the wall and becomes a ghostly version of Eris. "Sorry." Shadowy wisps float around her, and her own shadow is nowhere to be found. "I'm testing out shadow transport. It's pretty fun." She melts back into the wall and quickly makes her way to the tank. "Hello, fish!"

"Hey, Eris," Ian says. "What's up with you?"

"Shadow transport." She smiles and whooshes over to the other side of the tank, making Ian swim over to her. "It's awesome."

"Cool! Can you catch shadows, too?"

"Hmmm... I think so."

"Mind catching the flyers?" He nods to Millie and Beck, who are still swooping around the studio with Stan and Ford on their tails.

"Let's see how it goes." She goes back into the shadows, making her way to the stage. As soon as the group gets closer, she latches herself onto Millie's shadow, making her stop.

" _Hey!_ " Millie says, flapping her wings harder in an attempt to get away.

Beck crashes into her, sending them both towards the floor like rocks.

"Mayday! Mayday! We're losing altitude!" Beck shouts right before they hit the ground in a mess of wings and limbs.

Eris goes back to Ian. "Mission accomplished!" she says as she goes back to humanoid form.

"My respect for you has risen to new levels," Ian says, smiling at the crash site.

"I just killed two birds with one stone." She blinks. "Okay, _maybe_ a bad metaphor to use right now."

The camera pans around to the hallway, where YOSO peaks around the corner. Her hat, scarf, irises, and nails have all turned fuchsia, and fuchsia lines fan out from her eyes. She looks around curiously, taking note of everyone's transformations. Eris appears behind her and taps her shoulder, making her float out of the corner and ignite flames in her hands. Her legs have been replaced by a mist that matches the rest of her transformations, and leads up to under her hat.

"Calm down! It's just me!" Eris laughs.

"Oh, sorry." YOSO puts her hands behind her back and shrugs, embarrassed. "Got a little jumpy with all the monsters around."

"No worries. What's up with your tail?"

"What..? Oh! Right." She picks up her hat, revealing the old-fashioned black lamp underneath. She gingerly takes it in her hand and puts the hat back on. The mist pours out the spout of the lamp and connects to her upper half. She grins and waves the lamp. "Wanna make a wish?"

"Hmm... let's see. I can hide, move fast, and not get caught. Nah, I'm good."

"Great, now could you do me a favour?"

"Depends. What do you want?"

"I want you to make a wish for me, since I can't make my own."

"Okay, what-"

"World peace!"

"Uh, alright then. I wish for—"

Beck flies over to the two. "I couldn't help but overhear that you grant wishes."

"Yeah—" YOSO stops talking as she sees the evil grin growing on Beck's face. "Not for you. No wishes for you," she says quickly and hides behind Eris.

"Aw, why not? You're discriminating against imps." He crosses his arms and pouts, but his eyes still glimmer with mischief. "I think I'll just take this," he says, reaching for the lamp.

"You touch it and so help me I will punch out your teeth!"

He shrugs. "I'll wish for new ones."

He snatches the lamp. YOSO lunges for it, teeth growing into fangs, but doesn't get the chance to carry out her threat, since he already starts making wishes.

"I wish you _wouldn't_ knock out my teeth."

She stops. Her arms fall to her sides and she stands straight with a blank look on her face.

"Ha ha! Yes!" he cheers.

"I. Will. End. You," she bites out.

He grins. "I wish you'd sing 'Friend Like Me' like the genie from 'Aladdin'."

" _No way!_ " Despite her refusal, the mist glimmers around her, already making her disappear. "Eris! _Help!_ "

Eris shadow-travels to Beck's side and takes the lamp out of his hands. "I wish you _wouldn't_ do that whole singing thing!"

The mist disappears into the lamp as YOSO takes a deep breath. She looks at Beck, jaw setting and eyes flashing red. " _Jerk!_ " she shouts accusingly.

He steps back, putting his hands up as he smiles sheepishly, then flies away, YOSO chasing after him. They wind through the others, YOSO's mist getting fainter the farther she gets from her lamp. Beck flies for the door, but he can't open it. He turns around and puts his hands up to shield himself, waiting for the attack. It never comes.

He opens his eyes to find YOSO beating against an invisible wall two feet in front of him. She punches and rams it, but can't get through. He snickers, taunting her by sticking his tongue out. She huffs and makes a small ball of magic appear. It disappears in a powder of glitter when it hits him. He laughs again and reaches a hand out, only to pull it back right before it reaches her.

She crosses her arms and glares at him a moment, then her eyes light up and she flies away quickly. She returns moments later, smiling smugly with her hands behind her back. He raises an eyebrow in puzzlement. She takes her hands out from behind her back, shows him the lamp, grins menacingly, and loops the lamp's handle through the hem of her shirt as realization dawns on Beck.

"Uh-oh," he singsongs quietly.

Before she can carry out any of her threats, something unexpected happens. She becomes human again, falling to the ground as the lamp and the wisps disappear. Yelps from around the studio confirm that the same happened to everyone else.

"Help!" Millie shouts.

The camera pans around to see her falling towards the ground desperately waving her arms. It zooms out, finding Ian and Mabel drowning without their tails and gills. Ford and Stan are suffering the same fate as Millie, trying to use their arms as wings. Eris and Nick grow from their shadowed and fiery versions, landing on the ground with a groan.

Just as suddenly as it happened, everyone turned back into monsters. Mabel and Ian take a grateful gulp of water while Millie, Ford, and Stan right themselves in the air. Eris melts into the shadows and Nick's flames burn from the feet up, engulfing him again. YOSO's lamp reappears, sucking her back inside of it and landing with a ' _clunk!_ '.

"Ow..." she says pitifully.

"No idea what just happened," Beck says, nodding. "But I'm not complaining."

"Beck?" YOSO calls from inside the lamp. "Do me a favour and take my lamp to Ford."

"Couldn't I just wish—"

"Make a wish and you're dead to me."

"But—"

" _Dead_."

"Fiiine," he huffs, rolling his eyes.

* * *

"What happened?"

"Why'd we all go human?"

"I nearly _died!_ "

"Hey, you're not the only one!"

"Enough!" Ford shouts, effectively getting everyone's attention. A few float a bit higher to be able to see him better. "The most plausible reason for the... let's call it 'glitch'. The most plausible reason for the glitch is the dosage and how it was distributed. Its being put in the pancake and waffle batters diluted it to the point where these glitches _can_ and _will_ occur. Other than those, the transformations are permanent, as far as I can tell."

"Well that's just peachy," Millie pouts.

"There are other problems that we could face as monsters, and we need to find a way to become human again before we have to face them."

"Like..?" Dani prompts.

"Like the fact that most of us aren't gonna be able to go out in public ever again," Stan says.

"I'm okay with that," Gabs says, shrugging.

"Let's just, y'know, stay monsters," Mabel says.

"I'd rather be human again, thanks," Nick says.

"If only there was some way we could..." Eris murmurs. She snaps her fingers. "YOSO's lamp! We could _wish_ ourselves human again!" She shadow travels to where YOSO's lamp rests on the ground. "One wish and we're all back to normal." She picks it up, only for it to be knocked out of her hands by Beck's tail.

"Yeah, I don't think so," he says, catching it.

" _What?_ " YOSO says sharply from inside the lamp. "Beck, give it back to her!"

"And give up being a monster? As if!"

Eris melts into the shadows and takes the lamp from him, holding it as far away as she can. "Are you _crazy_? We have a chance to be human and you're not gonna take it?"

"Being human's boring. Being monster on the other hand..." He grins, baring fangs. He makes a quick swipe for the lamp, knocking it out of Eris's hands.

"I got it!" Nick shouts. He catches the lamp and sets it on fire at the same time. "Not good!"

"I'll say!" Laina says. She takes the lamp and puts it out with her own magic.

A puff of smoke comes out the spout of the lamp, followed by coughing and YOSO's emergence, her clothes in a bedraggled state. "Thanks."

Carol takes the lamp, flapping her wings faster to compensate for the extra weight. "I'm all for Team Monster, but first, I wish I was—"

Dani jumps up and grabs the handle of the lamp, making it too heavy for Carol to carry. They both fall, the lamp bouncing along the ground, only to be caught by Wendy.

"Make the wish!" Eris shouts.

Gabs grabs the other end of the lamp and the werewolves get into a tug-of-war. They snarl at each other, pulling and pacing. Wendy gives an extra tug, sending the lamp into the tank. Ian grabs it first.

"I got—!"

Mabel grabs it, snatching it out of his hands. "No, _I_ got it!"

"Make the wish!"

"And give up being a mermaid? Nah. I got a better wish in mind." She clears her throat. "I wish Waddles was a mer-pig!"

Waddles appears above the tank; a tail where his hind legs should be. He lands in the water with a splash and oinks, eliciting joyous squeals from Mabel.

Ian takes the lamp back. "I wish—"

Millie dives into the tank and takes the lamp, leaving Ian floundering in the waves. Stan flies after her, baring teeth and claws. He manages to flap his wings just fast enough to grab the lamp. Millie turns around to take it again, but he tosses it to Ford, who now flies at Millie's other side. She turns around and flies for him, only for the lamp to be tossed to Stan again, then back to Ford, thus starting up a game of Monkey in the Middle.

"Soos!" Stan shouts. He chucks the lamp in Soos's direction.

"I got it!" he says. It lands in his stomach. "Still counts!"

It sinks deeper until it is no longer visible.

"Uhhh..." YOSO murmurs, grimacing.

"It's safe now though," Leela says, poking Soos's arm. "He can make the wish."

"Oh, right!" Soos says in realization. "I wish—"

He gets cut off as the lamp falls out of his back, floating in a cloud of pink magic towards Laina. Pacifica's snakes reach out and take the lamp before they can reach her. "I like, wish that I was hu-" The snakes hiss and hold the lamp away from her. "Hey!" she says accusingly.

Gideon jumps up and takes it away from the snakes, who hiss aggressively in response. "I wish Mabel loved me!"

"Rule #3: No wishing for love," YOSO murmurs. Images of hearts with 'X's over them appear in her eyes.

"Then I wish that—"

"Nope!" AJ says as he takes the lamp and trots away.

Dipper trots after him in determination. AJ holds the lamp high above his head, where Dipper can't reach it. Dipper jumps for the lamp, only needing a few more inches to reach it. He takes off his hat and uses it to scoop the lamp away from the other. He fishes it out of the hat and holds it close.

"I wish we were h—"

An aura of yellow-orange surrounds the lamp and wrenches it from the cervitaur's hands. It floats above the crowd to McGucket. Everyone starts shouting, urging him to either make the wish or not to.

"Make the wish!"

"Don't make it!"

"We'll be human again!"

"Stay a monster!"

McGucket looks around unsurely. Everyone, except for Beck, flashes back to human again; falling and groaning and choking sounds from all around for a moment. The lamp reappears next to YOSO.

"Not again," she groans before disappearing inside of it.

Ford picks up the lamp before anyone else can. He roars loudly, a great booming sound that makes the camera shake. Then says, "I wish everyone in this studio except for me would stop moving for five minutes!"

Everyone stops moving, standing still as statues. Ford lets out a relieved breath, relaxing a little.

"This is an all or nothing deal, people," he starts to explain. "We can't have half of us becoming human and the other half not. There's a risk that the monsters would end up severely harming the humans."

Muffled protests sound from the others.

"I know it sounds completely insane, but it's true! Beck wants to stay monster, right? Imps have sharp teeth for a reason! One day he could just up and eat everyone! Same goes for Gabs! And the risk would only grow with every full moon! And Carol? It's in a pixie's nature to lead people to their dooms, and she may have trouble fighting that! Don't you see? We either stay monster to keep each other in check, or all go human and do the world a favour!"

The five minutes end, and everyone falls to the ground, thinking over what Ford said.

Laina sighs. "That's reasonable. We have to go back to being humans."

"Yeah..." Beck says. "But can't we just stay like this for a little while longer?"

Ford sighs tiredly. "How long do you propose?" he asks.

"Maybe 'til tomorrow night?" Mabel says.

Ford nods. "Okay. At sundown tomorrow, we wish ourselves back to normal."

"So... now what?" Wendy asks.

"I don't know about you," Beck says. "but I'm makin' some more wishes."

YOSO comes out of the lamp and glares at him. "Don't even _think_ about it."

"You can't tell me what to do." He takes the lamp from Ford. "I wish I could breathe fire."

She smirks, an image of fire flashing in her eyes. She snaps her fingers, and Beck immediately starts coughing.

"Watch the wording, bro," she mutters. She stares the others down, eyes flashing red. "Wish at your own risk." With that, she disappears, the lamp going with her.

Laina whistles lowly. "Welp, she obviously wants to be left alone."

Beck coughs some more and points to his throat.

"What'd he wish for again?" Millie asks.

"Breathing fire, I think," Ian says.

They all stay silent a moment, then look to Nick.

"Not happening," Nick says flatly.

"But-"

" _No._ " He takes the lamp from Ford. "I wish Beck could breathe normally again."

Beck continues to cough.

" _This_ Beck, YOSO," Nick says exasperatedly.

"I thought maybe ol' Beck Williams from Europe would want to be able to breathe again," she mumbles, before Beck's coughing dies down until he's only wheezing. He flops on his back, arms and legs spread out.

"Learned your lesson yet?" Dipper asks Beck.

"Not at all," he says proudly. He sits up, pushes himself to his feet, takes the lamp, and murmurs, "Hmm... what to wish for?"

"Some sense?" YOSO says.

"How 'bout a backscratcher? I wish for a backscratcher."

After a moment, a huge cactus—prickly with a small, pink flower on one of the arms—appears above Beck. It falls on him, sufficiently crushing him.

"What the heck?!" he exclaims.

"What?" YOSO says with feigned innocence. "People use cacti as backscratchers."

Facepalms all around.

* * *

Dipper sits on the stage with his deer legs tucked under him; next to Eris, who flicks her fingers.

"Anything yet?" he asks.

"Almost—" She flicks her fingers once more, starting a dark shadowy fire. "Yes!" She stands up and cheers. " _Yeeesss!_ "

"What are you so happy about?" Nick asks, walking up next to her.

"Check it!" She waves the ebony-colored flame in his face.

"Fire?" He summons a ball of flame to his own hand. "Like that's anything new to me."

"It's _shadow_ -fire, wise guy. Kinda like what black holes are made of."

"Shadow-fire?" Laina asks, appearing next to them. "I got pink fire." She forms the magic around her hands into flames. "That count for anything?"

YOSO floats over to them. "I got fire," she says, shrugging and making fuchsia flames in her hands.

"Can't a person be proud of herself for five minutes?" Eris groans.

Stan walks up to the group with his cane. He snaps his fingers, making a spark that lights it on fire. He grins and holds the flaming baton out to the others.

"Thank you, Stan. That was just _so_ necessary," she says sarcastically.

* * *

Dani sits on the stage, her arms crossed grumpily. YOSO floats to her, leaning over curiously.

"What's up with you?" she asks.

"I got stuck being one of the most useless monsters," Dani mutters. She looks up. "Can I just go human now? I'd be better off."

"Sorry, no can do." YOSO shrugs. "We're staying like this 'til tomorrow."

Dani groans and slumps a little.

"Hey, how's about you make a wish?" YOSO leaves for a moment, returning with the lamp.

Dani thinks for a moment, then she smiles slyly. She whispers in YOSO's ear, making the girl pale.

"You're sure?" YOSO asks nervously.

Dani nods. "Positive."

YOSO gulps nervously. An image of a spider briefly appears over her eyes as she snaps her fingers, making sure to grab the lamp at the same time. Dani turns back into her normal self, then her legs grow into 8 spider legs, and her eyes turn dark and beady. Little fangs grow from her mouth and 6 more sets of eyes appear on her face.

"Happy?" YOSO squeaks.

"Very!" She twitches each of her legs. "Awesome!" She raises a hand in proclamation. "There are things to be done, tasks to be completed-" She makes her voice sound sinister. "And plans to be executed. See ya!" She scurries away.

YOSO is frozen to the spot, her fingers kind of twitching. "M-Meep," she mumbles squeakily.

Millie finds her a little while later. She waves her hand in front of the other's face, eliciting no response. "YOSO?" she tries.

"Yes?" she says, smiling a little unsurely.

"You okay?"

"Not sure. Does it look like I am?"

"Mostly, yes."

"Good. Just so you know, I am internally screaming my heart out."

* * *

Leela and Soos sit on the stage, with Ian floating as close to them as he can in the tank.

"I'm feeling a bit peckish," Leela says casually.

"We'd be set if I could just find my infinite-pizza slice," Soos says.

"Very true, friend."

"Why not just shapeshift into pizza?" Ian asks.

Silence. Then, "Um, I don't think you completely understand what that entails," Leela says.

"Yeah, I realized how wrong that question was the moment I said it."

Laina walks up to the group. "I'm feeling a little hungry myself. How 'bout..." She stares Soos down like _he's_ the food. Her eyes flash a dark, sinister pink. "...a heart."

"...what?" Ian asks, slightly panicked.

Laina keeps murmuring, ignoring him. "...suppose it would be made of clay though... How 'bout some sushi?" She turns her attention towards Ian, who lets out a startled yelp and swims to the other end of the tank, to where Mabel is.

Leela backs away. She quietly shapeshifts into a butterfly and flies away before Laina can see her. Soos follows suit, turning himself into a puddle and kind of slithering after her.

Laina, meanwhile, continues to ramble. "...or maybe there's the fire heart, or the horse's heart, or the deer's heart, or the sphinx's heart..."

* * *

 **AnonymousRainbow**  
 **I couldn't get to your story. Wattpad is strictly users only and my lack of account was a real deterrence.**

 **Gabby-gabs  
** **Thank you, thank you, and thank you. And I will try never to leave this thing unfinished. Though, truth be told, I'm pretty sure I could end this at any point with a little warning and it would still be okay, since each episode is like a one-shot. I'm _still_ working on that lovey-dovey episode. I _promise_ that the episode right after these Monster Falls ones _will_ be that one. **


	18. Monster Falls (Part 2 of 2)

Ford, Stan, Carol, Nick, and Millie are gathered on the stage, staring at something to the far left of the camera.

"This... this is one of those problems I was warning you about," Ford says slowly.

"Your concern seems very logical now," Carol says, flying next to him.

"Guys, I'm fine now! Really!" Laina says from somewhere offstage.

"Eat another squirrel first!" Beck shouts from the opposite end.

"Or a whole _forest_ full!" Gabs says.

"Forget that. Eat a couple _bears_! Then we'll talk!" Ian shouts.

"What even is she?" Carol murmurs.

"Wasn't she a witch?" Stan says.

"That theory was thrown out the window the second she said our hearts would taste good," Nick says. "She's most likely a Succubus."

Millie gives him a look. "Whatever happened to 'demoness'?"

"Same thing."

Stan squints in confusion. "But... aren't... Sockyoubyebyes—or whatever you call 'em—don't they do something else?"

Laina trudges up to the group, who warily take a step back. "I'm _fine!_ No need to be scared of me."

"Succubi are tricksters, aren't they?" Millie says, tilting her head to the side.

"How else would they get the hearts?" Ford says.

At the word 'hearts', Laina perks up. "Oooh, what I wouldn't give for a heart to eat right now!"

"Runrunrunrun..." Millie squeaks continuously, barely audible.

She ends up getting Laina's attention. "A faerie heart..." Laina looks to Ford. "...or a sphinx heart..." She looks to Stan. "...or a stony gargoyle heart..." She looks at Carol. "...with a side of pixie heart."

"Ford? Any advice?" Carol mutters nervously.

Ford backs up. "Make no sudden movements. She might have predatorial instincts that could lead to more than just our hearts being ripped apart."

"Fair advice," Nick says with a small shrug.

"A fire heart to tie the whole platter together..." Laina murmurs.

"Laina, you need to control yourself," Ford says sternly. "This is a perfect example as to why we can't stay monster."

Laina seems to ignore him and continues her rambling. "...then I could get the werewolf heart, both of them. Then the vampire heart..."

"How 'bout we just put her in a cage?" Stan asks, annoyed.

Everyone else looks at him in astonishment.

"Really? _None_ of you smarties thought of that? Oy..."

Ford clears his throat. "Our obvious blunder aside... We need to find a place to put her. And a way to get her there."

"The lamp's not an option anymore?"

Millie speaks up. "YOSO hid her lamp after Beck wished for, and I quote, 'to be ruler of the studio', unquote."

"Seriously? What a rookie move," Carol mutters.

"Personally, I'm glad that she's this type of Succubus and not one of the other two kinds," Nick says, crossing his arms. "We'd be in big trouble if she was."

Laina and Millie tilt their heads to the side. "What do you mean?" they ask in confusion.

"Uhhh..." Carol starts her attempt at explaining. "There's... there's different kinds of- uh, Succubi... which, hmm..." She presses her lips into a thin line.

"He's talking about the ones that go for-" Stan gets cut off by Ford flapping his wings in his face.

"Souls! They eat souls!" Ford says hurriedly, flapping his wings in his brother's face. Turning his attention to Millie, he says, "He's- he's talking about the soul-eaters, Millie. Just the soul-eaters."

"Anybody else notice that she isn't eating us?" Stan pipes up, pushing the wings out of his face.

They glance at Laina, finding her scrolling through her phone. "What other types of Succubi..?" she murmurs. She looks taken aback by what she finds, then looks up at the group. "Never mind, I just looked it up."

"Look on the bright side. At least Laina snapped out of her... whatever it was," Carol says. "Just... nobody mention the _h_ word again."

"Let's tie her up or something before anyone has the chance to," Stan says.

Ford nods. "Good—"

The crowd on the stage flashes back to human, catching them a little off-guard. This glitch seems to last a bit longer than the others, seeing as the group hasn't become human again in the few seconds it takes to realize it's happening.

"Let's get her to a cage now," Ford says gruffly, probably in a bit of pain from the sudden transformation. "It'll be easier since we won't have to worry about her magic."

The camera pans about 90° to the left, where Ian and Mabel kick their legs wildly to get to the edge of the tank. Emerging from the water and gripping onto the lifeline that is the wall of the tank, the pair take a deep breath. Ian looks a bit more frantic than Mabel. He shoots her a disapproving look.

"How long—" Ian is interrupted by a cough. "How long do you think this one's gonna last?"

"Probably five minutes."

"Looks—"

"Oh my gosh, Waddles!" Mabel dives back into the water after her pig, who kicks at the water with his tail. He snorts in confusion as she scoops him up and swims to the surface. "Are you okay, Waddles?" she coos.

"Sure, ask the pig that still has gills if he's okay in the water," Ian says with an eye-roll. "Meanwhile, the boy who nearly _drowned_ is floating here while the aforementioned animal's tail threatens to shove him back under to his _death_."

"Sorry," she mutters distractedly.

* * *

"For my next wish," Beck proclaims regally, "I wish for a pranking kit." He holds up his right hand, palm up—the other holds the lamp.

"How original," YOSO comments from her place inside the lamp.

A moment passes. Two, three, then:

"Where is it?" Beck asks.

"Where's what?" YOSO says innocently.

"The _kit_ , YOSO. Where's the _kit?_ "

"Right there in your hand."

"Is it invisible?"

"Not at all."

"So, why can't I see it?" he asks hesitantly.

"Simple."

A moment of silence. "Are you going to tell me?"

"You never asked."

" _YOSO_ ," he says firmly, "I wish you'd tell me about the _exact_ whereabouts and characteristics of the pranking kit I wished for right after I finish _this_ wish."

"Hey, you're learning!"

Beck pulls a pokerface.

"Now about that wish." She clears her throat. "Your pranking kit—consisting of an airhorn, a whoopee cushion, slime, and a magnifying glass—is right there in the palm of your hand. The reason you can't see it is because the whole thing is the size of an amoeba."

"Darn it," he grumbles.

YOSO pops out of the lamp, briefly sings a small cry of " _Freedom!_ ", snatches the lamp—making sure to pull Beck's hat over his eyes—and flies off. Unfortunately, the glitch happens right then. It doesn't last more than a few seconds this time, but it still leaves her stranded inside the lamp, giving Beck the chance to take it again.

"Hmm..." he hums. "You know, it's not really fair that you can twist my wishes around like that."

"It's not really 'fair' that you can keep wishing!" she retorts.

"Bet it takes you a while to figure out a way to mess them up, huh?"

"Where are you going with this?" she asks hesitantly.

Beck grins wickedly. "I wish that, if it takes you longer than two seconds to grant my wishes— _any_ of them—you get a quick zap."

YOSO lets out a breath.

"Oh, but not just any zap."

"Aaand there's the catch."

"A zap that would come from an electric eel."

" _Evil_. You are _evil_ ," she hisses.

"Thank you for the compliment," he says in mock pride. "Now let's try this again. I wish for a pranking kit. The best kind, complete with all the essentials."

A briefcase materializes at Beck's feet. He crouches, sets the lamp down, and opens the case. Flashing a grin at the contents, he closes the lid and goes to pick up the lamp again, but YOSO zips out and takes it away with her.

* * *

Pacifica stands on the stage, quietly simmering as her snakes hiss in her ears. Wendy sits next to her, scratching her ear with her foot like a dog.

"At least try to make something good out of this," Wendy says. "Everyone already voted that we're staying monsters 'til tonight."

"I can only take so much _hissing_ ," the gorgon says in agitation. "They never stop! It's always 'Hisssss, did you see the latest fashion line? I just _have_ to have it!' or 'Hissss, did you see how terrible the Hendersons looked that night? I can't _believe_ they had the guts to show up!'. _Ugh!_ "

"Sounds a little like someone I might know," the redhead says in mock contemplation.

"Don't you start!"

Dani skitters onto the stage, her spider legs making a slight tapping sound as she moves. Behind her are an army of—

"Are those _bugs?_ " Pacifica asks incredulously.

"Spiders, actually," Dani corrects her. "They just started following me around. I think I heard one of them say something like 'All hail the queen!'."

"So, they actually do your bidding and stuff?" Wendy asks.

"Kind of. They can get pencils and make stuff out of webs, but that's about it. Anything else and the bigger ones have a spaz attack."

The blonde snakes hiss a little, transfixed by the little creatures on the floor. They move forward, as if reaching out to touch them.

Pacifica notices, giving them a sideways glance. "What are you doing?" _Hisss..._ "You want to _what?_ " _Hisss..._ "Good point..." She stares at the spiders, as if hypnotized. "Dani, don't look now, but I'm about to eat half your kingdom."

"Pacifica, don't you dare," Dani warns.

"Eenie meenie minie..." Pacifica slithers closer, a small but wicked grin spreading on her face, baring the faintest of fangs.

"Paz, don't."

Pacifica gets closer.

"I'll get webs all over your clothes if you don't stop coming closer."

Pacifica lunges for the spiders, a few going into her mouth and a few others being scooped up by her hair-snakes.

"SPIDERS, SCATTER!"

Pacifica slither around, displacing some of the slower moving arachnids. She bends over to pick a few up with her hands, alternating between putting them in her own mouth, and feeding them to the snakes.

"PAZ, STOP EATING MY SPIDERS!" Dani points holds up her hands, holding down her middle and ring fingers. She points at the other threateningly. "I'm gonna web you to the ceiling in three seconds!"

Pacifica turns to the spider hybrid, eyes flashing red. She hisses a little, the snakes flaring up around her head in response.

Dani backs away a little, one of her legs starting to turn to stone. "Wendy, help me!"

Wendy dashes off the stage.

"Thanks a lot!" Dani tries to move again, but by now, five of her legs have turned to stone.

Wendy returns shortly, holding the handle of a bucket between her teeth. She grips it in her paws and dumps the water onto Pacifica, startling the gorgon.

" _My clothes!_ " Pacifica shrieks, pulling out the hem of her shirt as water drips from her scales. "This is dry clean only!"

"Relax, Pacifica," Wendy says coolly. "A little water never hurt anybody."

Pacifica notices the spiders in her hands. Lurching back, she drops them and pulls her hands close. " _Ew!_ "

"Little help?!" Dani asks through gritted teeth, pulling at the stony limbs.

"What am _I_ supposed to do?"

"Can't you stop it?" Wendy asks.

"With what? The power of positivity?" Pacifica sneers.

"Someone go get my tarantulas!" Dani says. "If I permanently become stone, I want them know, so they can _avenge me!_ "

The camera zooms in on the floor, where the spiders have now regrouped considerably, chittering amongst themselves. One spider in particular, a black widow, points at Dani, who is now completely stone from legs to armpits. Little captions accompany it, reading _Our queen is in trouble!_

Another, similar one steps forward, giving input of its own. _What should we do? The gorgon's curse is irreversible!_

The camera zooms in on a spider that taps its leg impatiently. It almost seems wizened compared to the others, and maybe even a little more wise **(See what I did there?)**. _There is a way..._

The second spider chitters, _How?_

The older-looking spider points at Pacifica. _We sacrifice the gorgon._

They stay silent a moment. Then another spider, a brown one with a tiny body and long legs, speaks up. _Why are we listening to the town kook?! He's completely mad!_

 _Greg's right,_ a smaller spider chitters as the captions appear. _We should get the help of the large ones instead._

The camera pans to the left of the crowd, where on the edge of the stage, rest the tarantulas, Peter and Parker.

Captions appear on Parker's behalf. _This is ridiculous._

 _I completely agree, dearest,_ Peter's captions read.

 _Don't you 'dearest' me, Peter._

Peter backs up a little. _Loo, it's not our problem_.

 _If it's not ours then whose, huh? Look._ Parker points at Dani. _She's our human, which means she's our responsibility. We have to help her!_

Peter doesn't react.

Parker seems to sigh exasperatedly. _If she turns to stone, no more beetles._

 _WE MUST HELP HER!_

They skitter towards Dani, who now watches the other two girls bicker with a deadpan look.

"If I have to be frozen in any way," she mutters, "it's not going to be with some scared face. I'm goin' down with dignity." Then her mouth turns to stone. She blinks and looks down at it as she freezes the rest of the way.

Peter and Parker skitter among the disoriented spiders until they reach a higher point in the middle. Parker jumps, landing with a thud that gets the attention of the others. _Listen up, maggots!_ her captions read.

 _We're spiders!_ another spider chitters.

 _Did I ask for your opinion?_

 _Well_ —

 _No! I did not! Now while you 'loyal_ _subjects'_ (Somehow her chittering managed to sound sarcastic when she said that) _have been sitting here, lollygagging while your precious 'queen' has been turned to stone, I have actually been thinking of a way to solve the problem!_

 _What do you have in mind, O Great Tarantula?_ a spider in the back of the crowd chitters sarcastically.

 _Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something?_ Parker's captions read. _I couldn't hear you over that ignorant little, nonexistent brain of yours working overtime to come up with that lame little, half-a_ —

 _Parker?_ Peter's captions read as he chitters meekly. _You okay?_

 _Fine. Thank you, Peter. Now as I was saying before ol' F***face over there decided to interrupt me, the humans have set a time limit on their weird ol' transfo thing. We just have to make sure our human doesn't get hit with a fireball or anything until then. Capisce?_

The camera pans back to the trio of girls. One is literally a rock and the others simply stare at her, at a loss.

"Maybe we could try using a hammer?" Pacifica suggests.

"Too risky," Wendy says. "We might break _her_."

"Worth a shot." Pacifica seems just a _bit_ too eager about her suggestion.

Wendy notices, giving the girl a sideways glance. "No. Just... no."

* * *

"Have you not made enough wishes?" YOSO shouts.

"Is there really such a thing as enough?" Beck says calmly.

"Yes! There is! Now. Give. It. Back," she says, each word punctuated by another failed attempt at reaching for the lamp in his hands. "What could you _possibly_ have left to wish for?"

"Anything."

"Ugh! I wish you'd just _stop it_!"

"Hm, didn't work."

"No kidding! Oh, hey, how 'bout this?" She grabs the collar of his shirt with one hand. "I feed you to Laina. Or Dani. You'd be a fly in a web."

"If anything, I'd be a bat. Besides,"—he smirks toothily—"you'd miss me too much to go through with either."

"Hmm, maybe I would." Putting an arm around his shoulders, she muses, "Yes, I would miss your brand of unique... hmm... what's the word I'm looking for?"

"'Awesomeness'?" he offers smugly.

"No." Now _she_ smirks toothily. "Your 'benighted vacuousness'."

Beck squints in confusion. "What does that even—?"

YOSO takes that moment to pull his hat over his eyes, snatch the lamp, and fly off with a sharp " _Ha!_ ".

* * *

Laina, YOSO, Eris, and AJ are gathered on the stage.

"Laina, are you feeling any better?" YOSO asks slowly.

"I was just hungry," Laina laughs. "Nothing to be worried about."

"It's just that..."

"...you were talking about ripping our hearts out and eating them," Eris says.

AJ shudders. "'Horse's heart'. Don't need to be genius to figure that one out."

"Re _lax_. I'm fine now," Laina reassures. "I had some chicken."

YOSO hesitates. "Where'd you get 'some chicken'?"

"Okay, I lied. It was a squirrel." She quickly corrects herself as everyone slowly leans away from her. " _But_ now I'm all good. Squirrel hearts could be just... as good as..." She looks at AJ, the sinister pink tint returning. "Horse's heart, and imp's heart, and nixie's heart..."

"She's doing it again," AJ says nervously, walking backwards. He turns around and trots away.

Laina turns to the remaining two. "How would a shadow heart taste? Or a genie heart?" She reaches towards Eris's chest, right where her heart is. Her hand goes right through as a hole opens up where she was reaching.

" _My_ heart has a few security features protecting it," Eris says smugly. She shadow travels away, leaving YOSO.

"You're being absolutely terrifying, you know that?" YOSO says.

"Genie heart would taste like magic, wouldn't it?" Laina murmurs.

"Snap out of it, would you?"

Laina ignores the request and instead snaps a hand towards her. The same as before happens, with Laina's hand going right through the girl.

"Ha," YOSO says, crossing her arms as best she can.

Laina steps back and conjures YOSO's lamp in her hands.

YOSO blinks. "Are _you kidding me?_ " she says, throwing her arms out.

"I wish I could eat—"

YOSO snatches the lamp and disappears, leaving a parting message of, "No way, no how!"

* * *

YOSO floats onto the stage from the left, moving cautiously while her eyes dart around and her arms are wrapped around the lamp protectively. She turns around and floats backwards, breathing out. "Just another day, YOSO," she tells herself. "One more day and he won't be making _any_ more wishes."

Nick walks up behind her and taps her shoulder. She flinches, whips around, and floats back a little, tense.

"Could I make a wish?" Nick asks.

"Huh?" YOSO slumps a little. "Oh, uh, sure. What for?" she asks, handing over the lamp.

"I don't want to be made of fire anymore, is all."

"Why?"

Instead of replying, he simply gives her a deadpan look.

 **Flashback**

Nick tries to pick up a pencil. It bursts into flames. "Darn it..." he mutters.

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

Nick tries to open the door. The doorknob melts. "Darn it."

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

The camera shows a table with a bowl of chips on it. Nick passes by and tries to take one. All of them burn. "Darn it!" He slams a fist into the table, turning it to ash. " _Goshdarnit!_ "

 **~AVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVAVA~**

Nick slowly picks up a book, concentration evident on his face. His eyes light up as he successfully picks the book up without burning it. " _Yes!_ " he exclaims victoriously.

The book burns.

" _No!_ "

 **Flashback end**

"I have my reasons," he says dryly.

"Okay then..." YOSO coughs into her fist awkwardly. "What do you want to be?"

"I wish I was a dragon man," Nick says proudly.

YOSO blinks. "A dragon man..." she repeats slowly.

"Yeah."

"You're sure about that?"

He nods. "Yes."

"Totally and completely sure?"

"Yeah. What's the problem?"

Her brow furrows. "I'm just having some trouble putting that into perspective."

"Could you please just grant the wish?"

YOSO crosses her arms and shrugs with one shoulder. "Hey, if you wanna be a flaky old lizard, then be my guest." She clamps a hand over her mouth as her eyes widen in shock. "Oh my God, I am _so sorry_. I-I didn't mean it like that! Beck's just been driving me up the wall with all his wishing! I meant that, it's a little bit of an odd design, but you'd look _great_ as a dragon man! Not... that... I mean you don't look great any other day!" She takes a handful of her scarf and stuffs it in her mouth. An image of a dragon appears on her eyes, then she blinks, making it disappear as she snaps her fingers and takes the lamp before she can babble any more.

Nick's flames disappear, leaving him as his human self for a moment, before his skin becomes covered in reddish-gold scales that end in pointed claws at the fingertips and toes, along with a long tail that pokes out the bottom of his trench coat. His ears grow and move until they look like horns on the top of his head, which becomes sharp and lizard-like. To finish it off, bat-like wings grow out of his back, ripping little slits in the trench coat and growing to twice his size in wingspan and are as long as he is tall.

He turns his head to look at the wings and tail, grinning. "Thanks, YOSO!"

"You're welcome. Just... don't blame me if I end up punching you." A butterfly net slowly makes its way towards YOSO from the left, going unnoticed as she keeps talking. "Honestly, you look enough like Beck for that to happen. The leather and scales really just look all the same to me right n—" The net swipes the lamp from her hands and retreats offscreen. " _Hey!_ " she yells after it.

"Mission accomplished!" Beck shouts from off the stage. "Next wish—"

" _No more wishes!_ " She zips off.

* * *

The stage camera, although not facing the stage, finds Laina, sitting cross-legged in a cage. She plays with a lock of her hair dully.

"Cheer up a little," Leela says, walking up to her. "It's only 'til tomorrow."

"I've gotta _sleep_ in here, Leela," Laina replies. "On the cold, hard ground."

Leela hums a few notes from Taylor Swift's "Trouble", to which Laina sighs tiredly. She stands up and stretches. "I need a way to entertain myself in here."

"Like what?" Leela asks.

"I dunno, Sudoku maybe? Anything other than just stare at the wall all day."

Leela thinks a moment, then snaps her fingers. "I could get you one of Mabel's crosswords."

"Mabel has crosswords?"

"Yup. Be right back." Leela leaves, bouncing a little as she goes.

Gabs sits down next to the cage and idly scratches her head. "How's the jail time?"

"Terrible," mutters Laina.

"Tough warden?"

"Tough _floor_."

"Do they feed ya?"

"Not yet. What would they even feed me though?"

"I dunno. Blood?"

"Ha," Laina laughs mirthlessly. "I'm not a vampire. I need some actual food. Mind getting me a squirrel?"

"What, just because I'm a werewolf, I should automatically hunt squirrels?" Gabs says, feigning offence.

"You don't want to?"

"Oh, I never said _that_. Squirrels are fun to hunt, in a way. But I'm pretty sure you ate all of them. You want some chicken from the fridge?"

"Sure."

"Be right back." Gabs gets up and leaves.

A few moments later, Leela returns, holding a soggy book and smiling apologetically. "Mabel's been working on it since she became a mermaid, so it's pretty wet. I think you could still use it though."

"Gee, thanks," Laina says with a weak smile as she accepts the watery paper. "Got a pen?"

Leela reaches her hands into her pockets and pulls them out. She scratches her hair, her fingers bumping against the pencil on her ear. She picks it up and hands it over with a warm smile. "Here you go!"

"Thanks, Leela," Laina sighs. "You've given me hope."

"You're welcome. Now can I get a bro-fist?" She holds up a fist, which Laina obligingly bumps with her own.

Gabs returns, carrying a plate with a few scraps of food. "Okay, so I'm pretty sure Ford ate the chicken, but I managed to dig around the fridge and find an apple, this cracker with some cheese on it, and a bit of meat."

"Cool." Laina reaches through the bars to accept the plate. "Uhh, what is the meat, exactly?"

"Not sure. I _think_ it's chicken."

Laina picks at the meat. "Which part?" she asks dubiously.

"Dunno. Heart, maybe?"

Leela claps a hand over Gabs's mouth, as if that could make her take back what she'd said. Gabs immediately does the same, putting both her hands over Leela's. They slowly look back to Laina, whose eyes take on the pink that we've all now come to know as a very bad sign.

"Chicken heart, huh?" Laina says, smiling wickedly. She puts the plate down. She raises her hands a little, engulfing the cage in her magic. It disappears, leaving Laina free. "How 'bout werewolf heart?"

The other two girls slowly start walking backwards.

"Or shapeshifter heart?" Laina asks, slowly making her way towards them. "Or horse heart? Or nixie heart? Or mermaid heart? Or fire heart? Or pixie heart?"

Leela turns herself into a skateboard under Gabs's feet and rides away with her as Laina follows after.

* * *

"Mabel!" Dipper cries happily. "Mabel, Mabel, Mabel!"

"What's up, Dibby-Dubs?" Mabel says, swimming up to poke her head out of the water. Dipper trots up to her as she folds her arms on the edge of the tank and looks down at him.

"Check it out!" He crosses his arms, puffs out his chest, and closes his eyes proudly.

"I don't get it. What am I supposed to be looking at?"

"The antlers!" He points to his hat. "It's a sign of manliness when a buck gets his antlers."

"You don't have antlers," she says, tilting her head to the side.

"Yeah, I do!" He takes off his hat. "See them?"

"Uhh... Sure I do, Dip!" Mabel says unsurely, clearly lying.

"Okay, you still don't see them. Give me a sec." He sits down, puts his hat on the floor, and starts picking through his hair meticulously, parting it in different areas as he searches.

"What are we looking at?" Ian asks, joining the two.

"Dipper thinks he has antlers," Mabel whispers, hiding her mouth behind her hand.

"I do have antlers! And they're right... _here!_ " Dipper presses his hair down, revealing two ivory stubs.

"Um, good for you, Dipper," Ian says, cracking a somewhat apologetic smile.

"Yeah," Mabel adds, "they're, uh, really... shiny?"

Dipper frowns. He flops back, letting his arms fall in front of him—where his lap used to be.

"Aw, don't be like that, bro-bro," Mabel coos. "You're still plenty manly to me."

"And to me," Ian adds, before coughing out, barely audibly, "And to a whole army of fans."

Dipper seems to fall in on himself even more. Mabel hums a moment, then perks up. "Hey, Dipper," she singsongs.

"Yeah?" he murmurs.

"How's that chest hair goin'?"

"The one you pulled out?" Ian asks.

"No, the new hair!" She looks back to Dipper. "Go on, Dip-Dop. Let's see the man-pride!"

Ian puts his hands over his mouth and snickers.

"I don't wanna, Mabel," Dipper mumbles.

"Yeah, lay off, Mabel," Ian interjects. "If he doesn't wanna show of his 'man-prideful hair', he doesn't have to." He makes air quotes around "man-prideful hair".

"Thanks, I guess," Dipper murmurs, still a little upset.

"We go back to being humans tomorrow, Dipper. Then it won't matter, because none of us will have any chance of having antlers, so we won't be able to upstage you." He pauses. "That made sense, right?"

Dipper nods, lifting his head up a bit higher. He turns to leave.

"Don't go!" Ian cries, reaching over the edge of the tank. "Please! Your sister's been driving me crazy!"

"No, I haven't!" Mabel says.

He lets his arm fall. "Your _pig_ certainly has."

"Waddles has been behaving himself just fine!" She puts her hands where her hips should have been.

"He keeps trying to eat my tail!" he argues, throwing his arms out.

"Because _you_ keep trying to eat him!"

"I don't eat bacon!"

"Oh. Well, you were still trying to smack him with your tail!"

"Guys," Dipper says, trying to get their attention.

"No, I don't!" Ian says. "If I did, _this_ is what that would look like." He swishes his tail, bringing it to the surface of the water so that a wave hits Mabel in the face.

"Oh, no you di'in't," Mabel says, balling her hands into fists at her sides.

"What are you gonna do about it? Sic the pork on me?"

"Please stop fighting," Dipper says, trying again.

" _Waddles!_ " Mabel calls, summoning the now-aquatic pig to her side. "We have a _frog_ to teach a lesson to."

"Bring it on, Sushi McFishy!"

"Just swim away, Mabel," Dipper says slowly. The aquatic creatures start swimming slow circles around each other. "Don't—"

Too late, Dippy. They've already started. Punches are flying; left hook, right hook, and a punch to the jaw! Hair has been pulled, scales have been scraped off, and doth I spy scratched skin? Waves splash from the tank, soaking the dear deer-boy. And the pig _has joined the fight!_ He's trying to help, but only succeeds in biting his owner's hands. A green tail has hit the tank, a pink one has hit a mop of red hair. Oh, and new gills have been ripped open on their faces!

But where has Deerper gone? He is returning now with... a hammer? Am I seeing this right? **(Yes you are, Camera.)** It is a soft-looking red hammer, one that may be used in a mascot costume. He swings, hitting the edge of the tank with a resounding _thud_ , disorienting the fish-people enough to make them stop fighting; though the same can't be said for the fish-pig, who now shifts his attention to the source of the noise with an angry, watery squeal.

"What was that for?" Mabel asks. She shakes her head and gives a halfhearted glare.

"No more fighting," Dipper says firmly.

"She started it!" Ian says, pointing at the mermaid.

"I did not!" she says.

"Stop it!" Dipper says again. "Fighting isn't going to do anyth—"

Cue glitch, and you know what that means...

Ian and Mabel's eyes widen as they choke without their gills. The previously aquatic creatures kick at the water frantically. They eventually make it, gasping for breath. Dipper sits on the ground, having fallen on his backside from the lack of hind legs.

"Huh," Ian says.

"What?" Mabel asks curiously.

"You didn't try to kill me this time around."

Mabel uses the foot closest to him to hit the back of his knees. He loses his grip on the tank and goes under the water for a moment, before resurfacing with a few coughs. "Happy?" she asks sweetly.

"Whatever"—cough—"Sushi."

* * *

YOSO whizzes past the stage, with the lamp in hand and Beck chasing close behind. She looks ahead of her, eyes widening and arms going up as she sees Millie in her path. Fortunately for her, she goes right through the girl. The same cannot be said for Beck, who crashes into her.

"Not _again_ ," Millie whines as she gets up. She checks over her wings and experimentally flaps them.

Laina catches up to them, looking as normal as she ever could with her transformations. "You okay?" she asks worriedly.

"'Tis but a scratch," Millie says with a mock-British accent.

"Okay, good." Laina sighs. "How much longer 'til we go back to normal?"

Little clocks appear in YOSO's eyes, ticking as their hands spin quickly. She blinks the images away and replies, "17 hours, 29 minutes remaining."

"Dang."

"We got a problem over here!" Wendy calls. She and Pacifica shove the Dani statue to the group—along with the help of the arachnid army, of course.

"How did _that_ happen?" Beck asks, standing up and dusting himself off.

"Long story," Pacifica says.

"Snake-Princess over here turned Dani to stone when she was trying to eat the girl's army," Wendy says.

"Okay, not that long a story."

Stan shuffles onto the stage, expression deadpan. He hold up his right arm. Oh yeah, did I mention that he had Gideon hanging off of it by his teeth?

"He's been trying to drink my blood," Stan says. "Still hasn't figured out that I'm a literal _rock_."

Nick walks up next to Ford. He reaches for Gideon, but seems a little puzzled as to where to grab him from. In the end, he just breathes a bit of fire onto the kid's ear, making him yelp and let go.

" _Ow_ ," Gideon says accusingly.

Gabs skateboards onto the stage. She stomps down on one end, making one end slam into her waiting hand. The skateboard moves and grows until Leela stands next to the werewolf, holding her head.

"Ouch," Leela says.

"Sorry 'bout that," Gabs says. "On the bright side, Laina doesn't wanna eat us anymore."

"Whoo-hoo!" Leela cheers quietly, though it's coupled with a bit of wincing.

"Hmm..." Beck puts a hand to his chin in thought, then smiles, well, impishly. He looks to Laina and says one word: "Heart."

Everyone else, Laina included, takes a moment to let that sink in. Then...

" _WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!_ " yells just about everyone present.

The Succubus herself was smirking with her eyes blazing that dark pink. "Which heart to eat first?" she murmurs.

"It was an experiment," Beck answers with a shrug and a tiny smile.

YOSO looks between Laina and Beck for a while. A bright, yellow-and-green sign appears—reading, _FREE_ _MEAL!_ —and points at Beck. "Food," she says simply, motioning with her eyes to the imp.

Everyone else pitches in, pointing at Beck. They all murmur various things, but they're all variations of the words "Take Beck".

"Oh, hey, what's that over there?" Beck points to a spot behind Laina.

As she turns around to look, Beck switches places with Nick. Laina turns back around with a shrug and looks to where Beck was supposed to be. She takes a few steps forward.

"Wait, does she think _I'm_ Beck?" Nick asks.

"What are you talking about, 'Beck'?" Beck says with feigned innocence. "Of course she does!"

Laina now stands directly in front of Nick. "Imp's heart," she murmurs.

"As much as I'd just _love_ to die right now," Nick says quickly with a nervous smile, "I think I hear McGucket calling me. _Really_ sounds like he needs some help. Sooo... bye!" He zips away, leaving a poof of dust in his wake.

"Smart," Gabs says. "Very smart."

"How's about we follow his example," Stan says, "and get the heck out of here!"

"Scatter!" Wendy says.

They all scramble in different directions, whether it be by flight, slither, or run. Just as Laina takes a step, a dark fire surrounds her from all sides, trapping her. The camera pans to the right, showing Eris to be the cause of it.

"You're not eating _anybody's_ heart," she says to Laina.

"Wanna bet?" Laina says, and the flames disappear, replaced with pink magic.

Eris pushes her own flames back, locking the two girls in a glorified grapple with their powers. The camera pans to the left, where the group from before reunites.

"Quick," YOSO says. "Somebody wish Dani back to flesh."

"'Flesh'?" Millie asks.

"If you say 'normal', she won't be a monster anymore. And we _need_ her to be a monster."

"Where's the lamp?" Gideon asks—now recovered from his whole blood fiasco.

Millie starts. "It's—" She looks around herself, even going as far to spin in a 360. "It's not here."

"Well then, where is it?"

Beck whistles tunelessly with his hands behind his back, getting the attention of the others. "What?" he asks innocently. "I haven't seen it."

YOSO facepalms while Gabs stalks up to Beck and snatches the lamp from behind his back. "I wish Dani wasn't stone anymore."

Dani immediately unfreezes. She tests out each of her limbs with a quick exhale. Turning to the others, she says, "Took you long enough."

The spider army gathers at her feet, captions reading, _Long live the queen!_

"Not now, guys," she tells them.

Millie takes a few steps away from her. "Why'd you need her unfrozen, YOSO?" she asks with a twinge of fear.

"Simple," the genie answers. "Because Laina is afraid—no wait, scratch that— _terrified_ of spiders. Ergo, El Spider-Queen and her spider army should put her into shock and snap her out of her hysteria."

"You got all that, Dani?" Leela asks, also a little wary.

Dani shrugs. "'Kay." She looks down at the spiders and points at Laina. "Go on. Make me proud, guys."

With something along the lines of a salute, the spiders make their way over to the other end of the stage. The camera pans faster than them and catches footage of Laina and Eris's struggle. Laina, having recovered from being caught off-guard, was now overpowering Eris. The pink had almost crushed the shadow-elemental from both sides. Eris melts into the shadows and moves away from the magic, dodging the little bolts being thrown at her. More shadow-fire surrounds Laina, which she puts out with ease. Eris—probably realizing she can't win this—whooshes to the group. The spiders skitter to Laina's feet, some even daring to climb on her shoes.

Laina's eyes go back to normal and the blood drains from her face. "Sp— Spider— Spiders," she squeaks. She hops from foot to foot rapidly, stomping a few of the spiders to death. She hops over them and blips herself behind Dani... then looks at Dani, realizes she's a spider, too, yelps, and blips behind Gabs.

"That went well," YOSO says.

"Surprisingly so," Leela says.

"Speak for yourself," Eris mutters. She rolls her right shoulder. "I think she might have actually _broken_ something."

"You're a shadow, though," Gabs says.

"So? I can still get hurt."

After tending to Eris a bit, the group sits down, exhausted.

Ford finds them and shakes his head, sighing tiredly. "Should I even ask?"

"Can we go back to human now?" Wendy calls weakly.

Murmuring groans of agreement sound from everyone else.

"Looks like it's unanimous," Ford says. "Where's the lamp?"

"Right here," YOSO says tiredly, holding the lamp out.

Ford takes it. "Alright, I wish—"

"Wait!" Ian calls out.

The camera zooms out to include the tank in the left-most side of the shot.

"What happened?" Ford asks.

"We need a couple floaties or something first," Mabel says.

"So that we don't, you know, risk drowning... again," Ian says.

"Alright." Ford clears his throat. "I wish you two—"

Waddles oinks in indignance.

"—you _three_ had pool noodles to hold onto."

Lo and behold, they appeared as they should in the tank.

"Now, I wish we were all human again."

"Finally," YOSO mutters.

"You're not going to twist this wish?" Beck asks.

"Be quiet, Beckham."

A flash occurs, like a camera snapping a picture. All the cast and characters sit lined up against the wall at the back of the stage. They get up with a few groans.

"We're human," Beck cheers comically. "We're human!"

"Good!" YOSO says. "'Cause now..." She turns to face him with a cheery smile, which quickly turns into a scowl as she says, " _I'm going to kill you!_ "

"Guys, guys, guys!" Nick interjects quickly, standing in between them. " _Nobody_ is killing anybody." He grits his teeth and glares at Beck as he says, "No matter _how much_ he deserves it."

"Thanks, Nick," Beck says. "Though I could've gone without the... passive aggression." He clears his throat. "Besides, all that stuff wasn't _me-_ me. It was _imp-_ me. That transformation thing messed with my head."

"Uh-huh," YOSO says with her arms crossed disbelievingly.

"Really!"

Still not convinced..

"Oh, so if Laina ends up acting on Succubus instinct, it's fine because she couldn't do anything. If _I_ start acting on imp instinct, it's _totally_ my fault and I should, what, apologize?"

"Exactly!" she chirps.

Beck forms his mouth into a thin line. "Hmm."

"Guess we didn't need the pool noodles," Ian says to Mabel.

"Can we agree on something?" Mabel asks.

"Never to share anything with each other ever again?"

"You read my mind."

"Don't ever wanna read it again, thank you." He turns and walks off to his sister.

"Glad that's over with," AJ mutters. "Though I'm gonna miss the horse half a little."

"Ditto with me and the spiders," Dani adds.

"On the bright side," Leela says, "no more Succubus Laina!"

"Whoop-whoop!" Wendy cheers.

"No more 'Deerper'," Dipper says, relieved.

"No more manly antlers," Mabel says teasingly, making horns on her head with her fingers.

"Lay off, Mabel."

"Anybody else thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" McGucket asks the whole group. They glance at each other in confusion, then shake their heads. "Time for a nap!" he says, throwing his hands up.

"Amen!" Stan shouts in agreement, then trudges off with the others as they start their walks to their respective rooms.

* * *

 **This kind of came out way (waaay) more dramatic than I originally wanted it to be. And I managed to throw in a _Chipwrecked_ trialogue near the end. With any luck, this is still appealing. ^-^**


	19. Monster Falls Outtakes

**The following are a few short clips that did not make it into the final draft for fear of making the episode too long or simply because they no longer fit into the story.**

* * *

Ian has balled himself into a small corner of the tank. It was the only place where Mabel and Waddles don't frequent. They keep swimming about, playing made-up games that involved jumping out of the water or racing from one end of the container to the other.

Waddles gets too close to the boy and oinks.

"Swim off, hog!" he snaps.

"Don't talk to Waddles like that!" Mabel protests, hugging the pig-fish.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called him that." He swims forward so that he can poke a finger to her accusingly. "I should be calling _you_ that."

"What? Me? What did I do?!"

"You keep taking up whatever space I'm trying to use and I'm _sick_ of it. We had a definitive line, right there, in the middle."

"Pssh, that's just a suggestion."

"Since when?! Oh, I know when. Since _General Pines_ over here decided to conquer my share of the territory!" Ian sneers.

"Fine, then! I'll stay on my side, and you can stay on yours!"

Mabel turns and swims to her corner, slapping Ian with her tail as she goes. He puts a hand over his cheek, scowling, then goes to his own corner. He sighs and stares at the studio outside the tank, leaning against the glass. Conversely, Mabel plays with Waddles, moving his two hooves to make it seem as if he was giving a grandiose speech. All of a sudden, a large splash draws their attention to the centre of the tank. A lamp sinks to the bottom and a fuchsia tail forms from the waves.

"Wicked," YOSO cheers. "It worked. Hey, is it okay if I stay here for a bit?" She picks up the lamp and hides it in her hat.

"I dunno. Why don't you ask the princess and her pet?" Ian says, waving towards Mabel.

"She can stay," Mabel answers, apparently ignoring the jab.

"So what're you two up to?" YOSO asks, swishing her tail.

"Figuring out space issues," Ian mutters.

"Playing," Mabel chirps.

"What was that about space issues?" YOSO prompts.

"There isn't enough room in here," Ian mumbles. "She keeps hogging all of it." He glares at Mabel. "I suppose I shouldn't expect much more from the Princess of Pigs."

"You did _not_ just say that," Mabel says, swimming to the border between the two sides.

"And what if I did?" he replies threateningly. He swims to meet her in the middle of the tank. "You gonna sic your loyal subject on me?" He pushes up the tip of his nose and snorts at her mockingly, imitating a pig.

"Whoa, okay," YOSO interrupts, putting a hand out to Mabel to hold her back. "Back to your corners, now." She glances at the side of the tank, then to Ian. "Look, how 'bout you just wish for more room?"

"I thought you'd never ask," he says, smiling.

YOSO holds up a hand. "Hold up. One condition: stop being mean."

He crosses his arms. "Fine."

YOSO tosses the lamp through the water to Ian. He catches it and, almost immediately, a new tank appears next to the old one. He rushes out of the water and jumps into it, dropping the lamp as he goes. He swishes about happily, swimming from one end of the tank to the other.

"Glad you're happy," YOSO comments. "Mabel, you now have this whole thing to yourself."

"Yay!" the small brunette cheers.

YOSO sinks to the bottom of the tank, picks up the lamp, and starts to clean it off. She looks up at the sound of flapping wings.

On the other side of the glass, Beck stands, smiling surely. Puzzled, YOSO tilts her head to the side. He points up. She does so and her eyes widen. Beck pulls a remote from behind his back. He holds a finger over the large, red button. YOSO shakes her head, pleading. Beck nods, as if to disagree with her.

Mabel looks up. "Hey, is that a giant magnet?"

Beck presses the button.

YOSO, miserably, answers Mabel question—"Yup"—before the lamp shoots into the air, dragging her along with it.

Mabel watches her go, then straightens at someone calling, "Hey."

She swims to the top and puts her arms over the side of the tank, facing Ian doing the same in his own tank.

"Temporary truce?"

Mabel eyes him suspiciously. "Why the change of heart?"

He shrugs. "I'm not used to this kind of quiet. Millie or someone else is usually there. 'Sides, I figure you must be feeling pretty lonely yourself. All you've got is the pig."

She glares and turns to go.

"Hold on, wait! I wasn't being mean this time. I'm sorry about all the other stuff, okay? But, I mean, both our siblings have either hooves or wings, and we got stuck with tails like a couple of fish. They're not going to think much about us floating here on our own. Until they do, how's about you be my sister, and I'll be your brother? Metaphorically speaking, of course." He holds out a hand. "Deal?"

"Uh, I don't really do those anymore," Mabel says, laughing nervously. "Not since what happened to Stan."

"All right." He makes a fist. "An agreement, then. A truce."

She smiles, then makes a fist of her own and bumps it with his.

"Don't expect me to go back to your tank, though," Ian warns. "Just because we're technically-siblings now, doesn't mean I wanna share a room."

* * *

YOSO sits on the stage. She keeps her legs crossed and looks around, smiling. Beck lands next to her, puzzled.

"Confused?" she asks.

"A little," he admits. "Why do you have feet?"

"Just 'cause I want to. It's an option. You wanna know about the side effect to this option?"

He nods.

YOSO looks around, as if checking for anyone listening in. She gestures for Beck to come closer, then says, "There's no smoke."

Beck's brow furrows. "No smoke?"

"None," she confirms giddily. "No pink glitter floating in the air. _Nothing_ to tell you where the lamp's hidden."

He looks around. "But if you're here, the lamp can't be _too_ far."

"It's far enough."

"Hmm." Beck sits down and puts a hand to his chin. He flies away, retrieving an air horn before retaking his seat.

YOSO becomes wary. "What's that for?"

"This." He puts the horn next to YOSO's ear and presses the button. The sound shocks her enough to make her hover off the ground; and make her bottom half disappear. The smoke trail appears in its place, leading up towards the ceiling.

"Found the lamp," Beck sings. He zips into the air towards the item.

YOSO, disoriented, follows after at a slightly slower pace. She shakes her head and speeds up a bit. When she is close to the ceiling, and Beck has reached the lamp, the fuchsia colouring drains from her clothing and her legs reappear. She looks down—"Oh no"—then starts to fall.

Beck stares at where the lamp just was, then straightens when he hears the squeak. He blinks, just flying there a moment in stunned silence. Head snapping up in determination, he swoops down and grabs onto YOSO's arm before flapping his wings again.

YOSO stares at the floor, which is still a good twenty feet down.

"I hope that lamp comes back soon," Beck grunts, moving his wings faster.

"Are you really thinking about wishes right now?" YOSO asks, incredulous. "I could have died!"

"No, I'm thinking about the fact that I'm about to drop ya. I've had these wings for all of six hours. Getting myself off the ground is hard enough. Holding another person up, too? Well,"—he pauses to catch his breath—"let's just consider ourselves lucky we haven't both ended up as stains on the floor."

YOSO starts to nod, but is interrupted by the reappearance of the lamp. She is transformed back into a genie and is sucked inside of the small container. It spins in the air until Beck catches it.

* * *

Dani walks along, mimicking a serious adult despite her spidery appearance. She pauses, tilting her head to listen to a faint scuttling sound. Puzzled, she turns around to face a handful of spiders gathered behind her.

"Um, hi."

They remain silent, staring.

"Do you want something, or...?"

The one closest to the front steps forward and raises its four front legs. It chitters, and captions appear to translate, _All hail the Spider Queen!_

Dani takes a step back. "What?" She gives herself a once over, then scans the growing mass of spiders. Slowly, she smiles. "All right. Spider Queen, it is." She scans the crowd of arachnids. "What can you guys do, exactly?"

They stare blankly.

"Hmm." Dani puts a hand to her chin. She puts a fist over her mouth, clears her throat, and mimics the chittering of the first spider. _Greetings, loyal subjects._

The spiders cheer. _She speaks!_

"Not very bright, are you?" Dani chuckles. "Welp, I can't really do anything about that. Can you pick stuff up?" She repeats what she said in _spiderese_.

They nod (or, at least, look like they do).

Dani takes a pencil out of her pocket and sets it on the ground, then motions for the creatures to pick it up. They oblige. Next, she sets a glass on the ground. The spiders move to pick it up, but some of them flop over onto their back and flap their legs.

Dani puts a hand over her face. "Wow, you're stupid." She turns around and resumes her walk with the still-standing spiders trailing after her. After righting themselves, the others follow suit.

* * *

Eris swoops around the floor as a formless shadow, stopping when she gets too close to Nick's fire. She shifts to a more humanoid form and stares questioningly.

"What?" Nick asks.

"You seem kinda glum."

"It's just that... I'm made of fire now," he offers as explanation. He notices a scrap of paper on the ground and tries to pick it up, accidentally making it go up in flames. "Just fire," he repeats miserably.

"It can't be that bad." She zips around the fire to stand on his other side. "Look on the bright side: you don't need to look for a match to light anything. Pun not intended."

"Which reminds me," he mutters. "I should move now." Turning into a shapeless fire, he whooshes to a spot a few feet a away, leaving a charred hole where he used to sit.

Eris snickers.

"What?" Nick asks, reappearing. He looks at her quizzically.

"Fire-butt," she laughs, pointing at the hole.

"Ha ha," he says humorlessly. "Funny."

"It is. Just look at it."

Nick starts to crack up. "Okay, yeah, it's funny."

Wendy pads by on all fours. She doesn't watch where she's going until right before she falls into the hole in the stage, kicking at the floor hopelessly and skidding as she goes down. Eris and Nick blink, wide-eyed, then burst out laughing.

"Wendy!" Eris shouts. "Wendy, are you okay!"

"Yeah," the redhead calls. "I'm good. Broke a tooth, though." She leaps out of the hole gracefully and stands on her two hind legs to present the piece of tooth to the other two. She picks at the half still in her mouth. "Here's to hoping it'll grow back when we go human again." Wendy tips her hat and leaves.

"See?" Eris points out. "Your fire has potential."

"Destructive potential," he adds.

"It's still potential."

He shifts his gaze to the floor. "Not the kind I like. I can't touch anything, 'cause it'll burn up. I can't do anything for fear of ruining what everyone else is working on. I don't even have a shadow anymore. It's almost like I don't exist."

"Hmm. Well, I can't do anything about the first two, but I can help with the third." She melts in the floor and swoops to the area of floor in front of Nick. She copies his stance and grins.

Nick gives her a small smile and a wave, which she mirrors in return.


	20. Laina vs Tarantula

**Sorry to say this but all that stuff with the love ray is being scrapped entirely. I tried to write it, it didn't work out, so that's done. As replacement, I offer this clip of Laina freaking out over a spider.**

* * *

Laina gathers a few things off the floor of her room and stuffs them in her closet. She repeats the process until the place is tidy. Satisfied with the state of her room, she turns to leave, only to let out a small shriek as she finds the door closed.

With a spider sitting on the knob.

She hops back a bit, holding her arms close, as if afraid that the tarantula would jump onto any extended limbs. She gingerly holds out one hand and waves it in a quick sweeping motion. "Shoo." Seeing as that had no effect, she uses both hands. "Shoo. Go on; leave. Get out of my room."

The tarantula does not move.

"Just get off the knob so _I_ can leave!" She raises her voice, yelling, "Dani? Dani! Your tarantula got out again!" Unfortunately for Laina, there are no sounds of footsteps coming to save her from the arachnid. "Guys?!" She was starting to panic a little. " Anyone? Where are you?!"

* * *

Crammed together on the stage, everyone glares down at the cards in their hands.

"Uno!" someone calls out.

"I thought we were playing Gold Fish," Millie says.

"It's 'Go Fish', not 'Gold Fish'," Wendy explains.

"Whatever it's called, I thought that's what we were playing. Who said Uno?"

"This is utterly ridiculous," Ford mutters. "Who thought it would be a good idea to play Blackjack with twenty people?"

"Ahem," Mabel clears her throat pointedly. "Twenty people and a /pig/." She holds a hand out to Waddles, who oinks at his cards as if puzzling them out.

"I thought we were playing Go Fish," Dani says.

"But we were playing poker!" Stan argues. "Look at how much I won off of ya already." He gestures to the small pile of coins sitting next to himself.

"We were betting?" Carol asks. "Since when were we betting?"

"More importantly," AJ adds, eyeing Stan's earnings, "/what/ were we betting. Seriously, those don't look like American currency."

"Or any currency, for that matter," YOSO agrees.

"Can we get back to our game?" Leela asks, resting her chin in one hand.

"As soon as we figure out what we were playing in the first place," Ian says.

"Right," Gabs says, nodding. "So let's get back to our game of Crazy Eights."

"But we were playing Uno!" Beck argues.

"Yeah," Eris exclaims in agreement.

"We were playing Go Fish," Nick disagrees.

"No, we were playing Blackjack," Gideon says.

"Aw," Soos sulks. "Does that mean this isn't a royal flush?" He shows his cards to Mabel, who is sitting to his right.

Ian throws his cards to the floor. "What are we playing?!"

* * *

"Okay-okay-okay, Laina," she tells herself, "you're an adult now. You can deal with a spider. It's just a spider." She glances at the creature on the door. "A spider which is the size of my foot and could very well bite me with its weird teeth filled with venom—" Laina puts her hands over her face exasperatedly, turning away from the door. "Augh!" she groans.

Frustrated, Laina sits on the floor, glaring at the spider. "I could kill it," she muses. She scratches the back of her head. "If I kill it, Dani will kill _me_. Plan B, catching the tarantula."

Laina goes to her closet and starts to dig through it, throwing out items across the room. She pulls out a basket; one without any holes or handles. She faces the tarantula again. Ever so slowly, Laina moves the basket towards the creature. It twitches a little in response, moving up the door. Laina stumbles and retracts her arms, pulling the basket close as a shield. "It moved!" she squeaks. "Ew, it moved! Ew-ew-ew-ew-ew-ew."

She clears her throat, bringing her voice back to its regular pitch. "I can do this," she murmurs. "I can catch that spider... in this basket." She holds out the container again, this time scraping one of the legs off the door. In retaliation, the tarantula jumps to the floor. Laina, terrified, drops the basket, screams, and runs to stand on her bed as the arachnid follows after her, stopping only when it reaches the edge of the bed sheet.

Laina picks up the brush at her bedside and points it at the spider, brandishing the thing like a weapon. She lowers herself against the wall, posting herself as sentry to the intruder.

A few minutes pass like that—with Laina rigidly keeping watch and the spider staying terrifyingly immobile. Laina lowers her guard, confused by the lack of movement. Keeping an eye on the tarantula, she takes her phone in hand and starts to scroll through it, glancing up every few moments to check that the eight-legged thing is still there.

Eventually, she gets distracted and goes a solid ten minutes without checking. When Laina finally looks up, the tarantula is gone, sparking a new wave of panic. She gets off the bed and does a quick search for it under the newly-strewn-about clothes.

The search yields nothing.

Laina warily scans over the mess in her room. "So much for the clean-up," she sighs. She opens the door and makes her way to the stage—however, the camera does notice the bit of brown fuzz that climbs onto her foot as she leaves.

"Dani," Laina shouts upon arrival, interrupting the next round of the debate now dubbed _What Are We Playing Now?_ "Your tarantula got out again," she explains. She points down the all for emphasis. "It's in my room; I can't go back in there until you catch it again."

"Was it Peter or Parker?" Dani asks.

"I don't know, they all look the same to me," Laina huffs. "They're gross and hairy and just—" She shudders. "It's like I can feel one crawling on me when I talk about them."

It is at this moment that the tarantula moves to sit on her shoulder.

"L-Laina?" Carol stammers. "Don't panic, but, uh—"

"We got some bad news for you, kid," Stan chuckles.

Laina's eyes widen with understanding. She follows the others' gaze to the fuzzy thing on her shoulder, which lifts an arm in greeting. Laina does not take the gesture too well. She screams.

"Get-it-off-get-it-off-get-it-off-get-it-off-get-it-off-get-it-off-get-it-off...!" She jumps about wildly in an effort to make the spider go away. She is proven successful when it gets flung off. Dani cups her hands and catches her beloved pet.

It takes a while for Laina to realise that the spider is, in fact, no longer touching her and that it is currently being returned to its home in Dani's room. These few extra minutes of sheer terror are recorded by almost everyone present for laughs at a later time.


	21. Preparation (Part 1)

Laina stands in the middle of the stage, arms crossed as YOSO zips by her again and again. Eventually, she holds out a hand and successfully grabs the girl's scarf. Unfortunately, the momentum of YOSO's quick passing makes the scarf tug at her neck and stop short with a gagging sound.

"Sorry," Laina murmurs upon hearing the sound. "I was trying to stop you."

"Mission accomplished," YOSO wheezes, pulling at the scarf to set it right as she faces Laina.

"Why are you running around like that?"

"I've got an episode to prepare for"—YOSO checks her watch—"and I'm running out of time to do so. Gotta go." She turns to go.

Laina holds onto YOSO's sleeve before she can leave. "Hang on. What's the episode about? Maybe the rest of us can help."

"Uhh..." YOSO seems to have some difficulty answering. "I... uh... it's, um, it's a secret."

"A secret?" Laina repeats flatly.

YOSO cracks a nervous smile. "Yyyes?"

"Why can't you tell me?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because reasons, and oh, look at the _time_ "—YOSO points at her watch for emphasis—"I've got so many things to do and so little time to finish them. Bye!" She pulls her sleeve out of Laina's grasp and runs before she can be questioned further.

* * *

Ian and Millie stand across from each other, metre sticks drawn like swords in their hands. They mimic each other's slow-circling pace. Millie swings first, springing forward and making Ian hold the stick in front of his face to block. The metre sticks strike each other again close to the twins knees. Ian smacks his sister's hand, making her drop her weapon. She puts her hands up as the oversized ruler skids behind Ian.

He smirks in victory and puts the metre stick to Millie's shoulder. She nods and kneels on one knee, sneaking a glance at the ruler behind Ian. The boy starts to pull the metre stick back. He doesn't get to finish his silent gloating, as Millie sweeps his feet out from under him with one leg, making him fall on his back. She grabs the metre stick out of the air and points it at her brother's face as he props himself on his elbows.

Ian slowly reaches back as Millie nudges his shoulder. "Surrender," she says.

"Nn-no." He grabs the fallen blade and hits hers away. He stands and snatches Millie's ruler out of her hands, crosses both of them, and sets each of the ends to her shoulders.

"Dangit," she whines as Ian mimes pulling the blades like scissors across her neck.

"Rematch?" he offers.

"Obviously."

They resume their places across from each other. Ian tosses a ruler to Millie and they both swing at each other. The metre sticks snap on contact. The twins stare at the remnants of their weapons, shake hands with the muttering of "A temporary truce", and pick up the half-sticks from the ground. Millie fits the pieces of hers back together as Ian does the same.

"We need glue," he murmurs.

"No duh," she replies. "You remember where the good industrial-strength stuff is?"

"Yeah, let's go."

* * *

Ian narrows his eyes as he carefully puts the glue-coated ends of the metre-stick back together. Millie sits next to him, mirroring his cross-legged pose as she holds together her own ruler. He holds the stick up with his left fist and holds up the right one in celebration.

"High-five!" he cheers. Millie accepts and the two slap their right hands together. Sadly, when they tried to pull them away, they stuck.

"Uh-oh," Millie says. She tries to use her left hand, but finds it stuck to the metre stick. "Dang," she mutters as Ian discovers the same.

"We're stuck," he says flatly.

"Yup."

He sighs. "Let's see if we can call for help."

"Dude, how?"

He presses his lips into a thin line. "That's what we're gonna have to figure out."

Stumped, they sit in silence.

"We can use the walkie-talkies," Millie suggests.

"YOSO said those are for emergencies," Ian says unsurely.

"I think this may just count."

"Alright, alright. It's in my sweater pocket." He attempts to use the hand stuck to the metre stick to reach into the aforementioned pocket. Then, he puts the stick into his pocket and tries to nudge the walkie-talkie out. "It's not working," he says finally.

"Here, let me try." Millie reaches around herself to use the ruler glued to her own hand.

"I think you just hit my spleen," he wheezes.

"Sorry!" She immediately recoils, bringing the walkie-talkie out with the metre stick. "Hey, it worked."

"Now to deal with a new problem: the speak button."

"Okay, uh, I'll hold this closer to you, and you can use your foot. Then we'll just scream into the walkie-talkie at full blast. She's bound to hear us then."

 **And so...**

YOSO sits in her room, watching her laptop screen with earbuds in. Suddenly, Ian and Millie's shouting fills the air, shocking her into falling out of her chair and hitting the floor. "Ow," she groans weakly.

* * *

"I'm telling you, it's easier than it looks to get stuck like that," Millie explains.

"How?" Dani asks, disbelieving. "It's just glue."

"No no no. Elmer's is 'just glue'. This—this is some next-level glue we're talking about."

"If you're so afraid of it, I'll just hold for you."

"You'd get stuck in thirty seconds, tops."

"As if," Dani scoffs.

"Alright, here." Millie hands over the bottle of glue, forcefully shoving it into Dani's hand.

Then, they wait.

Dani starts to read the label. "It's been thirty seconds—"

Millie huffs. "Fine. Give it back." She holds out her hand.

Dani tries to put drop the bottle into the outstretched hand, but it firmly stays where it is. "What—?" She attempts to pry the glue off of her palm, grunting softly.

"Stuck?" Millie smirks.

"Hang on," Dani grunts. Finally, she pulls the bottle free. "How'd that even happen?"

Millie's smirk falters. "I may have cheated a little." She points to the glue. "See, I put a drop of the stuff on the bottle when I gave it to you. You didn't notice 'cause it's invisible."

"Just a drop?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm..." Dani rubs her chin in thought. "This stuff could be useful. Say, you wouldn't happen to have an empty bottle of Purell hand-sanitizer, would you?"

* * *

"Start from the beginning," AJ says, hand on his chin. "How did this happen?" He gestures to Beck, whose fingers are laced together on the top of his head.

Beck glares at him, jaw setting in exasperation. Slowly, he exhales through his nose. "I saw one of Ford's beakers on the floor, I picked it up 'cause I wanted to return it to him, Dani told me McGucket had done something gross to it, then she offered me sanitizer."

"And you trusted her?" asks AJ, incredulous.

"Yes." Beck sighs tiredly. He lifts his hands off his head, and the hat that is stuck to them goes with.

"For _shame_."

"I get it; it's bad." Beck holds out his glue-covered hands and the hat that is stuck to them. "Just help me get this stuff off," he pleads.

"Alright. Hear me out on this," AJ says. "What if... we just burn the hat off?"

"Are you insane?!" Beck exclaims.

"No. Maybe. Look, if you burn the hat, then it won't be stuck to your hands anymore. Simple."

"Yeah, because there won't be any hands left for it to be stuck _to_."

"Exactly!"

"No. Just, no. I'll go see Ford, he probably has some super-glue-remover or something."

Ian joins the conversation now, smiling cheekily. "'Fraid to tell you this, buddy, but, uh, the last of it was used on me and my sis."

"Seriously?!" Beck stomps his foot with frustration. "Now what am I supposed to do?"

"Ford's making more—"

Beck becomes hopeful.

"—but the stuff needs to age for about a week before it's usable."

So much for hope. "I can't go a week without my hands!"

"Sure you could," AJ counters. "You could use your feet for everything."

"Or your elbows," Ian adds.

"Have fun trying to twist a doorknob open."

"Nice to see I have such wonderful friends to help me with my problems," Beck says flatly.

AJ grins. "No worries; we're here for you, bro."

Beck rolls his eyes. "I'll go figure something out on my own."

* * *

Beck, visibly content with the lack of hat stuck to his hands, rejoins AJ and Gabs a few hours later. He now wears a black hat with a blue-outlined "H" stitched into the front to replace the one covered in glue. Also, he's changed his clothes to match the new head-wear—he sports a shirt with thin blue-and-black lines and dark grey shorts.

"How'd you get the glue off?" AJ asks him.

"Crowbar, nail polish remover, and a whole lotta spit," Beck declares.

Gabs raises an eyebrow. He takes a few steps away from Beck.

"Hmm," AJ hums in thought, looking over Beck's outfit with his hands in his pockets.

"'Hmm', what?" Beck wonders.

AJ nudges Gabs with his elbow. "Doesn't he look kind of, I don't know, similar to someone we know?"

Gabs joins the scrutiny, suppressing a smile. "Yeah, actually, he does."

"What?" Beck asks, growing impatient. "Tell me, who do I look like?"

It is at this moment that YOSO rushes by, muttering her apologies as she goes.

"And there she is now," AJ says.

When she runs back the way she came, he sidesteps and holds out a hand to stop her.

"What do you want, make it quick, I gotta go," she mumbles, checking her watch.

Instead of giving a verbal answer, he turns her around to face Beck. Both dressed similarly in blue and black, Beck and YOSO give each other a once-over.

YOSO speaks first. "You makin' fun of me?"

Beck: "No."

"Was this intentional?"

"No."

"Are we going to acknowledge this ever happened?"

"Please no."

"Good. Now go change."

Beck reels. "Hold up. Why do _I_ have to change?"

"Because those are _my_ colours." YOSO crosses her arms. "I had 'em first."

"Well, maybe you've had them long enough."

"Since when are signature colours things you can have for 'long enough'?" YOSO steps forward and shoves him, making him step back a bit. "These are my colours; go back to yours."

"They're mine now." Beck shoves her back. "Maybe _you_ should go get some new ones."

"Fight, fight, fight," Gabs chants quietly.

YOSO huffs and rolls her eyes. "We're not fighting."

"In order for that to happen, it would have to be fair," Beck points out with a challenging look.

"You're right. Hey, if I tied my hands behind my back, you might _actually_ have a shot at winning."

"Girls, girls, you're both pretty," AJ says, putting an arm around both Beck and YOSO's shoulders. "No need to kill each other just because you showed up wearing the same dress."

"Butt out, AJ," YOSO snaps, ducking out of his grasp.

"Yeah," Gabs says nonchalantly. "They need to work out their relationship problems on their own."

"Say what?"

"We're just friends," Beck argues, stepping away from AJ. "And even that's a bit of stretch."

"Aw, they're in denial," AJ coos.

"We're not in denial," YOSO says.

"It's just that the idea of the both of us in that kind of relationship is absurd," Beck shudders.

YOSO stares at him a moment. "Please excuse me, but..." She turns her head, puts a finger in her mouth, and makes retching sounds.

"How charming," Beck says sarcastically. He seems to rethink his comment upon seeing AJ and Gabs grin. "It was sarcasm!"

AJ: "Sarcasm?"

Gabs: "Or hidden attraction?"

"That's probably why he started dressing like her."

"So they'll match."

"How sweet."

By now, YOSO has straightened herself out and has taken to glaring at the teasing duo.

She narrows her eyes a little.

 **Later...**

"Does it sting?" Mabel asks, lifting a hand to poke AJ.

"Yes," he answers, pushing her hand away.

"Want some more ice?" Ian asks.

"I'm good, thanks." AJ brushing his fingers over the bruise under his eye. "Man, I can't believe your girlfriend busted up my face. It's a work of art, you know."

"Keep calling her that and you'll be nursing bruises under _both_ eyes," Beck growls.

* * *

YOSO walks across the stage, fidgeting with a device in her hand. She turns it over a few times, eyes narrowed in focus.

That makes it all the more startling when Beck approaches her. "YOSO, we need to get this sorted out."

The device flips forward as she stops abruptly. She grabs it and hides the thing behind her back before Beck can see. A small zap fires off to the left, and she stares at the stray beam in concern before inhaling through her teeth and looking at Beck.

He spares her nervous smile a suspicious glance then continues speaking. "If we keep wearing the same colours, AJ and Gabs are going to keep doing... whatever it is they're doing. How about we just flip for it?" He takes a coin out of his pocket. "Heads or tails?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Um, I just gotta gooo..." She tries to go around him, but he steps to block her.

"You didn't say heads or tails."

YOSO stares at him, bewildered. "If you think I'll give up my colours just because of a coin toss—"

"Rock-paper-scissors, then."

"No." YOSO edges around him and walks past. "Look, I've got other stuff to do, so if you'll excuse me—"

"What's that in your hand?" Beck points at the device behind her back, making YOSO turn around to hide it.

"What, this hand?" YOSO presents her empty right hand. "Nothing."

"No, the other one."

YOSO puts the device in her back pocket and holds up both hands. "See? Nothing in either of 'em."

Beck gives her a flat stare. He circles around her. YOSO turns so that she is always facing him. "Can I see?" he asks after making a full turn.

"No."

"Please?"

"No. It's mine."

"You won't share?"

"No." Before Beck can object anymore, YOSO babbles her excuses—"Very-busy-got-stuff-to-do-gotta-go-now-bye!"—and quickly shuffles backwards off the stage with her hands behind her back.

* * *

It is now nighttime in the studio and everyone is asleep.

Well, almost everyone.

Ian, Millie, and YOSO sneak out of their rooms—the latter carrying her device and all three holding some form of juvenile weaponry. Ian holds the slingshot in his hand, while the pencil for his clipboard and paper sticks out of his pocket. Millie holds the metre sticks she and her brother had used before; they make a light tapping sound as she walks. YOSO keeps a long stick tucked under her arm—a task that proves to be difficult while she tampers with the device with a screwdriver.

The trio make their way to the stage, gently lowering their supplies to the floor to ensure minimal noise.

"Done," YOSO whispers, holding out her creation. She tucks the screwdriver in her pocket so she can hold the small machine with both hands.

"How does it work?" Ian asks, voice soft.

"It's like a radio; twist the knob for the frequency you want. Except instead of a station, we get AUs. At least, I _hope_ we get AUs."

"That's what we're here to find out, isn't it?" Millie murmurs.

"Right," YOSO agrees. "Everything ready?"

"Yeah," the twins reply.

"Ian, you'll write things down, yeah?"

He nods. He picks up the clipboard and holds the pencil to it while his sister touches the ends of the oversized rulers to the floor.

YOSO takes a deep breath. "Frequency 1." She twists the knob and presses a couple buttons.

A portal opens several feet in front of her, floating a few inches off the ground. The edge of its circular form emits a slight buzzing sound, along with a faint light separate from the light from the forest scene inside the portal.

"Looks like it worked," Millie points out, just as tense as the others.

"We still need to see where it goes," Ian reminds her.

"Hang on," YOSO tells them, setting the portal machine. "I'll check." Tentatively, she step through to the other side and looks around. "It looks like Reverse Falls."

Ian is quick to jot that down.

YOSO steps back through the portal, just as Gideon's voice shouts, "Hey!"

"Uh-oh," Ian winces.

"Wait! Stop!"

YOSO picks up the gadget and closes the portal just as a pine-tree-stamped hat appears on the other side. "That was close," she breathes.

"Too close," Millie says with a nod. "We have to be faster than that or one of the characters will find us again."

Ian and YOSO have no qualms about that. The three of them repeat the process for the next few hours, sometimes switching jobs when they get bored. At some point, they set the slingshot and sticks to the side because they had come to the conclusion that nothing dangerous would come out of the opening.

"Frequency #24," Ian announces quietly.

The entryway opens onto a dark landscape. Shapes are barely visible and hard to make out. Suddenly, a grotesque arm shoots out, retreating only after grabbing YOSO and pulling her back with it. The portal closes just moments after that, leaving Ian and Millie to stare at each other in wide-eyed shock. Frantic, they punch some buttons on the device, opening a portal that spits YOSO out onto the floor. Covered in slime, she wraps her arms around herself and shudders.

"So..." Ian pipes up. "Which dimension was that?"

"N-N-Nightosphere," YOSO stammers.

"Nightosphere? Like in Adventure Time?"

"Y-yeah."

Ian holds the gadget up to inspect it with one eye. "I thought this thing only got Gravity Falls channels."

"Apparently not," Millie says with a shrug.

"It's an experimental gizmo that I made myself," YOSO grumbles. "Do you really think that I could narrow it down to just Gravity Falls alternate universes and dimensions without experimenting with the range first?"

"Well, we're experimenting now." Millie puts her hands on her hips and puffs out her chest. "That being said, we now know that this thing is unpredictable and we need to be ready for anything else that comes out of it."

They fall into silence. Ian and Millie shuffle a from side to side, staring at YOSO quizzically. Eventually, Ian takes a pack of Kleenex out of his pocket and offers it to her, only to be met with a flat—albeit tired—glare.

YOSO sits up and wipes some of the goo off her cheek, then wrinkles her nose at it in disgust. "I'll go get cleaned up." She stands, slipping a little on the slime pooling beneath her feet. "You guys should keep going."

When she comes back, Millie yawns as she closes the latest portal, while Ian scribbles about its result.

"It's really late," YOSO yawns, presenting her watch. "2am. You guys want to sleep?"

The twins bob their heads from side to side in consideration. "Nah."

"We need to get through as many of these as we can," Ian states, pointing at the device. "We can't make the episode without having access to those AUs."

"I know, I know," YOSO says, as if she's heard it before. "But we've still got to figure out what to do about all the other problems."

Millie sighs. "Yeah. We can't just get rid of them."

"Why not? They practically drove us out before," Ian counters.

"We'll think about this later, guys," YOSO interjects. "For now, we need to label all these channels."

* * *

Come morning, Ian, Millie, and YOSO are asleep. The others find Ian and Millie leaning against each other in the middle of the stage—one holding a pencil, the other a clipboard. YOSO sits against the wall with the portal device hidden in her hands.

A magnet, at the end of a fishing rod, slowly approaches the device. It stops above YOSO's hands, then starts to lower itself.

"What are you doing?" Eris asks.

Beck freezes, giving her a sidelong glance as the magnet hangs above his quarry. "Nothing."

Eris crosses her arms. "You're after her invention."

"Oh come on. You're not the least bit curious about what it does?"

"I am, but if she doesn't want to tell us, that's none of our business. Besides"—she lowers her voice to a whisper when YOSO stirs—"you'll wake her."

"If you stop talking, she won't," he counters quietly. He resumes his mission, successfully getting the magnet to touch the device with a _clink_. He cheers and reels in the magnet, but the device stays where it is. Confused, Beck tries again. The magnet still won't pick up the gadget. "Are you kidding me? It's not magnetic! Why is it not magnetic?!"

His frustrated whisper-shouting is enough to make YOSO wake up. She notices the magnet in front of her nose, then follows the string to which it is attached to the rod and the boy holding it. "Dude, what are you doing?" she grumbles.

"Trying to steal the gadget," Eris chirps.

"Snitch," Beck hisses.

YOSO stands with a yawn. She pushes the fishing rod away and shakes the twins awake.

"How long were we out?" Ian asks groggily, rubbing his eye.

YOSO checks her watch. "Five hours."

"Wake me after five more," Millie murmurs sleepily, then lies down again.

She and her brother are quickly pulled to a standing position by YOSO. "Go sleep in your own room," she says, nudging them towards the appropriate hallway.

"But the floor was comfy," Ian whines.

" _Go._ "

They obey begrudgingly. YOSO tucks the portal device into her hat, making Beck mope. She notices his calculating look above her head. "Don't even think about it," she warns, pointing at him for emphasis.

"You should sleep, too," Eris prompts, worriedly glancing at YOSO's drooping form.

"I'm fine. I'll sleep once I've finished everything."

"Here, we'll help."

"No!" YOSO coughs meekly at the stunned reactions to her outburst. "I mean, don't worry about me; I'll handle everything."

"You're in no shape to do anything on your own," Eris argues, hands on her hips. "Why can't any of us help you?"

"Because."

"Because why?" Beck asks.

YOSO glares at him. "Because it's a secret. One that I don't want to tell you." She starts walking backwards off the stage. "Now if you'll excuse me..." YOSO turns and runs before Eris can protest further.

* * *

The hallway camera finds Stan slumped against the door frame of his room, exhausted and in his undershirt and boxers. He seems to squint, but the glare on his glasses makes his eyes difficult to see. "This bag of bones gets worse every time I see it," he grumbles. "Stan, you need vitamins or somethin' because this thing is in horrible shape, I swear..."

He pushes himself up and tries to straighten, but ends up slouching instead. "How are you still _alive_ , old man?" he chides himself. "Ugh, I need to get a new body and _fast_."

Stan trudges to the end of the hall and turns the corner, muttering, "Next person I see, I take their skin. 'Beggars can't be choosers' and whatnot."

The camera view switches just as YOSO skids to a stop in front of him. "Sorry, Stan, almost ran you over," she explains quickly. "Gotta go now, bye!" She sidesteps and keeps going.

"Hang on a sec," Stan says gruffly, making YOSO look over her shoulder at him. He clears his throat, and, with a much nicer tone, he says, "I need some new clothes."

YOSO walks back, head tilted to the side in confusion. "What's wrong with the ones you have now?"

"They're really old."

"Okay, but you gotta remember that all I've got is that freaky clown costume Ian found." She scratches the back of her head. "Although, there may be some costumes in some of those unopened boxes. There could be something usable in there. How's that?"

"Great. I get clothes and, in return, you get nothing."

"It sounds really mean when you put it like that—"

He holds out his hand, silencing her. "So, we have a deal?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess." YOSO narrows her eyes in suspicion. She slowly takes his hand and shakes it. "Deal."

Stan grins wide, yellow eyes widening in glee.

"Uh-oh."

* * *

YOSO picks herself up from where she fell on the floor, hair falling over her face as she does so. She notices Stan's prone form close by, circles him in contemplation, then nudges his arm with the toe of her foot until he wakes up.

"Eh?" Stan grumbles. He pushes himself onto his elbows and squints in confusion. "Where am I?"

"In the hall outside of your room," YOSO says curtly. "You were sleepwalking and ended up here."

Stan stands and makes his way back to his room, complaining about how he barely had enough energy to walk when he was awake, how could he walk in his sleep?

"That's that," YOSO murmurs after he leaves. She winces and turns her head to look at the air in front of her. "Now what am I supposed to do about _you_?"

She stays silent a moment, as if listening to something, then chuckles and shakes her head dismissively. The camera view switches to the stage camera as YOSO passes by it.

YOSO and the ghost version of herself that floats behind her.

Captions appear at the bottom of the screen as the ghost speaks. _Just_ _how are you planning on hiding your eyes, wise guy?_

"I told you, I've got this figured out." YOSO brushes the hair of out of her yellow eyes. "Why do you keep this stuff so long?"

 _I like it long_.

"I'm cutting it the first chance I get."

 _No!_

"I'm ignoring you now."

 _Bill! You can't cut my hair!_

"Watch me. And for the record, it's _my_ hair now. Same way this is _my_ skin now. You know what that makes you?"

 _Um... a girl temporarily without a body?_

"Nope. A pain in the neck to be dealt with at a later time."

The ghost that is YOSO flies in front of Bill to look him in the eye. _Answer_ _me this: How. Are. You. Going. To. Hide. Your. Eyes?_

"Sunglasses, how else?"

 _And you don't think that my sudden interest in sunglasses is going to make anyone suspicious?_

"Watch and be amazed, Snapshot. I know how to trick all these bozos."

 **Ten minutes later...**

Bill sits on the stage, elbows resting on his knees and sunglasses over his eyes. He gives YOSO a smug smile, tugs at the purple scarf around his neck, and straightens out the trench coat around his waist.

Gabs gives him a sidelong glance as she walks past, stopping for a moment to ask, "Hey, YOSO, what's with the new getup?"

Bill grins and adjusts the sunglasses. "Just trying something new."

"Does this have anything to do with what happened with Beck?"

"Don't know what you mean, but sure."

Gabs accepts the answer with a nod and keeps walking.

YOSO shakes her head in disapproval. _Unbelievable. You know what? You may have fooled Gabby, but someone else will notice something's wrong._

"You really think so?"

 _Yes. I have faith in human intelligence._

"Alright." He leans back on his hands and crosses his legs at the ankles. "I'll wait."

And so he waits.

Dipper and Mabel pass by with no more than a curious glance. Bill waves at them perkily as YOSO crosses her arms defiantly.

Eris, Leela, and Laina stop to talk with Bill. If they wonder why "YOSO" was wearing sunglasses indoors, they don't ask. After they leave, Bill puts his hands in his pockets, then smiles as he takes out a lollipop.

He unwraps it as Nick rushes past while scribbling something on a slip of paper. YOSO stares at both people incredulously.

When Millie offers Bill hot cocoa, YOSO throws her arms up in defeat. When Ian asks him about the next episode, she kicks the floor, thus flipping herself over because the force of the kick wasn't stopped by the floor as she had anticipated.

 _That's it_ , YOSO declares.

"Giving up already?" Bill asks her, lowering the mug of hot chocolate from his mouth.

 _I've lost all faith in humanity,_ she mopes, sitting on the stage. She falls through the floor, flying back up moments later with an annoyed look.

"Aw, don't feel so bad." He returns his attention to the drink.

YOSO stares expectantly. _And...?_

"And what? That's it. 'Don't feel so bad.' It's annoying."

 _How uplifting_ , YOSO murmurs dryly.


	22. Preparation (Part 2)

_Answer me this, Bill,_ YOSO demands. _How are you going to sleep? If I recall correctly, you lost to fatigue last time around._

"Thank you for the reminder, O Condescending One," Bill declares ruefully, pushing the sunglasses to the end of his nose to roll his eyes. "For your information, I'm not planning on sleeping."

Ten minutes later, Bill sits on the stage with a mug in his hand.

 _This is your plan?_ asks YOSO incredulously. _To drink coffee?_

"Yup. If I drink this, I won't get tired, the fatigue won't set in, and I won't be thrown out again."

 _That's terrible logic. Coffee just delays sleep, it doesn't stop it._

"A temporary solution is still a solution."

YOSO drags her fingers down her face, exasperated. _Fine. Fine, you know what? When your plan goes to rot, I'll be here, and I'll be ready to take my body back._

Bill rolls his eyes and continues drinking.

YOSO sticks her tongue out in disgust. _How can you stand that stuff?_

"It's not that bad. You should try it sometime."

 _No thank you._

Any further conversation is cut off by a screeching, "WHERE'S MY COFFEE?"

Bill blanches. YOSO gives him a wry look. _You took Laina's coffee_.

"There was still half a pot left," Bill argues. "How much does the woman drink?"

 _The whole thing, bud._

"That's not healthy."

 _Who are you to judge? You drank soda through your eyes._

"I can judge because I use the bodies you people are so intent on destroying," he grumbles. "Why can't you take care of yourselves? It would give me more time to do my own stuff."

 _Huh. So... eating junk food wards off demons._

"That's not what I said."

 _That's what I heard._

"I don't care what you heard; that's not what I said."

They sit in silence, listening expectantly for any more outraged shouts from Laina. "You think she found more?" he asks quietly.

 _I hope so. She's never been without her coffee, and that's really only because one of us woke her at six in the morning and suffered the consequences. We didn't want to find out what would happen if the coffee ever ran out._

"I think I'll go to my room now," he mumbles, getting up. Taking a sip from the mug, he says, "I don't want to be around when she realises I'm the one who took it."

* * *

Mabel and Millie sit on the stage, side by side.

Millie tilts her head quizzically. "You've never heard your own theme music?"

"I barely even knew we _had_ theme music," Mabel argues, pressing her palms to the floor.

"I thought we showed it to you." Millie puts a hand on her chin in thought. "Oh, wait. That was a fan-made lyric version, wasn't it?"

"The what?"

"See, your theme song doesn't actually have lyrics to it."

"Okay." Mabel sits back with her legs folded underneath herself. "Y'know, even if I did hear it, I'm pretty sure it'd just go in one ear and out the other."

"Why's that?"

"I dunno. It's kind of hard to accept the 'You're a cartoon and not real' thing. If it's not trippy, it's just plain sad."

"Yeah, it really is. But hey, at least you've actually been drawn out in colour _and_ animated. As far as I exist in the real world, it's just a bunch of sketched out lines in a notebook or some random lines of text."

"Huh." Mabel seems to ponder this, then perks up and reaches for her pocket. "Hey, you wanna try some Smile Dip?" She holds the packet out to the other girl.

"Nuh-uh." Millie slides herself back a little.

"Come on! It's tasty.

"No way. Where'd you even get it?"

"Psh, that's not important."

"Psh, yes it is. You shouldn't have that; it made you hallucinate and act all funny."

"What's wrong with funny?"

"It wasn't _good_ funny." Millie pauses. "Maybe it was little funny, but not how it messed up your head."

"I was _fine_ ," Mabel insists. "Here, try some Smile Dip."

"Thanks, but no thanks." Millie stands and leaves, leaving Mabel to shrug and eat the powdered candy on her own.

* * *

Millie holds a packet of Wonka FunDip in her hand, happily digging through it for the candy within. Mabel gives her a deadpan look.

"What?" Millie asks.

"You're eating Smile Dip," Mabel says flatly.

"It's not Smile Dip. It's _Fun_ Dip. There's a difference."

"Which is...?"

"This stuff won't make me think I'm the queen of England."

Mabel crosses her arms. "Smile Dip is way better," she vows.

"Of course it is," Millie murmurs, making it clear that she doesn't agree. She offers Mabel the candy. "Wanna try some?"

Much to Millie's chagrin, Mabel reaches into the packet, procuring a pinch of the sweet powder. She puts it in her mouth and does a very thorough taste evaluation, complete with licking her fingers and moving her tongue around the inside of her mouth. If one didn't know any better, they'd think she was sampling a fine wine.

The final verdict: "It's okay, I guess."

"Alright, more for me," Millie says dismissively.

"Maybe just a little more, though..."

Before long, the girls have emptied the packet. Millie turns it over to makes sure there isn't anything left, peering inside to see the corners. "That's a shame. Hey, you wanna buy some more? There's a place down the street that sells this stuff." She rifles through the pockets of her skirt, prompting Mabel to do the same for her sweater.

After a while of searching, Millie holds up a crumpled wad of bills. "I've got $10."

Mabel continues emptying her pockets of yarn, money, and thread. After she's done, she puts the craft supplies back in her pocket and holds up a rather large-looking sum of money. "$60! Eat it, chump! Only, you won't eat it 'cause I'm gonna use this to buy me some Fun Dip and only _I'm_ eating that."

"First of all, that is harsh. Second of all, you wouldn't even know this stuff existed if it wasn't for me. Third of all, whatever happened to being a good person and all that? Sharing is caring, you know."

"Fine," Mabel sighs exasperatedly, dropping a chunk of money in Millie's hands. "Hey, how 'bout, after we buy it, we put all the packets into one big pile and have a contest to see who can eat the most?"

Millie takes on a serious demeanour. "Yes." She narrows her eyes, as if visualising some battle. "We will do this, and I will win."

"Not a chance," Mabel brags, swiping a hand through the air for emphasis.

* * *

YOSO, still a ghost, stands in front of Bill. She keeps her feet planted on the floor as best she can. Despite her best efforts, the soles still go through the tiles. _Bill, don't_ , she says.

"Why not?"

 _I don't want to have my hair_ —

"Ah-ah-ah. Not _your_ hair, _my_ hair. And because it's mine, I'm gonna cut it." He shoves a few locks back with annoyance. "It keeps getting in my eyes."

 _You can't!_

"Oh, wow, look at that." Bill takes a chunk of hair and slices through it. "I just did. And look"—he snatches another chunk and takes a swipe—"I just did it again." He repeats the process until the hair is just long enough to reach his chin.

YOSO floats to the floor and cups her hands under the fallen locks in mourning.

"It's just hair," Bill says boredly. "It'll grow back."

 _I look like a boy,_ YOSO mutters ruefully. Going back to floating a few feet off the ground, she scrutinises Bill's left hand—the one that held the hair up while he cut it. Her eyes widen and she points at it in a panic. _Bill, you're bleeding!_

"Huh?" He holds up the hand and inspects the gash in the palm. Blood seeps out of it and drips onto the floor. "Oh," Bill says. "It doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Maybe some of the nerve endings were damaged..."

He turns at the sound of someone calling, "Hey, YOSO!" The hand with the blood-spewing gash is raised in a wave.

 _Put your hand down!_ YOSO hisses.

He obliges after sparing the wound a quick glance, hiding it behind his back quickly.

 _You've got to get that cleaned up._

"No duh." Bill rolls his eyes, taking a step forward.

YOSO zips in front of him. _Wait! You can't just walk around like that_.

"What?"

 _You'll draw attention to yourself. And the blood's dripping; you'll leave a trail_.

He crosses his arms. "Then what do you propose I do? _Not_ get this stuff cleaned up?" He lifts his hand, notices the spot of blood it left on his arm, and wrinkles his nose in disgust.

 _We have to be smart about this_.

The silence that follows is soon shattered by Bill, who offers his idea. "Here, I'll just put my hand in my pocket. The blood won't drip and the gash is hidden." He doesn't wait for YOSO to answer, instead choosing to start the journey towards the infirmary. Blood soaks through the coat's pocket, leaving another few noticeable stains on it and his jeans.

* * *

"Mark today's date," Beck declares proudly, "for it is this day that we have made an important discovery." With AJ by his side, he presents a voice recorder to Carol.

"What am I looking at, exactly?" she asks.

"A weapon of mass destruction," Beck cackles.

"If, by mass destruction, you mean a sound that scares the pants off Nick," AJ interjects, "then yes, that's exactly what it is."

"What's the sound?" Carol asks.

"It's a horrible impression of my grandmother," AJ boasts. "For whatever reason, Nick's terrified of it, so the throat ache afterwards was worth it."

It is at that moment that Nick makes the mistake of walking past. Carol presses the play button on the recording, sending the older fellow falling towards the floor as he trips over his own feet in shock. The trio snicker, looking away when Nick draws himself up to glare at them.

"Why do you still have that stupid recording?" Nick asks, thoroughly annoyed.

"Because you're still scared of it," Beck chirps.

"I'm not _scared_ , simply..." Nick trails off, searching for the word.

AJ offers his help in the search. "Terrified?"

"No. I am shocked, and just a little appalled by the fact that you felt the need to make such a noise in the first place. That being said, why would make yourself sound like a shrieking witch?"

AJ gasps in mock offence. "How dare you. My grandmother is not a shrieking witch."

"I-I wasn't talking bad about your grandmother," Nick stammers. "I'm simply saying that you had no reason to scold me with this weird tone of voice. Furthermore, you should not have _recorded it_."

Any further protest from Nick is cut off by the "shrieking witch" of the tape recorder scolding, "Nicholas!"

"Stop it!" Nick demands. When Beck makes a show of slowly pressing the button again, Nick puts his hands over his ears and leaves in a rush.

* * *

Dipper and Ian stand on the stage, looking around the room.

"It's quiet around here," Dipper remarks.

"Too quiet," Ian confirms. "Where are our sisters?"

"Wish I knew. You think something happened to them?"

"I hope not."

Dipper bites the inside of his cheek. "I have this feeling that something really bad is going to happen."

"So do I. Maybe we should go looking for them."

"Yeah..." Dipper goes to take a step, but is suddenly knocked down by a pink ball of joy and energy.

Ian points and laughs. "Looks like we found _your_ sis—" His sentence is cut off by his own sister tackling him to the ground the same way Mabel did Dipper.

The high-pitched squealing only proves to disorient the boys further. Eventually, they right themselves and hold out their sisters at arm's length.

"What happened?" Dipper asks at the same time Ian says, "What are you trying to say?"

"We had a contest!" Mabel chirps, hopping in her spot despite Dipper's hands on her shoulders.

"To do what? Eat a pound of sugar?" he asks.

"Yes!"

Ian bows his head morosely. "Why?" he whimpers.

"Aw, don't be sad!" Millie tells him, grinning wide. "I won! Be happy for me!"

He stares at her, dumbstruck. "You... Why would I happy about this?"

"She's lying!" Mabel protests, getting caught by Dipper's arm just as she lurches towards Millie. " _I_ won! Me, you hear? I ate the most candy!"

"No, _I_ did!"

"I did!"

"I did!"

"Somebody shoot me," Ian grumbles, struggling to keep his grip on the ever-excitable Millie. "What are we going to do with them?"

"We can't let them run around like this," Dipper concedes, shifting his grip on Mabel. "They could hurt themselves."

"Forget them; I'm more worried about the damage they could do to everyone else."

"Oh. Right." Dipper steps back to avoid Mabel's attempt at a tickle attack, leaning out of the reach of her wriggling fingers. "We should put them in your room."

"My room?" Ian says, astonished. "What's wrong with yours?"

"Nothing, but—"

"Good, we'll use your room."

"Why mine?" Dipper challenges.

"Why mine?" Ian shoots back. They stare each other down, daring the other to prove himself.

Finally, Ian says, "We'll flip for it."

"Fine."

The red-haired boy hands his sister over to Dipper, who struggles to keep both girls in check while Ian searches his pockets for a coin. "Found one. Heads or tails?"

"Heads," the brunet strains as the girls run in opposite directions, the action threatening to pull his arms out of their sockets.

Ian flips the coin in the air, catching it in his palm and slapping it onto the back of his hand. "Tails. I win." He wraps his arms around his sister before she can pick a hole through Mabel's sweater.

"But I was almost done with the design!" she argues, kicking at the air to get free. "Her sweater would have looked good with that hole!"

"You were making a hole in my sweater?!" Mabel shouts.

"Easy there, Mabes," Dipper coos. "There's no hole. It's fine. Time for bed."

"But I'm not tired!"

Dipper starts to nudge her towards their room.

"Come on, Millie," Ian murmurs, tugging her alongside the Pines twins. "You have to sleep, too."

"I don't wanna!"

"Let's go."

"You can't make me!"

"Yeah?" He stops, turning to face her withering glare. He bobs his head from side to side. "Fine. No sleep."

Millie smiles her approval. She becomes a bit dazed, likely from an imminent sugar crash.

"You okay?" he asks, receiving a shake of the head in response. "Aw, does someone need a hug?"

She nods, shuffling closer to her brother. He steps back, making her stumble. She squints, confused by his change in location. She tries again to move closer to him, but again he steps away. It is in this way that Ian has her follow him to the Pines' room. Dipper watches the pair of them make much faster progress to their joint destination, raising his eyebrows at the cruel but effective tactic.

* * *

Nick sits at the (newly-replaced) table next to the kitchen, pages of ciphers and codes arranged in front of him. He picks one up, raising a pencil to the page. Carol and Beck creep up behind him. They signal to each other to keep quiet, then Carol holds up the tape recorder. Beck gestures for her to hand it over, only for her to refuse. The score is settled by a quick game of rock-paper-scissors.

Nick continues scribbling on the page, pausing tap the pencil against his chin in thought.

Carol wins, puffing her chest in triumph with the tape recorder held at her side. Slowly, she brings it close to Nick, does a silent countdown, and presses the play button.

"Nicholas!"

Nick stands up with a jolt, slamming his hands on the table and tipping the chair over. Beck and Carol narrowly avoid getting hit by the seat on its trip down. Nick turns to look at them, incredulity turning to anger. "I told you to stop it," he bites out.

"We can't." Beck grins. "This is too much fun."

Giving the duo a flat stare, Nick takes the recorder and squeezes it in his hand, sufficiently crushing the device. He holds the scraps up high, then lets them fall to the floor. He relaxes. "There."

"Aw," Carol pouts.

"No fair," Beck complains.

"What you two have been doing is 'not fair'," Nick counters. "I don't appreciate this distraction _whatsoever_." He gathers his things, with a curt nod, he says, "If you'll excuse me, I've got work to do," and leaves Beck and Carol to lament their loss.

"I miss the tape recorder," Carol mopes.

"You've only been without if for two seconds," Beck points out.

"It's been a _long_ two seconds."

Beck mulls over her statement. "Agreed."

Carol sits and collects the remnants of the voice recorder, cupping her hands over them as she stands.

"I think I know where we can get another," Beck muses.

"A tape recorder?"

"No, a recording."

"How? AJ's throat is still sore. We can't ask him to do it again. And even if we could..." Carol holds up her hands, using their contents to complete her argument.

"We still have our phones, though," Beck continues. "And the surveillance room has recordings of everything. Including..."

"AJ's voice!"

"Bingo."

* * *

 _What on earth are you doing?_

Bill pauses his savage attack on the pudding cup in his hands. "Trying to eat food."

 _Pudding is not real food._

"How am I supposed to know? I haven't tried it yet." He resumes trying to gnaw through the plastic.

 _Use scissors or something._

"Scissors are for the weak," he mumbles around the container. "I am perfectly capable of opening this on my own."

 _Clearly, you are not. You're supposed to open the flap on the top._

Bill takes the pudding cup out of his mouth and lets his hands fall into his lap. "I tried that—it didn't work."

 _It should have_.

"Here, you try." He holds the pudding out to YOSO, who gives him a flat stare in return.

 _Rubbing salt in the wound there, Bill._

Bill smiles cheekily. "I know." He picks at the foil on top of the pudding cup, looking for the flap that will open it.

YOSO looks away, choosing to look at something to the left of the stage. _Bill?_

"Yeah?"

 _Did you notice that Beck and Carol are going to the room with all the cameras?_

"So what if they are? Not like I care what you people are up to."

 _I think you should this time._

"Why?"

 _They'll see the footage._

"So?"

 _Let me rephrase: They'll see me_ _._ YOSO nods to the stage camera, not taking her eyes off of what she saw earlier. _They'll see the feed from that camera, and they'll know you're here— Bill?_

The pudding cup has been opened and abandoned by the time YOSO looks back to the stage. She scans the room, perking when she finds what she is looking for.

Elsewhere, Beck and Carol have almost reached the door to the surveillance room. Before they can open the door, Bill slides between them and it, holding up his hands to stop them. They take a step back in surprise.

"YOSO, could you move out of the way?" Carol asks, trying to step around. "You're blocking the door."

"You can't go in there," Bill says, spreading his arms out when Beck tries to use the doorknob.

"Why not?"

"Because..." Bill speaks slowly, carefully choosing his words. "I have to edit stuff. This room's off-limits until I'm done."

"Oh, come on, can't we just go in for a few minutes to get the footage we need?" Beck pleads.

"No." He catches Carol trying to sneak around him and open the door. "Don't you dare."

Carol retreats, moving away from the door. Bill points two fingers to his eyes, then to Beck and Carol. After making his meaning clear, he disappears inside the surveillance room and closes the door.

"So much for that idea," Beck mumbles.

"We've still got an air horn," Carol offers. "We'll go scare Nick with that."

"Okay."

* * *

"It's been a few hours," Ian says, checking the time on his phone. "You think they've calmed down now?"

"Probably," Dipper muses. "How's your nose?"

"It's fine. Millie's second wind didn't do too much damage."

"She bowled you over when you told her there was more sugar in my room."

"So did your sister to you. And frankly, Mabel versus you is a much less evenly-matched battle. I should be asking about _your_ nose."

"Point made." Dipper quirks his head. "Hey, when you said there was more sugar in my room, what did you mean?"

Ian shrugs. "I figured Mabel might have a pile of candy under her bed or something."

The brunet blanches. "She does. I totally forgot about it."

"It can't be that bad. What's she have under there? A candy bar? Maybe two?"

"Try a whole candy store worth. She stores candy like a squirrel stores nuts for the winter."

"Drat."

"You still wanna go check on them?"

"Nope."

"So it's agreed." Dipper sighs in defeat. "But we should make sure they're okay."

"I was afraid you'd say that."

And so it is that the boys, heads bowed, make their miserable way to the Pines' twins sleeping quarters. The camera view switches and the boys are at the door.

"You open it," Ian says.

"No, you open it," Dipper retorts.

"Flip for it?"

"We'll both open it." Dipper twists the doorknob and looks to Ian. "On three. One..."

Ian huffs in exasperation. He pushes Dipper out of the way. "Man, I hate suspense. Let me just get it over with." He opens the door and peek inside. Apparently deeming it safe, he opens it fully and allows Dipper to follow him in. The camera view switches to the one inside Dipper and Mabel's room. Mabel and Millie are asleep on the two beds, legs pulled close to their chests.

Dipper nudges his twin with his hand. "Yup, she's asleep," he concludes.

"Dude," Ian hisses. He points upwards. "There's footprints on the ceiling."

"What?"

Sure enough, there were a few marks made by shoes up there, along with some prints on the walls.

"How..." Dipper trails off.

"We'll only know if we ask them."

Dipper puts an arm out to stop the redhead. "Don't. They've been on a five-hour sugar high—if we wake them now, who knows what'll happen."

Ian leans back and puts his hands in his pockets. "They'll probably yell at us, and that's about it. They spent all their energy running everywhere." He takes another look at the ceiling. "And I mean _everywhere_."

"We should let them sleep," Dipper debates. "The crash must have been painful."

"Suppose so," Ian agrees. "Hey, you wanna stay in my room for a bit? Just until these two wake up from their sugar-induced coma."

"Sure. I don't really have anywhere else to go."

* * *

Nick continues his work with his assortment of puzzles in his room. He perks at the sound of chatter outside the door. Faintly, Beck and Carol's conversation can be heard.

Beck: "You still have it?"

Carol: "Hang on, I'm still looking."

"Don't tell me you've lost the air horn."

"I did not 'lose' it; I simply... misplaced it."

"Where?"

"If I knew, don't you think I would have found it by now?"

After a few minutes of silence, Beck asks, "Found it yet?"

"Just wait a minute! Go work on your own part of the prank."

"But I already finished it!"

Nick shakes his head slowly. "Why won't they stop?" He puts his elbows on the desk and rests his chin on his hands. He raises his eyebrows, then rolls to his nightstand to look through some drawers. Taking something out, he murmurs, "Three can play at this game."

* * *

The hallway camera finds Beck and Carol crouched outside Nick's door.

"I miss the recording," Carol mumbles.

"Don't worry," Beck reassures her. "We've got the air horn to make up for it."

"It's just not the same."

"What about the sound modifier? That's still pretty cool."

"I guess."

"Just you watch." He holds up the vaguely-funnel-shaped contraption in his hand. "The sound this thing makes'll scare Nick just as bad as the recording did." He attaches the modifier to the air horn and hands it to Carol. "Try it."

"Okay." She plugs one ear while Beck puts his hands over both of his. The sound that plays when she presses the button can best be described as a cross between someone scratching their nails on a chalkboard and a cat getting its tail stepped on.

There is no immediate response from the inside of Nick's room. No shuffling to indicate that he was startled, or that he even heard the sound in the first place. Carol raps on the door. "Nick?"

No answer.

"Nick?" Beck calls.

They each put an ear to the door. "You think we should go in?" Carol asks.

Beck hesitates. "I don't know..."

"What if he's hurt or something? We have to make sure."

"Fine," he sighs reluctantly.

Carol opens the door, allowing the duo to peek around it. They push the door until the whole room is visible from the hall. Nick stands at the opposite end of the room, back turned towards them.

"Nick?" Carol asks. "You okay?"

"Just fine," Nick chirps, way too perky.

"Oh, good. I was afraid we'd killed you with that sound."

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. How could you ever think such a thing?" Nick turns around, smiling gleefully and opening his eyes to reveal bright yellow where the whites should be. "I wouldn't die so easily."

The camera view switches to the inside of Nick's room to see Beck and Carol blanch.

* * *

Bill sits in the infirmary, busying himself with wrapping gauze around his bleeding hand. The bloodstained coat lies in a discarded heap on the floor. He glances between his work and the air next to him, then sighs deeply. "I'm going to regret this, but... what's got you so wound up?"

He continues working in silence, before lurching back a bit. "Sorry I asked," he mutters sarcastically. The bandage is tied off and Bill takes a moment to survey his handiwork with pride. He perks a bit, looking back at the empty space. "Oh, is that all? There's an easy fix for that. Wanna guess what it is?"

Silence.

"Correct!"

Silence.

"Aw, you just don't know how. Now, here's what you do: You get a real big knife, and when they're not looking—" He gets cut off abruptly, causing him to blink with genuine confusion. "Alright, fine, no murder. But if you'd just hear me out, it's by far the easiest way—" He groans and holds his hands over his ears. Exasperated, he continues his apparent monologue, "Alright, alright, I get it. Fear not, I have a Plan B. Step 1: Get the knife—"

He holds up a hand to indicate quiet. "Please hold all questions until the end. As I was saying before I was so _rudely_ interrupted"—pause for a pointed look—"you get the knife, point it at them, and gently _nudge_ them towards the door. See that? No one dies. Unless, of course, they get a heart attack upon seeing said knife, but that's not my problem."

He rolls his eyes. "Here, I'll give you a demonstration." He makes for the door, but stops mid-step. "Yeah, like _that's_ going to stop me." Bill leaves through the door, making the camera view switch to the outside hall to follow him. "I don't get what the big deal is." He turns the corner, where the camera view has to switch again. "Oh, yeah? What were you planning on doing?" He keeps going until he reaches the stage. The stage camera watches him, including YOSO's floating ghost in the shot.

"And how's that working out for ya?" Bill asks dryly, crossing his arms.

YOSO puts a hand to the back of her head, dismayed. _Admittedly, not well_.

"I stand by my suggestions. Take 'em or leave 'em."

There is a sudden screaming that makes the both of them jump. (Well, Bill jumped; YOSO floated a bit higher.) Beck and Carol scramble to the stage, practically tripping over each other to get away from the hallway that leads to their rooms. Bill sidesteps out of their way as they come crashing down on the floor.

"What—"

The duo pick themselves up and try to explain, but the mix of their voices makes an incoherent babbling. The only indication of anything being wrong is their pointing in the direction they came from and the slight fear with which they speak.

Bill grows annoyed of this fast. "Shut up!" he snaps.

They oblige.

"You"—he points out Carol—"tell me what happened."

"Nick's been possessed!"

Bill and YOSO are both taken aback. They check the troublemakers' faces, finding only confirmation. "By who?" Bill asks tightly.

"It's Bill. He's back."

The demon in question bites his tongue to keep from laughing. "Seriously?"

YOSO gives Carol a flat stare.

The camera pans to the hall, where Nick takes the contacts out of his eyes and puts them in their container. He tosses it up and snatches it out of the air, before turning on his heel and whistling his way back to his room. The camera pans back to the group on the stage.

Carol is the first to speak up, eyes wide. "He was faking it?"

"Apparently," Beck says.

"We've been had," Carol seethes. She notices Bill roll his eyes. "Hey, what's that on your clothes?"

"Oh, this?" He picks at the dark patch on his pants. "It's blood."

"Whoa, what'd you do? Kill someone?"

"I have not 'killed anyone'," he insists. "If you don't believe me, do a head count. All of you are still here."

"Then why..." Beck stops mid-sentence, apparently coming to some conclusion that leaves him horror-stricken. It doesn't take long for Carol to have the same thought, as is evident from the step she takes away from Bill.

"What?" Bill grumbles. "What's wrong now?"

Beck and Carol slowly back away.

"Hey, knuckleheads, mind telling me why you look like you've seen a ghost?"

Murmuring their excuses, Beck, and Carol exit stage left. "Was it something I said?" Bill calls after them.

 _What's got them so spooked?_ YOSO asks.

"You tell me."

They both narrow their eyes in thought, then widen them in realisation. YOSO starts to snicker, but Bill is much less impressed. "Oh, for the love of..." he complains. Louder, he yells, "It's my _hand_! My hand is what's bleeding!"

* * *

Nick cautiously peeks around the corner, checking everywhere before he leaves the safety of the hallway. Apparently deciding it is safe, he steps away from the wall and starts to cross the floor. Halfway to the other end of the large room, he stiffens at the sound of squelching beneath his feet.

"What the...?" He tries to lift his foot off the ground, only to find it stubbornly stuck where it is.

Carol finds him there, still attempting to free himself. Nick looks up at her arrival. "I guess you got me," he concedes, waving a hand at the glue.

"What are you talking about? We haven't done anything yet."

"Then what—what's this doing here?" Nick becomes uneasy.

"Beats me, but it looks like you're stuck there."

"Can you help me? Please?"

Carol clicks her tongue. "Can't."

"Why?"

"Aside from the fact that that is just not my problem"—she grins—"I'm going to count this as payback for your little scare earlier." With that, she goes, leaving Nick to pull at his feet with a renewed zeal.

The camera pans to where Bill leans against the wall, watching Nick's efforts with amusement. YOSO watches, too, though she is more concerned than amused.

 _Did you do that_ _?_ she asks.

"Yeah."

YOSO balks. _Why?_

Bill shrugs. "I was bored." He points to Nick eagerly. "Hey, look! He's almost done it!"

The camera pans back to Nick, just as he manages to pull his foot out of one shoe. The action unbalances him, sending him toppling backwards to sit in the surrounding glue. Much to his chagrin, his coat is now stuck to the floor. He fell on his elbows, so the sleeves of his coat make his arms immobile as well.

Eris and Laina walk by, and Nick can only let out a quick "Wait! Stop!" before Laina steps in the stickiness, the momentum of her walking making her fall to her knees to get stuck that way.

Eris starts to snicker, but is quickly shushed by glares from both Laina and Nick. "Sorry," she murmurs sheepishly. She holds out a hand to the girl nearby. "Here, give me your hand—I'll try to pull you out."

A valiant effort, alas it proves to do nothing but make Laina cry out in pain as her arm is pulled too much.

"Stop-stop stop-stop stop!" she insists. "It's not doing anything."

Eris puts a hand to her chin in thought. "I'll go ask Ford if the glue remover's done." With a nod, Eris starts her quest.

...unfortunately, that quest comes to an end when she fails to go around the stray patch of glue a little ways from the main spill. "Oh no," Eris laments, lurching forward in a fruitless attempt to move. Without her notice, she gets her other foot stuck in a similar stray patch. The hem of her jeans get caught underneath her shoe.

"So much for the rescue," Nick mutters grimly.

"Now what?" Laina wonders aloud.

The three of them stay silent a moment, then proceed to shout one thing as loud as they can: "FORD!"

* * *

"Kids," Ford sighs, pushing his glasses up to pinch his nose, "how did this happen?" Before Eris, Laina, or Nick could offer any explanation, the scientist waves them off. "Never mind," he dismisses. "I don't want to know."

"We're not kids," Eris mumbles, ironically childish.

Ford continues, "The glue won't be ready for another day." Sensing the oncoming protests, he says, "I'm sorry, but that's just how it is. If you use it too early, it'll burn through more than just the glue."

"We can't just stay here!" Laina argues. "I don't know about you, but I'll take my chances with the acid, 'cause I am _not_ staying here for a whole day."

"What she said," Eris and Nick agree.

"Fine," Ford grumbles. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

Ten minutes later, the trio is picking at the holes in their clothing left by the "glue remover". Patches are missing from Nick's coat along the arms and back; a smattering of holes decorate Eris's pants where the glue splattered across them by accident; the front of Laina's pants are missing from where they touched the floor.

Oddly enough, the floor itself is solid.

"You can change or mend your clothes," Ford is saying, "but that floor would take forever to fix." He holds up the beaker of glue remover. "When it's done fermenting, I'll get the last of the glue off the stage. You three should find yourselves some new clothes."

"Yes, Ford," they murmur dejectedly, shuffling to their rooms.

* * *

The next day, Bill sits at the table, eating a waffle while YOSO floats above a chair. She scrunches her nose in disgust at his terrible table manners.

 _Could you chew with your mouth closed?_

"Was dat?" he mumbles, mouth full.

YOSO leans back. _I'm half-hoping someone comes in and sees you just so they can scold you for eating like that._

Bill shrugs and finishes off his breakfast. Having left the table, he slows to a stop near the stage. He puts out his foot, tripping Pacifica when she runs past.

"Watch it!" she snaps.

"Sorry," he replies wryly. "Where are you going in such a rush?"

"It's Bill! He's possessed Dani!"

Bill's shoulders droop and he takes a deep breath through his nose. "And you're sure?"

"Duh. What, do you think I'm stupid?"

"Absolutely, one hundred percent."

"Ugh!" Pacifica stomps on Bill's foot and leaves in a huff.

"She's a real airhead, don't you think?" Bill says to YOSO.

 _I dunno. Hey, wasn't she wearing heels?_

"Yeah."

 _Maybe you should check your shoe for more blood..._

"Nah, it doesn't hurt too bad. It'd probably hurt less if you had actual sneakers, but hey, I'll take what I can get."

 _But I do have sneakers_ , YOSO argues.

Bill raises an eyebrow, pulling his sunglasses down his nose so he can better see her. "Well, where are they?"

 _You're wearing them_.

"Are you blind? These are flats."

 _They used to be sneakers._

"Seriously? You need to get yourself some new shoes, kid."

YOSO shrugs and Bill pushes the glasses back up just as Dani sneaks up behind him. "Boo!" she shouts.

"What do you want?" he says boredly. He turns, brow furrowing when he sees the yellow contact lenses in her eyes.

"I am Bill Cipher! Fear me and-these-contacts-I-totally-didn't-steal-from-Nick!"

"No, you're not."

"Yes I am!"

"You're not fooling me, kid. Now, beat it before I beat your face in."

Dani is taken aback. "Yeesh, no need to be so truculent." She scurries off.

"Do you people always blame your problems on me?" Bill asks. "Or am I just your scapegoat for this week?"

YOSO shrugs again. _They weren't doing that when I was still, y'know, me._

Bill steps onto the stage, not noticing the "Caution: Slippery Floor" sign Ford had put there just a few minutes before.

 **Flashback**

"There," Ford says, propping the sign up in the middle of the stage. "I've put the remover on the glue, but you need to be careful, alright?" He looks AJ, Gabs, and Wendy to make sure they understand. "The stage is really messy now."

"What'd you want us to do?" Wendy asks.

Ford hands the three of them a mop each. "I want you to clean it all up."

"Aw, seriously?" AJ groans.

"Yes, seriously. Now get to it. The longer the stage is like this, the better the chance that someone is going to slip on it."

The second Ford turns his back on them, AJ, Gabs, and Wendy take one look at the stage, set down their mops, and leave with a flippant, "We'll do it later."

 **Flashback end**

And so it is that when Bill tries to cross the stage, he slips. His foot skids and his chin hits the floor. " _Oof_!" The glasses are thrown off his face on impact.

Leela sees the fall. "YOSO, are you okay?" She hovers at the edge of the slippery area, not risking the same fate for herself. Her outcry attracts a concerned audience, along with the trio who were meant to clean the mess in the first place. They whistle innocently with their hands in their pockets.

 _Bill_ , YOSO whispers, pointing to her face. _Eyes._

He props himself up on one elbow and searches the floor for the sunglasses that fell off. He sees them just as a six-fingered hand reaches down and picks them up. Bill quickly moves to sit on one knee as Ford holds out the accessory.

"YOSO, you dropped—" The scientist stops short, stunned.

Bill sucks in a breath through his teeth and softly sings, "Uh oh."

 _Busted_ , YOSO confirms.

Ford latches onto Bill's arm, staring at the wide eyes that make it easy to see the yellow sclera. "What are you doing here, Bill?"

"Sightseeing," Bill replies, pulling his arm away with ease because of the greasy substance coating it. He starts to walk backwards, stumbling a little over the glue/glue remover mix on the stage. "Y'know, enjoying the scenery, seeing the landmarks. Speaking of which, I don't think I've seen that one over there..." He points to something behind himself, then follows the movement with a mad sprint, pushing past the slack-jawed group in his way before Ford can stop him.

* * *

Ford keeps the demon's arms pinned to his sides and holds him off the ground. The scientist has to keep the latter at arm's length to avoid being kicked.

"Let me go!" Bill screams, legs flailing fruitlessly as he tries to run.

The stage has been cleaned of the goo and Bill is dropped unceremoniously in front of the cast and characters. YOSO slowly goes to float next to him. Bill scrambles to his feet, not allowing anyone to look down at him. He stands tall and states, "I'm not going back and you can't make me."

"Calm down, Bill," Laina says, stepping forward. Clad in a new pair of black jeans, rhinestone earrings, and athletic shoes, she tries to reason with the dream demon. The prettily-drawn coffee-cup-and-saucer stand out against the grey of her long-sleeved, wide-neck t-shirt, as do the words "E=MC^2: Energy = Milk x Coffee^2". A black tank-top peeks out from under the shirt at the neckline and at the hem along the bottom. "We're not sending you back," she reassures him.

"Are you crazy?" Nick asks, glaring at her. He straightens out his sweater, making the red-to-black fade clear as it blends into his black jeans. "We can't keep him here."

Laina stands taller, defensive. "Why not?"

"Because it's Bill!"

"Standing right here," Bill pipes up.

"Just what is your point?" Laina questions. "You think that just because he's a dream demon, we can't keep him around?"

"That's exactly my point," Nick seethes. "He's not supposed to be 'alive' or anything, you know. We have to send him back to..." He turns his attention to Bill. "I'm sorry, where did you say you came from?"

"I didn't," Bill deadpans.

 _Just call it The Void or something,_ YOSO suggests.

"Fine." He ignores Laina and Nick's confused looks and says, "I came from 'The Void or something'."

"Were... were you talking to us?" Laina wonders.

 _No, he was talking to me_, YOSO says flatly.

"What she said," Bill agrees, pointing to the girl next to him.

"Forgot about that," Ian mutters. He sits on the floor, takes off his shoe, sheds the uncovered sock, takes a marker out of his pocket and draws eyes on the garment, and holds the latter out to Bill. "Give this to her, would you?"

Bill tosses the sock over his shoulder, ignoring the sharp stare he gets from YOSO as she picks the garment up off the floor.

She puts the sock on her hand and gives it a blank stare. "I can only think of one good use for this thing at the moment."

"What?"

"This." YOSO uses the sock to punch Bill's shoulder. He laughs at the petty act.

"Okay..." Eris says slowly. "Can we get back to the discussion from before?" She wears a cream long-sleeved top with a black short skirt, leggings, and ankle boots. She takes a moment to re-pin her hair to the side, brushing it back with her fingers as she sets it. A silver necklace of a cat laying on a crescent moon is visible around her neck.

"We'll do a vote," Laina suggests. "All in favour of keeping Bill, raise your hand."

Ten out of twenty-two people raise their hands. Most of those votes are from the cast.

"And everyone who wants to send Bill back?"

The ten hands that go up for this option are mostly from the characters.

"That didn't solve anything," Wendy muses.

"Hang on," YOSO pipes up. "All of you who want Bill to stay, just how do you expect that to happen?"

"Simple," Beck replies. "He replaces you."

YOSO glares at him, then glances at the sock and tries to make it do the same. "Goshdarnit, how do I make this thing look disapproving?" she mutters.

"The problem we should be worrying about," Dipper interrupts, "is how to get YOSO back."

"We can't do that unless we get rid of Bill," Ford says.

"And we can't do _that_ unless Bill lets us," Stan grumbles.

"Ladies and gentlemen, looks like we're in a bit of a stalemate," Ian declares.

YOSO takes the sock off her hand. As soon as she does that, it falls through her hand. _Couldn't you go back to floating around like before?_ she asks Bill.

"Let's just say I don't have enough power for that," he says, lowering his voice.

 _And yet, you have enough power to_ steal bodies.

He shrugs. "Pretty much."

YOSO offers him her sock puppet, pointing to its limp form on the floor. _Trade?_

"As if," Bill scoffs.

 _What would it take for you to give me my body back?_ YOSO says, exasperated.

Bill puts a hand to his chin. "Unless you can get me a new host..."

YOSO points to the sock again.

"Not the sock," he snaps, wrinkling his nose. "I need something more dignified than _that_."

YOSO scrambles to pick up the sock puppet. "Beck, you're going to be Bill's new host."

"What?!" Beck asks. "Why?"

"Because I volunt-told you so."

"YOSO, we are not sacrificing Beck," Nick says sternly.

"Aw, why not?" She concedes when the sock puppet receives a disapproving look. "Fine," YOSO mutters begrudgingly.

"If we're trying to give him a new host," Soos pipes up, "how 'bout we give him a shirt? I've got an old one he can borrow."

"No," Bill says angrily.

"Wait," YOSO says. "The deal was you wanted new clothes, right?"

"Right," is the hesitant reply.

"And that, in exchange, I get nothing?"

"Yeah..."

"But from this, I did get something. I got negative-one-body. So the deal is unfulfilled." YOSO smiles. "You have to give me my body back."

"Ah, but you forgot something," Bill reminds her. "I'm supposed to get new clothes. Where are my new clothes?"

"You could use my shirt—" Soos offers again.

"That's not new," Bill snarls.

"That scarf is," Wendy points out.

Bill puts a hand to the purple scarf around his neck.

"And you've been using it..." she continues.

"...and that means he's accepted it!" YOSO finishes. "Checkmate, Bill!"

"Rubbing salt in the wound there, Snapshot," Bill growls.

She smiles. "I know."

The dream demon sighs. "Deal's a deal."

YOSO hastily picks up the sock puppet and uses it to shake Bill's hand.

* * *

Dani stares at the floating purple scarf. It looks like it is wrapped around something, but whatever it may be is invisible.

"What?" it snaps.

"Nothing," Dani says, looking away. A few seconds later, she goes back to staring.

"My earlier threat still stands, kid."

"But you're just a scarf, Bill."

"A scarf that _can_ and _will_ whip your eye out."

"You're so snappish."

"I don't care. Leave me alone."

Dani sits in silence, looking around in the direction opposite from Bill in an effort to distract herself. Eventually, she asks, "Hey, you wanna play Dungeons, Dungeons, & More Dungeons?"

After a solid minute of stillness, the scarf seems to move in a shrug. "Fine."


	23. Finale

YOSO struggles to get away from the huge crowd on the stage. She trips and falls out of the group, pushing herself onto her elbow to look around. Millie appears with a soap box. She sets it down and pulls YOSO up.

YOSO puts two fingers in her mouth and whistles. The sharp sound fails to garner the attention of the group, consisting of all the characters and guest stars living in the studio. Bill flickers to visibility, fading out every few moments so that the scarf is the only marker of his existence.

"Can we get off the stage now?" Pacifica calls out. Only her outstretched hand is apparent above the throng.

"This looked so much better on paper," Ian muses.

"Ow!" Gideon cries. "You stepped on my foot!"

"I did not," Dani argues.

"Can everybody just _stop moving_!" YOSO orders. She clears her throat, straightening to take on a serious demeanour. "I suppose you're all wondering why I've gathered you here today," she starts.

"Whatever it was," Eris pipes up, "Beck did it."

"I didn't do anything!" Beck claims. He seems to rethink his statement when he receives a glare from everyone in his immediate vicinity. "Well, I didn't do anything _recently_..."

YOSO puts a hand over her face. "This isn't about anyone getting in trouble," she explains, holding her hands out in front of her. The collective "Oh" makes her purse her lips.

"Back to the matter at hand," Millie interrupts, gesturing for YOSO to keep going.

"Right," YOSO continues. She pulls a rolled-up sheet of paper out of her pocket. She unrolls part of it carefully—the rest falls and continues to roll away from her, unfurling as it stretches across the floor, around the stage, and loops around so that the end returns to sit at the bottom of the soap box. "'In all the time we've had the show running'," YOSO reads. "Wait, that part was supposed to be scratched out." She moves the page up. "'The show has been a bigger success than ever thought before, and while it has been nice to have you all here, you can no longer stay.'"

"Excuse me?" Gabs asks flatly.

"Hey, what's this about new guest stars?" Eris wonders, picking up the patch of paper closest to her and pointing at it. Carol looks over her shoulder, brow furrowing as she scans the page.

YOSO moves the paper up, even as some of crowd leans to look over the rest covering the floor. "'The studio has been home to you for well over a year,'" YOSO reads on, "'but—'"

"'You're mooches who need to leave'?" Carol looks up from the bunch of paper Eris holds, incredulous.

"Whoops, thought I scratched that out," YOSO squeaks quickly. She collects her "speech" into a roll before the others can read through any more of it. She sighs tiredly. "Guys, look: we've run out of time in the studio and I've gotta get the place cleared out by the end of the month. So, it would be a real help if you could pack your things and go as soon as possible."

"Us too?" Dipper asks, shouting to be heard among the grumbling.

"No. You lot still have one episode left to get through."

"You can't just do the last episode without us," Beck snaps.

"We could help you," Leela offers.

"This isn't up for discussion," YOSO grumbles, glaring at them both in turn.

"You can't clean out the storage rooms on your own, you know," Dani drawls.

"I perfectly well could," YOSO insists.

"There's a lot of stuff in there," Gabs adds. "Surely you'd need some help with all _that_."

"I have Ian and Millie," YOSO states.

"Please don't drag us into this," Ian mumbles.

"What about returning all the characters?" Beck questions.

"Making sure they're all returned safe and sound?" Leela continues for him.

"Oh, I'm sure you're going to need help organising those new guest stars," Laina adds, nodding empathetically.

"New kids really do tend to be a problem," Eris muses. "If you need an example, just look at Beck."

"Yeah— Hey!" Beck glares at Eris, receiving an innocent shrug in response.

"I..." YOSO falters.

"Don't worry about it," Nick assures her. "We'll do everything for you."

"But wait," Gabs reminds them, putting a note of mock sorrow in her voice. "We're supposed to be leaving soon."

"If only we could stay," AJ sniffs, glancing at YOSO to check for her reaction.

"Such a shame," Dani mopes. She perks and begins her march towards her room. "Oh well, if that's what the lady wants." The others follow her lead, stopping only when YOSO speaks up behind them.

"I guess you could stay," she says hesitantly. "B-but only until after the first episode, then you have to go."

"Sold! We're staying," AJ cheers.

The group disperses, leaving Bill, Ian, Millie, and YOSO on the stage by themselves. YOSO steps down from the box and puts a hand to the back of her neck. "What just happened?" she asks.

"You're spineless?" Bill offers.

"Oh, shove off." YOSO makes a grab for him, missing when he flies higher. She keeps walking, pointing two fingers at her eyes then at him as she goes.

* * *

"Hello and welcome back to 'What Do Ya Think?'," YOSO greets the camera, hands clasped together. "Hopefully you've found some of our other antics entertaining, but it's time to get back to what we built this show on." She takes off her hat, rifles through it, and presents the AU device. "Showing our beloved characters what we as a fandom have made of their lives." YOSO tugs the hat over her hair, pulling the remnants of her bangs over her face when they get tucked inside. "Before we begin, there is someone that would like to join us on the show."

"Who?" Dipper asks, camera panning to the right to accommodate him.

"I'm about to tell you, but..." YOSO hesitates. "You may want to move, Dipper."

He takes a step to his left. "Is here good?"

"Eh... sure." YOSO clears her throat exaggeratedly, then bellows, "Introducing... a girl known across FanFiction as DianaHuntressPines..." She holds her arms to her left with a flourish. "Jessica!"

A 13-year-old girl, with her brown hair tied up into a ponytail, walks onto the stage. Her hair swishes against her back as she walks, covering part of the grey flannel shirt. She wears jeans along with a pair of sneakers. She smiles broadly, holding her hands under her chin as she strikes a quick pose for the camera. "I'm cool with just 'Jess'," she tells YOSO.

"Dipper, meet—"

"Ohmigosh, DIPPER!" Jess tackles Dipper to the floor in a huge hug.

"Jess!" YOSO says, rushing to the two. "Jess, let go!"

"Help," Dipper wheezes. "Losing... air."

"Jess! You're choking him!"

"Someone get a crowbar!" YOSO calls over her shoulder, pulling at Jessica's arms to no avail.

* * *

 _ **Please stand by, we are experiencing technical difficulties**_

* * *

"Stay," YOSO commands, holding a hand out to Jess as if she is more ferocious lioness than girl.

"Can I just hug him again?" the younger girl asks, pouting. "I won't hurt him." She takes a step forward.

" _Stay_ ," YOSO says sternly. She stands in front of Dipper, who is hunched over and gasping for air.

"I'm okay," he assures them both, still gasping.

"See?" Jess points out. "He's fine."

YOSO purses her lips disapprovingly. "Of course he is. Moving on—What's that sound?" She quirks her head to listen to the faint scratching sound.

"What sound?" Jess asks, looking around.

"Shh, shh—listen."

YOSO continues to mull over the sound while Jess, having found the source, gawks at the 12-year-old girl dragging a trash bag across the floor. She stops upon reaching the edge of the stage and lets out a breath. YOSO raises her eyebrow at the display.

"Hi!" the girl greets, dressed in a denim play suit over an orange t-shirt, and stripy socks over her feet. Annoyed with her hair, she brushes back the dark, flower-laced braid with her fingers, flipping it over her shoulder so it falls down her back.

"Who are you?" Jess asks.

"More importantly, how did you get in?" YOSO asks, eyeing the girl warily.

The girl puts a hand on her chest, the other never leaving the garbage bag. "I'm Elizabeth—call me Lizzie—and"—she points in the direction of the front door—"the door was unlocked."

YOSO slaps a hand to her forehead at the same time Jess points to the bag. "What's in there?" she wonders.

"A ghoul from the netherworld," Lizzie announces darkly. Just then, the bag starts to shift. What look like hands tug desperately at the plastic, eventually tearing through and eliciting a shriek from Jessica.

She jumps behind YOSO just as a boy's head emerges from the bag. He gasps for breath, putting a hand to his chest as he takes grateful gulps of air. The curls on his head match Lizzie's, as does his dark complexion. It contrasts with the orange-and-white striped shirt, but ties him even more to the girl who now has her hands on her waist.

"Is he a ghoul?" Jess questions nervously. "Are we all gonna die now?"

"What ghoul?" The boy looks around, panicked. "Where?" He scrambles to get himself out of the bag—unfortunately, that only serves to trap him in a tangled mess.

"He's not a ghoul," YOSO states, quirking her head.

"Who ever said I was?" he asks incredulously.

YOSO nods to Lizzie, who grins when the boy glares at her. "Sorry, Travis," Lizzie chirps with a shrug.

Travis stands, pulling at the plastic around his arms. "What kind of sister"—he rips the layer covering his chest—"puts her twin brother in a plastic bag"—he tears off another section that is wrapped around his arm—"while he's _asleep_ "—he pushes the rest down his blue-jeans-covered legs and hops on one foot as he tries to shake the bag off—"and drags him halfway across the world _without air holes_?"

YOSO groans. " _More_ twelve-year-old twins?"

"More twins?" Millie chirps, popping onto the stage. Ian follows close behind, happily asking, "Where?"

"I heard something about twins," Mabel sings. She hops on each foot, as if each tile was part of a huge hopscotch game. Dipper holds Journal 3 protectively as he scrutinises the new twins alongside Ian.

Mabel takes Lizzie's hand and shakes it fervently. The latter nearly loses balance with the wrenching motion. "Hi, I'm Mabel," the brunette introduces herself.

"Lizzie," the girl manages as a burbled greeting. When Mabel finally lets go, she moves on to the boy twin, who shakes his head and takes a step back with his hands up. "I'm Travis," he says. "No need to shake hands."

Mabel shrugs off the refusal. "Suit yourself."

"Great," YOSO mutters sarcastically. "Now there's 3 set of twelve-year-old twins. How 'bout we just have a party."

 **5 minutes later...**

Ian and Millie, Lizzie and Travis, and Dipper and Mabel stand around a table with noise makers in their hands and party blowers in their mouths. The stick six sparklers in a three-tier cake, celebrating when they take turns lighting one each. Sneakily, Travis pokes Journal 3 towards the sparks. Dipper yelps and saves the book before it can set fire. He glares at the other boy, who tucks the party blower behind his ear. Travis spins the noisemaker and whistles innocently, as if he had not just tried to destroy one of Dipper's most valuable possessions.

YOSO scans the scene, taking a moment to push a lock of stray hair under her hat. "I didn't mean it literally!"

Mabel pipes up, "But you said—"

"I know what I said," YOSO cuts him off, holding up a finger for quiet. "Do not remind me, I regret I ever said it—pack all this up; we still have to finish the episode."

Millie, slowly stretching out her arms, offers YOSO a slice of cake.

YOSO gives her a flat look.

Millie mumbles a meek "Mmkay" and takes the cake back.

"I need all of this"—YOSO gestures to the small party—"cleaned up in ten minutes, alright?"

"Fine," Ian agrees begrudgingly.

 **15 minutes later...**

"Are we good?" YOSO calls to someone offstage. "No more distractions?"

A voice shouts something, but the noise is incoherent to the camera. However, whatever was said is confirmation enough for YOSO to nod surely and give her attention to the camera. She opens her mouth to speak, stops short, walks offstage, and returns with her head bowed over the portal-making device. "So," she declares distractedly, "there's some AUs that we haven't introduced the characters to, and I figured instead of getting a ton of pictures and having to cite them in some way—which is a real pain in the neck, mind you—how about we just show them in person? It'd certainly be easier, wouldn't it?"

YOSO quirks her head to the side in thought. "Though I suppose deciding which method is easier really depends on the sort of person you are," she muses.

"Psst," Mabel whispers loudly. The camera pans to where she stands stage left. "Pssssst!"

"What?" YOSO asks, mimicking the tone.

"Is it our cue yet?"

"You missed it, actually."

"Aw, really?" Mabel mopes, voice taking on its usual boisterous volume.

"Where'd all the others go?"

"Um..."

The camera view switches to the hall where Jess stands with Dipper, standing on her toes to look over his head at the journal. Dipper takes a step away, eyeing her distrustfully before he slowly goes back to the book. Jess sidesteps and resumes reading over his hat. "Hey, what's that over there?" Dipper asks, nodding to something behind her.

She turns her head to look. "I don't get. What am I looking for?" When she looks back, Dipper has disappeared. She tilts her head in confusion. The camera view switches back to the stage just as Dipper finishes his sprint to it.

YOSO regards him warily. "Dude, what happened?"

"Doesn't matter," he wheezes. "What did you want to show us?"

"I can't show you until Stan and Ford and— You know, all of you really need to be here."

"I got this," Mabel reassures, puffing out her chest and putting a hand to it with pride. She clears her throat. "Oh my," she enunciates in an over-the-top announcer voice, "who's bag of money is that? Maybe it's Stan's. I heard he was looking for—"

"It's mine!" Stan's gruff voice proclaims as he dashes to the stage. "Nobody touch it!"

Mabel grins wide when the old man gives her a questioning look. He sighs in defeat. "Well played, kid," he admits. "Well played."

"That's all well and good, Mabel," YOSO pipes up, "but there are seven more people that are still missing." She checks her watch anxiously and scratches the back of her head.

"You got lice or something?" Stan asks her, wrinkling his nose.

"No—I-I don't."

"Then what's with the..." He mimics her scratching, raising his eyebrows pointedly.

"I'm not used to the shorter hair, is all," YOSO admits, shifting from foot to foot. "It keeps tickling my neck." She stops herself from putting a hand to her neck again, crossing her arms instead. "Stupid Bill."

"I heard that," Bill deadpans. Bill the Floating Scarf hovers near YOSO. Stan grits his teeth when he sees the triangle's flickering form.

"I know you did." YOSO smiles. "And now you're here to see the AUs."

"Not happening. Bye!" Before Bill can float away, YOSO snatches the end of the scarf. He makes an exaggerated strangling sound when it tighten over his eye. YOSO hands the scarf off to Stan, who takes the garment with a scowl.

"Alright, we have..." YOSO counts off people on her fingers. "Stan, Mabel, Dipper, Bill... and we need Ford, McGucket, Wendy, Soos, and Gideon."

"Waddles!" Mabel shouts.

"Excuse me?"

Mabel puts a hand to either side of her face, dismayed. "I almost forgot about Waddles! I'll be _right_ back." She runs off in a rush.

"Bring Ford and McGucket back with you," YOSO calls after her.

Ian arrives at the stage with Wendy, Soos, and Gabs in tow. "I found these three using a magnifying glass to burn the floor tiles," he explains.

"We were simply expressing our artistic style," Gabs states professionally.

"That floor looks great now," Wendy adds in the same manner. "Much better than when we found it."

"I'd agree with you," Ian mutters, "but that floor was right next to a _very flammable_ door."

"I wouldn't have let that happen," Soos assures them with a wave of his hand. "I'm a pro when it comes to handling fire."

Ian rolls his eyes. Looking at YOSO, he twirls a finger around his head and points to the trio, making it clear what he thinks of their mental state.

Unfortunately for him, Gabs notices as much. "We're not blind, you know," she snaps.

"No, just crazy," he confirms.

The ensuing bickering is loud enough for YOSO to cover her ears. It continues until Waddles charges the stage, squealing a battle cry and bowling most of the group over. Mabel skips behind him with Ford, McGucket, and Gideon walking behind her.

"Good pig," Mabel commends, patting her pet on the head affectionately.

"Bad pig," Stan grumbles, stretching his back and making the bones crack as he stands.

YOSO rights herself and does a quick head count. "Oh, good, you're all here. Gabs, are you staying?"

"Psh, yeah," she says, as if it's obvious.

"Can you all just move..." She points to the left of the stage with both arms, making a grand sweeping motion as she does.

They oblige. While YOSO sets up the machine, a guy dressed in all black sneaks up behind the group. He straightens out his leather jacket and stands for a moment with his thumbs in his jeans' pockets. He taps Gabs on the shoulder and asks, "What's going on?"

"Oh, we're just setting up this portal thingy that may or may not send us a monster that will kill everyone here," Gabs explains, nodding after she's done.

"That was one time," YOSO calls over her shoulder. "And we got that fixed already."

"Leela almost died," Gabs points out.

"Technical difficulty," YOSO dismisses, facing Gabs with a hand on her hip. She notices the newcomer. "Who are you and how did you get in?"

He flicks his dark brown hair back so the dark blue of his eyes is clearly visible. "Name's Siege Black, I came through that door over there"—he points behind himself—"and a girl with glasses let me in."

"Girl with glasses...?" YOSO stomps her foot. "Dani!"

"What?" the small brunette asks in annoyance. Her sudden appearance makes YOSO flinch.

"Why'd you let him in?"

Dani shrugs. "Why not?"

"Why not? _Why not_? We can't just let whoever in—the place is already crowded enough as is."

Dani blinks boredly, making it clear what she thinks of the admonishment.

YOSO grits her teeth. "You know what? Since you let him in, he's your responsibility."

Another shrug from Dani. "I have no problems with that."

"I do," Siege interrupts.

"Quiet down, Siege, we're talking here," YOSO snubs.

"About _me_. I should have a say in my own fate."

"Fine." Dani crosses her arms. "What would you want, Siege?"

"One: to stop being treated like a kid—especially by an actual kid."

Dani and YOSO both give him flat looks. "Age doesn't much matter to us," YOSO murmurs.

"We'll still find a way to make you suffer," Dani adds.

Siege blanks for a moment, not saying anything. He seems to regret what he said, then he clears his throat and the regret disappears. "Okay, two: whatever it is you're doing here, I want in."

"Alright, deal." YOSO offers her hand to him. The Pines family tenses, glancing between her and Bill. YOSO breathes sharply and tucks her hand in her pocket. "Sorry," she tells them. To Siege: "We agree to _one_ of your terms, but if you step out of line, well... I'll leave that to Dani."

Siege can only watch as Dani punches the palm of one hand with the other and makes an exaggerated cracking sound.

"Back to the matter at hand," YOSO announces, turning on her heel and facing the empty area again. "The first AU we have on our list is one called the Hivemind AU." She presses the button the machine and the portal appears with a _zap_.

"By Barbacar," Millie adds, jumping up to be heard from behind the characters.

"We have to say who they're by now?" YOSO asks, alarmed.

Millie pushes through to stand next to Mabel. "Nah, just Barbacar's."

"Phew." YOSO runs a hand over her forehead and flicks it to the side. "So, in this AU, Mabel spent a touch too much time in her prison and became like the fake Wendy."

Dipper shudders and Wendy raises an eyebrow. YOSO steps through the portal, returning with a second Dipper and Mabel in tow. The originals inspect their counterparts and vice versa. "Go on," YOSO encourages. "Introduce yourselves, shake hands."

"No!" Nick shouts. He runs to the stage and jumps between both pairs of Pines twins. "Are you crazy?" he asks YOSO, frantic. "You can't have them so close to each other."

"Why not?" YOSO says defensively.

"They're from two different dimensions. Alternates from different dimensions can't make contact!"

YOSO looks away and grumbles something about there being "too many rules for this sort of rubbish". Hivemind!Mabel leans around Nick, seeing Dipper on the other side. She grins. "You're not my alternate," she points out.

"I guess I'm not," he agrees.

"Great!" She disintegrates into a pile of bugs, making Dipper shriek and step back. The bugs maneuver around Nick, who flinches a little at the bugs crawling about his feet. Hivemind!Mabel reassembles herself in front of the panicked brunet. Still grinning, she offers a hand in greeting.

"She does that," Hivemind!Dipper calls from where he is.

"How do manage to live with her?" Dipper wonders, staring at the girl's hand.

Hivemind!Dipper shrugs. "You get used to it."

Mabel, however, is in unabashed awe. "Awesome!" she says to her counterpart. "What else can you do?"

Hivemind!Mabel thinks for a moment, looking up at the ceiling as she considers the question. "I can shapeshift into stuff." She breaks apart and the bugs shift until, standing in her place, is another Dipper.

Dipper himself is starting to look a little faint.

"Are you sure I can't help him?" Hivemind!Dipper asks Nick. "He's not looking so good."

"I'm positive," Nick confirms. "You can't make contact with your counterpart—there's no way around that."

Hivemind!Mabel shifts back to her original state. She beams at the disgusted Stan with pride. He manages a wan smile. "Looking good, sweetie," Stan offers with a weak thumbs-up.

"Thanks, Grunkle Stan!"

"Fascinating," Ford murmurs, leaning to get a closer look at this version of his niece. "Can you still eat like a normal person? Or do you feed each of the bugs individually?"

Hivemind!Mabel shrugs. "It depends on what I feel like doing. Usually though, I eat like the rest of you."

"Dinner's pretty weird otherwise," Hivemind!Dipper adds.

"Alright, say your goodbyes, guys," YOSO says, ushering the Hivemind AU's twins back to the portal. "Your grunkles must be looking for you."

"Bye!" Hivemind!Mabel chirps as her brother waves. Dipper smiles nervously and returns the wave while his sister offers a more enthusiastic farewell consisting of loud cheering for their counterparts.

The portal closes. YOSO hops to Nick and nudges him towards the edge of the stage. "Okay, they're gone, you can go now," she mumbles quickly.

"I can't," Nick argues, digging his feet into the stage. "It's clear you can't open these portals without risking something bad happening."

"I can take care of this on my own," YOSO counters, trying to match his height.

"You have no regard for the rules of AUs. I'll stay here and make sure you don't accidentally break one."

YOSO scowls, but doesn't say anything. She goes back to the clearing on the stage and opens the next portal. "This next AU is another of Barbacar's," she explains. "It's called the Circus AU, and in it, most of you are part of a travelling circus. Though I'm not sure about you, Pacifica." YOSO looks over the blonde.

"Like I'd ever join the circus," Pacifica sneers.

YOSO rolls her eyes. Suddenly, the portal spews a pink ball of glitter onto the floor. Circus!Dipper peeks around the edge of the portal. He spies the immobile lump and rushes forward. "Mabel? Mabel!"

She doesn't respond.

He leans forward to put an ear to her chest as he searches for a pulse...

...and gets a handful of glitter thrown in his face. Circus!Mabel sits up and shouts, "I am Mabel Pines, the Unkillable! Bask in my feats of wonder! Be in awe as I cheat death itself!" She turns at the sound of clapping from Mabel. Dipper watches on in amusement.

"Who are you?" Circus!Dipper demands.

YOSO steps in. "Dipper and Mabel, this is Mabel and Dipper. Mabel and Dipper, Dipper and Mabel. Everything clear?"

Mabel dashes to Circus!Mabel's side, fawning over the latter's cape. "I _love_ your outfit. How much glitter did this thing take?"

Circus!Mabel smiles toothily. "Girl, if I knew I'd tell you, but I lost count after the 37th jar of sparkles."

"You're too close to each other," Nick interrupts. He nudges Mabel back a bit.

"Buzzkill," Mabel accuses and sticks out her tongue.

"Rules are rules," he counters.

"Rules are stupid," Circus!Mabel argues. "If I followed all of them, my show wouldn't be such a success."

"Yeah! Up top!" Mabel holds up a hand for a high-five and Circus!Mabel does the same.

"Stop!" Nick shouts.

They freeze, hands mere inches from touching.

"Back up. Now."

Both Mabels mutter their indignation as they separate.

"It's for the best, Mabel," Dipper assures her.

"Hmph."

"If we're done here," Circus!Dipper pipes up, "we need to get going. The show starts in about ten minutes and we were supposed to be setting up until..." He gives his sister a pointed look.

She gives him an embarrassed smile. "Oops."

The Circus twins gather themselves and disappear into the portal after a quick show of theatrics to mark their departure.

"I think we have time for one more AU," YOSO muses. Another portal is opened and is explained like so: "This portal here goes to the Vampire & Hunter AU. I don't remember if we did this one already..." YOSO takes a bit of paper out of her pocket and looks it over. "Pretty sure we didn't. So—"

"Dipper makes a contract with Bill which allows him to live for thousands of years so he can search for his sister who's a witch. She was taken a long time ago by a witch named Giffany. Pacifica is a vampire whose lover was named Johnny. Johnny and Dipper were friends, kind of, and when Johnny died he told Dipper to watch out for Pacifica, but she thought that he was Johnny because Johnny and Dipper looked similar."

Everyone sits in stunned silence, staring at Nick, who grins happily after his little speech of an explanation for the AU.

"Easy there, Nick," YOSO says, using a hand to gesture for him to calm down.

He becomes sheepish. "Sorry. I just really like the AU."

"No duh," Millie says.

"Hey," Gabs calls out. "Maybe taking people from this AU is a bad idea."

"Why's that?" YOSO asks.

"From where I'm standing, they look kinda violent."

As if to support Gabs' statement, a blinding flash of light is emitted from the moment, making them all cover their eyes.

When it dies down, YOSO nods slowly. "You may have a point."

Alas, it is too late to go back. V&H!Dipper is thrown out of the portal, sliding across the floor and using one hand to stop himself. He tenses at the change of environment. He snaps to a defensive stance and summons a bit of blue magic to his hand, eyeing the others distrustfully.

"Yup, this was a bad idea," Millie affirms.

"Whoa," Mabel gasps.

"Get behind me," Dipper whispers.

V&H!Dipper notices the twins, and his eyes widen. "M-Mabel? Is that you?"

Mabel tilts her head to the side. "Um, no? I mean, yes?"

V&H!Dipper stands, relaxing a little and putting out the magic. He takes a step forward, but seems to think better of it and relights the fire. "How do I know this isn't some trick?"

"Uh..."

Dipper looks to Ford and says a silent, _Help us_.

 _I'm thinking, I'm thinking_ , Ford mouths back.

Out of the portal falls V&H!Mabel. She sees the V&H!Dipper and scowls. "Prepare to die, hunter," she threatens, preparing her magic.

"Ohh, no," YOSO interrupts. "You are _not_ doing this in my studio."

"YOSO, don't," Nick hisses, holding her sleeve.

"Stow that, I'm not letting them destroy my studio. Oi! Go back where you came from! Shoo!"

Nick buries his face in his hands, preparing for the worst. Considering he and YOSO are standing so close together, if either V&H!Dipper or Mabel decided to take a shot at her, they'd hit him, too.

Fortunately for him, the outcry confuses them more than it angers them.

"Who's she?" V&H!Mabel asks.

"I dunno," V&H!Dipper replies.

"I'll be your freaking worst nightmare if you don't go back to that portal! If you're gonna fight, do it in your own blasted universe!"

Taken aback as they are, they oblige, giving YOSO a final skeptical look before they leave.

"Well, that happened," Stan says, breaking the ensuing silence.

"You are _so_ lucky they didn't make you prove it," Millie tells YOSO.

"Yeah," YOSO agrees, pursing her lips. "Well, I guess that's it for today's episode." She scans the crowd of characters. "You lot can get ready to go home now."

* * *

Lizzie and Travis sneak onto the stage, chalk in hand. They start to draw something on the stage, but are interrupted by Jessica. "What are you doing?" she asks.

"Summoning Alcor," Lizzie chirps.

"Oh, that's nice— Excuse me? You're _what_?"

"Summoning Alcor," Travis repeats. "What part of that wasn't clear?"

"You can't summon Alcor!" Jess argues.

"Ooh, you're right." Travis straightens. "It won't probably won't work in this dimension. Hang on." He runs off, returning with the portal device. He presses a few buttons as opens a portal. " _Now_ it'll work."

Before Jess can protest further, they finish off the circle and start chanting. When the girl tries to stop them, both twins slap a hand over her mouth and continue. Soon, Alcor appears and floats in the centre of the circle.

"Who dares summon Alcor the Dreambender?" he bellows.

"I do!" Travis says, holding up his hand.

"So do I!" Lizzie adds.

Alcor stares at them. "Haven't your parents ever told you not to summon demons?"

"Not really, no."

Alcor clasps his hands under his nose. "You're lucky you summoned me and not anyone else."

Mabel zips to the stage. "Hey, Dipper? I heard your voice over here— Whoa."

"Mizar? What are you doing here?"

"I'm not Mizar; I'm Mabel."

"Same thing," Alcor says flippantly.

Dipper walks by, reading the journal distractedly.

"Hey, Dipper," Mabel calls. "Meet yourself!"

"Huh?" The boy looks up and sees his demonic counterpart. He blanches. "A-Alcor?"

"What is going on here?" Alcor demands.

"It's Alcor!" Laina squeals. She runs to edge of the summoning circle and gawks up at him. "Wow, it is so nice to meet you."

"Um, thank you?"

"Why's he here?" YOSO asks, joining Laina in her inspection of the demon. "Who summoned him?"

"Those two," Alcor says, pointing to Lizzie and Travis.

"Snitch," Travis accuses.

"You both seemed so proud of it before," he mumbles.

"Sorry for bothering you, Alcor," YOS pipes up, "but we don't have much time left here and you really should go home now."

"But you haven't made a deal yet," he huffs.

"Oh, um..." YOSO takes off her hat and digs through it, eventually pulling out a chocolate bar. "Chocolate bar for your troubles?"

"Deal." Alcor takes the candy and is about to disappear when YOSO stops him.

"Wait!"

"What is it now?"

"You have to go through there first," she says, pointing at the portal. Alcor regards her curiously, but obliges nonetheless. The portal closes behind him.

YOSO looks back to the camera, quirking her head as she realises it's still on. "Oops." She takes the camera off its stand and holds it up to face her. "Sorry about the rush, but due to our very limited amount of time, this is about as good a finale as you're getting, folks. Thank you for watching the show, whether you've joined us recently or been here from the beginning." She calls out, "Everyone, come over here!"

The rest of the cast and characters gather behind her. She tilts the camera up a bit so that everyone is visible with their packed bags. "Inadequate though this may be, I'll just say it: Goodbye!"

"We need a big send-off though!" Beck protests from the back.

Murmurs of agreement ripple through the crowd.

"We don't have time," YOSO retorts.

"But I had a big speech planned," Ian complains. "Y'know, talking about how this has been a magnificent journey to take with you all, a-and how it has been a marvelous two years—"

"One and a half," Millie corrects him.

"Whatever," he dismisses. "Point is, this was nice while it lasted but..."

"It's time to go," his twin finishes.

"Everybody say your goodbyes," YOSO shouts.

The loud combinations of "Bye!" and "So long!" make YOSO flinch and nearly drop the camera. She switches it off and the screen goes black.


End file.
